Chapter 4

Just thinking about what he said made me blush more. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang pag iinit ng pisngi ko. Damn you, Brent!

I'm mortified! Gosh! I glared at him when I heard him chuckling. "Hoy! Tumigil ka na nga!" Saway ko sa kanya.

"Will you stop making fun of me? Nakakainis ka!"

"Shit, you're cute, Yna."

"Huh?" I didn't expect him saying that. I took that cue to get my food and left him there.

Bwisit siya! Hindi ko siya pinansin kahit na naririnig ko siyang tinatawag ang pangalan ko.

I locked the door and caressed my chest. How could he make my heart beat every time?

Inubos ko 'yong luto niya, nilamutak ko na nga 'yon sa sobrang sarap. Kahit na masarap 'yon, I still hate him!  Nakakainis pa rin siya talaga!

Hindi pwede! I needed to be firm. I would not falter.

"Yna..." I heard him knocking the door. Ano na namang problema nito?

Binuksan ko naman iyon. "Oh?" bungad ko sa kanya. I arched my brow.

"Yael texted me. Bukas pa siya uuwi. Dito raw ako matulog para may bantay ka."

My forehead creased. What did he say?! Tama ba ang narinig ko?

"What?!"

"I'll stay here," aniya.

"Seryoso ka?" I asked.

He nodded in response.

"I'll stay here whether you like it or not.".

"Tangina!"

"Shhh. Why do you always curse?"

I rolled my eyes. "Wala kang pakialam!" He was standing there, looking at me and made me uncomfortable. "Umuwi ka na nga!" Napapadyak pa ako sa inis.

"No, hindi pwede."

"As if namang may mangyayari sa akin dito. I'm okay here, don't worry. Umuwi ka na lang Brent. I can manage alone."

"Hindi nga pwede. Why are you so hard headed, Yna?"

"Ayoko nga! Ayokong kasama ka! Ayokong nandyan ka!" I shouted. He was about to say something but I immediately shut the door.

Tangina niya!

Can't he see how I am trying to move on from him? Pero anong ginagawa niya? Hahayaan niya naman akong malunod at hindi na makaahon sa kanya.

I heaved a great sigh of relief after I finished the powerpoint. Buti naman natapos na rin.

Hindi nga ako mapakali kanina, iniisip ko kung umuwi na ba siya o nandoon pa rin siya. I should not care. Tama! I should not.

I have been staring at the ceiling for how many hours now. Hindi dapat ako magpakita ng concern sa kanya pero bakit hindi ako mapalagay.

I took a deep breath. Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang bumaba dahil mababaliw na ako kakaisip.

Binabaliw mo na naman ako, Brent!

My eyes immediately caught him at the sofa sitting while reading a book. Hindi pa rin talaga siya umuwi.

"Aren't you going home?" Umayos naman siya ng upo at binaba ang librong hawak niya nang tiningnan niya ako.

"No, why would I? I'll stay that's final."

"Bahala ka sa buhay mo!" He stood up. Pero hindi ko inaasahan ang sumunod niyang ginawa. Napaatras pa ako sa sobrang lapit niya. He leveled his face on mine. Naningkit pa ang mata nito. Shit! My cheeks flushed. Ayaw ko ng ganito. Ayaw ko ng sobrang lapit niya na naman. He looked at me as if he was examining every part of my face. I gulped.

"Bakit ba ayaw mo na sa akin huh Yna?" There's the tingling sensation occupying my being again as he stare at me with his deep brown eyes.

"T-tinatanong mo pa talaga 'yan Brent?" Itinagilid ko na ang ulo ko dahil sa ibang klase na namang pakiramdam na ito habang palapit ng palapit na ang mukha niya. He's too close. I can't damn breathe!

I can't tame the wild beats of my heart. I need to get out from him. Pero, bakit para akong magnet na mas lalong gusto ang mapalapit sa kanya?

My plan is to move on from him in the first place ---to completely get rid of him in my life but I guess it won't happen. The Brent I'm seeing him now is far from the the Brent I've known before. He who doesn't seem to care. He who didn't reciprocate my feelings.

But things have changed in an instant. Yung mga simpleng ganito na nakakabaliw na! And my plan is going to be ruined again. Oh no, I'm doomed!

