Chapter 8: Deja Vu?

RAIN

"So it's just us three again."

Pagkauwing pagkauwi namin ni Ulap, si kuya Bagyong yung itsura para nga talagang binagyo yung sumalubong sa'min.

"Kuya anong nangyari sayo?" Tanong ni Ulap. Si kuya kasi, magulo yung buhok, parang walang maayos na tulog, magulo pa pati yung pambahay niyang suot.

"Oh," panimula niya. "Some friends went over this morning until 1pm I think, and we watched por---"

"Oh, okay. You're at that age anyway." Lalakad na sana pataas si Ulap ng magsalita ulit si kuya. "Hey! It's not what you think! We watched Porcelains from the Future. I-It's a movie about time travel.."

Nakita ko namang napakunot yung noo ni Ulap. "I know. That's one of the newly released movies. What were you thinking?"

"Gah! Nothing. I'll be cooking dinner and both of you should be seated on your chairs at exactly 7pm." Sabi niya at saka inayos yung salamin niya at nagmartsa papunta sa kusina, naiwan kami ni Ulap na naguguluhan.

Okay then.

Maya maya, tumaas na rin ako sa kwarto ko at humilata. Subject orientations na daw bukas.

Teka.. Subject Orientations?

"Mr. Romero, kindly go to the Registrar's Office this afternoon to claim your schedule. Transferees here have a slightly different schedule from the other students."

Did I just forget to claim my copy of the schedule? Yes, yes I did.

"Tss. Makakalimutin nga pala talaga 'ko." Inis kong sabi sa sarili. Pero wala naman na 'kong magagawa. Kahit bumalik ako sa school ngayon, wala na yung nasa registrar's office at paniguradong nakauwi na yun.

Maya maya pa, bumaba na 'ko at umupo sa upuan ko sa dining. Grabe pa naman pagkabipolar nung panganay sa'min. Baka mamaya mabato pa 'ko ng sandok.

"Rain, call your brother." Utos niya. Tinamad na 'kong tumayo kaya sumigaw na lang ako. "CLOUD ROMERO KAKAIN NA DAW BUMABA KA NA."

At nabato nga ako ng sandok. "Kuya? Hindi kita inaano?"

"I told you to call your brother. Hindi ko sinabing iannounce mo sa buong barangay na kakain na tayo ng hapunan."

Bumalik na siya sa kusina at hinimas ko naman yung tinamaan nung sandok. "Hindi ka ata babatuhin ni kuya ng sandok kung sinabi mo lang na kakain na tayo ng hapunan na luto niya."

Ako lang ba normal sa'ming tatlo? Hindi ko man lang narinig na bumaba sa hagdan 'tong isa, kahit nung umupo na siya.

Napasapo na lang ako sa noo ko.

"Nga pala, transferee ka diba?" Tanong ni Ulap habang naglalagay ako ng plato pati kutsara tinidor sa mesa kasi tinatamad daw siya. "Tapos?"

"Kuya Storm! Nakalimutan ni Ulan kunin yung schedule niya!" Sigaw ni Ulap kaya dahan dahan akong napatingin sa direksyon kung nasaan yung kusina. Ilinuwa naman nung mga kurtina si kuya Storm na may dala dalang plato at saka yun linagay sa mesa. Kalmado lang siyang naglakad at saka tumingin sa'kin.

"I know how forgetful this little sh-- one is. Kaya ako na yung humingi sa registrar kanina."

Okay na sana kaso tatawagin pa sana 'kong little shit. Tss.

"Ayos naman pala eh. STEM ka diba? Luh, kuya hindi naman si Mrs. De Los Angeles ang teacher niya sa Research diba?" Sino naman yun?

"Oh, she isn't. She's on a leave. You can get your schedule later on my desk." Huli niya pang tugon bago bumalik sa kusina.

"Oh right, starting next week you don't have to wait for me. Baka mapadalas ang pag overtime ng mga prof namin. Sanay ka naman nang magcommute saka malaki ka naman na. Si kuya Storm lang naman hindi."

"Umayos ka, mamaya may--"

Sasabihin ko palang sana na baka batuhin rin siya ng sandok, ayun na may dumaan na. Nakailag naman siya.

"Buti na lang pala nakailag ako eh. Baka nabawasan pa kagwapuhan ko."

Sana pala Wind na lang pinangalan dito hindi Ulap. Ang hangin bigla.

"Kumain na nga lang tayo." Inis kong sambit at hinintay na umupo na si kuya sa upuan niya. Ng magsimula si kuya Storm na kumain, sumunod kami ni Ulap.

