Chapter 4 - Home sweet home

The next morning I wake up feeling relaxed, I slept very well last night. I muse as I stretch feeling good

“Nothing like a good night’s sleep to reset,” I say out loud as I get out of bed to get ready for the day.

My message notification pings and I reach for it. And the text reads.

I wanted you to know that seeing you yesterday was the highlight of my day. It’s always good to see you.

I would love to take you out sometime if you’re game – Gabriel

I stare at the text for a good five minutes before I start moving again. I need to get ready to leave if I want to get home before the days end. I put the text behind my mind and get on with my day…

By the time I look at my phone it’s 3:00 in the afternoon. It’s been 7 hours since the text. I got home two hours ago. I’m sitting in my parent’s sitting room and the whole room is littered with people. All of them speaking at the same time, all of them wanting to be heard.

I am sitting on a sofa on the far side of the room listening and watching everyone. My sister Rose is the eldest of five and the loudest, everyone should listen to her and we do except Zan. He’s always fighting with her to get a word in. The rest of my siblings Rena and Rea just wait for Zan and Rose to fight then they get a word in. My parents love the dynamic we have, my mother plays into the arguing, while my father sits quietly in his favorite chair listening carefully. Only chiming in when the arguments get too heated. being the youngest of five, I always preferred being quiet. I never fought to be heard, I was always confident in listening and examining everything before I put my two cents in. That’s how I win the arguments with cool, silence.

My father is sitting in a corner across the room looking at me thoughtfully, I look at him and he taps the side of his head as if to say. What’s on your mind kid? I smile and shrug to say nothing and he smiles and shakes his head.

My father knows me well, he knows when I am hurting, and happy and he definitely knows when I am sad. And today I’m what? I don’t even know.

Why am I in my feelings? It was just a text. I could just ignore it and pretend I didn’t read the last part of the text.

It’s not like I’m game or am I?

I stare at my phone some more and when I look up my father is next to me staring at my phone too. When did he get next to me? I realize how preoccupied my mind is.

“What’s on your mind kiddo? ” he says squeezing my shoulder. I look at him confused trying to figure it out myself.

 “ Do you want to talk! There’s nothing a conversation with your old man can’t clear up ” he says with an eager smile.

“I’m good dad,” I say leaning into him for a hug as he sits down next to me.“

“Okay if you ever need anything, I’m here” I stare at my father feeling all the love in the world for him. He’s an amazing human.

“Okay let’s play another round and this time Ryan is my partner” my mother proclaims over everyone. The whole room turns to look at me for confirmation.

“I’ve been patiently waiting for my turn so I can kick all your asses,” I say proudly and they know it’s true. That’s why they’re not protesting.

“Hey language,” my father says next to me.

“ Sorry dad,” I say giggling at him. “okay let’s go.” My brother gives me a look as I lean into the board game.

At the end of the 3^rd game, I smile victorious again. My siblings are over me winning. Everyone is suddenly tired and they want to go to sleep. So we all retire for the night and I’m tired too from the past week and the long drive today. And the fact that my brain has been on overdrive since Gabriel’s text.

I get to my room and on my bed staring at the ceiling, my go-to thinking pose. I look at my phone, it’s 11:30 p.m. He’s probably asleep.

Take me out sometime?

I don’t know.

I hit send and instantly regret it. I could have just ignored it. My phone rings and I sit up abruptly staring at it for a full 60 seconds.

“I knew I should have ignored the text,” I say as a way of answering the phone.

“I’m glad you didn’t” he replies simply.

I keep quiet not knowing what to say.

“You're going to have fun if you  go out, I’m fun,” he says his smile evident in his voice.

“I don’t know, if…”

“I get it, you don’t see me like that. It’s okay. I just had to try. Today I found myself so drawn to you I had to say something. I wouldn’t have lived with myself if I didn’t ask you out. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. ” He says sounding serious. I am struck by his directness. I am dumbstruck, I mean men have come at me direct but this is different and intimate.

“Do you speak to all your women like this? So direct or is it part of the play? You’re drawn to me? ” I ask unable to let this go even though he gave me an out. I’m intrigued.

“First of all I don’t have women. And I don’t play games. Always take what I say for what it is. I want to be near you, in whichever way you’re willing to let me” he pauses and lets that monster of a statement hang in the air.

“Honestly I don’t see how that would work.” I state simply.

“Going out to a nice bar, ordering drinks and laughing and…”

“Stop making it sound so simple, it’s not and you know it,” I say cutting him off.

