Chapter 15- Real Talk

Ryan is sitting across from me in my living room. If you had told me this would happen a week ago I would have probably punched you in the face. The pain of her kicking me out still lingers, two minutes before she said those words I was deep inside her wet, tight pussy. My cock hardens at the thought.

She moves uncomfortably in her seat, I realize I’m staring at her. I look away, I don’t want to feel like she’s not welcome or safe here.

“How do you feel” I say breaking the silence.

“I feel so much better, the pain killers are really helping me with the body pains.” she says smiling slightly.

“You look better” I say looking at her thinking of last night. My heart skips at the memory of the look on her face when she saw me. The pain that was all over her face and the fact that she was relieved to see me showed how scared she was.

“I had a rough night, again thank you for being there for me. I really do appreciate you for that” she says looking sad again I hate when she feels sad, I want to keep her happy. I’ll even settle for indifferent. At least I know she’s  feeling strong. Her feeling sad and helpless brings me no joy.

“Always” I say instead of all the things I want to say. I know she would never accept those words.

“You have an incredibly beautiful home” she says changing the subject.

“Thank you” I say looking around, I wish it felt like home. Right now it feels like a place I’m passing through.

“What’s that look?” she says looking at me intently.

“It’s nothing” I say knowing she doesn’t want to hear my deepest darkest feelings of not belonging. We need not talk about all of that, there’s nothing for us beyond this point why should I talk about that.?

“ Come on, talk to me. You seem like you have a lot on your mind. I might not be of any help but I can listen. You’ve been so kind to me, let me do the same” she says smiling, she looks so open and inviting. I look at her silent, I sort through my thoughts. It’s not like we can sit here silent.

“I was just thinking about what makes a house a home. I live here but it doesn’t feel like home. There hasn’t been a place where I feel at home in a long time.” I say allowing for a moment of honesty.

“Where’s the last  place you felt at home?”, she asks after a moment. I think about her question for a long time. She patiently waits for me to think about it. She’s silent not saying a word. I sit there thinking back to all the places I’ve called home and try to find that feeling of belonging.

“The house I grew up in” I say finally. I allow the memories of being there filter into my mind and I smile.

“What made it home? She asks like a therapist would.

“My family I guess. I’m the eldest of three. I have two little sisters. We had to share a bedroom while my parents had their own room. It was small but it was home” I say missing my family for the first time in a long time. Don’t get me wrong I do miss them and want to see them like normal people. But I can go a long time without seeing them, I’ve been by myself for so long that I have become accustomed to taking care of myself. It’s time to be with my family, maybe I’ll find a sense of balance. I look at the woman in front of me and I know that I want her to be part of that deal but…

“So you miss being with family?” she asks looking at me and moves in her seat getting comfortable. She looks more relaxed now. She’s been on guard I went to get her in my room earlier. She’s looking straight at me now but for the past 5 minutes she wouldn’t make eye contact. I want to know what’s in that head of hers.

“Yes” I say simply.

“I miss my family too” she says looking thoughtful.

“What’s your excuse for not going home much? “ I asks her curious, Zan always complains that she doesn’t go home enough but never calls her out on it. “They have a testy relationship” he always says.

“I want to say it’s because of work but the truth is I feel like we don’t connect” she says honest.

“What do you mean? “ I ask

“From a young age I felt like I didn’t belong. I’m the youngest of five and I had no one to talk to. Rose and Zan had they’re thing with their friends and  Rea and Rena are twins so I’m left on my own. I had to learn how to take care of myself. And now that we’re older I find it hard to connect with them. And the age gap adds its own element” she says smiling a conscious smile.

“So it’s easier to just be alone.” I say not really knowing what to say. She nods in agreement. “ That sounds lonely.” I add.

“ I like to look at it as being well adjusted. I don’t need anyone to feel complete.” She says her smile growing bigger.

“ It seems we have more in common than we realize.” I say smiling too.

“ Oh no. I don’t think we have anything in common. You were popular when we were young. Well when I was young and you guys were living your best lives. “ she says getting a little loud.

“ Living our best lives you say” I say laughing. “ I don’t remember any of that”.

“No? Oh I remember. I was sixteen and you and Zan had to drop me off at school. Rose’s  friends came over and they would fall all over themselves trying to get your attention. Don’t play dumb. She says laughing too.

