I’m Fine

Map Of The Soul

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Written by Authoress Kamara

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Chapter 3: I’m Fine

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After stumbling off the bus and into his new room on the university campus, all of his muscles aching from the sheer tension of the whole ordeal and his head spinning with exhaustion.

Finn almost asleep as he got inside.

Throwing his belongings down on the floor, and collapsing onto the bed full clothed, he passed out immediately at 4:00 in the morning.

So, when he woke up at 7:00 that same morning to get ready for a campus tour, he was in a terrible mood.

Partially, because he had almost definitely made a fool of himself on the bus ride there but also because he had talked to his soulmate.

The one person he vowed not to connect to, to never become attached to.

He wanted to punch himself.

He needed to remember, he hated his soulmate.

He would never let what happened to his mum to happen to him.

No matter how deep and soothing his soulmate’s voice was.

It’s not worth it.

The pain and grief accompanied with losing a soulmate is worth it.

He would rather be alone forever than depend on a love he’s not sure of.

So when the campus tour began, Finn wasn’t feeling the grin that the bubbly campus tour guide was giving him right now.

Kai Webster, he said.

Just for a moment, Finn stared at the handsome guy in front of him before forcing his gaze to the ground.

“Finn Pattinson”. He mumbled shaking the other’s hand reluctantly.

When their palms met and clasped together, Finn felt the cold and flinched backing away.

“You alright ?”. Kai asked still putting on a smile.

The smile on his face was frustrating Finn out as he thought it to be fake.

“I’ll take care of myself, thanks”. He ended up replying as he threw the resentment he harbored for his soulmate upon the innocent boy in front of him as an outlet for his anger.

Finn didn’t wait to see his reaction as he turned around to leave fuming internally.

He was still pissed off about him contacting his soulmate last night.

Something he wasn’t supposed to do.

He stopped believing in love the day his father died, it was the day his mother became broken and was never herself again.

Why ever love somebody if you would lose it eventually?

Why fall for someone if they could be violently be torn apart from you ?

If you would feel empty after their absence ? 

If living wasn't worth it anymore if they were gone ? 

That was the mistake his mother made.

Her entire life was solely on loving his father. 

And that’s why since when his father died, she could barely leave the house, she was even too weak to even take care of herself anymore.

That’s what Finn truly hated: dependency.

He hated that his mother had been so utterly wrapped up in father that when he disappeared, she collapsed.

He hated that the world worked in such a cruel way that he must sacrifice his freedom to see something simple such as color.

And he hated himself, for having that panic attack on the bus last night, he absolutely resented the fact that it had been his soulmate’s voice that had pulled him out of the deep.

Finn Pattinson was definitely sure he was dependent on nobody.

**

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Finn stood outside the studio, the cool breeze ruffing his hair slightly, as he stared down the doors. 

This was it. 

This place held his future inside.

His only chance at having a future. 

The mere thought of interacting so closely and often with the other dance members intimidated him, he had always been used to been a loner--detached from other people. 

His dancing had been enough for the university scouts to notice him, but it had always been just him. 

Whether it was practicing alone in a rented out studio or on the street. It had been a good way to pick up money, after the accident which caused his mother to break down and stopped going to work. 

Since when Finn was younger, kids had always tried to be friends with him but he always shut them down. 

Closeness, whether physical or emotional always scared him, though he would never admit to that. 

It just happened so naturally that he turned himself out from other kids--maybe he was meant to be all alone. 

Life had already ripped his father away, his mother might as well be dead too since she paid least attention towards him--ignored him shirt the accident, barely talked to him. 

Although he accepted it, he never for once forgot about it. 

As he got older, a fair amount of boys and girls alike had approached him, tried to gain his interest with affection or something like that. 

He turned them down too.

Though love could be found with somebody other than a soulmate, he never desired it. 

He still didn't. 

He never for once gave love a second chance.

His thoughts however were suddenly interrupted by the doors swinging open, two boys around his age appearing, seemingly out of breath. 

One had dark hair that fell in waves across the brows, the other a startlingly bright color shining nearly white in the setting sun. 

Finn briefly wondered what color it was, dimly, as he froze up at their abrupt appearance not knowing what to do or how to react. 

"Are you Finn Pattison?". The dark haired one asked, a bright smile appearing on his face. 

He only nodded in response stuffing his hands into his hoodie pockets. 

"Oh my Gosh, how long have you been out here in this cold? Sorry, we took this long. We thought you would just come in, but it's okay. Here, just follow me in, it's cold outside, aren't you cold ?". 

He motioned for Finn to come inside with him and the light haired boy still rambling about the freezing temperature outside. 

Stiffly, forcing his limbs to move, Finn followed them, holding back a sigh of relief as the warmth from inside of the building washed over him. 

"I'm Adonis Atlas and this is Jax Monroe". The dark haired boy, Adonis continued, still leading him somewhere. 

