Chapter 2: Insincere Apology

CLAIRE'S POV

Naglalakad na ako ngayon papuntang school. Binabagalan ko lang dahil baka kasi makarating kaagad ako roon, saka maaga pa naman. Pinaghahandaan ko pa kasi ang sakaling sumalubong sa'kin ngayon.

Dalawang araw na ang nakalilipas simula nang maganap ang pangyayaring 'yon. Something terrible and pathetic happened to me because of that, because of encountering him. Should I have just not wished to cross-path with him?

Noong araw kasing nakaharap ko si Drish Croughwell, inaamin kong natuwa ako dahil sa tagal ng panahon ay nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong makaharap at makausap siya ng ganoon. Ngunit sa kabila nito hinihiling ko na lang na hindi na sana pa nangyari 'yon.

Kinabukasan kasi, kaagad akong sinalubong ng mga estudyante. I received a goodbye treatment as soon as I entered the school. But the surprising thing is that Chelsyn did not take part in it. She's just watching me from afar.

While the crowd started throwing crumpled paper and a bunch of eggs at me. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang sanggain na lang ang mga 'yon kahit naiiyak na ako sa sitwasyon ko. Not only that, but they even poured a bucket of baking powder on me accompanied by insults that pierced my heart.

Napapatanong na lang rin ako sa sarili ko, ano bang nagawa kong mali? They're treating me like garbage. Paano nila nagagawa 'yon sa'kin, hindi man lang ba sila nakokonsensya? I'm getting tired of their pathetic schemes.

But I let them mistreat me, I showed them that I'm weak that's why they keep bullying me. They make it sound like bullying is not a big deal inside the university. They're only targeting the weak, those inferior to them. It's funny how they see me as some kind of toy they could play with anytime. But I don't blame them, this is my choice after all.

Hindi na sana ako papasok ngayon dahil sa ayoko naman nang maulit pa 'yon. Pero ayoko rin namang malaman ni Mama ang tungkol doon. Siguradong magtatanong pa siya kapag hindi ako pumasok.

I will just put up with what might happen today since it's my last day. I will now say goodbye because it's already our graduation tomorrow. In just a snap, I will now graduate from high school and leave this university. That's what I'm waiting for.

Makakahinga na ako ng maluwag dahil hindi ko na sila makikita at matatapos na rin ang pagtitiis at paghihirap na nararanasan ko dahil sa kanila. I endured everything for the sake of my mother, I don't want to involve her in this trouble.

I stopped walking and noticed that I had entered the school. But why does it seem so quiet around here? Am I late? Tiningnan ko pa ang relo ko at maaga pa naman. Nakapagtataka lang dahil walang estudyante ang sumasalubong sa'kin ngayong umaga. I'm the only person outside the building.

Maybe they agreed about not going to school since there's nothing else to do? But that's unfair, I wasn't even told. Shouldn't I be the one who has to do that?

Shall I go in or just go home? Maybe because the class is suspended? I just sighed, let's just see if there is someone inside the classroom. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad at wala pang limang hakbang, napahinto ulit ako at nagulat na lang mula sa bumungad sa harapan ko. A banner was suddenly dropped off from the third floor, of the fourth-year building. Hindi ako makapaniwala nang makita ko ang nakasulat doon.

"Claire Meyn Gomez, please forgive us..." nagtataka kong binasa kung ano ang nakasulat doon sa banner. They even wrote my full name. And what? 'Please forgive us' they say, seriously? Did they really make an effort to create a banner? What kind of show is this? How did I even last in this school with crazy and tiresome students? I can't believe this!

Ilang sandali pa, unti-unting nagsilabasan ang mga estudyante at ngayon ay nasa harapan ko na sila. Nangunguna sa kanila sina Chelsyn, Emil at Gerly. Nakapagtataka talaga dahil ang hitsura nila ngayon ay parang mga maaamong kuting. It's honestly terrifying. Kinakabahan ako sa kung ano man ang gagawin nila ngayon na wala man lang akong kaalam-alam. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba itong palabas nila ngayon.

Napaatras ako nang biglang humakbang palapit sina Chelsyn. "C-Claire," she stuttered my name. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayon ay nahihirapan yata siyang banggitin ang pangalan ko. From the tone of her voice, it seems that she was regretting something.

Is this the most exciting part where they will kneel in front of me and apologize for everything that they did? Imposible, ano naman ang dahilan nila para gawin 'yon?

Napaatras ulit ako nang humakbang na naman sila papalapit. Ano bang ginagawa nila? Can't they see that I'm nervous right now? I have to stay on guard 'cause they might attack me anytime, I'm just being careful. Hindi pa ba sapat lahat nang ginawa nila sa'kin?

Napaatras na naman ako nang muli silang lumapit pero laking gulat ko pa nang bigla silang lumuhod sa harapan ko. What is this?! Did they read my mind? But seriously, how can they suddenly kneel in front of me? Asking for forgiveness is not that easy!

