Chapter 206
Ellie
I've known Max long enough to know when he has just received bad news or knows that he is about to receive bad news . His eyes usually give him away and he has this thing that he does with his pinky , he puts it in one whole hand and squeezes it . He also keeps quiet and gets into his head about a lot of things and starts over analysing scenarios that don't exist in real life . When Max hung up the phone he wasn't himself, he was a bit out of sorts .
When I recieved a call from ; Blake telling me to get to the hospital because something terrible had happened , I told him I'd be there with Max . Getting Max into the car with me wasn't that difficult to do since he followed me without saying a word . It was already riush hour and I knew that the traffic was going to be a nightmare. There was no other way to get to the hospital and thirty minutes away from the medical facility ; M
Chapter 207EllieWithin seconds of me shouting for help the heart doctors surrounding me trying to help Blake. Max came out of his mother's cubicle to see what was going on. When he saw me lying next to Blake who was having a seizure, he too lost his cool . He was screaming for help just as much as I was and he didn't realise that help had already arrived . As soon as they took Blake away to the E.R I was scared. Not only for my life but for the fact that Blake might not make it because he didn't look too well and I don't think his brother noticed.I still needed to see Janet together with Max. Before we could go back into the cubicle that Janet was in we heard ringing and alarm sounds that will coming from her room. It was the machine and you had gone into cardiac arrest because the last thing we both remembered was hearing the doctor shout; get the crash cart . When everything goes wrong and it goes
Chapter 208MaxThree days when I feel like nothing is ever going to go right. I listen to most important people in my life. I lost Blake my mother. I know that I should be talking to someone what what I'm going through but at the moment I feel everything and nothing at the same time I want to feel the good and bad it is just too difficult to process what's going on.When Raphael told us that both my mother and my brother and my mother didn't make it, it felt like the whole world and went dark including mine I know I should be thankful for what I have right now. It's hard to focus on the good when everything bad is happening around you and you just want to be left alone full stop in my case I want to be left alone because I had an important match to play on the day after the unthinkable happened I had contractual agreements that I had to uphold so I ended up doing what needed to be done .
Chapter 209MaxI looked at Eleanor not wanting to cry. I know that I haven't been the best day to come home to. I didn't know where Ellie's head was at. There were days when I knew how to approach a situation where my fiance is concerned. This summer I feel like I've messed up and that there is no coming back from what I did. I shouldn't have done what I did I should have just talked to Eleanor and told her that I was feeling too weak and not as strong as she's come to know me to be and the last thing I ever wanted her to do was to question whether or not she wants to be with me and stay with me through everything."Ellie the last thing I ever wanted to do was keep quiet. I wanted to talk to you so badly but I couldn't because I just don't know-how. I haven't talked to anyone and I haven't been talking to anyone hell you can even ask my sister, she even told me to talk to you or at least try spending some more tim
Chapter 210EllieLife; death, and rebirth. Three things that we are supposed to know about and have a clue about the direction we are supposed to take, but at times they can be the three things that define our journey on earth and our spiritual flow into the next life . I've come to understand the three stages always have meaning in more ways than one.Nobody ever really has life sussed out ; and everything happens for a reason no matter how cliche it might sound if something didn't happen you wouldn't be where you are right now and if you weren't given the choice you'd say that; you're a victim of circumstance but everybody always has a choice no matter how hard ,how easy ,or how logical everyone has a decision to make that may affect their lives in one way or another.I could have chosen not to get back together with my ex ...after the pain he caused me on a previous breakup 10 y
Chapter 211MaxThe most brutal feeling one can ever feel in my opinion is having something beeb taken away from you and not getting the chance to say goodbye or be given enough time to prepare to say goodbye to someone you love. They say that the hardest part of any death is letting go not being present. That may be true; but the hardest part of any death is being present and watching it happen in front of you first I saw my brother die in front of me in my fiance's arms. Then when that was happening I got a chance to speak to my mother but I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. She had a very important message to give me but she slipped away before I could hear what she wanted to say.I had to deal with saying goodbye to two of the most important people in my life without saying goodbye properly. I know that I cannot change how things turned out and I had no control over what happened. Part of me feels lik
Chapter 212EllieI tend to forget that the house security can be controlled by using my phone. Only two people have access to the system. Now that Blake is gone I really do miss him and I wish he was around so that he could help me choose a security system so that my fiance wouldn't get control of it. Right now he's using it to prevent me from leaving because I feel like my feelings are not acknowledged or I am not being taken seriously by anyone around me with regards to family matters.I know that Janet and Blake were not my biological family but they were the closest thing to family I've had and they were there for me when nobody was. It feels as if I've been saying care of everybody is feelings except for mine and I think it's manifesting in the most weirdest of ways at the worst time. As a part of me wanted to run and hide and not come out until I stopped being an emotional limbo I feel like I can't fee
Chapter 213EllieI hate feeling uncertain about a lot of things and feeling uncertain about my relationship is the last thing that I wanted but at the moment I think I do and it's not because I'm going to find out what's going to happen with regards to what Janet wanted and what Blake wanted with regards to the will readings this afternoon. I wanted to run away and sort out my feelings so that I don't hurt anyone else, but no matter what I do and how I try to stop anyone from hurting the people I love always end up getting hurt and it's the last thing I ever wanted to happen to anyone I didn't want to hurt anyone. Right now I feel like I am hurting my fiance effortlessly and it's a sucky feeling.Max looked at me like he was about to break down and cry because if I had told him that I needed a break and I don't think we should be together then we I'd be telling you another story.I told him the truth about how I wa
Chapter 214MaxThe one thing I've always been afraid of has been losing what I already have. That's one of the many things that I'm afraid of happening. What's on top of my list is losing my fiance. I understand her and she understands me and that in itself is a blessing but there are days when we lock horns and that's when I feel like the world's about to end because that's me being dramatic but on a serious note I am scared of screwing up the one good thing I have you told me countless times that she will let me screw up our relationship and she won't allow me to be a bad father no matter how hard I try.Billie is the best sister anyone can ask for and Isle of Man big brother to her in more ways than one she is my baby sister and I love her to bits , I knew something was wrong when I found her on the floor and she wasn't breathing properly and I pray to God that both her and her unborn baby where ok and