“I don’t remember all of that” I say pretending to no remember what she’s talking about. But I do. Siena Rose’s best friend was very vocal about her feelings for me. I never liked her like that. And I’m not going to let Ryan know that Siena reached out to me a couple of times over the years. She’s  still not my type. Ryan on the other hand, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the moment I saw her a few weeks ago. In that moment I forgot that she was Zan’s kid sister. I never imagined I would feel any type of way about her but man when I look at her all I can think about is…

“You don’t remember really? I don’t believe you. Rose says she still asks about you.” She says a look in her eyes. I look at her and she keeps looking at me that way.

“What?” I ask her. She smiles and shakes her head no. “ Out with it” I say, I don’t want her to shut me out again. I’m enjoying talking to her.

“I’m just curious why you never got with her or any of my sister’s friends. You were hot commodity then. Or did things happen behind closed doors? Did you get some at those house parties you and Zan used to when my parents were not home?” she says leaning forward in her seat. “ You can tell me I can keep your secret” she says smiling, in that moment she looks so young and so happy.

“Well” I start to say but James walks through the door and announces that dinner is ready. I look at my watch surprised that time went by that fast.

“Let’s eat” I say getting up from where we’re sitting and head to the green house. She seemed to like eating out here so why break tradition.

“So” she says after we’re seated at the table, James served roasted lamb and a side of vegetables. Ryan seems to be enjoying the meal. She ditched the utensils and is pulling the tender meat off the none with her hands. I love this comfortable side to her, it brings me joy that she can relax with me.

“So? “ I say in question.

“Don’t do that answer my question” she says as she stops eating and looks at me.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me” I say knowing she won’t want to open up to me so I won’t have to talk about Siena.

“Okay. What’s your question? “ she says looking determined.

“Tell me about the sex dreams you had about me” I say sure she’ll retreat, which I’m alright with as long I don’t have to divulge my early manhood escapades.

“You sir have a deal” she says and I don’t believe it. And it’ must show in my face because she’s smiling a smile of victory.

“You really do want to know. “ I really do.

“I really do” she says her smile wider.

“Damn! Okay so Siena and I did had a little thing. We kissed a couple of times but it never went anywhere. I was young and different then” I say letting it all out. I sigh when I finish.

“Now you” I say

“Wait, what do you mean “a little thing”. We’re you like dating?” she says looking surprised and concerned .

“No, not date. I was pursuing her and then I stopped” I say seeing her brain work over time. That’s never a good thing. That means this peace we have now is slowly fading.

“What do you mean you just stopped” she says the Siena conversation continuing, even though I want it to end.

“ Wait we agreed I would tell and you would do the same” I say desperate to change the subject.

“I know what we agreed on. I’m just curious. What do you mean? “ she asks finishing her lamb. She doesn’t touch the vegetables.

“Are you done? I ask pointing to her plate. I’m done eating too.

“Yes, thank you” she says standing up and she grabs our plates.

“Where are you going?” I ask confused, I grab what’s left on the table and follow her.

“I need to clean up.”  She says on her was out the green house. I can feel her mood change, I can tell talking about Siena has changed the mood. Or should I say my reluctance to talk about her. We walk back into the house and the maid meets us and takes the plates. Ryan follows her and walks to the kitchen. I give her space and stay in the living room. I can feel her disconnect from me and my need to get back will overwhelm her.

I pour myself a drink and sit on the sofa and steady my heart. She comes into the living room a glass of water in hand. She sits on the same sofa I’m sitting on just on the far end of the seat. She looks at me for a long while. I keep quiet looking right back at her. Her long hair is loose, her face is bare of make up. She’s wearing matching white sweats, I’m sure the baggy pants are supposed to conceal her ass but her curves can’t be hidden her tiny waistline makes me want to take her from behind over and over again.

“You say you want to know about the dreams” she states.

“Yes” I say looking from her eyes to her lips and back again. She sighs deeply and looks away from me.

“They’re basic. You start by commanding me to take off all my clothes and told me to sit on a chair with my legs wide open. You then took off all you clothes. You then made me promise not to touch myself without your permission. You took your time making yourself a drink, you then gave me a drink from your mouth. The crazy thing is although this was a dream I felt everything like it was real. You then sat down on a chair opposite me and just looked at me. For what felt like forever you just looked at me, without even touching me my pussy was wet. Before long I couldn’t take it anymore, my body demanded release. And when my hand snaked down my body to my pussy you would remind me of my promise and I would stop touching myself. But a minute later I would want to touch myself again. Eventually you started touching yourself, slowly you started to jerk off. And I loved watching you. And then I woke up. Good night” she says and stands up before I could say anything. She leaves me sitting there my mouth open in shock. My cock is fully hard and she’s gone.