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chapter forty one
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2022-03-25 02:31:40"I drive past that empty house sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever see you again. If you'll ever see me again. The lump in my throat is enough for me to turn around but I wish you'd see me somewhere and be brave enough to call out my name.
The goodbye I didn't get to say lays crumpled up in a letter and in the texts I haven't sent to you. The agony of knowing you lay in someone's arms like you did in mine, is enough for me to have blinked my eyes clear of this fog.
But oh god, my pens bleed onto paper, my thumbs bruise up against the keyboard. You are everything I write and i have become the ink that bleeds. No matter how much I struggle, even breaking through my shell, I leak all over the paper, still bleeding.
And when the paper is flipped, the ink spots prettier than words ever could. They ask you to wipe me down but you too, are helpless as you gesture vaguely with your
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ENIGMA chapter forty two
"Sometimes I wonder what's the point of this, everything after her but then I see you smile, listen to your laughter and let u kiss me. That's when, for a brief moment, I see. I see the point.The rain settles deep into my bones, I ache for things I do not know, things I did not know I could want. The door to my studio is open, you sit with your laptop spread out in front of you and I stare. I stare and find meaning in life once again. How much longer do I have to pretend that I do not love her?""Oh god Young Jae, all of this is so beautiful," She huffed a little. "You need to put it out in the world. I had no idea of the extent of pain you were going through. I just- God, I am so sorry.""You know, Noona, People say they want their lovers or more precisely, their loved ones to never hurt but when you were in Paris I used to wish that you did. I wished that the ache I have in my chest bounced off yours a
Last Updated : 2022-03-26ENIGMA chapter forty three
//If someone was to ask me why I write so much about you, or about love in general I would have no answer. What must I say? That you consume all over? Or does my love for you do that? How do I tell them that I had been so far banished from intimacy in all stages of my life that the mere sight of it feels like an opportunity to be grabbed? How do I tell a stranger that there is so much pain, so much suffering I've witnessed, been a part of, that I can't let out of my chest? It's like a dragon, chased and locked up in a cage so small it has compressed itself. How do I tell them that if I were to twist the cage's lock open, I'm afraid I'll never be able to close it again? That it'll chase away all that is left of me? All that I want to have and to be? I wonder if you'd be able to look past it, look past the green moss over my mind, past the rusting on my heart and finally see what I've been hiding? The little boy that had been far too afraid of what they said was 'love'.&nb
Last Updated : 2022-03-26ENIGMA chapter one
More often than not, people think they have nothing but pain to offer to their lover. Maya thought the same for me but all I saw was how complex and giving one must be to think that they're nothing but pain to others. We're all made of a thousand different things and emotions, some show, some don't. Neither of us are better than the other. You just need to look for the person who thinks the pain you give is beautiful. - Young-Jae always found life to be unpredictable. He could never guess something coming his way, it was as if on any coming day a life-changing surprise could be knocking at his front door in the morn
Last Updated : 2022-02-07ENIGMA chapter two
Young-Jae's hands furiously worked on the keyboard of his laptop, a cigarette clasped between his teeth, and his brows furrowed together into a frown. He was ordering a few accessories for himself, more specifically for his next Livestream. He pulled the cigarette out to blow the smoke out of his mouth as he leaned back in his chair putting it off on the ashtray kept by his side.It was a never-tiring cycle for him, excitedly scrolling through so many products and imagining what he would look like wearing them or how it'd feel to have so much leather or metal on his skin. Would he like it? Would he not? Nevertheless, it was pretty much the only happy time he had.He looked through almost every item available on the website currently, only two getting his attention. One a black leather choker and the other one being a matte black hand harness which he would completely body. After placing his order, Young-Jae closed his laptop and got up f
Last Updated : 2022-02-07ENIGMA chapter three
I feel your hands on me hours after you're gone, my fingertips feel like I had them dipped into your cologne when in actuality, everything I touch turns into you. You might not be here right now but I flush like your eyes are still above mine, full of mischief and mirth. And when I turn over in bed, all I feel is the unstable beating of your heart. Tell me now, was it just lies or were your brown eyes lying when they told me how beautiful I looked? My muscles ache, my body writhes; only because even when you're away, you're close enough. - Young Jae had just finished his food when his phone's screen lit up and the music toned down slightly telling him that he just got a notification. He grabbed it only to find someone had followed his personal Twitter account. He frowned opening the notification since he never really used that account, he just used the NSFW one. 'Ja