My knees trembled. He took that cue to encircled his hands on my waist. "B-Brent?" I stammered. I can't.. I don't know what to do.

"Yna..." he said in a husky voice. Was he going to kiss me? An inch is just a hindrance before his lips land on mine. Why did I freeze? I should get away from him. Am I wanting this? Have I gone mad?

He flashed a mischievous grin. "I know you've been fantasizing me, Yna nandito ako ngayon. Why can't you accept me?"

"Uhmm.. C-Can you stay away from me first?"

"No," saad nito.

"B-Brent, Ano ba?" His eyes landed on my lips before looking at me intently.

"I want you now, Yna. I know I've been an asshole but let me just prove to you that I won't hurt you again. I would keep you like how you kept me before." He was staring intently at my eyes, piercing thorough my soul.

I snapped back to my senses again when flashes of memory haunted me again. When I was so eager to get his attention but he never cared. When I professed my feeling but he took me for granted.

Doon na ako napaatras. "Please, Brent... stop making it hard for me. Kasi, mas lalo mo akong sinasaktan, Brent. Kung pinapaasa mo lang, pwedeng tama na? Ayokong sumugal na. Hindi mo alam kung anong pakiramdam ng naghahabol. Nakakapagod na, Brent. Nakakapagod. Please, spare me." I needed to say this. He glued his eyes on mine and remained still. "And please, will you stop pestering me again? Kahit ano pang gawin mo, hindi mo na makukuha ang tiwala ko. I'm done with you," I added before rushing back upstairs. I knew my words were hurtful but can't he blame me?

Isinalampak ko ang sarili ko sa kama at tinakpan ang isang mata ko gamit ang braso ko. Was this the thing I wanted? To completely get away from him? Pero, bakit nasasaktan pa rin ako. Napakagulo ng utak ko kahit kailan. Why can't we oppose our hearts? Can't we just dictate whoever we want to?

Tumayo ako at kinuha ang cellphone ko. I immediately dialled Maggie's number.

"Hoy, gaga! Ngayon ka lang tumawag. Pakyu ka!" Bungad niya. Natawa naman ako. She never changed at all.

"Sorry. Busy lang. Alam mo naman kapag maganda." Narinig ko pa Ang kanyang mura kaya inilayo ko Ang telepono. Natawa pa nga ako sa kanya. Ibinalik ko ito muli sa akong tenga. "Seryoso na, I have a problem, please help me."

"What is it again?"

"Uhmm..." I was hesitant at first if I am going to tell this to her. Kasi paniguradong aasarin na naman ako no'n. "Ano kasi.."

"Ano? Yna naman! I still have loads of work to do, dali na! Kikitain ko pa jowa ko." I made a face. Sana all,hindi ba?

"Kasi nga si, Brent..."

"And what about, Brent again? Don't tell me may gusto ko pa rin sa kanya! Gaga ka talaga kahit kailan. 'Di ba pinaasa ka na niya no'n. Tandaan mo ginago ka niya, bakit gusto mo pa rin siya, Yna? Ang tanga mo!" I rolled my eyes. Ang haba ng litanya kaya pinag-iisipan ko tuloy kung sasabihin ko.

"Patapusin mo muna ako okay?"

"Kasi nga, ano ba 'yon?"

"Brent has been pursuing me since he came back."

"What?! Seryoso ka?" Halos tanggalin ko na 'yong cellphone ko sa tenga ko dahil sa sigaw niya. Ano na lang kayang itsura no'n? Natatawa na naman ako.

"Oo nga! And guess what? Nandito siya ngayon sa bahay, ewan ko sa kanya! Naiinis ako sa kanya! Hindi ko alam kung ano ang trip niya sa buhay."

Maggie is the one whom I trust the most beside Rashiel. She always listens to my rants and fulminations. She's the kind of friend who won't tolerate you when you did wrong. I'm so lucky to have her. Sayang nga, hindi kami nagkakausap ngayon ang layo naman kasi ng Singapore!

"Alam mo, Yna gaganyan ka tapos maya maya mag-iiba na naman isip mo, bibigay ka na naman. Kilala kita. Marupok ka kaya!"

