Map Of The Soul
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Written by Authoress Kamara
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Chapter 6: Euphoria
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“What about you, Finn? You have a soulmate ?”. Jax asked.
It obviously wasn’t a serious question, just something to get off the topic of how miserable Adonis was, but it hit him all the same.
Smacked him in the face, slammed him with a brick wall, more like that, really.
The word coming out of Jax’s mouth, the word the one he hated, and the one he feared, and the one he despises with all of his being, directed at him, pulled some sort of trigger in Finn Pattison, making his breath catch in his throat.
“No”. He wanted to say. “No I don’t, he’s dead, he’s dead to me, I don’t have one, it’s just me”.
That’s what Finn wanted to say, but he couldn’t.
He wasn’t lying though, because if he tried enough, the connection would snap and there would be no soulmate at the other end of the line at all and it had to be possible.
And he wasn’t there yet.
Finn Pattinson didn’t have a soulmate because if he did, then so would his mother but his mother didn’t have one either because he was dead and soulmate shouldn’t exist if they all just go off and die like that one day and leave you alone.
All alone,
All alone,
And then suddenly, Finn was alone and the cafe was gone and all around him was just dark and he was alone.
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So it was a bit ironic that Adonis Atlas and Jax Monroe had practically leaped over the table when Finn’s eyes had widened moments before he passed out, crumpled against the wall inside of the booth.
Though he didn’t seem to know it but Finn was anything but alone.
“Jax, what the hell did you do__”.
“Shut up, I’m trying to find his pulse to make sure he’s not dead, you idiot”. Jax snarled as he reached for the side of Finn’s neck, panic thick in his voice, as he felt for a heartbeat-and found one soon after.
“Found it”. He exhaled.
The few other people in the cafe were staring but Jax didn’t care, because he had only known this kid for a couple of weeks and boy was he a tough one but he would still be devastated if something happened to him, that was for sure.
Though he seemed to be unconscious, Finn’s chest was heaving and his face was contorting into what looked like an expression of pain, his fists clenched in his lap.
He almost looked like he was having a seizure, or something but Jax was sure that wasn’t the case.
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In his little box of darkness, inside his own mind, Finn was still stuck and he was suffocating. Scraping, clawing at the walls of his own skull.
He was screaming as loud as he could, to himself or somebody else, he didn’t care.
He was alone, he didn’t want to be alone.
His throat was closing up and his waters were rising and his entire body was screaming back straight at him, every single nerve to contact his soulmate.
The one who might help him out of this.
But Finn didn’t want to need him, or his help, he couldn’t even feel him right now, maybe because blood was roaring in his ears and he was starting to drown and if he didn’t do anything about it, he may die.
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>>Nearly sleeping through his second class of the day, Kai Webster didn’t feel anything.
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Finn was banging on the walls of his mind and then he stopped because then the darkness was coming out in tendrils and wrapping around his neck and squeezing and he couldn’t breathe anymore, couldn’t speak, couldn’t scream.
And surrounded by darkness, with nothing but his own tiny, quivering form, Finn was all alone.
And it was choking the life out of him.
And it was going to kill him.
So he mustered up the courage, because he was afraid of it, even as he realized exactly what was strangling him, even though he hated it, and he knew that he did and he summoned the will to reach out for it.
Reached out for him.
In this lifeless space, in this dark cage, inside of himself everything was upside down, everything was wrong.
Because here, as Finn’s strength dwindled, he realized what it was that was hurting him, realized to whom the blackness and its lethal tentacles belonged.
His soul was battling against his mind, his body, his being.
Slowly, slowly, he was choking himself to death.
And then it burst forth from his mind before he could think to stop it and it was almost familiar, what he shouted, and dimly realized that he had done this once before only weeks ago.
“Help me”:
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Kai dropped his books this time, stumbling over his own feet as his limbs locked up and he fell to the ground and he knocked his head on the pavement.
His vision flickered to black.
But oddly, Kai was still unconscious though he saw nothing but darkness surrounding him on all sides-he even seemed to be walking in thin air.
There was nothing.
He couldn’t even feel his soulmate anymore-he felt a sudden emptiness.
And then he heard it.
That outcry.
It was no longer in his head, but all around him, echoing, the cry so desperate as he almost crumpled over just at the sound of it.
“Please “. The voice cracked and it was followed by what sounded like a sob.
It was his soulmate, it was him and he was here somewhere in this dark void.
Kai began to run looking for him, all animosity forgotten.
“Hello ? W-Where are you ?”. He called around, desperately searching.
Nothing, nothing but darkness, still.
“I don’t know, I don’t know where I am, just help me”. His voice sounded thin, strangled like he was struggling for air.
Kai Webster was still running and he could hear his own footsteps pattering on the nothingness below him.
