CHAPTER THREE: CONFLICTS OF THE HEART

Simon

I couldn’t leave things as they were. I had to fix it before it was too late. I strode into Lily’s office, a space I had deliberately created for her so I could watch her through the glass. It had slowly became my favorite hobby—looking at her through the glass with a cup of coffee in my hands. As I stepped into her office, she was already clearing out her desk into a box.

“Lily,” I called. She looked up at me, then her hands got busy again, packing her stuff.

“My Lily,” I said softly. She stopped and turned to face me. There it was again, the spark in her eyes. This time, it seemed like she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. My body screamed at me to grab her in my arms and kiss her over and over again. But I didn’t dare oblige, not until she spoke to me.

“I’ve thought about it, as you asked me to,” she said. “Yet, I can’t help but feel that as long as you’re keeping a part of you away from me, we’d end badly.”

I moved closer, putting my hands around her waist, my eyes locked with hers. “Believe me, I don’t want to withhold myself from you, not anymore.”

“Then speak to me. Simon, you’re a fantastic human being, but I can see the sadness in your eyes,” she said, placing her hand on my chest. “Something bothers you deeply, and I don’t know what it is. At first, I thought you were having fun when you’d pull me close and push me away the next minute, get jealous when you saw me with another man but turn me down. I was infuriated. I could tell you liked me, but I didn’t know why you’d consistently fight what you felt for me. Now, I think it’s because of the part of you you’ve kept away from me.”

I realized now that it was wrong of me to mess with her emotions like that. Lily didn’t deserve that. She deserved a man who was capable of stepping up for what he wanted, and I was willing to be that man for her. A part of me had held back because I was hell-bent on finding the murderer who killed my mum. Investigating her death required a huge part of me. Sometimes, I’d travel following a trail. Until now, I hadn’t had a solid headway; each door I opened led to the next. I didn’t know if I’d ever get to the end, but my mind was made up to try hard enough. However, I couldn’t let a message in the next trail that hadn’t come in six months make me wait any longer and lose the woman of my dreams.

“I’m sorry, Lily. I shouldn’t have messed with your feelings the way I did. I want you in my life; I’m sure of that,” I said. Though I couldn’t tell her the whole story, I had to say something if I wanted to keep her. “Losing my mum broke me in so many pieces, more than I’d like to admit. When she died, we lost our family. My father and I have had a strained relationship ever since,” I admitted. It felt good to share this part of me with her. I wanted to tell her more, but I couldn’t for now. Any wrong move could destroy whatever proof I could get to find my mother’s killer.

“I’m so sorry, Si,” she said, hugging me. It seemed I had quelled her curiosity with a bit of the truth. I looked at her with a sense of relief. I didn’t have to lie to her. My eyes captured her beautiful face—her perfect brows, long nose, brown eyes—and dropped to her full lips. I pressed my lips onto hers, enjoying the taste of her mouth until I had my satisfaction, then pulled away, leaving her breathless.

“I will take you home,” I said, grabbing her box. She smiled and followed me to my car.