Kabanata 5

Ring

"Well, for starters, the bastard that you were referring to is still your cousin."

Caleb raised an eyebrow at what I said.

Napailing na lang ako sa reaction niya then I proceeded on telling him about what happened at kung bakit nga ba umabot sa ganito.

Though I feel like he's not satisfied with my reason, pero tinanggap niya pa rin iyon.

"Just be careful, okay?" He runs a hand through his hair as he processed the information. "You've been through a lot. I just don't want to see you like that again."

Tumango ako dito and I know what he means. I really appreciate his concern. Naiintindihan ko rin kung saan siya nanggagaling.

Aril, Caleb, and Dean were inseparable before. Kaya hindi nakakapagtaka kung may tampo man ang dalawa nang umalis na lang si Aril bigla.

Ani nila, even their Tito, Aril's Dad, didn't tell them anything about his departure but they suspect that their parents know the reason behind it. Hindi nga lang sinasabi sa kanila.

When Aril left, alam kong hindi lang ako ang nakaramdam na naiwan sa ere. Caleb and Dean too, pero hangga't kaya nila ay hindi nila ito pinapahalata sa akin.

For the first two years, gaya ko, umaasa pa sila na babalik din ito.

But when another year had passed and still no news about him, nawalan na kami ng pag-asa.

If he's really so determined to not be found, bakit pa kami magsasayang ng oras na hanapin at hintayin siya?

Because of that, we grew closer to each other as we find solace in our shared pain.

Adrian, Caleb, and Dean took care of me while I try to nurse my broken heart and I am forever indebted to them. Dahil kahit hindi naman nila kailangan ay ginawa pa rin nila.

"And when he wants to get back with you, p'wede bang pahirapan mo naman? Don't make it easy for him. You know... let him crawl," tumawa ako sa sinabi nito, as if naman na mangyayari 'yon.

We will get married, yes, pero hindi naman ibig sabihin noon ay magkakabalikan kami.

It is an arranged marriage after all.

"I mean it, K," dagdag niya.

Pabiro ko siyang inirapan kaya natawa na rin siya.

Pagkaraan ng ilang minuto at matapos mabaling tungkol sa Greenfields project ang usapan namin ay nagpaalam na ito.

"We will hit a bar later pala, sa Lianne's lang. Dean couldn't shut his mouth about his new secretary, he's really annoyed so he wants to drink," umiling iling ito habang nakangiti bago nagpatuloy. "You free tonight?"

Humilig ako sa sofa and nag-isip sandali.

It sounded like a good way to unwind and catch up with them, especially ngayon na alam na nila ang tungkol kay Aril.

"Yeah, I think I could use a drink tonight," I replied with a faint smile. "I'll be there."

Caleb grinned in response. "Great! I will message you the details later."

As he left, I couldn't help but reflect on the whole situation.

I thought about Aril and how we were going to interact with each other from now on.

I can be civil with him, gaya sa mansyon at sa restaurant, kung hindi lang niya papaganahin ang tabil ng dila niya just like the first time that we saw each other again.

Honestly, even though I already agreed to the marriage, I always find myself trying to avoid it.

I bit my lower lip as I realized that I was always the first one to leave whenever we met. Siguri ay hindi ko talaga makayanan na makasama siya na parang wala lang.

He left me with a lot of questions before so, I really find it hard to act and think normal around him. But I will slowly try for my family.

Later that evening, I got a text from Caleb confirming our plans for the night.

Umuwi lang muna ako sa condo to freshen up at para na rin makapag-ayos. Bago ako umalis sa firm kanina, Adrian said that he and Rico, his long term boyfriend, would also be joining us.

Isang simpleng black, tight-fitting dress lang ang sinuot ko. I didn't bother to put on heavy make up aside from a red lipstick that helps to color my pale complexion.

I looked myself in the mirror at nang makuntento ay umalis na.

Hindi naman gaano katagal ang biyahe dahil alas dies na rin ng gabi kaya wala ng traffic.

As I arrived at the bar, the familiar sights and sounds of the bar greeted me.

May iilan ilan din akong kakilala roon na nakita kung kaya't nakipag kumustahan muna ako sandali.

The dimly lit atmosphere brought back a lot of memories. Mga panahon na alcohol lamang ang nilalapitan ko para makalimot. Malapit lang kasi ito sa university namin noon. And ever since I graduated, hindi na ako ulit napadpad dito.

Ironically enough, the place comforted me.

It was like a reminder that some things hadn't changed even our lives had already taken unexpected turns.

Nakaupo na sila sa isang table sa itaas na palapag nang maabutan ko, they were engaged in a lively conversation.

Dean was in the middle of telling a story about his frustrating experiences with his new secretary nang makalapit ako sa kanila.

They all greeted me with hugs.

"I swear, man... she's so fucking annoying. Hindi ko alam saang lugar ni Dad napulot 'yon," Dean tried to loosen his tie as he slump back to his chair.

Unlike us na casual ang outfit para gabing 'to, he's still in his business attire.

Napaangat ako ng kilay sa narinig.

"She? So it's a girl?" tanong ko habang sumisimsim sa isang cocktail drink na naka-served sa lamesa.

Bumaling siya sa akin at umiling.

"Sometimes I wonder how you got good grades before," he was now smiling to his ears when he said that, he tilts his head in an angle na para talagang napapaisip siya.

