MORNINGS ARE DIFFERENT WITHOUT

They told me not to think about him too much. Because that would only make me sad.

But I do. I do think about him every single day.

I think about the slight scattering of freckles on his nutmeg skin. I think about the deep coils in his hair and his long fingertips, I think about his name - Roman. A name which has always been fit for a man like him.

But most of all, I think about his eyes and their peculiar shade of grey. I had never seen eyes that shade before I met him.

For some reason, they remind me of the moon. Especially when he stood in different lights. I'd like to think his eyes also reflected his moods.

Did you know that when an eclipse happens, there are two shadows cast? The first is called the umbra and it gets smaller as it goes away from the sun. The second shadow is called the penumbra and it gets larger as it goes away from the sun.

I used to think Roman was as beautiful as the moon. But I never looked at him during an eclipse. I forgot that you needed the light to see the shadows...

I didn’t understand darkness before. At least not the way I was supposed to.

If I had, maybe I’d have seen right through him from the beginning. If I had focused more on his shadows than the beauty of the eclipse, maybe none of it would have ever happened...

”Crystal! Wake up, we’re going to be late!” I heard the all too familiar voice of my cousin yell.

 I opened my eyes slightly and groaned when the sunlight from the window hit my eyes.

”Arg! No!” I grumbled as I covered my head with my pillow.

The next thing I knew I felt someone jump on my bed, causing a depression to form right beside where I lay.

“Go away Kat!” I spoke as I turned over determined to ignore her.

Being ever adamant, Kat started bouncing up and down, provoking the already overused springs in my mattress.

“No can do. It’s our first day back to school and you are not making me go through that alone.” She spoke.

I lifted my pillow and peeked up at Kat. I gave a pathetic cough.

“I think I’m sick?”

Kat rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, nice try. Now, get up.” Kat tugged on my hand and pulled me into a sitting position.

She jumped off my bed and walked over to grab a hair tie from our shared dresser. Considering Kat always lost all her hair ties, I assumed she had just stolen one of mine like she usually did.

The sun’s rays filled the room casting a warm glow. I couldn’t help but smile. The sun didn’t come out often in Woodfell but when it did, I found it hard to be in a bad mood.

Except today.

I threw myself back into bed and tossed my floral comforter over my head.

I heard Kat sigh and the next thing I knew, she was tugging on the comforter.

I gripped it tighter, not letting her pull it off.

“Come on Crissy, don't be stubborn."

"I'm not being stubborn." I spoke defensively.

"Yes you are."

With one last pull, she won our little tug of war.

She placed her hands on her hips and let out a huff as she tossed my beautiful comforter aside on the carpet.

"You know I could easily just pick that up and go back to sleep." I pointed out to her as I picked on a braid that had escaped my silk scarf head wrap.

"Do that and I will break your arm." She spoke, dead serious.

"Go ahead.” I challenged her. “At least I won't have to go to school." I muttered.

She turned and shot me a glare.

"I get it, okay? The first day of school always sucks but we’ll endure, we always do.” Kat had already moved over to our closet and had started digging through no doubt searching for my uniform.

She was already all dressed up in the customary Silvercrest Preparatory Academy school uniform.

A navy blue blazer, a white button down shirt, a black skirt, navy blue tie, black socks and black shoes.

Her long curls which held some golden blonde highlights was now tied up in a high bun.

I knew how much Kat hated tying her hair up. But it was part of the school’s dress code so she couldn’t do much to help it.

“Easy for you to say, you’re not on the pack’s ‘most hated’ list.” I told her as I let out a yawn and stretched out my arms.

“Stop exaggerating. You’re not on the pack’s most hated list..” Kat told me.

“Yes I am. I was already an outcast in this pack when I got here and now after what happened this summer-“

“What Roman did had nothing to do with you.” Kat quickly intercepted me in a softer voice.

That ache in my chest that I had been trying to fight back all summer came back. But hey, at least I wasn’t spontaneously bursting out crying anymore.

I swung my feet off the bed and got up. “Please don’t say his name.” I muttered as I tried to busy myself with making my bed. Anything to avoid eye contact with Kat.

Kat’s bed which was right beside mine was unmade of course, she was probably planning on coming back right after school and goring back to sleep.

“I’m sorry.” She spoke in a gentle tone. One she usually wouldn’t use but she knew how sensitive I was about this subject matter.

She walked up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know it’s hard going back after all that happened but I’ll be there every step of the way, I promise.”

I smiled at her. “Thank you.” 

Kat and I weren’t sisters, we hadn’t even known about each other's existence until seven years ago but she was my best friend, the sister I had never had.

“And,” Kat added, “if anyone does say something, I will kick their butts.”

I laughed but stopped myself instantly when I realized she wasn’t kidding. “Please don’t. The last thing we need is to get in trouble or draw attention to ourselves. Besides, wouldn’t that kind of ruin your chances of getting accepted into the AAP?”

“Oh please," she waved me off and gave a smug smile. "I’m a shoo in for the AAP, I’ve trained my butt off all year. I’ve worked harder than anyone else, that’s how much I want this.”

The Alpha’s Apprenticeship Program or the AAP is a program that our school offers. It gives ordinary students the ‘chance of a lifetime’. Undergoing an apprenticeship under the alpha himself.

It sounds like a big deal and that's because, around here, it is.

The Alpha’s apprentices are an elite group made up of the creme de la creme of the pack. They work directly under the alpha and are in charge of dealing with certain social, political and sometimes even international matters. They are basically overrated assistants if you ask me. 

But Kat doesn't see it that way.

She has been dreaming of becoming one of them since she was five.

It's all she has been talking about lately too. Like literally all the time.

“I agree, they’d be crazy not to pick you.” I told her.

And I wasn’t lying. Kat gets decent grades and she is one of the most athletically fit people I know. Those are basically the main requirements for the program so I have no doubt that she’ll get in.

"I know." Kat flipped her hair. "I don't even know what I'd do if they didn't."

I wouldn't want to know either.

Kat is the type of person who is used to getting things done her way and when that doesn't happen, she tends to freak out.

Her parents know it.

Her friends know it.

Even our teachers know it. 

We call it 'Hurricane Kat'.

The door to our room burst open and Hazel, Kat’s eleven year old little sister, stuck her head in. Her curly hair, which was much like her big sister’s, was tied in two buns on each side of her head.

“Mum says you two should get your butts downstairs or you’ll be late for school!” She announced in her happy little voice. 

“Don’t you knock, brat?” Kat yelled at her in irritation.

Hazel simply shrugged before running off.

Kat rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to me.

”Alright, girl. We’ve got this, okay? If anyone messes with you today, they mess with me. I’ve got your back. Okay?”

 I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

Kat smiled in satisfaction. “Great. Now let’s get you into this ugly uniform.” She spoke before turning to search our closet again.

 I looked out the window at the light that was peeking through the trees knowing deep down in my heart that things probably wouldn’t be okay ever again.