Chapter 2

I thought my misery would end that day, ang akala ko kapag nakita ko na siya ulit ay mawawala na itong pangungulilang nararamdaman ko. Hindi pala, mas lalo lang lumala. Sinakop na ang buong sistema ko, walang natira sa akin kahit pagkontrol na lang sa sariling utak.

My mind, heart and body are all his. I don't know what to do anymore. I should be angry at him, I should be hating him, I should be loathing him but I did the opposite.

Sa aming dalawa, ako ang may mas karapatang magalit dahil ako ang pinakanaghirap sa loob ng relasyong namagitan sa aming dalawa.

He should be thankful that despite of all the pain that he have cause me, nandito pa rin ako, minamahal siya kahit durog na durog na.

"I have an appointment later, wait here." He uttered without glancing at me.

It's my third day being his secretary. I don't know that Mayor's have their secretary too but I think they have if they needed one. Sa dami ng kailangan nilang gawin ay talagang kakailanganin nila iyon.

I saw how he worked. Kung noon, kapangyarihan lang para kumontrol ng tao ang dahilan kung bakit nila tinatahak nila ang landas ng politiko, ngayon, nakikita ko na ang malaking pagbabago no'n.

He's my Pedro after all, he's my Aaren.

Kahit sabihin pa nilang demonyo siya, kahit ipamukha nila sa akin at paulit-ulit na sabihin kung gaano kasama ang ugali niya, hinding-hindi noon mababago ang nararamdaman ko dahil kilala ko ang totoong siya. Nakita ko kung paano siya unti-unting nagbago.

"Why are you still here?"

I snapped back to reality after hearing his voice. I shyly bowed my head before walking backwards to vanish from his sight.

"I'm sorry, Mayor." Is all I could utter.

I smile bitterly at myself as I leaned my back on his office door. Ang laki na talaga ang pinagbago niya, ang dami ng nagbago sa amin.

Why do we need to end up like this? Why do we need to be in this misery?

Masyado na kaming maraming hindi magandang pinagdaanan, dumagdag pa ito. May galit ata sa akin ang tadhana, sa amin.

But I'm not regretting everything, I am grateful that I had met him, that I had the chance to know his other sides, and to be with him even for a short time.

Sa unang araw ko dito ay mayroon pa akong kaunting pag-asa sa puso na maari pang bumalik sa dati ang lahat. But after spending my days here, its slowly losing, vanishing.

I was close to losing my balance when his door suddenly opened but a hand catch me and held my waist firmly. I gasped and sighed massively after. I thought I'll go home with a sore ass. 

Nagmamadali akong umayos ng tayo ng makita kung sino ang sumalo sa akin para hindi tuluyang bumagsak sa sahig. 

"Uh, I'm sorry, Mayor." That's what I uttered instead of saying thank you. Kung hindi naman kasi ako nagmuni-muni dito sa harap ng pintuan niya ay hindi ito mangyayari. 

"You're still clumsy as ever." He uttered with a tsked. 

My heart started pounding fast and loud. He still remembers a thing! Akala ko, sa sobrang galit niya ay pilit niya ng kinalimutan ang lahat ng bagay na tungkol sa akin. I think I'm still lucky huh. 

"Fix your skirt, why are you even wearing a skirt like that?!"

My brows furrowed at that. What's wrong with my skirt? Ano ba dapat ang sinusuot ng sekretarya? Hindi ba dapat ay ganito? 

I was wearing a pastel pink blouse and a dark pink skirt. It's appropriate for my work. I don't think anything is wrong with that. 

"What's wrong with my skirt? Is there something like uniform in here?" I asked confusely. 

"I asked first, Bethylia." He said with his authority.

My brow slightly raised as I stared at him. I can't understand him. This day he'll like a caring or even jealous man, the next day he'll act cold and ruthless. 

I sighed before talking. "What do you want me to wear then? I'll buy it later." 

"I am just asking you why that looks so short, no, it's really short! Do you even have a protective shorts under?" He frustratedly said. 

Pilit kong ibinaba ang paldang suot at tumayo ng ayos. I am not wearing shorts underneath because I am wearing a panty short. Do I need to say it boldly at him? 

"Skirts are usually this short, Aaren. What do you want me to do?" I asked him equally with his frustration. 

"Buy skirts longer than that then! Magpatahi tayo kung wala!" He told me with his contorted face. 

"Nagtitipid ako, ayos naman na 'to. Hindi naman ako nasisilipan kung hindi sadya."

"I already said what I want Bethylia." 

"What about mine?" I asked weakly. I can't help but give it a double meaning. Does everything needs to be on him? Siya palagi? Paano ako? 

He frustratedly stroke his hair backwards and glared at me. "Fine, do what you want. I don't care." 

I watch him leave me again, for the ninth time. Palagi na lang siya ang nang-iiwan, palaging siya ang tumatalikod. 

I smiled bitterly and checked my outfit. There's nothing wrong with it. He's just getting too protective. Wala naman na siyang karapatan, at hindi ko siya kailangang sundin dahil damit ko naman 'to. 

