Prologue

"Are you really sure about this?" Tyler asked me.

Malakas akong bumuntong-hininga bago marahang pumikit bago tuluyang humarap sa kaniya. Ilang beses na niyang tinanong iyan sa akin simula nang makarating siya rito. 

"Will you just please shut your mouth and let me pack my things peacefully?"

"Woah, chill," natatawa na sabi niya agad habang tinataas ang dalawang kamay. "I just wanted to know if you really wanted to go home or if you're just acting impulsively again."

"I am not. Okay na?" nauubusan na ang pasensya na sagot ko sa kaniya. "Last year ko pa talaga balak umuwi, you know that."

"I know but can't you just leave after my birthday?"

"I already booked my ticket."

"You're really rude!" he sulked.

He sat down on the sofa and kept on making noises. He also kept on murmuring some words which I totally ignored because that's how he is. Mas mahirap siyang patahimikin.

"Why are you going home again?" tanong niya nang mapagod siyang kausapin ang sarili. Kung tutuusin, para talaga siyang nagriritwal sa tuwing ginagawa niya iyon kapag nagtatampo siya sa akin.

I rolled my eyes heavenward. "None of your business."

He was stunned by my answer. "Is that how you answer your dearest friend, Janniza Avril? You won't be here for my birthday and yet you're answering me with that sullen face of yours?"

"Who said I answered you with a sullen face?"

"Me!" he shouted.

"Shut up!" I shouted back.

"Look in the mirror so you know the answer." Ilang beses niya akong inirapan bago hinaharap sa akin iyong compact mirror ko.

"Shut it, Tyler," inis na suway ko sa kaniya. Ayaw niya talagang tumigil. Sobrang kulit!

"Fine!" sumusukong sabi niya. "Just allow me to go home with you. I'm sure you'll be needing someone to accompany you---"

"What am I? A kid?" mabilis na putol ko sa kaniya.

"Yes!"

Tumigil ako sa paglalagay ng mga damit ko bago lumapit sa pwesto niya. Inabot ko iyong empty bottle sa gilid bago malakas na hinampas sa kaniya.

"Aray ko!" malakas na d***g niya, mukhang nagulat sa ginawa ko.

"Ayan! Nagtatagalog ka naman pala kapag nasasaktan!"

"That's the only Tagalog word that I can say without stuttering!" he defended.

Isang beses ko pa siyang hinampas bago ako lumayo sa kaniya at nagpatuloy na sa pag-iimpake. Hinayaan ko nalang siyang magreklamo nang magreklamo hanggang sa tumahimik na lang din siya dahil hindi ko pinapansin.

"Don't you have any plans to return here?" he asked me after a few minutes of being silent. "You booked a one-way ticket, right?"

Bahagya akong natigilan sa ginagawa nang marinig ko ang tanong niya. Hindi ako sigurado kung gaano ako magtatagal sa Pilipinas... o kung babalik pa ako dito sa US.

"I don't know," mahinang sagot ko. "Everything isn't planned yet. I just know that I'm sure of going home."

"Who offered you a job again this time? Which airline? Is it from the Philippines? What about TerraCrest Airlines? Your job? Are you really leaving everything behind and abandoning me?"

Tuluyan na akong tumigil sa ginagawa upang humarap sa kaniya. Kung hindi ko sasagutin ang mga tanong niya ay mas lalo lang siyang magtatampo lalo na at hindi na nga talaga ako makaka-abot sa birthday niya.

"I love working on your airlines and I've been working there for three years now. I wanted to have a new experience, okay? And I am not abandoning you. Rest assured that I'll be keeping in touch with you."

"Really?" his face lightened up a bit. "Does that mean that I can visit you in the Philippines if I wanted to?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Suit yourself."

He helped me pack my things kaya naman napabilis ang ginagawa ko. I just treated him for dinner before he finally bid his goodbye. My flight is only three days away.