"I know. Pero, hindi ko talaga alam. Gusto kong isipin lagi 'yung mga ginawa niya sa akin noon pero ang hirap naman kapag nandyan na siya, nanghihina ako. Alam mo 'yon. I'm trying, Mags. Believe me I do. But every time he looks at me as if I mean the world to him, konti na lang bibigay na talaga ako."

"You know what, Yna? I get that you're really having a hard time figuring things out especially that Brent is around. Pero, kung ako sa'yo 'wag ka munang lumandi! Mag aral ka muna! Puro ka lovelife, gaga ka. Hayaan mo 'yan si Brent. Kung kayo kayo." I laughed a little. Her words enlightened me.

"Thank you, Mags, love you."

"Yuck! Kadiri! Oh siya, I'll hang up na. Think of it carefully ha. Don't be reckless. Every decision we make bears consequences. Choose wisely, okay?"

Maggie is right. Focus na lang muna ako sa pag aaral ko. Kaya tama na muna ngayon. I needed to gather up my thoughts first. I still have a life to live even without Brent's presence I knew I could get through this. If I was able to overcome the pain of gaping a hole of his presence, I'm sure I would still be again.

When I went downstairs I saw no traces of him. He really went out which calmed me somehow. But he left a note telling that he would wait. I crumpled the paper and threw it on the trash bin.

Nakita ko naman si kuya nang magising ako ng mga alas tres, mukhang nakainom dahil sa pasuray suray na paglalakad. I hurriedly ran towards kuya.

"Kuya," I said, worried.

Pero hindi ko inaasahan ang paghagulgol nito.

"Kuya..." Ito ang unang beses na nakita ko siyang ganito.

"Anong nangyari?" Nanatili itong nakayuko.

"Fuck." I heard how he cursed

so many times but I kndw he was not yet ready to open up to me. I patted kuya's back and hugged him.

"Everything's going to be okay," I said. He nodded to me and went back to his room.

Days have passed and Brent has never talked to me. Sometimes we often bump at each other and he never spared me a glance. Okay na rin 'yon.

But sometimes, I often steal glances at him especially when he's alone at the library or in the canteen. Minsan gusto ko rin talagang sampalin ang sarili ko.

Naiinis nga ako lalo kasi marami na namang babae ang nakapaligid sa kanya. I knew I shouldn't be like this.

"Nagseselos ka, no?" I looked at Rashiel.

"Hindi ah!" mabilis kong depensa.

"Weh? You don't look like one. Nagseselos ka talaga," I sighed defeatedly.

"Oo na, nagseselos na ako."

"Ayan ganyan ka, no'ng nakaraan lagi siya ang naghahabol sa'yo tapos ayaw mo siyang kausapin ngayon nagseselos ka naman."

"Ewan ko ba. Naiinis ako 'pag nandyan siya, kapag wala naman siya basta, naiinis ako lalo!"

"Alam mo, Yna ganyan din ako noon kay Padua, ang sarap hampasin ng mukha no'n lagi. Believe me kung naiinis ka kay Brent wala pa 'yung inis ko kay Padua! Napakayabang ng gagong 'yon pero nang malaman kong magkasama si Celine, tangina ang init ng dugo nililigawan niya pa ako no'n ah? Tapos, ayon ayoko ng magpakipot, mahal ko na siya e. Ayokong magsisi sa huli," pagkukuwento niya pa.

"Buti ka pa, you're okay with your lovelife. Unlike me, arghhh!" Ibinaon ko ang mukha ko sa mesa. I don't know what to do.

I was walking on the hallway when I saw Asher. "Hi, Asher!" Bati ko.

"Oh, Yna? Saktong sakto, tara!"

I frowned. "Saan?"

"Basta, samahan mo na ako. Kailangan ko ng cheerer doon!" Hinila niya ako sa kung saan.

I stopped walking. "Wait, saan nga kasi?"

"Kailangan ko ng suporta mo para maayos 'yung laro ko," aniya.

"Ha?"

"Manood ka lang ng practice game namin." Inirapan ko naman siya pagkatapos ng sinabi ng niya. Wala akong interes sa basketball!

"Ayoko. Baka sampalin pa ako ng mga fans mo." Natawa naman siya.

"Dali na, Yna. Please... samahan mo na nga ako." Natawa pa ako sa pagpapacute nito. "Wala namang mang-aaway sa'yo. I'm there for you, okay?"

"Fine. Ang pangit mong magpa-cute!"

