Chapter 12-Auto pilot

You good?” my boss says from his desk. His brow is raised, he looks worried. He’s been worried about me for the past 9 days but never said anything. I guess 10 whole days is too much for him. I’ve been working nonstop since the night I slept with Gabe. I have been doing anything but think about that night. I wake up get myself ready, go to work get in my 8 hours and pretend Gabriel didn’t ravish me on my living room sofa.

“I’m good” I say looking up at him briefly then go back to work. We’re planning the annual donor’s ball. Max has an education fund he heads for brilliant high school students that need bursaries to study after high school. And every year he hosts a gala dinner to celebrate the fund’s achievements and of course get people to donate more. Every year I get the honour of hosting and every year I give myself the headache to plan the best party Gauteng has ever seen. People do unspeakable things to get the ticket and this year is no any different. Only I’m different, the joy I felt from planning the gala is gone. The joy of doing anything is gone and my boss has picked up the vibe.

“If you say so” he says, when I look up at him he has a look about him.

“What?” I ask

“You seem…” he starts to say and thinks against it.

“I was thinking we could do a night in Marrakesh for the theme” I say changing the subject. I’ve been working for Max for over five years and we have a great relationship outside of work. We’ve had drunken nights in cities all over the world; something most people are advised against doing but he and I have been able to keep the line in check. He trusts me with his empire and I trust him with my life. That’s why we work so well together but I can’t talk to him about Gabriel, Gabe is more than just a passing one-night stand. I don’t trust to talk about him and not break down.

Max looks at me and sighs deeply, he stays silent for a moment and I can see the wheels in his brain working. I wait for him to decide if he’s going to press me or not.

“Sounds good, do whatever you think will look great. We have a few weeks till the night of the gala so rope in anyone you need to get it all done” he says deciding to let the state of my emotions go.

“Okay” I say standing up, I walk out of his office to get away from his look of concern. I don’t need him worrying about me. I need not to feel anything. I don’t want to think about anything but work.

I get through my day ignoring the ache I feel in my heart. I want to call Gabriel so bad, I want to hear his voice. I want to see his face but I can’t. I sit at my desk trying not to remember our night together, the way he touched me, kissed me, and the way he felt inside of me. No man has ever made me feel like that. It’s like he touched the deepest part of me and I can’t undo the mark he left on me. If I sit still long enough I can smell him, I still remember the feel of his skin on mine. My heart aches for him, so I ignore it or should I say I try.

At day's end I gather my stuff and head for my car, I need a long bath and a show worth binging.

I get into my car start the engine and my phone rings, my heart skips my mind goes straight to Gabriel. I reach into my bag and take a deep breath before I look at the caller ID.

“Zan” I whisper into the empty car. I reverse my car before I answer.

“Hi Zan” he’s making it a habit of calling and showing up a bit too much. I miss the days he would only call me to tell me about family events and the birth of babies.

“HI Ryan, how are you?” he asks sounding too happy, I miss the days when the phone conversations were even shorter.

“I’m  good and how are you?” I ask even though I would rather not know.

“Good, I was calling to remind you of Mom and dad’s anniversary party on Saturday,” he says sounding even more excited.

“Shit,” I say thinking about the tedious effort it will take to get home. I don’t need this right now and I know my parents expect me to be there. It’s their 45^th  wedding anniversary.

“Yeah, seeing as it’s Thursday, Rose and the others said they couldn’t get a hold of you so I’m lucky to have caught you. Mom and Dad would be sad if you didn’t make it.” he says as a way to voice his displeasure at not returning any of their calls. I’ve been going through a lot so whatever.

“Yeah, work has been a lot,” I say driving out of the office complex. It’s late and I just need to get home and rest I feel exhausted and the prospect of having to go home is not helping.  I pull up to a red light and wait.

“That’s what we figured, I hope that boss of yours pays you enough for how hard you work.” He says turning on that brotherly voice of his. On any other day, I would have ignored him but today is not the day. He’s getting on my last nerve and all my nerves are shot. The light turns green and I press the accelerator and suddenly I hear this loud bang and blackout.

“Can you hear me miss?” I hear the voice of a man say, he repeats saying the same thing over and over. My whole body hurts, everything is too loud and I can only think of one thing.

“Yes, I can hear you” I groan out and open my eyes. I’m on a stretcher and strapped in. There are multiple people around me. I can see the changing lights, the red and blue police lights, and the stars.

“Can you tell me your name?” the emergency services guy says in a calming voice. He has a soothing voice I think as I tell him my name. He asks me multiple questions as he checks on me. This goes on for a few minutes and then he tells me I am being taken to the hospital and that they spoke to my brother. I nod off as he says something about someone meeting me at the hospital.

“Ryan, I’m Drew the attending. You’ve been in an accident, fortunately, you were not badly hurt. You have a few bruises and you’ll have pains but nothing too serious.” The doctor says when he sees I’m awake. I smile happy to hear that I’m okay.

“My brother was on the phone when it all happened,” I say remembering that I was talking to him before I heard the loud sound.

“Yes, the people on scene answered your phone when he called back. Your phone survived the impact. He sent someone over to check on you. We’ll discharge you to his care in the morning, we’ll keep you overnight and he’ll come get you tomorrow. But he’s here to see you for a bit since it’s not visiting hours and all. I’ll go get him” the doctor says leaving me in the room to go get the mysterious “him”.

I close my eyes for a moment and when I open them Gabriel is standing in front of me. As soon as I see his face I feel a rush of relief come over me. Tears start streaming down my face, I breathe hard trying to contain the feelings flowing out of me but I can’t. The tears stream down.

“Baby, it’s okay.” He walks closer to me and says as he kisses my eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he says continuing to shower my face with kisses. I move into him welcoming the feeling of home he brings just by being here.

He holds me and lets me cry. I cry out all the aches I felt in the last week. I let it all out. I don’t know how long I cry but I fall asleep eventually.

“Ryan wake up,” Gabriel says waking from my sleep. I open my eyes and look at him. “I have to go, the doctor says I can come get you in the morning. Your brother called worried, I didn’t want to wake you. I let him know you are alright, he isn’t satisfied but I told him you’ll call him in the morning. So I’ll come get you then.” He says looking deep into my eyes, he has a pained look in his eyes. I nod yes because I can’t get myself to use my voice.

He kisses my forehead and walks out of the room leaving me in the hospital room