And he laughs, like really laughs. And says “I think you know it’s that simple and you're just looking for an excuse not to let me take you out.”

“Let’s do this, I’ll be at the Rooftop hotel in Hillcrest next week Friday at around 8 pm maybe we’ll bump into each other.” He says and ends the call.

I stare at my phone trying to figure out what just happened. How did Gabriel my brother’s friend become a potential date? When did I go from “my friend's kid sister to “I am drawn to you?”

“Am I being punked? ” I ask the now dark phone screen. I put my phone away and get ready for bed. I don’t need this right now.

I wake up the next morning to the sound of music and chatter. I can hear my mother barking orders at my siblings. She must be cooking because she only gets this bossy when she’s in the kitchen. My father says that she fell in love with my mother’s cooking and that’s how she won him over. Since the day they met my mother has been cooking for my father. She loves to cook and my father loves to eat.

When I walk into the kitchen the island is littered with food, everyone is digging in.

“Morning darling,” my mother says

“Morning ” I reply cheerfully, I can’t help but smile at the scene in front of me. It’s always so incredible when we’re all home. Granted it gets a little too loud but we all love each other so much and it makes my parents so happy when we’re home.

“How did  you sleep? You look a lot more rested” my mom says handing me a plate of food.

“I slept really well, thanks for asking,” I say sitting down to enjoy my breakfast.

“I never thanked you for bringing my package for me,” my brother Zan says next to me.

“No problem,” I say to him

“I need to come up to Joburg and see Gabriel,” my brother says casually, I almost choke at the mention of Gabriel’s name.

I nod yes to avoid saying anything because I don’t think anything would have come out if I tried to say anything.

“You know I haven’t seen him in 10 years ” my brother continues oblivious. “I think he left the day after we dropped you off at boarding school. He went to become a Cyber security geek somewhere.” He says wistfully as if remembering something.

“I didn’t know that,” I say curious to know more.

“Yeah, he’s really good at what he does,” my brother says standing up to place his now empty plate in the sink and he heads out the door. I look at him wishing he would stay and tell me more about his friend. I am eager to learn more about him.

“So where’s the cute boy you were seeing?” my sister Rose asks whispering so no one hears.

I shake my head no to show that we’re not together anymore.

“Was the dick terrible?” she asks going directly for the juicy question, Rose has never been one to mince words.  I laugh and make a face, pretending to be shocked at her question.

“Don’t look at me like that, you know you can tell me” she says with a straight face. “later tonight I’m coming to your room with a bottle of wine and you’re telling me everything” she whispers with finality.

Later that night I hear a tap on my door and my sister Rose walks in with a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses. She has a smile on her face.

“I have arrived,” she says making a dramatic gesture with her arms and she poses. I laugh loving her even more. Rose is my best friend, to say the least, she was the first person I told when I Lost my virginity. And she has always given me awesome advice on everything. She’s more than my sister.

“Welcome,” I say gesturing for her to join me in bed. She pours us the wine and gets comfortable on my bed.

“So on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad was the dick?” she asks me no embarrassment on her face. I grin so happy to have someone to talk to.

“Truthfully, it wasn’t that bad, I would say a seven” I answer

“Seven is not bad at all, so what’s really wrong? ” she asks getting into sister mode

“He wanted full-on commitment,” I say and pause trying to compose my thoughts, this is the first time I am talking about this since Sam and I broke up. I haven’t really given much thought to why I decided to call it quits rather than make it work. “I guess I realized he’s not someone I am willing to go all the way with,” I say as it dawns on me.

“Well, that’s deep, at least you know what you want and you’re not willing to settle. That’s admirable” she says looking at me with sisterly love. “settling breeds resentment and sadness”. She says referring to her first marriage, she married someone she thought she should marry not someone she wanted to be with. Rose always talks to all of us about choosing what’s right for us. She likes to say we shouldn’t make the same mistakes she made. In her own way, she’s trying to love us by protecting us.

“At least you found love now,” I say thinking of my brother-in-law. They love each other so much and my sister is so much happier with him. The smile on her face now is evidence of that, whenever we talk about her husband she turns into a bundle of happiness. She can’t stop smiling and sighing it's like she’s a teenager again. Oblivious to the harsh realities of life. They bring out the best in each other and I’m so happy for her, she deserves all the love in the world. She’s the best person I know and I’m not saying that because she’s my sister

“I got lucky, he was sent to me at a time when I didn’t imagine I would find love ever.”  She says thoughtful for a moment.