"You're so dense and naive at times that I forget that you're genius. I guess we really can't have it all," dagdag niya pa.

Binato ko siya ng nadampot ko na lemon sa inis ko dahilan kung bakit siya humagalpak sa tawa.

"But to answer your question, sweetheart, yes. She's a girl," panunuya niyang sambit habang natatawa kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

Caleb beside me chuckled while si Adrian naman ay todo sang-ayon sa sinabi ni Dean sa pagiging 'lutang' ko. Si Rico sa tabi niya ay nakangiti lang habang nakikinig sa amin.

Sometimes, I really love them, pero may mga oras din na gusto ko na lang silang sapakin.

It's like having brothers, you know? 'Yong kuhang kuha lahat ng inis sa katawan mo yet, you love them unconditionally because they are your family.

Nang hindi pa rin matigil si Dean kakareklamo tungkol sa secretary niya ay inasar na namin ito.

Napuno ng tawanan ang lamesa nang mapikon siya as Caleb was teasing him that in just few weeks, 'di na rin makakatiis si Dean na pormahan ito.

"Shut up, I'll never touch that she-devil!" sigaw nito at sinabuyan kami ng asin.

As the night wore on, we talked about everything from work to our personal life—maliban lang ang tungkol sa amin ni Aril.

Adrian and Caleb already knew everything pati ang kasal. I don't know about Dean though.

The last time we talked, doon niya lang nalaman na nakabalik na ang pinsan niya.

I bit my lip as I wonder kung bakit hindi nila binabanggit. Maybe they thought I would be affected, huh?

Chineck ko ang wrist watch ko pagkaraan.

It's already quarter to midnight kaya pala sobrang dami ng tao sa loob.

Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang table namin.

I've already had four drinks pero okay pa naman ang lagay ko, I can still manage.

Napailing ako when I saw Dean, in his drunk ass, eye-fucking someone on the other table, habang sina Adrian at Rico ay nagmi-make out na sa gilid.

Caleb, on the other hand, is glued to his phone. Kanina pa niya iyon tinitingnan like he's waiting something from it.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanya na bababa muna ako sa dance floor, ngunit tuliro lang itong tumango.

Gusto ko sanang tanungin kung anong nangyayari and why he's acting weird all of a sudden, kanina lang kasi ay panay tawa ito, pero hinayaan ko na.

Maybe it had something to do with his work na naikwento niya kanina, seeing how he's so eager holding his phone.

Nang makababa, agad akong lumapit sa counter at um-order ng margarita.

When the bartender handed me my drink, agad kong ininom 'yon. The familiar warmth slowly burned my throat. I ordered another one nang hindi pa sapat iyon.

As the alcohol began to loosen my frustrations from the past few weeks, nagtungo na 'ko sa dance floor.

Tuluyan kong hinayaan na mawala panandalian ang sarili ko sa tugtog.

In the past, I used to dance here. It's usually when I'm wasted, because of Aril. Now, as nostalgia washed over me, pakiramdam ko ay bumalik na naman ako dito dahil ulit sa kanya.

The heat of the alcohol in my system and the grinding bodies around me made me feel hot—making me feel alive.

Dancing really gave me an exhilarating sense of freedom as the thump of every beat coursed through my veins.

With every move that I made, a layer of worry and tension that had been weighing me down started to shed.

It was as if I had stepped into a world where only the music, blinding lights, and rhythm mattered.

As I swayed to the music, may iilan na lumalapit sa akin.

They would dance with me and engage in small talk.

I'm not really innocent to these kind of things dahil nga before, I used to do this. So, I'm very casual with them.

I like the attention that they were giving me pero hanggang doon lang iyon.

It's just a harmless fun and my own way to escape my frustrations in life for a moment. But I haven't done anything beyond flirting on the dance floor.

Kahit na minsan ay lasing ako habang sumasayaw ay aware pa rin ako sa mga ginagawa ko.

And thankfully, everyone who tried to approach me, even before, knows the meaning of consent. Kaya kapag humindi na 'ko sa gusto o offer nila, they will graciously walk away with no hard feelings at all.

May iilan pa nga sa kanila na nagiging kaibigan ko afterwards.

Nang magbago ang tugtog into something slow and sensual, another hand gently rested on my waist. It was warm and firm with just the right amount of pressure.

I continued to sway my body with my eyes closed, not paying much attention to the person behind me.

A shiver went down on my spine nang dahan dahan nitong hinaplos ang baywang ko. I could feel the heat of his palm through the thin fabric of my dress. The rough texture of his fingers sent tingles that I have never felt before.

There was something different about his touch though. It is oddly familiar and mysterious at the same time.

We moved in rhythm, our bodies weirdly synchronized to the music. With every sway, his grip tightened slightly pulling me closer to him.

His scent slowly enveloped me—a blend of musk and some woody notes. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa alak o ano, but I can feel myself being intoxicated by it.

Nakapikit pa rin ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko ang malamig na bagay sa daliri ko.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw a diamond ring sparkled on my ring finger. Agad akong nagtaka nang makita ito.

My mind is still in dazed from dancing nang biglang magsalita ang nasa likuran ko.

Awtomatiko akong napahinto at nanlamig nang marinig ang boses ni Aril.

"You were dancing earlier like no one owns you," he whispered on my neck. "So, let me change... that."