My heart wants to hope again but I immediately shrugged that off. Wala na akong aasahang iba kung hindi ang galit niya na hindi ko alam ang pinanggagalingan. 

I decided to visit some of my friends working downstairs. I don't know what their work is but I think it's for the money of this province. 

"Bethyl!" Helena exclaimed excitedly after seeing me. 

The past days I was always upstairs inside my office. I don't have time catching up with them because our Mayor have a very very moody attitude. Mas moody pa sa babae. 

"I saw Pedro leaving, wala ka bang gagawin ngayon?" She asked. "I have this friend kasi, he was asking me if I could asked you for a date with him." 

"It's Aaren, Helena. Why are you still calling him that?" I said not minding her last statement. 

"Mas sanay ako sa Pedro, noon pa lang naman ay 'yon na ang tawag sa kanya. Hindi ko nga alam na hindi niya pala iyon pangalan, e." Nagkakamot sa ulo niyang saad. 

I smiled and cross my arms on my chest. "Because you didn't asked." 

"Sus, ikaw rin naman iyon ang tawag sa kanya. Kahit kaibigan mo iyon rin." 

I pouted and shook my head. "I am not calling him Pedro, matagal na. But my friends yeah, hindi naman sila napipigilan." 

"Just like how you can't stop me." She told me with her arched brow. 

I playfully punch her arm and sat beside her. "Hindi ka ba busy? Bakit ang daldal mo?" 

"Hindi, madali lang naman ang trabaho ko dito." She started nudging my arm like she's making me realize something. "Ang ganda ganda mo na lalo. Nakakaganda ba talaga ang Manila?" 

I chuckled and shook my head. "In born na 'to, Helena. Hindi na dapat nakakagulat." 

"Akala ko nagbago ka na! Mayabang ka pa rin pala!" She hissed. 

I laughed and leaned my back on my sit. "What happened here for the past years?" I asked silently. 

She sighed like she's thinking deeply. "Bukod sa mas lalong gumwapo ang ex mo ay mas nabawasan rin ang kademonyohan niya." 

My forehead creased as I glared at her. "Your words, Helena." 

"What? We are in a democratic country. I can say whatever I want." 

I sighed and just pursed my lips. I can't do anything about that. Kung iyon ang iniisip nila, hindi ko mababago iyon. 

"Hindi ko pa rin nga maintindihan kung paanong nagkaroon kayo ng relasyon ni Pedro. Ginayuma ka ba?" 

I chuckled and shook my head. "Kapag ikaw nagmahal, tingnan ko lang kung masagot mo 'yang tanong na lumalabas sa bibig mo, Helena." 

"Pero ang laki ng pinagbago niya noon. Sayang at nagkahiwalay kayo." 

Sayang nga. But that's all in the past. We can't do anything to change that. Mananatiling ganoon na iyon kahit pag-usapan at panghinayangan pa. All we could do is make ourselves better to stop that from happening again. 

Hindi ko na napansin ang oras habang kausap si Helena. Napatayo lang ako sa kinauupuan ko ng makitang bumalik na si Aaren pero agad ding bumagsak ang balikat ng makita itong may kasamang babae. 

Well, what do I expect? Hindi siya makapag-move on sa akin? Ilang taon na ang lumipas. Siguradong kung wala man siyang mahal ngayong iba ay minahal na siyang iba matapos sa akin. 

It's saddening to think how he can love someone again while I am still here loving him. I can't even see myself loving someone but him again. 

"Balik na ako sa taas, dadalhan ko muna si Mayor at ang bisita niya ng maiinom." 

I can see how worried Helena is with me but I just smiled at her. Hindi naman na nakakagulat ang ganitong pangyayari. Inaasahan ko na ito. 

I knocked three times on his office door before entering. I saw them on the couch happily talking. Kung magalit siya kanina sa suot ko ay sobra-sobra, 'yung kasama niya nga ngayon ay kulang na lang maghubad na sa harapan niya. 

I waited for them to notice me because I don't want to interrupt them. Baka mapahiya pa ako at pagalitan dito. 

The girl first notice me. I saw how her eyes squinted after glancing at me like she's remembering something. 

I smiled at them and asked if they want some drinks. 

"What do you want, Lyra?" Aaren asked the woman. 

I wanted to frowned but I remained smiling. Sa ibang tao ay nagagawa niyang itanong iyon pero sa akin noon ay ni minsan hindi ko iyon narinig. 

I don't want to be bitter but I can't help myself. Siguradong kung kasama ko ngayon ang mga kaibigan ko ay kinakantahan na nila ako ng That should be me. Mga papansin pa naman ang mga iyon. 

They asked me to bring them juice so I politely obliged even if I want to scowl and throw them things I'll hold. 

Nakakainis, wala akong karapatan pero hindi ko naman mapipigil ang sarili kong magselos. Mahal ko siya, e. 

Panay ang ismid ko habang nagtitimpla ng juice nila at kumukuha ng cookies na nasa refrigerator niya dito. Sana mabulunan silang dalawa.

I sighed and readied my smile before entering the office. Maingat ko iyong inilapag sa maliit na lamesa sa harapan nila at mabilis ring lumayo doon. 

