chapter thirty seven

"It's a weird thing isn't it? To touch someone and feel like you're on fire when it's your fingertips that are freezing cold. They shiver on their own as I run them down your neck, your collarbones, the dip between and you huff, half at how agonizingly slow the touch is and half at how incredibly it affects you, makes you fall apart without realisation.

It is all so elevating, the hair at the nape of your neck stand, my skin ripples in goosebumps and yours follows the effect. There is a fingertip, cold, nimble and long in the middle of my back. It splays up and runs down till I shiver, back arching into you and I part my mouth from yours in a whimper.

It really is weird, isn't it? I break for you, shatter and turn over inside my body all because I get to touch you and most importantly, I get to be touched by

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• ENIGMA   chapter thirty eight

  “Fucking hell Min, you drive me crazy,” she moaned, hips dragging up against his crotch. Young-Jae shrugged tilting his head to the side with his tongue poking his cheek and the new surge of confidence had her knees weak. Does he have a glow up every week?Was that even possible?“Do I now? Why don’t show me how crazy at home?”, he teased cocking his head to signify that they were almost home. Her heartbeat shot up and for the first time, the infamously confident Minjae felt nervous. She felt as if Young-Jae was too attractive to be hers but now that he was, Jae couldn’t give him up for the world. So, with a nod and a gulp, they were tangled together on their bed.

• ENIGMA   chapter thirty nine

  That’s how their dinner went, the two of them talking to one another with no shame, no filters, just complete utter love between them, and when it was time for dessert, Minjae got up and pulled a cake trolly in. It wasn’t until she poured him yet another glass of wine that he grew suspicious of her. Was she okay? Was she hiding something?“Hey Young-Jae, don’t mind but I would like it if you stay quiet for another ten minutes, kay? I need to get this done,” he hesitantly nodded, settling the glass back on the table and leaned back in his seat. “Ugh, oh my god, I’ve never been more nervous.”“Just say it-“ “Shut up.”He pursed his lips together, squinting his eyes at her th

• ENIGMA   chapter forty

  The post wedding dinner was fun to say the least.The table was occupied by all the important people in their lives and a few acquaintainces were on the other table to their right. The couple sat next to each other, Minjae's hand clasped tightly in Young Jae's as if she could run away at ay given moment. Joon had wanted to make a joke about it but resorted to staying quiet for once.Hyun was sitting directly opposite to Young Jae on the circular table, poking around with this tteotbokki like it was as tasteless as it could get. Kim watched him lose focus a couple of times and frowned at the plate of food in front of him. Tteotbokki was his favourite, every single person around him knew that. What had caused this gloomy atmosphere over his head? Hyun seemed like he had come to terms with this reality a few weeks ago.Why the long face now?"Are you sure you are okay, Hyun? You have barely to

• ENIGMA   chapter forty one

  "I drive past that empty house sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever see you again. If you'll ever see me again. The lump in my throat is enough for me to turn around but I wish you'd see me somewhere and be brave enough to call out my name. The goodbye I didn't get to say lays crumpled up in a letter and in the texts I haven't sent to you. The agony of knowing you lay in someone's arms like you did in mine, is enough for me to have blinked my eyes clear of this fog. But oh god, my pens bleed onto paper, my thumbs bruise up against the keyboard. You are everything I write and i have become the ink that bleeds. No matter how much I struggle, even breaking through my shell, I leak all over the paper, still bleeding. And when the paper is flipped, the ink spots prettier than words ever could. They ask you to wipe me down but you too, are helpless as you gesture vaguely with your

• ENIGMA   chapter forty two

  "Sometimes I wonder what's the point of this, everything after her but then I see you smile, listen to your laughter and let u kiss me. That's when, for a brief moment, I see. I see the point.The rain settles deep into my bones, I ache for things I do not know, things I did not know I could want. The door to my studio is open, you sit with your laptop spread out in front of you and I stare. I stare and find meaning in life once again. How much longer do I have to pretend that I do not love her?""Oh god Young Jae, all of this is so beautiful," She huffed a little. "You need to put it out in the world. I had no idea of the extent of pain you were going through. I just- God, I am so sorry.""You know, Noona, People say they want their lovers or more precisely, their loved ones to never hurt but when you were in Paris I used to wish that you did. I wished that the ache I have in my chest bounced off yours a