Nilibot ko pa ang aking paningin sa mga estudyanteng narito ngayon at halos lahat sila ay parang sangayon pa sa ginawa nina Chelsyn. Wait, is this for real or just my wide imagination?

I reverted my gaze to the three women now kneeling in front of me. Sinenyasan ko silang tumayo pero hindi nila ako pinansin. And it shocked me, even more, when I saw them crying so I almost panicked. I didn't know what to do. Why are they like this? Pakitang-tao lang ba ang lahat ng ito? Seriously, they're good at acting.

"T-Teka, Ano bang nangyayari sa inyo? Tumayo nga kayo riyan," utos ko. Lumapit ako kay Chelsyn at inalalayan siyang tumayo.

Nang makatayo siya ay bigla na lang niya akong niyakap ng mahigpit habang patuloy pa rin sa pag-iyak. What is really going on? Am I going to die that's why they are crying? I don't want to die yet 'cause I still have something to do. If this is just some kind of joke, it's not funny.

"S-Sorry, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me for everything I did to you," she said in tears while hugging me. Forgiveness? They indeed asked for my forgiveness out of a sudden, as if everything was just a joke. But I don't want to turn this into a serious matter even though it's really a big deal, I will let this slide because she showed me a small act of conscience.

That day, for the first time in my life, someone lent me their uniform when I was about to change mine. Hindi ko alam kung kanino 'yon galing until I saw Chelsyn wearing her PE uniform throughout the day. Doon ko napagtanto na mukhang sa kaniya galing ang uniporme na 'yon.

Ngunit kasabay noon ang pag-iwas niya sa'kin at ng mga kaibigan niya. Naiilang pa siya sa akin sa tuwing magtatama ang paningin naming dalawa na lubos ko talagang ipinagtaka. It was really suspicious since she's Chelsyn, the girl who loves making fun of me for no reason but she's acting weird.

"I-I'm so stupid for realizing it just now. I just realized that what I'm doing was inhumane. I-I'm such a bad person! Patawarin mo ako, Claire. I hate myself for being like this. I don't care who you truly are, but I promise not to bother you anymore. So please, forgive me," she cried.

Who I truly am? Ano namang ibig niyang sabihin? And why do I feel like her apology was not as sincere as I thought. Para bang sinasabi niyang hindi niya mapatatawad ang sarili niya kung hindi ko siya patatawarin. I feel like it was just for her own advantage, to stop being guilty. But being aware of that, I still want to forgive her. Maybe she has her reason, and I just want everything to get off of my chest.

"You're not sincere, but the apology is accepted." I pulled back from her and then faked a smile. She stayed silent.

"Now that I've forgiven you, answer my question..." I looked at her with a steady gaze.

"S-Sure, what is it?" she stammered.

"What's your reason? For messing up with me?" I asked which made her hushed and bowed her head. The same goes for her other two friends who looked at each other.

Apat na taon ako rito sa Keighley University at nang tumuntong ako ng third year, doon na nila ako napansin at sinimulang guluhin ang tahimik kong buhay. I'm not the only one who has experienced bullying here. There were others before me and they were all forced to leave the school.

I still remember my first class in my third year of high school. They pulled the chair I was supposed to sit on so my poor buttocks fell on the ground. And since then, they have been doing that to me every day, repeatedly. It's embarrassing because despite being an adult, they act like a child-minded person.

I put up with it for a long time because I didn't want my mother to get involved and on top of that, the students at this school are rich so they can easily cover up their misdeeds with money.

Kaya naman hinahayaan ko lang na gawin sa'kin ang mga bagay na 'yon kahit hindi ko alam kung ano ang kanilang dahilan. Apart from the fact that they were engrossed by my clothes and my big eyeglasses, and because they had nothing to do so they thought of bothering me. They just like to mess up with poor and weak people, reality frankly sucks.

"Sa totoo lang... I don't even know why, but maybe it's because I'm jealous of you," Chelsyn uttered an answer.

Did I hear it right? Someone like her who is almost perfect, except for her attitude is jealous of me? Should someone be envious of me?

"Naiinggit ako kasi mas matalino ka kaysa sa'kin. I'll also admit that you're kind even if you're lonely and no one wants to be friends with you," she added.

She doesn't need to say that I'm lonely here and have no friends. Tanggap ko na namang walang gustong makipagkaibigan sa'kin at sanay na rin akong nag-iisa. But being alone doesn't mean I'm lonely.

"And most of all, it's embarrassing to say but I admit that I can't accept that you're more beautiful than me." Napanganga naman ako sa sinabi niya. I was stunned by what she said. I feel like my jaw is going to fall off. What kind of reason was that? Does she hear what she is saying? Why did she have to get insecure? She's already good as it is and that's enough to feel grateful.

"I'm sorry because I called you 'ugly'. But believe me, totoo ang mga sinabi ko ngayon," she continued.

I have never believed that I'm ugly. I am who I am and being ugly doesn't give anyone the right to treat someone like an inferior person. We're all human, after all.