I stayed inside the office, watching them talking and laughing with each other. I don't know what's my purpose here but I am told to stay inside if there's a visitor, to list or take note of what they're talking about I guess. 

I remained our safe distance. I can't hear them but I can hear their laughter. Kung nakakamatay siguro ang masamang tingin ay kanina pa nakabulagta itong Pedro Pendukong 'to. 

Binabawi ko na! Siya na ulit si Pedro! Hindi na siya ang Aaren ko!

Nang tumayo na sila ay para akong nakahinga ng maluwag. Aba! Nangangalay din naman ako 'no. Halos isang oras na ako ditong nakatayo sa tagal nilang mag-usap. Ni hindi man lang nakaramdam. 

Pakiramdam ko namamaltos na ang paa ko sa tagal kong nakatayo, may takong pa naman ako at talagang nakakangalay iyon. 

I slightly bowed at them when they left the office. 

I can't help but sighed massively after they left my sight. Nanghihinang lumabas na ako sa opisina niya at nagpunta sa sariling opisina. 

I sat tiredly on my chair and massage my temple. Nananakit ang ulo ko sa sobrang inis at selos. Dapat pala lumabas na lang ako at iniwan sila doon, mukhang hindi naman importante ang pinag-usapan nila. Napagod lang ako! 

I took my sandals off and look at my feet. I can see blood there. Hindi na bago sa akin iyon dahil madalas ko iyong maranasan. I always wear heels even when I am still in Manila. 

Kumuha ako ng band-aid sa maliit na bag na dala at inilapat iyon sa may sugat na parte. See? I am ready because I know one of these day this will happen. 

"What are you doing down there?" A baritone voice asked. 

Natataranta akong umayos ng upo, I wince when I bump my head on my table. Tanga! Ang tanga tanga mo talaga, Bethylia. Palagi ka na lang napapahiya sa harap niya. 

"I was just fixing something, Mayor." I muttered calmly. I bit the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from wincing. 

Aawayin ko itong lamesa ko mamaya! Nakita ng aayos ako ng upo humarang pa! Akala niya siguro ay malambot siya! 

"What something?" He asked with his furrowed brows. 

I raised a brow and shook my head. "Maayos na Sir. Don't worry." 

"Nagtatanong ako, Bethylia." He firmly said. 

I close my eyes tightly and sighed. "May nalaglag lang ako, Mayor. Kinuha ko lang." 

"Where? I didn't saw you get something." 

I want to scowl at him but I stop myself. He asked too many questions. Kung tutuusin ay napakadali lang bitawan ng tanong na iyon at palampasin, minsan talaga ang sarap sapakin ng pagmumukha nito, e. Ngayon pa ako kinukulit na badtrip ako sa kanila ng babae niya. 

"What?" He asked coldly. 

"Nanakit ang paa ko, Mayor. Ayos na ba? Makakatulog ka na ng mahimbing?" I uttered sarcastically.

"Don't go sarcastic on me, Bethylia. I'm your boss." 

"I'm sorry, Mayor." I muttered half-heartedly. Bwisit siya ngayong araw, hindi, bwisit pala siya araw-araw. 

Napatayo ako ng lumapit siya sa kinauupuan ko at umikot pa para makita ang kabuuan ko. 

"What do you need, Mayor?" I asked nervously. 

"Sit down, Bethylia. I didn't ask you to stand." He glowered at me that made me obliged like a dog. 

I sighed as I look up at his frame. Ano bang kailangan niya? 

He suddenly sit on his knees and took my feet to check on it. I wanted to withdraw it but when I tried he just grip it tightly on its place. 

"You didn't even treat it." He tsked. 

"Hindi naman kailangan ng gamot niyan." 

"Sugat 'yan kaya kailangan." He snorted. 

I just sighed and let him massaged it. See? He's doing a push and pull on me. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ba ang kailangang maramdaman at isipin. 

"Hindi lahat ng sugat gumagaling sa gamot." I uttered unconsciously. 

Just like the wound in my heart, kahit uminom pa ako ng iba't-ibang klase ng gamot ay hindi iyon hihilom at gagaling. Ang tanging gagamot lang doon ay ang sarili ko at ang panahon. 

"You're so clumsy! Palagi na lang! Kung hindi sugat ay pananakit ng katawan naman!"

I rolled my eyes and push him away. "It's your fault! Ang tagal mong makipag-usap doon sa babae mo! Ngalay na ngalay na ang paa ko!"

"Who told you to stand there anyway?" 

"Ikaw! Hindi ba sinabi mong manatili ako doon kapag may bisita ka dahil may mga importate akong kailangang tandaan!" I can't help but scowled. 

"Why are you scowling at me?"

"Pati 'yan pala ay bawal ko ng gawin!" 

He pursed his lips as his face hardened. "Treat yourself, I'm pissed." He said before turning his back on me. 

"Ayos lang! Diyan ka naman magaling! Ang talikuran ako!" I shouted that made him stop on his feet. 

"You always made me do this so don't put all the blame on me." He uttered seriously before finally leaving my sight.