“I’ll find you, I will “. Kai panted. “Just wait for me”.
“I will “.
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Finn didn’t even know what he was saying anymore, but the grip of the darkness on him had loosened just a bit, and he was so, so desperate to be able to breathe right again.
The second his soulmate’s voice reached his ears, Finn lost it.
Lost his ability to resist entirely, lost everything except for the urge to be free and the sound of his voice.
The sound of it was kind a drug for him; it immediately opened up his airways, immediately brought him peace.
It was his own personal analgesic, his kind of painkiller, driving out all of the demons and giving him space to breathe.
It brought him some kind of twisted euphoria, the way it dripped like honey down the walls of this prison, even though the words themselves expressed nothing but worry and fear.
And for the sake of himself, for the sake of breathing, for the sake of living, he let himself get high off of it, just this once.
And Finn let it happen because it seemed like at this point, the whole world was burning down anyways and he didn’t know which way was up or which was down, couldn’t tell wrong from right, and he though he might be crying right now but he was too busy focusing on the voice to care.
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Kai could hear the choked out words and the sobs clearly now and he could see something and he was sure it was him, his soulmate, and he needed Finn’s help and he needed it now.
He broke out into a sprint determined to reach him, wanting to save him.
He was standing still, looking oddly, terrifyingly tranquil as Kai reached him, skidding to halt in front of the unmoving boy.
His large eyes stared into the darkness, unfocused, his lips parted.
Hauntingly beautiful.
He was breathing, he was alive but he wasn’t here.
He looked oddly familiar, with the way his dark hair draped over one eye sparking something in the back of Kai’s memory.
Or maybe it was the shape of his nose, or his lips-Kai couldn’t name who he resembled, not now.
His thin body was shaking, Kai realized, his hands clenched into fists by his sides, and his breaths were ragged.
His voice was gone, and all that could be heard in the blank void was the choppy constricted inhale and exhale.
“What happened to you?”. Kai whispered addressing the boy in front of him, as if he could hear him; in truth, Kai wasn’t even sure.
Raising his own shaking hands, he reached out to touch the other boy’s cheeks.
The air between his fingers and the other’s face barely a centimeter was thick with some kind of electric energy.
This was him, this was Kai Webster’s soulmate, in front of him, so close.
Kai closed the distance, plunging through the nearly palpable tension between them, that had been keeping their skin from touching.
As soon as his fingertips made contact with the pale skin he was seeing, the boy disappeared.
Kai’s vision flashed bright white and everything was...
Gone.
He was back in the real world, back in his college and gone from the dark void of the mind he just walked into moments ago.
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TBC
Written by Authoress Kamara
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 7: Empty.Finn woke up with a start, his forehead drenched with sweat and his fists clenched into tight balls. Blinking rapidly as he attempted to steady his erratic breathing, he panicked for a moment as he took in his surroundings.He was still in the cafe, the bright lights glaring down harshly at him. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he first lost consciousness and lost himself to whatever dark hell he had been stuck in but it couldn’t have been too long, the sun was still up at least though bar
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 8: Thank You .Kai woke up lying on his back, in the middle of campus, his books strewn about around him. Hurriedly, he scrambled up and gathered them, shaking his head as he straightened up to try and clear his thoughts. People barely spared him a glance as he began to speed away, heading for somewhere he could clear his mind. He remembered falling down, he remembered losing consciousness.
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 9: A deserving hug .Finn had woken up not with contentment from a good night’s sleep but with fear and regret. He remembered, he remembered talking with Kai and then later he remembered reaching out to his soulmate and thanking him. Two of the most outlandish, probably idiotic, things he had ever done in his life. What had he done ? His soulmate probably had his hope high now, p
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 10: Focus On Me .Eventually the voices in the other room were too much to ignore, so he groggily rolled out of bed, nearly taking the covers with him. It was only nine in the morning, impressively early considering that Kai had history of nearly sleeping into the afternoons on weekends.Pulling on a shirt from the selection thrown in a pile from the dresser, Kai Webster shuffled outside, curious to see who was here.The last person he expected was Finn
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 11: Fear .Finn was awoken by a soft but persistent poke to his shoulder. His eyes fluttered open as he searched around for the cause of disturbance and jumped seeing Jax’s face hovering not too far from his. The other boy noticed the action and stepped back allowing for Finn to have more space to breathe and wake up, maybe remembering what had happened earlier.“Good morning!”. He said cheerfully as Finn slowly came to his senses, remembered where he was and what he had been doing before he fell aslee
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 12: Fall .The stuffing of his shoes and his heavy breathing were the only things that Finn heard, inside his head and out, as he danced inside the empty practice room. It was five in the morning, the sun barely up, and practice started at ten; he intended to repeat those moves until he had them down to the tiniest details. Here in this room, every movement mattered, be it the flick of his fingers or the angle his his head; every minuscule twitch of his muscles was controlled, monitored bent to his will and beat of his
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 13: What Am I To You? .Finn limped through the doors of the hospital with immense difficulties relying on Jax’s shoulder to keep most of his weight off his injured ankle. Chase walked in front of them all, leading the way to the front desk without any hesitation; Adonis, Fox and Kai walked in a loose clump around Jax and Finn, resembling a squad of bodyguards trying to protect a celebrity.The car ride there had been to Finn’s relief, only about fifteen minutes long.