Naging tahimik at tanging pagtama lang talaga ng mga kutsra't tinidor sa mga plato ang naririnig. Nakakapanibago ng konti, siguro kasi nasanay kaming kahit kumakain ay nagsasalita si Dad tungkol sa mga gawain namin. Sa mga inaasahan niyang mangyari lalo na't kilala masyado ang pamilya namin.

Habang kumakain, sumagi bigla sa isip ko yung gabing hindi na kinaya pa ng pasensya ko at nagawa ko nang magsalita.

Naging dahilan yun para mapatigil ako sa pag kain at alam kong napatingin sa'kin si Ulap, pero hindi ko muna yun pinansin.

"You're a disgrace to our family."

Pag echo sa utak ko. Yung araw na yun inulit yung sarili sa utak ko kaya hindi tuloy ako nakakakain ng maayos.

"It wasn't in my choices to be a disgrace. I'm simply showing you that I'm no robot. I'm a human. I'm your son. I'm someone who isn't perfect. I'm no unflawed artwork. I have imperfections and as parents, I thought both of you knew about that."

Speaking up was never easy. Pero na kinaya ng pasensya ko. And believe me, I'm a very short-tempered person. And believe me again, I tried my best to lengthen my patience lalo na't magulang ko sila. I owe them so much. But I also owe my oldest brother and even Cloud so much.

I'm not a fan of ruining something that's been normalized, but seeing my brothers suffer the consequences of just staying silent, that made me take the risk.

Hindi ko alam kung paanong sumakto na kung kailan ko napagdesisyunang magsalita, eh may nangyari ngang parang nagsasabing dapat ko na yung gawin.

At hindi naman ako nagsisisi.

"You're going to say I'm young and I don't know everything about life. Yes, that may be true but I'm still learning. I'm going through life accepting the fact that I'm human and mistakes are part of living. But do you expect a person to learn whenthey're caged? When they're forced to stay in just one place?"

Hindi ako nagrebelde. My respect for them still remained, but at that time, all I could think about was how I would be able to communicate to them that pressuring us to do some things that we aren't used to or we don't like and will never grow to like, is just wrong.

I understand the part that they just want the best for us, but there were other, more appropriate ways than them raising their voice at us when we committed a simple mistake instead of educating.

"If your twin were alive, he'd be the best supporter you could have had."

That specific statement from my grandmother repeated itself in my head that it made my forehead crease. Why the sudden mention of my twin?

Yes, believe it or not, I was supposed to have a twin brother. We were supposed to be four. But sadly, Sky left us when we were both 5 years old.

Back then, Sky and me were inspearable. But like they say, there are some things that people can't control. Because if I were to be followed, I wouldn't let Sky go.

And because Sky randomly made his way to my mind even though it's been years without him, I remembered the one thing he entrusted to me for who knows what reason. And upon remembrance of that thing, my head started to ache that it made me close my eyes.

Sumasakit na naman. Pati paghinga ko lumalalim na.

"Rain? Rain what are you feeling?" rinig kong tanong ni kuya Storm. "Is it your head again?" tanong ulit ni kuya Storm pero hindi ko magawang sumagot.

Hanggang sa nahirapan na rin akong huminga.

"Fuck! I'll get the car. Cloud, we're taking him to the hospital."

Narinig ko pang may mga nagalaw na upuan at alam kong inaalalayan rin ako ng kapatid ko. Pero nagsasabay sabay na yung sakit.

Parang may pilit na bumabara sa paghinga ko, may pilit na bumubuka sa utak ko at di ko na napigilang mapasigaw. "Kuya!"

Cloud's voice was mixed worry and frustration.

My trembling hands made it way to my head, hoping it would ease the pain but to my disappointment, it did nothing.

"Rain, rain lumalala ba? Rain!"

I want to answer Cloud's question but for some reason, it seemed as if the pain had also told my voice to fail me.

Maya maya pa, naramdaman kong nasa kotse na kami at papunta na naman sa ospital.

My breathing was getting slower, and I felt that any moment, I was going to lose consciousness once again.

And I wasn't wrong.

Pero bago pa man ako mawalan ng malay, narinig ko na naman yung boses na ilang beses ko nang naririnig sa tuwing sumasakit ang ulo ko o di kaya'y nahihirapang huminga.

And the voice just confused me even more.

"You shouldn't remember that just yet.. You aren't even supposed to remember that."

As what whoever said had made itself into my ear, my vision turned black.