"Yes!" He jumped in glee. I drew a smile.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang sumama, wala naman akong klase. Mabuti na 'yon. Medyo naiistress na akong mag aral.

Hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang gagawin ko rito kaya umupo na lang ako sa tabi ng bench nila.

Isa si Asher sa mga manlalaro rito sa school. He plays really good. I've seen him playing several times. Halimaw talaga maglaro 'yun.

Lumapit naman si Asher sa akin at hinagis 'yong shirt na pinaghubaran niya. I made a face. Tinanggal ko agad 'yun at inirapan siyang muli lalo na nang sa harapan ko pa siya nagpalit ng jersey.

"Loko ka talaga, Asher. Akala mo kinagwapo mo 'yan!"

He laughed. "Eh kasi gwapo ako. You know I have the genes to die for."

"Hoy! Ang kapal ng mukha mo!"

"Diyan ka lang. Cheer mo 'ko. Kailangan ko ng may magchecheer sa 'kin."

"Dami mong alam."

He smiled. "Yna, thank you for being here. This means a lot.

"What are friends for? Hindi ka pa ba hinahanap?" Tinuro ko 'yong mga ka-team mate niya.

"Team captain ako, okay lang 'yan."

"Baliw ka. Punta ka na ro'n," sabi ko pa. Umakto pa akong pinapalayas siya. Tumakbo naman siya agad papuntang court. He even winked at me when he turned back.

Napangiti naman ako. Loko loko talaga 'yun.

My eyes wandered around the gym. Practice game lang ba ito? Bakit ang daming tao?

There were several women whose absolutely cheering for the guys. Most of the players here are damn hot! As in! Look at their bodies. Tangina! Ang ga-gwapo!

Isa pang tangina, oh my gosh talaga! What the heck did I see?

Brent was walking towards the court wearing that alluring and captivating smile.

The frantic of my heart never left me the moment his gaze shifted upon me. Parang tinutusok ang puso sa maikling pagtatagpo ng aming mata. His stares made me cringe. It paved its way down to my stomach.

I know Brent's love for basketball was greater than anything else. I've seen his blazing passion for it. Nakakamangha na makikita ko siyang muling maglaro pagkatapos ng ilang taon.

Kasali rin pala siya sa varisity team ngayon. And he's getting hotter as time goes by.

Magkalaban ang team ni Asher at Brent. Halos mabingi na nga ako sa lakas ng sigaw ng mga tao rito. Puro pangalan ni Brent ang naririnig ko. No wonder why. He's just so handsome especially when he plays.

Napangiwi pa ako nang may nakasanggi sa akin. Umirap na lang ako at tumingin muli sa kanila nang magsimula na ang laro. Dumagundong naman ang sigawan at hiyawan dahil doon.

Brent's really good the same with Asher. Why do these two kept bumping each other? They're too intense. Napapansin kong kanina pa sila ganyan.

Nagawi ang tingin ni Asher sa akin at nginitian ako. Gano'n din ang ginawa ko sa kanya.

Pero hindi inaasahan ang sunod na ginawa ni Brent nang binunggo niya si Asher at sa sobrang lakas nito napaupo pa si Asher. Napangiwi pa ako sa lakas no'n. Walang hiya talaga 'to si Brent! Masyadong gago! Pati rito dinadala ang kagaguhan niya.

Pumito ang referee pero hindi ito pinansin ni Brent. Umupo ito sa bench nila. Kumuha ito ng mineral water at umiinom ito habang nakatingin sa akin. Napaiwas naman ako ng tingin sa kanya.

He went back to the game and played well. Their team was ahead. Maya maya'y nagkainitan ang laro nang marahas na tinulak ni Brent si Asher. Napakunot noo ko. Ano ba kasing problema nito ni Brent?

Brent walked away leaving us all dumbfounded. I immediately stood up and followed him. Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko kailangan ko siyang sundan.

"Brent!" Malakas na tawag ko. I called his name again and he turned around. Lumapit naman ako sa kanya.

"Are you okay?" Nakita ko ang pagtusok ng dila nito sa loob ng kanyang pisngi. It was as if he's about to say something but he hesitated.

"Know what? You told me to stop bothering you which I did. Pero, Yna tangina, 'wag mo naman akong pagselosin..."