• ENIGMA   chapter forty three

  //If someone was to ask me why I write so much about you, or about love in general I would have no answer. What must I say? That you consume all over? Or does my love for you do that? How do I tell them that I had been so far banished from intimacy in all stages of my life that the mere sight of it feels like an opportunity to be grabbed? How do I tell a stranger that there is so much pain, so much suffering I've witnessed, been a part of, that I can't let out of my chest? It's like a dragon, chased and locked up in a cage so small it has compressed itself. How do I tell them that if I were to twist the cage's lock open, I'm afraid I'll never be able to close it again? That it'll chase away all that is left of me? All that I want to have and to be? I wonder if you'd be able to look past it, look past the green moss over my mind, past the rusting on my heart and finally see what I've been hiding? The little boy that had been far too afraid of what they said was 'love'.&nb

• ENIGMA   chapter one

  More often than not, people think they have nothing but pain to offer to their lover. Maya thought the same for me but all I saw was how complex and giving one must be to think that they're nothing but pain to others. We're all made of a thousand different things and emotions, some show, some don't. Neither of us are better than the other. You just need to look for the person who thinks the pain you give is beautiful. - Young-Jae always found life to be unpredictable. He could never guess something coming his way, it was as if on any coming day a life-changing surprise could be knocking at his front door in the morn

• ENIGMA   chapter two

  Young-Jae's hands furiously worked on the keyboard of his laptop, a cigarette clasped between his teeth, and his brows furrowed together into a frown. He was ordering a few accessories for himself, more specifically for his next Livestream. He pulled the cigarette out to blow the smoke out of his mouth as he leaned back in his chair putting it off on the ashtray kept by his side.It was a never-tiring cycle for him, excitedly scrolling through so many products and imagining what he would look like wearing them or how it'd feel to have so much leather or metal on his skin. Would he like it? Would he not? Nevertheless, it was pretty much the only happy time he had.He looked through almost every item available on the website currently, only two getting his attention. One a black leather choker and the other one being a matte black hand harness which he would completely body. After placing his order, Young-Jae closed his laptop and got up f

Latest chapter

• ENIGMA   chapter forty three

  //If someone was to ask me why I write so much about you, or about love in general I would have no answer. What must I say? That you consume all over? Or does my love for you do that? How do I tell them that I had been so far banished from intimacy in all stages of my life that the mere sight of it feels like an opportunity to be grabbed? How do I tell a stranger that there is so much pain, so much suffering I've witnessed, been a part of, that I can't let out of my chest? It's like a dragon, chased and locked up in a cage so small it has compressed itself. How do I tell them that if I were to twist the cage's lock open, I'm afraid I'll never be able to close it again? That it'll chase away all that is left of me? All that I want to have and to be? I wonder if you'd be able to look past it, look past the green moss over my mind, past the rusting on my heart and finally see what I've been hiding? The little boy that had been far too afraid of what they said was 'love'.&nb

• ENIGMA   chapter forty two

  "Sometimes I wonder what's the point of this, everything after her but then I see you smile, listen to your laughter and let u kiss me. That's when, for a brief moment, I see. I see the point.The rain settles deep into my bones, I ache for things I do not know, things I did not know I could want. The door to my studio is open, you sit with your laptop spread out in front of you and I stare. I stare and find meaning in life once again. How much longer do I have to pretend that I do not love her?""Oh god Young Jae, all of this is so beautiful," She huffed a little. "You need to put it out in the world. I had no idea of the extent of pain you were going through. I just- God, I am so sorry.""You know, Noona, People say they want their lovers or more precisely, their loved ones to never hurt but when you were in Paris I used to wish that you did. I wished that the ache I have in my chest bounced off yours a

• ENIGMA   chapter forty one

  "I drive past that empty house sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever see you again. If you'll ever see me again. The lump in my throat is enough for me to turn around but I wish you'd see me somewhere and be brave enough to call out my name. The goodbye I didn't get to say lays crumpled up in a letter and in the texts I haven't sent to you. The agony of knowing you lay in someone's arms like you did in mine, is enough for me to have blinked my eyes clear of this fog. But oh god, my pens bleed onto paper, my thumbs bruise up against the keyboard. You are everything I write and i have become the ink that bleeds. No matter how much I struggle, even breaking through my shell, I leak all over the paper, still bleeding. And when the paper is flipped, the ink spots prettier than words ever could. They ask you to wipe me down but you too, are helpless as you gesture vaguely with your