Next week na ang birthday ni Tyler kaya naman naiintindihan ko kung bakit gusto niyang dumito nalang muna ako at saka na umalis pagkatapos ng birthday niya but I already booked my flight. Kung ika-cancel ko iyon, I know that there's a big possibility na hindi na ako muling magbo-book ng flight at hindi na naman matutuloy ang balak kong pag-uwi.

Kakalabas ko lang galing shower nang marinig kong tumutunog ang cellphone ko. It was a Skype from Leizie. Inalis ko muna ang towel na nakapulupot sa buhok ko bago tuluyang sinagot ang tawag.

"Avril!" she shouted as soon as she saw my face on the screen. "I just read your message. Uuwi ka na ba talaga?" bakas ang saya sa boses niya.

"Did you call me as soon as you arrived home? You're still in your uniform, Miss Flight Attendant," pang-aasar ko sa kaniya.

"Well, you can't blame me! I told our friends that you're coming home but they told me that I was the last one to know kaya tinawagan na kita kaagad," she explained.

"Sabay-sabay kong sinend ang message sa inyo. Nagkataon lang na nasa flight ka," bahagya akong natawa.

"Oo nga pala. I've checked the details of your flight. Hindi ako available sa araw na 'yan dahil may flight ako papuntang Japan kaya si Zayd nalang ang uutusan kong susundo sa 'yo."

"Is that even necessary?" tanong ko kaagad. "I can just book a grab. I don't want to bother any of you."

Hindi nakalagpas sa akin ang pag-ikot ng mata niya. "You've been abroad for three years, come on! Kahit papano ay marami nang nagbago sa Pilipinas 'no! And also, Zayd already cleared his schedule for that day kaya wala ka talagang choice kung hindi ang magpasundo sa kaniya."

"Fine, fine," sumusuko nang sabi ko. Alam ko namang kahit anong gawin ko ay sila pa rin ang masusunod.

They are one of the reason why I wanted to go home. I miss them so much. Ilang beses na nila akong pinipilit na umuwi pero panay lamang ang tanggi ko dahil may trabaho na rin ako dito pero ngayong nakapag-resign na ako, I can't wait to finally see them.

For the past three years, I stayed in touch with them. The only thing that I can't do is to meet them in person. Palagi akong gumagawa ng rason para hindi nila ako makita tuwing sinasabi nilang nandito sila sa US for a flight.

I woke up early the next day to start cleaning my unit. Hindi na ako nagulat nang pagkarating ko sa kusina ay nandoon na si Tyler na kasalukuyang nagluluto ng almusal.

"Good morning," he greeted me when he saw me. "Don't scold me. I just want to cook breakfast for you since I won't be able to do this anymore once you leave."

Wala pa man akong sinasabi ay nag-eexplain na kaagad siya. Nagkibit-balikat na lamang ako sa kaniya bago nagsimulang kumain.

"I know it's been three years since you left the Philippines. You've been through so much since then. For the last time, are you really sure about this?"

I paused, staring into my coffee. "Ty, Philippines was like a prison for me. The hardships, struggles, and pain I went through were almost unbearable. But... yes, I'm really sure about it this time."

"Can I at least ask why? You've built a new life here, away from all of that," he told me, concern was visible in his eyes.

"It's not that I want to relive those dark days, Ty. It's because I want to heal, to face my past, and to find closure. I left so abruptly, and I never had the chance to say goodbye or make amends with the people who meant something to me."

"That's understandable. But, Avril, are you ready for it? Going back to the place that caused you so much pain?"

I nodded at him. "I'm not sure if I'm entirely ready, but I think I need to do it. I've changed a lot during these three years, and I want to see if I can help change something there too. To make it better for others who might be going through what I experienced."

Tyler didn't ask me again after our conversation until the day of my departure. He volunteered to drive me to the airport.

"Why are you so quiet?" tanong ko sa kaniya habang nasa byahe kami patungong airport.

"I can't help but worry about your return to the Philippines," he honestly told me.

"You don't have to," nakangiting sabi ko sa kaniya. "I'm going to be fine there."

We arrived at the airport just on time and Tyler immediately helped me with my bags.

