EPILOGUE
I lighted the cigarette and puffed out a good amount of smoke. Maanghang sa lalamuman pero kinakalma nito ang bawat himaymay ng kalamnan ko.
Ever since Niu’s wedding, I have this feeling of restlessness inside me. Hindi ako mapakali at hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang dahilan
Chapter OneTahamik kong pinagmasdan mula sa bintana ng saksakyan ang matalahib na gilid ng dinaraanan naming daan. Simula kanina ay bilang lang ang mga sasakyan na nakasalubong namin at tila wala yatang katapusan ang daan sa unahan, hindi nakikita kung saan ito patutungo. Ang ganitong klaseng lugar ang gusto ko, malayo sa maalikabok na hangin ng Maynila. Tahimik at talagang nakakagaan ng pakiramdam. Ramdam ko ang malamig na simoy ng hangin na tumama sa aking balat kahit pa tanghali na at tirik na tirik ang araw. Siguro ay dahil ito sa dami ng mga puno na nakapalibot sa lugar. A typical scene in an isolated place. Ito ang kailangan ko ngayon, malayo sa nakaka-stress kong pamilya at malayo sa mga mapanuri at mapanghusgang mata ng mga tao.“We’ll stop at some local store to buy food,” sabi ni Sebastian.Tumango ako sa sinabi niya nang hindi siya tinitingnan. Tahimik lang akong nakatanaw
Chapter TwoI heaved out a heavy breath as I stared at the woman who was hopelessly staring back at me in the mirror. The heavy makeup designed for this occasion and the crystal beads that adorned my hair was not enough to hide the sparkle of sadness in my eyes. Kung buhay pa ang kapatid ko ay sana hindi ako ang nasa sitwasyon na ito. It should be her who’s sitting now in this hotel room. She should be the one who’s dressed up for this occasion and not me. But what can I do?Another sigh escaped my lips, I signed for this one and I should be responsible for this. I forced out a smile kahit na sumasakit ang ulo ko sa kakaisip. My practiced smile, whenever I’m in front of the crowd, is plastered in the mirror. The smile everyone thought was genuine, but it was the opposite. I can do this.Nabaling ang tingin ko sa pinto nang may kumatok doon at pumasok ang isa sa mga pinsan ko, si Evany. Alanganin siyang ngumiti sa akin.
Chapter ThreeNakatulala ako na nakatingin sa kawalan habang inikot-ikot ang hawak na ballpen. Kanina pa ako wala sa sarili dahil paulit-ulit na nagre-replay sa utak ko ang mga nangyari kanina sa bahay habang naghahanda ako ng almusal. As usual, ay nasa isang out-of-town business na naman ang asawa ko at sa isang linggo pa ito uuwi.Being the wife of the CEO of one of the wealthiest companies, I expected to experience all of it. Wala namang problema sa akin kung palaging busy ang asawa ko dahil sa negosyo, naiintindihan ko ‘yun, and I had my own business kaya hindi ako masyadong nababagot. I was always left in the house alone with the maids and I was fine with it until yesterday. Sebastian suddenly appeared at our doorstep yesterday night, grinning like a Chesire cat, and said he’ll be staying here for how long we know and Niu can’t do anything about it.They were
Chapter FourFlashback“Which do you prefer?” I asked Niu. He was usually the one who picks his ties but today I made an effort to appear just a little interested in him, kahit na naiinis ako sa kanya kagabi. Our relationship was a bit complicated, being his wife has negative and positive sides. As the CEO and successor of the empire, he was expected to sire an heir, he asked for it, his parents too but, I really can’t put myself into that situation. And ever since I refused him, he changed.Tiningnan niya ang mga hawak kong necktie at tinaasan ako ng kilay. Maybe he’s confused why I’m here attending him with his needs like a devoted wife, I cringe at that thought. “The blue one,” he answered. He continued with his work at hinayaan ko na. He’s going out of town again for a project presentation in Hongkong, he said he’ll be gone for a week.
Chapter Five Tinitigan ko ang kamay ni Sebastian na nakahawak sa maliit na baywang ni Stanford, and for the first time I felt a slight pain at something that was not even hurtful for me. This was so new to me and I hated the feeling, alam ko kasi kung ano ito, I feel jealous of her. Hindi naman kasi ako dapat magkaganito sa kapatid ni Niu, because he was basically considered my brother, too. Iniwas ko ang tingin doon at binaling sa mukha ni Stanford, ngayon ko lang yata naramdaman ng pagkainis sa babaeng ito. She’s one of our best clients because she was obsessed with fine jewelry. I like her because we have the same intersest, and that is the love for jewelry. Pero ngayon ay gusto kong bawiin na gusto ko siya, I hated her now that Seb's arms were around her. Ningitian ko siya at binati pero hindi ko pinansin si Sebastian, I don’t want to look at his face and be distracted again. Kung puwede ko lang siyang irapan ay kanina
Chapter SixHindi ko na alam ilang beses ba ako bumuntong hininga simula kanina. Nagiging habit ko na yata ito simula nang dito tumira si Sebastian. I asked Niu about it but he would just shrug at sasabihin niyang hindi niya alam. Nakakainis kasi hindi ko na alam ang gagawin dito sa bahay. Every time that he’s around I get so conscious and it’s stressing me out. I noticed his every move and I get conscious with myself and with how I look and smell whenever he’s around.“Claire, mom’s here,” sigaw ni Niu.I developed this habit of locking myself in the bathroom whenever I want to think about things. It’s like it became my own personal space ever since I married Niu. Dito sa banyo ay p’wede akong maging totoo sa sarili ko, I don’t have to pretend that I’m happy in front of everybody. Dito sa banyo, I can talk to myself in the mirror, poured out my he
Tumikhim ako at umayos ng upo at itinuloy ko ang pag-scan ng ibang catalogue, but I got conscious with how his hand caressed my waist, he’s making tiny circles in the fabric of my dress, and I can’t help but compare how it felt when Sebastion touched me, I didn’t feel the same kind of electrical surge when Sebastian caressed my lips. Nakakakiliti ang bawat haplos niya at malaki ang epekto nu’n sa katawan ko.Just remembering those times when his body accidentally touched mine, I felt my body burn with need. Hindi ko maintindihan pero alam ng utak ko kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko kay Seb. I am completely attracted to him. My body sent me signals but my mind refused to accept that fact. The norms in our society condemned this kind of situation. It’s taboo.“Hey, are you okay?” tanong ni Niu. He leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear. I didn’t feel anything when his lips
Sebastian’sThey say a real man chooses to honor, love, and be faithful to one woman. I say feelings are just fleeting emotions subject to changes in circumstances you less expected.I smirked as I stared at the red liquid floating in my glass, it reminds me of someone who loves red lipstick so much. Red, the color of love, passion, and strong emotion. It can also signify anger and rage. Humans tend to see a different perspective in every aspect of our lives. What we see as positive might be something negative for others.Mabilis na inubos ko ang alak na natira sa baso. This thing is stressing me out lately, I’m not much of a drinker but because of this, I think I needed the aid of alcohol to calm my nerves every fucking time. Nagsalin ulit ako ng alak sa baso.Tiningnan ko ang monitor ng laptop ko. Her strawberry blonde hair suited her creamy-white skin. I can’t help but noti