Last Updated : 2022-02-07ENIGMA chapter four
'No, how could he- Was it really her?'Young-Jae was fucked in bold capital letters that were stamped across his forehead.He had to be a fool to not know his own boss' name or even face. Minjae's face was literally the least he could've known about his boss considering that he had been working here for over a whole month. The easiest shift of one to six at first since it mostly had a few customers who wanted a simple order of Iced Americano and some random dessert while they sat in the expensive cafe with their laptops and glasses out.Two weeks later, Seok-Min told him that the rest of the time was too busy and he needed help considering he worked full time so there Jae had stood, wearing his work shirt and apron as he placed orders on different tables, sweating profusely."Where'd you go, Min? Too flustered to clap back now?", Minjae laughed loud and obnoxious, obviously amused by his shocked st
Last Updated : 2022-02-07ENIGMA chapter five
Your hands itch to hold onto my hips, I wait for you to do it while I button your shirt back up. There is a smile, soft and hesitant as you whisper my name thrice under your breath. Once into the air, twice into my hair. A kiss to my forehead and handprints imprinted on my skin, once again I feel like I'm floating, walking on thin ice as I thank God for not letting you say it for the fourth time. Please break my heart, please love me, please want me, please hurt me. Do whatever you want w me, just let it be me. Right now, before, after let it be me and not him. - His phone dinged again when he was just about to turn the damn recorder again. He sighed annoyingly but opened her messages again. JAEMINMIN:How old are you? MINYOUNG-JAE:i'm 26 MINYOUNG-JAE:and u JAEMINMIN:
Last Updated : 2022-02-07ENIGMA chapter six
With a curt nod, Young-Jae scurried behind the counter to make the chamomile tea again while she fished her phone out, deciding to toy with him a little more. Young-Jae's phone dinged and he flinched very slightly but clicked on the notification thinking it was another comment on his cam account.JAEMINMIN:Hey :)MINYOUNG-JAE:hiJAEMINMIN: How are you? I just got a break at work.MINYOUNG-JAE:okMINYOUNG-JAE:hbuJAEMINMIN:I am good too.JAEMINMIN: Hey, your pictures are very nice!MINYOUNG-JAE:thanksJAEMINMIN: wanna see mine?The man ran a hand through his hair, thinking if he wanted to get rid of the mullet for a second but then again he thought it gave him a rich look so
Last Updated : 2022-02-07
Latest chapter
ENIGMA chapter forty three
//If someone was to ask me why I write so much about you, or about love in general I would have no answer. What must I say? That you consume all over? Or does my love for you do that? How do I tell them that I had been so far banished from intimacy in all stages of my life that the mere sight of it feels like an opportunity to be grabbed? How do I tell a stranger that there is so much pain, so much suffering I've witnessed, been a part of, that I can't let out of my chest? It's like a dragon, chased and locked up in a cage so small it has compressed itself. How do I tell them that if I were to twist the cage's lock open, I'm afraid I'll never be able to close it again? That it'll chase away all that is left of me? All that I want to have and to be? I wonder if you'd be able to look past it, look past the green moss over my mind, past the rusting on my heart and finally see what I've been hiding? The little boy that had been far too afraid of what they said was 'love'.&nb
ENIGMA chapter forty two
"Sometimes I wonder what's the point of this, everything after her but then I see you smile, listen to your laughter and let u kiss me. That's when, for a brief moment, I see. I see the point.The rain settles deep into my bones, I ache for things I do not know, things I did not know I could want. The door to my studio is open, you sit with your laptop spread out in front of you and I stare. I stare and find meaning in life once again. How much longer do I have to pretend that I do not love her?""Oh god Young Jae, all of this is so beautiful," She huffed a little. "You need to put it out in the world. I had no idea of the extent of pain you were going through. I just- God, I am so sorry.""You know, Noona, People say they want their lovers or more precisely, their loved ones to never hurt but when you were in Paris I used to wish that you did. I wished that the ache I have in my chest bounced off yours a
ENIGMA chapter forty one
"I drive past that empty house sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever see you again. If you'll ever see me again. The lump in my throat is enough for me to turn around but I wish you'd see me somewhere and be brave enough to call out my name. The goodbye I didn't get to say lays crumpled up in a letter and in the texts I haven't sent to you. The agony of knowing you lay in someone's arms like you did in mine, is enough for me to have blinked my eyes clear of this fog. But oh god, my pens bleed onto paper, my thumbs bruise up against the keyboard. You are everything I write and i have become the ink that bleeds. No matter how much I struggle, even breaking through my shell, I leak all over the paper, still bleeding. And when the paper is flipped, the ink spots prettier than words ever could. They ask you to wipe me down but you too, are helpless as you gesture vaguely with your