• ENIGMA   chapter forty

  The post wedding dinner was fun to say the least.The table was occupied by all the important people in their lives and a few acquaintainces were on the other table to their right. The couple sat next to each other, Minjae's hand clasped tightly in Young Jae's as if she could run away at ay given moment. Joon had wanted to make a joke about it but resorted to staying quiet for once.Hyun was sitting directly opposite to Young Jae on the circular table, poking around with this tteotbokki like it was as tasteless as it could get. Kim watched him lose focus a couple of times and frowned at the plate of food in front of him. Tteotbokki was his favourite, every single person around him knew that. What had caused this gloomy atmosphere over his head? Hyun seemed like he had come to terms with this reality a few weeks ago.Why the long face now?"Are you sure you are okay, Hyun? You have barely to

• ENIGMA   chapter thirty nine

  That’s how their dinner went, the two of them talking to one another with no shame, no filters, just complete utter love between them, and when it was time for dessert, Minjae got up and pulled a cake trolly in. It wasn’t until she poured him yet another glass of wine that he grew suspicious of her. Was she okay? Was she hiding something?“Hey Young-Jae, don’t mind but I would like it if you stay quiet for another ten minutes, kay? I need to get this done,” he hesitantly nodded, settling the glass back on the table and leaned back in his seat. “Ugh, oh my god, I’ve never been more nervous.”“Just say it-“ “Shut up.”He pursed his lips together, squinting his eyes at her th

• ENIGMA   chapter thirty eight

  “Fucking hell Min, you drive me crazy,” she moaned, hips dragging up against his crotch. Young-Jae shrugged tilting his head to the side with his tongue poking his cheek and the new surge of confidence had her knees weak. Does he have a glow up every week?Was that even possible?“Do I now? Why don’t show me how crazy at home?”, he teased cocking his head to signify that they were almost home. Her heartbeat shot up and for the first time, the infamously confident Minjae felt nervous. She felt as if Young-Jae was too attractive to be hers but now that he was, Jae couldn’t give him up for the world. So, with a nod and a gulp, they were tangled together on their bed.

• ENIGMA   chapter thirty seven

  "It's a weird thing isn't it? To touch someone and feel like you're on fire when it's your fingertips that are freezing cold. They shiver on their own as I run them down your neck, your collarbones, the dip between and you huff, half at how agonizingly slow the touch is and half at how incredibly it affects you, makes you fall apart without realisation. It is all so elevating, the hair at the nape of your neck stand, my skin ripples in goosebumps and yours follows the effect. There is a fingertip, cold, nimble and long in the middle of my back. It splays up and runs down till I shiver, back arching into you and I part my mouth from yours in a whimper. It really is weird, isn't it? I break for you, shatter and turn over inside my body all because I get to touch you and most importantly, I get to be touched by

• ENIGMA   chapter thirty six

  "It's been years since I lost you. The years, the months, the days stay the same. Your birthday is always a warm day and I smile to myself the whole day. My birthday is always a cold day, you must've forgotten it but I remember every smile you gave me years back. The only thing that has changed is, that time seems to have slowed down. The days are lengthy, the nights are lengthy. I am either too warm or too cold, there is nothing intimate about it but it's been years since I lost you. Every January reminds me of all we could not be, every December reminds me of your insolent smiles and every September reminds me of all the suffering I have escaped.Your scent tucks me into bed, not only is it on my skin, it is in the air; lingering, breathing and settling deep inside me. It is November, I'm warm under the blanket

• ENIGMA   chapter thirty five

  The hard ridges of your body press against the softness of mine. It's a different feeling, skin to skin and it's a different feeling to get lost in it. Your hair's grown out, I feel it under my fingertips and it barely stays in the gap of my fingers but as usual, everything looks lovely on you. However, the thing that looks exceptionally lovely on you is me.“Hey babe?”, he asked turning his head up to look at the beautiful girl who had him tight in his arms. She hummed with closed eyes and Young-Jae wrapped his leg over her waist with his arm around her shoulders, latching on like a Koala. Minjae chuckled again and picked his head up to drop a soft kiss to his forehead.“How much do you love me?”, he asked softly, snuggling against her shoulder till his lips over almost touching her jaw. “Wait, no, don’t