Prologue

I admit that until now, I can’t still move on from my past relationship with Kurt. It still hurts. My heart is still in pain.

Why does he need to choose another girl over me? And take note, that another girl looks like a clown. Her face is so caked with make-up. She looks like a coloring book. Does he have no taste anymore?

That Dessery is so irritating. Kurt didn’t even choose a girl who can exceed my prettiness. I am so offended in that part. That girl is not worth it compares to me.

I don’t really know what happened to our relationship. We were so happy then after some times, it ended suddenly. But as they said, when you are happy, there comes the sadness. It isn’t always the sunset. Rain will come and darkness will fill our world without our consent. We have no choice; we cannot do anything about it. It is part of our life.

Suddenly a thought came to my mind. Maybe it was the real reason why we broke up.

"Joyce, I want you now,” he said in a seductive word. Who will not be seduced with that kind of tone. With him saying that and with that kind of look.

I snaked my hands on his neck. “Kurt…” I moaned when he sucked a part of my neck. If vampire is real in this world, I can say he is one of them. Gosh, I feel so hot right now.

His hands roamed until he reached the peak of my mountains. I cannot avoid moaning when he massaged the left one. I never experienced this to anyone but him. And it feels so great. I can’t help myself not to moan and moan with what is he doing.

He placed his forehead on mine and look at my eyes intently. “You are so beautiful, Joyce Clara. So beautiful,” he whispered. I can feel his breath on my face and it makes me more feel hot. Without a gut, he placed his lips on mine. He sealed my lips with his lips. Yearning and thirsty for it.

The kiss goes deep and deep. My mind is like flying somewhere. My body feels like a jelly. He is such a good kisser. How can I stop myself from wanting his kisses? I guess I cannot do that. How can I be lucky to have such a boyfriend like him. Handsome and heavenly.

But when I realized that I am naked, which means that I am not wearing anything anymore, feels woke up to the reality. Yes, I am addicted to his kisses. But I think going too far isn’t right. This not right. We are still young. We should not do things like this. This is not appropriate.

With my constant reaction, I pushed him. His eyes formed into a circle, shocked at my reaction.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I can't... I can't do this,” I said in a low tone and avoided his stares.

He blinked and come up to his senses. "Bullshit. F*ck," he said and grab his hair.

I watched as he quickly gets his clothes and wear it. Without any other words, he left. He didn't even bother to look at me again.

I hold the blanket and cover myself. In that position, I cry while thinking. I feel like I disappointed him. I guess that he is mad at me right now. That cannot be denied on his reaction earlier.

My phone rang. I didn’t notice that it was ringing for long. I laughed softly. I am drowned again on having flashbacks. Oh, come on, Joyce, come back to the present time.

I swiped and answered it. "Why, Wi?" I asked on my friend who is on another line now.

"I miss you so much. Can we roam around together? Please," she said. I even imagine her doing puppy eyes, looking cute.

I sighed. I really want to be with her, but I can't. I am so busy right now. I have so many in my plates right now especially that I just moved on our company, to the company where my parents effort to build.

"Sorry, Wi. I have may things to do right now. Next time will do, alright?"

I heard her sigh on the other line. She says that it is fine with her, but I know that she is sad on my decision. She really wants us to roam around. Just the two of us.

"I will really make it up to you next time, Wi," I comforted. Thinking that it might lessen the sadness I cause to her.

After cutting down the line, I saw my wallpaper on the phone. Up until now, my wallpaper is my picture with Kurt. It is really hard to forget the things that happened between the two of us.

Again, my mind flew in the past. I guess it is really hard to move on.

My and Dessery the clown ways encountered. I am here now in the mall. I didn’t even expect that she will come near me. She even says hello to me like nothing happened. But I know that she is faking it.

"You are the ex of my Kurty baby, right?" she asked and even smirk at me.

Argh! I am so irritated to this clown. I didn’t know that there is a clown who is roaming around in the mall. Her make-up is so thick.

I just nod at her to finish this nonsense talk. I am about to go when she held my elbow, preventing me to leave.

"I will share a secret to you. This really a secret, but because I am kind, I will share it with you. I will tell you about why My Kurty baby doesn't want to be with you anymore." Then she raised her left eyebrow. "You cannot give the things he likes. You cannot provide it all. And one more thing, you are not pretty. The only thing he wants from you is your body.” Then she scanned me from head to toe. "You are not even sexy. Iww. Added to that, the main reason was that he doesn't love you. He didn't even love you from the past," she continued and walked out.

She really slaps me with those words huh.

I came back to sense again when I felt my tears. They are running on my face again. I think Dessery is right in saying that words. Kurt didn’t even love me while we are in a relationship. The only thing he wants from me is my body.

But, she's also wrong. Duh, she said that I am not sexy? I am so sexy. I am sexier than her. She is just a small piece of cake compared to me.

This is so frustrating. Why can't I still move on from Kurt? Why does up until now I am still in love and drowned to him? It so fucking hurts like hell.

Alright, I didn't give everything to him. I can't have intercourse with him.

Life really sucks. There is really no forever. I thought that we are fated for each other. We just met, but not fated at all. One more thing, I don't believe anymore in that fate. From the time that we broke up I really became gourd, a bitter one to be exact.

But one thing is for sure. Kurt will regret that he chose that clown over me.