ENIGMA chapter forty
The post wedding dinner was fun to say the least.The table was occupied by all the important people in their lives and a few acquaintainces were on the other table to their right. The couple sat next to each other, Minjae's hand clasped tightly in Young Jae's as if she could run away at ay given moment. Joon had wanted to make a joke about it but resorted to staying quiet for once.Hyun was sitting directly opposite to Young Jae on the circular table, poking around with this tteotbokki like it was as tasteless as it could get. Kim watched him lose focus a couple of times and frowned at the plate of food in front of him. Tteotbokki was his favourite, every single person around him knew that. What had caused this gloomy atmosphere over his head? Hyun seemed like he had come to terms with this reality a few weeks ago.Why the long face now?"Are you sure you are okay, Hyun? You have barely to
ENIGMA chapter thirty nine
That’s how their dinner went, the two of them talking to one another with no shame, no filters, just complete utter love between them, and when it was time for dessert, Minjae got up and pulled a cake trolly in. It wasn’t until she poured him yet another glass of wine that he grew suspicious of her. Was she okay? Was she hiding something?“Hey Young-Jae, don’t mind but I would like it if you stay quiet for another ten minutes, kay? I need to get this done,” he hesitantly nodded, settling the glass back on the table and leaned back in his seat. “Ugh, oh my god, I’ve never been more nervous.”“Just say it-“ “Shut up.”He pursed his lips together, squinting his eyes at her th
ENIGMA chapter thirty eight
“Fucking hell Min, you drive me crazy,” she moaned, hips dragging up against his crotch. Young-Jae shrugged tilting his head to the side with his tongue poking his cheek and the new surge of confidence had her knees weak. Does he have a glow up every week?Was that even possible?“Do I now? Why don’t show me how crazy at home?”, he teased cocking his head to signify that they were almost home. Her heartbeat shot up and for the first time, the infamously confident Minjae felt nervous. She felt as if Young-Jae was too attractive to be hers but now that he was, Jae couldn’t give him up for the world. So, with a nod and a gulp, they were tangled together on their bed.
ENIGMA chapter thirty seven
"It's a weird thing isn't it? To touch someone and feel like you're on fire when it's your fingertips that are freezing cold. They shiver on their own as I run them down your neck, your collarbones, the dip between and you huff, half at how agonizingly slow the touch is and half at how incredibly it affects you, makes you fall apart without realisation. It is all so elevating, the hair at the nape of your neck stand, my skin ripples in goosebumps and yours follows the effect. There is a fingertip, cold, nimble and long in the middle of my back. It splays up and runs down till I shiver, back arching into you and I part my mouth from yours in a whimper. It really is weird, isn't it? I break for you, shatter and turn over inside my body all because I get to touch you and most importantly, I get to be touched by
ENIGMA chapter thirty six
"It's been years since I lost you. The years, the months, the days stay the same. Your birthday is always a warm day and I smile to myself the whole day. My birthday is always a cold day, you must've forgotten it but I remember every smile you gave me years back. The only thing that has changed is, that time seems to have slowed down. The days are lengthy, the nights are lengthy. I am either too warm or too cold, there is nothing intimate about it but it's been years since I lost you. Every January reminds me of all we could not be, every December reminds me of your insolent smiles and every September reminds me of all the suffering I have escaped.Your scent tucks me into bed, not only is it on my skin, it is in the air; lingering, breathing and settling deep inside me. It is November, I'm warm under the blanket
ENIGMA chapter thirty five
The hard ridges of your body press against the softness of mine. It's a different feeling, skin to skin and it's a different feeling to get lost in it. Your hair's grown out, I feel it under my fingertips and it barely stays in the gap of my fingers but as usual, everything looks lovely on you. However, the thing that looks exceptionally lovely on you is me.“Hey babe?”, he asked turning his head up to look at the beautiful girl who had him tight in his arms. She hummed with closed eyes and Young-Jae wrapped his leg over her waist with his arm around her shoulders, latching on like a Koala. Minjae chuckled again and picked his head up to drop a soft kiss to his forehead.“How much do you love me?”, he asked softly, snuggling against her shoulder till his lips over almost touching her jaw. “Wait, no, don’t