Finn noticed more large posters from previous performances on the walls, along with framed pictures of students who had graduated, and there were also trophies glinting behind glass panes lining down the wall as they went. 

Still he didn't respond to Adonis as the latter talked on, letting him continue talking without interruption, his sweaty hands clenched together inside of his pocket as he half listened. 

The other boy, Jax, hasn't spoken yet but smiled and nodded encouragingly every once in a while at his friend's words. 

"Okey, this is our usual practice room". Adonis said pushing a door open. "The rest of the team is at a competition in Washington D.C but we stayed behind to make sure you got accustomed to the place ". 

The inside was very well furnished, the floor was polished hardwood, glinting in the bright lighting. 

A mirror encompassed the entire left wall, reaching from the floor to the ceiling. In the corner, a couch and a couple of bean bags were arranged haphazardly. 

The practice room was spacious and modern looking comfortable. In short, it was more better than what Finn had ever had access to before. 

Maybe it showed on his face because Adonis gave him another smile--he seemed to like to smile a lot--and patted him on the shoulder. 

Finn flinched at that jumping away from his sudden touch, fear shooting through him in a quick burst--

--Kai's fingers suddenly skipped across the keyboard, an abrupt jolt of alarm causing him to flinch in his seat. 

*

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Kai, now back in his dorm room, was in the middle of a passionate rant to Adonis about this jerk on his morning tour, while been wrapped up in a fluffy blanket and holding a steaming mug of black tea in his hands.

“The kid was so stuck up, I’m telling you. I almost yelled at him. Almost. He was so rude”. Kai took a sip of the tea grateful for the care Adonis gave him when he came back to the dorm shivering in his thin shirt.

While Adonis was suppressing a grin because what his friend was yelling about didn’t seem like it was much of a big deal but he listened anyways.

“Did you catch his name ?”.

“Finn Pattinson or something. Really snobby sounding if you ask me—“. Kai cut himself off confused at the look visible on Adonis’s face. “What is it ?”.

“Finn is a new kid who’s joining the dance team, he got into this school on a performing arts scholarship like me”. Adonis grimaced. “Actually, he’s supposed to come practice tonight, and I was actually going to have a little get together here and introduce him to the team tomorrow “.

Kai widened his eyes at this new information before mumbling. “He must be good then—of course, it’s usually those that are talented that are bratty “.

“Are you good, dude? You are not usually this cranky or quick to judge people”.

Really, Kai had been feeling off all day, he was getting something from his connection to his soulmate.

Just a small twinge near the back of his skull, something like annoyance, even anger, perhaps bordering on resent or hate.

It was odd.

Usually, he didn’t get anything from his soulmate but now—he was getting strong suggestions of emotions flowing through the links between their souls.

For a moment, he forgot Adonis was there.

So he tried to do something, he reached out to his soulmate again.

Taking in a deep breath, he reached grasping, in his mind, for the ever thin, frail string that was their connection and asked 'Are you okay'? 

And unlike so many hard times before, Kai knew that this message went through, he knew it was heard by his soulmate. 

But almost immediately after he reached out, he was slammed with a tidal wave of intense anger and loathing, so much that it jolted him from his seat on the couch.

And then, a nearly audible snap as his soulmate cut off the connection with all of his power entirely severing their previous joint thoughts.

Kai almost wanted to cry with the abruptness of everything all.

His hands were shaking, he had the vague idea that his mug of tea had spilled and was spreading in a scalding patch on his thigh and his heartbeat stuttered as he came down from the sudden terrible high. 

And then he came back to his senses, and realized his friend was shaking his shoulders, his brows creased with evident worry.

 

"Kai?? Heyyy!”. Adonis shook him bringing him back to reality. “Are you okay?”.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and merely shook his head blinking rapidly.

"Is it ... ?". He nodded quickly knowing what Adonis was asking about. 

All Kai felt was nothing, he was empty, nothing left inside him, but his own desperate conscience and no remainder of the little presence that had appeared overnight.

The minuscule twinge, the tiny energy stored in the privacy of his thoughts, that he had gotten so used already—it was all gone.

His soulmate had cut off their bond entirely and Kai didn't know what he had done to cause it. 

“I think he hates me, Adonis!”. Kai choked out tears. “I-I don’t know what I did. But he hates me”.

“Maybe he doesn’t hate you. Maybe he’s scared “. Adonis rubbed his back as comfortingly as he could, not entirely knowing what to say. 

Kai scoffed at that assumption , it wasn’t like he didn’t have his own doubts like he didn’t harbor his own feelings towards his soulmate’s rare appearances.

But he still made an effort, at least.

It was fate, pure and simple, that two souls were bound together, so why not relish in the connection? 

Why would his soulmate want to hide from somebody who was meant to complete you ?

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TBC

Written by Authoress Kamara