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 14: Feels right .Finn woke up at one in the afternoon the next day, the pizza box still set down next to him, and practice clothes from the day before still on. Blinking drowsily as he came back into consciousness, he ran a hand through his hair. He needed a shower badly. Groaning, he braced himself with his hand on the cushions as he slowly rose up from the couch. His ankle was less
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Epilogue: Happy Ever Ending .Hunter Jackson closed the hospital entrance door behind him, successfully shutting the inside noises as well. He paid no mind to it as he pressed his phone to his ear, accepting the call he was getting. “Hunter?”. The said man’s eyebrows furrowed at the weird but familiar voice on the other side of the line. He knew it was his boyfriend, Chase on
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 25: As Long As It Takes.The living room was draped in a cozy orange atmosphere. Jax sat crossed legged on the black leather couch, fuzzy yellow socks on his feet as the too large grey sweatpants bunches around his ankles.Some sort of commercial was softly playing in the background, the sound of the television merely used as an absent noise. The coffee table in front of the television was filled with greasy food packets stamped with a yellow M. The boy reached for a crisp fry which dripped of grease and salt but was en
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 24: What Goes Up .Finn had been plagued by ‘what ifs’ for most of his life, and as much as he wanted them to stop, they wouldn’t, not immediately. They were vicious little things, lurking in the shadowed corners of his mind; at night, when he was alone in his dorm room, accompanied only by the emptiness and the sleeping presence of Kai, they whispered to him, fed him lies in soft, enticing hisses.Even now, even with Kai, they still ate away at him, even when he tried to push them away. Eagerly,
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 23: Soulmates .Finn was starting to rather to enjoy that presence in the back of his head, a constant comforting feeling of ‘him’ radiated warm and acceptance contrarily to how he used to loathe it. Because now he realized that the weak link had never being the connection itself, it was never the bond, the attachment, that threatened to break him. That wasn’t the reason that his mother turned out the way she was. It was the way in how one reacted to the loss of a loved one that shaped their recovery
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 22: Uncertainty .Finn woke up with his face buried in something soft and smelled vaguely of vanilla and coconut. Drowsily, he breathed in the scent, his eyes fluttering open to see a mass of deep brown hair instead of his room. He lifted his head, wincing as the muscles in his neck stretched after a night of rest, and was startled awake by the realization that the thing his face had been pressed into was Kai’s hair. He took a moment to observe, while the older was still sleeping with his head on his arms at the edge of the bed. The position looked uncomfortable, the way he was k
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 21: Don’t go .The walk to Chase’s dorm was a little shorter than the walk to Adonis (and Kai’s) dorm and the lesser distance instilled a sense of reassurance in Finn as he pulled a thin sweatshirt over his head. Kai waited patiently by the door, his expression relaxed and his eyes saying things he couldn’t quite decipher, his hands resting at his sides with the fingers hooked in the belt loop of the jeans. He expected the walk to be tense and awkward because frankly, Finn didn’t know what
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 20: I Promise .Kai stared at Finn for a moment, too shaken by the fact that he actually opened the door to register what he said. His gaze was pained as it traced over rumpled, oily hair, pale skin and bloodshot eyes that watered as they looked back at him. He watched motionless as Finn reached up and ran a visibly shaking hand through his hair, his feet coming out to bite on his lower lip, which he now saw was scarred, swollen and bruised. “Kai?”. The sound of his name brought him out of the trance and he
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 19: Sing For You .The morning after it happened, Finn woke up in still damp clothes and a pounding headache, lying awkwardly on his couch. He hasn’t moved since he first came in, and crashed down the night before, He hasn’t bothered to change out of the clothes he was wearing the day before either. He could attributes the headache to the immense strain his mind had gone under yesterday but the same didn’t go for his aching muscles and his sore throat.
Map Of The Soul.Written by Authoress Kamara.Chapter 18: Epiphany .No.No.No. Finn was falling, tumbling and crashing through a void because the force of their touch had been so strong that it blacked out his vision for a second. He squeezed his eyes shut anyways as a warm sensation slowly spread from the place in his hand where Kai’s fingers touched, crawling up over his skin and covering his body entirely. It was a pleasant feeli