Chapter 13-Never alone

I almost lost it when Zan called to tell me Ryan had been in accident. The moment he said, all I could hear was my heart beating over time. And when I saw her laying on that hospital bed it’s like my life stopped and nothing else mattered. Seeing her cry broke my heart, she’s under my skin and when she feels pain I feel it ten times more.

I knew from the day we reconnected she would turn my world upside down. I hoped I could Stay away from her but if the past week is any indication staying away from her is going to be incredibly hard.

I pull up to Ryan’s apartment complex, I need to get her a change of clothes for when I pick her up later today. Fortunately, the first responders were able to retrieve her personal items from the scene. Her car is totalled but nothing else was lost. I shudder at how wrong all of this could have gone, the guy that hit her jumped a red light and slammed into her. How she got out of this with a few scratches is beyond me. And of course, Zan is manic, he’s been calling me nonstop since last night. I had to calm him down, he was frantic talking about taking a 3 three hour drive here at night. He was in no shape to drive  I get his fear. If it was one of my siblings I would have lost it.

I get out of my car and walk to her apartment, I hesitate slightly at the door. I haven’t been here since she kicked me out. I feel all the anger and frustration of that night resurface, I close my eyes for a second to steady my heart. Today is not about that, she needs someone to take care of her. I unlock the door and walk through the door. I walk into the living room and my eyes collide with the sofa. I take a deep breath and look away. I walk into her bedroom and her scent hits me hard. I look around at the airy room. The windows let in so much light. The whole room is littered with live plants, the green blending in with the muted pinks, earthy browns and oranges. Everything has its place, everything is colour-coordinated. It's all a little bit OCD but calming. I walk to her closet retrieve an overnight bag and look for something she can wear. Sweats and pyjamas will do, she needs to be comfortable. I go to the bathroom and add her toiletries. Her organization is a plus, I locate her skin and body care products and take those. I get what I need and get out. I don’t want to linger in her space, I need to remind myself that she doesn’t want me. I need to keep my distance, I don’t think I can take her rejection again. I leave her apartment and head to the hospital.

“Hi,” I  say, she turns away from the window and looks at me. She looks at the overnight bag in my hand.

“Hi,” she says sitting up.

“I went to your apartment to get you a change of clothes,” I say pointing to the bag, I walk into the room and place the bag on the bed.

“So thoughtful of you, I appreciate it” she says looking at me with the same look she did when she saw me last night. She takes in a breath and looks at her for a moment. I can see her fighting the emotions, I want to hug her, hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay but all I can do is back up. I can’t take her pushing me away, so I stay away. It kills me to her deal with all of this by herself but.  

“It’s no trouble, let’s get you out of here,”  I say after a moment of silence.

“Yeah,” she says in a whisper.

It takes her a while to change from the hospital robe into the clothes I brought her. She opens the door to the private bathroom as I am about to stand and check on her.

“All done,” she says when she gets out, I can tell she’s a little breathless from the effort of putting the clothes on but I keep that observation to myself. The doctor walks in at that moment, she lets her know what side effects to look out for at home and that if anything goes wrong we should come back immediately.

I help her deal with the discharge paperwork and a few minutes later we’re in my car.

“ I’m taking you to my place so I can be able to keep an eye on you. I would take you to your place but I have some work commitments and I need to be at home” I say before we can leave the hospital parking lot.

“Oh, Gabe. I didn’t even think about your job. I’m keeping you from doing whatever, I’m so sorry” she says looking stressed out. Which wasn’t my intention, I only said that so she wouldn’t freak out when I didn’t take her home.

“No you’re not keeping me from anything, I have everything sorted, I just need to be home so I can connect with my team. I just wanted to let you in on the plan.” I say hoping that that’s explanation enough.

“Really you don’t need to worry about me, I can get myself home. Get an Uber or something. You don’t have to disrupt your life for me” she says reaching for the door handle, she starts breathing hard like she’s trying not to cry.

“Ryan,” I say her name and touch her hand to calm her down. She turns and looks at me. “Let’s get you home, you need to sleep. We’ll talk about this later. Okay?” I say hoping she won’t fight me. I need her to just let me take care of her. I don’t have the strength to argue with her and not to mention Zan would kill me if he found out I left her alone. The reason he’s not here right now is because I told him I would be there for her.

“Okay,” she says when she sees the look on my face. I haven’t slept so I’m a little off. We drive to my house in silence. She just needs to sleep and I need to work for a few hours and the world will readjust. When we get to my house she’s sleeping in the passenger seat. I touch her and call her name so she can wake but she doesn’t come to. The doctor did say the painkillers were strong and they would knock her out. I carry her out of the car and straight to my bed. I gently place her on the bed, I’m tempted to kiss her soft lips but I don’t. I force myself to straighten up and walk away.

As soon as I walk out of the room my phone rings its Zan

“Hey” I answer

“She hasn’t called me yet” is his answer, he’s stressed all the way out

“The doctor gave her something really strong for the pain. She’s out.” I say getting to the point, when Zan is in a bad mood he doesn’t like long pointless answers.

“I should be there, she’s alone. The whole family is way over here. I should have gotten into my car and got to her last night” he says more to himself than me.

“Look, trust me. I wouldn’t tell you to stay home if something is seriously wrong. I wouldn’t do that to you but this is your sister. I got you and I got her. She just needs to sleep and rest for today and tomorrow we’ll drive home. I’ll get her to you safely. Trust me” I say trying to get him to see reason.

“I know you got me, I just hate that she’s alone” he says after a moment of silence.

“She’s not alone” I say meaning every word.