"I'm going to miss you," nakangiting sabi ko kay Tyler bago lumapit sa kaniya para yumakap.

"Don't miss me too much. I'm going to visit you every month there," biro niya sa akin kaya bahagya ko siyang kinurot sa tagiliran. "I'm not kidding. I might really do that."

"I know. Sa tigas ba naman ng ulo," tumatawang sabi ko. "I promise I'll keep in touch with you," I told him, ilang beses ko na atang inulit iyon sa kaniya..

"You really should," he replied instantly. "Take care of yourself. Stay safe. And also, don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything."

"I will."

"Just call me, okay? I will answer it immediately no matter what I am doing," he said.

"Even when you're on your flight?"

Bahagya siyang nag-isip. "I'll text you if I'm on a flight."

Humalakhak ako. "Whatever, Captain Hayes."

"Tss. I should've pulled some strings to be the pilot in charge on your flight."

Inirapan ko kaagad siya. "Do that para mapagalitan ka ulit ng Daddy mo."

"Safe travels, Janniza," nakangiting sabi niya.

I waved at him as I walked towards the departure gate. I gave Lei a message that I'm departing now before I finally turned off my phone.

I spent my 17-hour flight by sleeping and eating. Wala akong pinalampas na oras para matulog dahil alam ko kung ano ang naghihintay sa akin sa Pilipinas.

The sun hung high in the sky, casting a warm, golden glow over the bustling terminal of the RykerSky Airlines. People hurried in every direction, coming and going, their faces filled with hope, anticipation, and, at times, a touch of weariness.

The memories of my past played in my mind like a vivid dream. I shook my head, as if to dispel those painful memories. I had left the Philippines years ago in pursuit of a better life, but the scars remained.

As I stepped out of the airport gate, the humid air embraced me, carrying the scent of the tropical surroundings. I felt a mixture of emotions—fear, anxiety, but also a spark of determination.

In the distance, I spotted a familiar face waiting for me. It was Zaydrielle who was waving his hand, trying to get my attention.

"Yow, what is up, US friend!" bati niya kaagad sa akin nang makalapit. Malakas akong tumawa bago yumakap sa kaniya. "Na-miss kita," he whispered to me.

"I missed you, too! I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I already told Lei that I can grab a book but she insisted."

"Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago. You really don't like bothering other people. Plano rin talaga naming sunduin ka. Nagkataon lang na ako lang ang available sa amin kaya ako lang ang nandito ngayon."

"Thank you, Zayd."

Muli siyang tumawa. "Mamaya na 'yan. Kailangan mo na ring magpahinga dahil alam kong mapapagod ka kapag nagkita na kayo nila Leizie."

He helped me with my luggages bago ako tuluyang sumakay sa kotse niya. "Lei was right. Ang dami na ngang nagbago rito," sabi ko habang tinitingnan ang mga nadadaanan naming bagong building.

"Yeah," mahina siyang tumawa. "Where are you going to stay, by the way?"

"I'm going to stay in a hotel for a while habang inaayos ko pa iyong bahay," sagot ko.

Our house became abandoned for the past years and I am here for the renovation. Gusto kong ipaayos at ipabago ang karamihan sa bahay.

"If you don't mind, I have an apartment. Bihira lang ako ro'n kasi sa unit na ako ni Lei umuuwi."

"I'm fine in staying at the hotel," nakangiting sabi ko.

"I'm just trying to to offer. Para hindi ka na gumastos pa sa hotel," he told me.

"We'll talk about that later," nakangiting sabi ko na lamang sa kaniya.

"You can sleep for a while. Gigisingin nalang kita kapag nakarating na tayo sa hotel na tutuluyan mo."

Sinandal ko ang ulo ko sa bago tumingin sa labas. The painful memories of my past seemed to fade upon seeing those buildings that I've missed. I realized that, despite all the hardships and struggles, the Philippines was where my roots were.

I had come back to the country where I had felt the most pain, but I was determined to rewrite my story, to transform those painful memories into the stepping stones of my future.