Pain

A year ago. 

She ran to him at a bar once again. He must have dealt with a lot of things lately, and one of them is Sam. Stacy halted in her tracks as she recognized her back. What happened again? Did they fight again? It has been 3 weeks since Stacy and Zach parted ways from that dark street.

Stacy knew her dignity has been crushed, but she never care more than anything now. She wanted to ask about his condition, anything Zach could have reasoned out the way he drank three shots of clear wine in just a minute. Stacy pursed her lips, staring at the dance floor, right to the people who were swaying under the dim light. 

No one’s here to help him except her. 

Stacy got torn upon approaching him on the stool or walking away and let him take care of his own. But it’s Zach! It’s him! He was the one who lighted up her day whenever he smiles. Stacy wouldn’t have been all that smiling in a day if it weren’t for Zach. 

Stacy puffed her cheeks and walked at the center of the dance floor towards the stool next to him. She hitched it, took the seat, and signed to the bartender about her order. Stacy is a regular, and she wouldn’t be here in a normal day. Of course, it’s the weekend, so she’ll have a drink when she could after the long work days is happening again. 

Zach turned at his side, and look at the woman… on whom he recognized right away. Stacy sensed his gaze, and shifted her eyes. She pretended to see him just right now. Zach was still sober. Stacy breathed, “Zach!” 

“Ms. Stacy Lazaro, what are you doing here?” She rolled her eyes. Stacy was wearing a lacy-sleeve off-shoulder Lolita dress. It’s bar time, so she always reserved this dress whenever she goes to bar. Stacy picked up a cigarette, puffed it in between her cheeks, and lighted it up.

Zach doesn’t smoke, but Stacy liked to show her true colors. 

“It’s the weekend. So I need to have some time for myself, too, am I right?” Stacy raised her eyebrows. She released the smoke in the air, and Zach turned to the other side, coughing up because of the smoke that went through his airway. Stacy tapped the remnants of the pot onto the ash tray, and turned to him again. 

“How about you? What are you doing here?” Stacy asked. Zach raised his eyebrows, cleared his throat, and got another shot of the clear wine. He didn’t answer after a few moments. 

“My girlfriend and I fought.” He shrugged, as if he’s getting used to it. Zach ran through the coincidences both Stacy and him dealt with for the past few months. First, the rain, in which she shed an umbrella on his soaked head. Second, she followed him all the way to the dark street when he got lost in the tracks, and even climbed inside his car. And third…now… 

They ran to each other inside a bar. 

Zach doesn’t know if she showed up at the right time or she’s following him. 

“Your girlfriend? You mean, Sam?” Stacy tried to play dumb, but it still showed. 

“Yeah, you know the both of us, Stacy, don’t…” he snickered. He must have remembered who Stacy was. She nodded, receiving the order from the bartender, and thanked him. Zach and her, stayed silent for a while. She blinked several times, turning to the rack’s reflection on the counter, and puffed her cheeks. 

“So you remember me now?” Stacy pointed out. 

Zach smirked. “Yeah, a little. You’re the silent girl at the back, and… the former best friend of Sam, right?” 

The past between the two of them, Sam and Stacy, with the incident of the phone theft inside their room and she pointed the blame to Sam. She sighed, raising her eyebrows, and doesn’t want to talk about it already. Stacy do have a lot of grudge with what happened, knowing she never did that on intention, but with a deep reason that Sam never wanted to pay attention at. 

“Yeah, we were. Just with the unfortunate circumstance, it didn’t happen at all.” Zach knew the things were awkward as it is, and he doesn’t want to add up to the pain. He bit his bottom lip, and coughed up. Stacy continued to gulp down the contents down her throat. She sighed, pursing her lips. 

“So what really happened?” Stacy asked. 

… 

Present time. 

“He told me everything that day.” Sam doesn’t want to think it’s her fault, because it’s completely not the case here. It simply the fate had led them to separate. Stacy became one of the people who fill in the spots. Sam liked to have regrets, but this was painful to bear. 

“He told me how the two of you fought on each other regularly, and he’s too stressed out about the happenings, Sam. But as you know, I never wanted this. My heart just gave in, and I need to vent it out. I wanted to squeeze in my heart out to let Zach out of my mind, but it’s impossible to do that.” No matter how many times Stacy explained the situation, she doesn’t have the right to ruin their relationship. Zach and Stacy was the one who did that: the two of them. 

Sam shook her head, cutting her off for what she was about to say. “Then why didn’t you make it stop, Stacy? Why are you still following him even though you have the decision to step back and let us fix it?” 

“Is there something to fix at all, Sam? Zach said to me there’s none.” She unclasped her arms from her chest, and looked straight at Sam. Stacy’s emotionless face triggered her the most. Sam knuckled her fists, and sighed. 

Sam just doesn’t want to accept… he love a woman other than her. 

“Do you think I push myself to him? No, Sam. I was there for him when he needed you the most,” Stacy confessed. And that might be the saddest statement she would ever receive. Stacy stood up from the bench, staring at Sam. Her eyes were still on the floor. 

“When he kissed me that night, I can’t resist him anymore. We had the same preference when it comes to guys, but just so you know, Sam, I never push him to fall in love with me. If you think so, then why wouldn’t I be the one who would fill him whole in those past 10 years?” 

It hurt her. Sam was the one who did that, and not Stacy. She closed her eyes, and brushed her fingers to her scalp. Sam swallowed, waiting for her final words. 

“I let him bombard my life. I wasn’t clueless about me ruining his relationship with you. Because I would lie if I did it, Sam, and I never wanted to do that again with you.” Sam mustered up all of the courage to look at Stacy. She had the nerve to talk about that, yet she’s the one problematic at all times. Stacy tilted her head to one side, and released a furious sigh. 

“I’m admitting it, and it’s not a mistake. I don’t want to apologize to you, because that sounded common. I ruined your relationship with him, and I’m aware of that, Sam. Now, if you please excuse me, I have to check my boyfriend’s condition.” Stacy’s face got stonier the moment she turned her heel around. Sam was left alone there, staring at the space from where she left off. Stacy went inside Zach’s bedroom, and fell down the floor. She held onto her pants, and closed her eyes.