CHAPTER 6

The moment he kissed my lips my heart started racing. It's just a soft kiss but it made my whole system gone wild like a somersault! He is just looking at me while I was trying to hide my smile.

"Do friends kiss each other?" I asked. We were comfortable with each other but we never talked about labeling this innominate relationship.

"No, but we are the exception." Right. Exception again. He's been adamant when it comes to this topic. Also, we never talked about our personal lives. I don't even know his story! Ang alam ko lang, BIR Commissioner ang Dad n'ya. That's all I know!

"Can we just be a General Rule for once?" Sa mga araw na nagdaan, I started to reflect about my feelings. I talked to Michael about this and asked him some friendly advice. He's my confidant ever since we met again. However, he made me realized how hard it is to entrust your heart to someone who doesn't even bother to take good care of it like a good father of a family.

Perhaps, lumalalim ang nararamdaman ko habang mas nakakasama ko si Austin. I get to know what he likes, his political views, his passion, his dreams, but, do I really know him? I don't know. What if everything's just a façade trying to cover up another soul.

We're both holding back because we both carry baggages which we don't want to share with anyone.

Sure, we're exclusive and we both gave each other the assurance. That is the thing that I'm holding on into.

Assurance.

Reasonable not absolute.

"I don't like general rules. I like you being the exception in my life. It's still not the right time though. We'll get there soon. I promise." He held my hand and motioned me to sit on the chair. We ate our dinner and then we watch movies on Netflix while waiting for Cielo to arrive. Ang sabi n'ya, gagabihin daw s'ya. But, it's already midnight! Hindi rin n'ya ako ininform if nasaan s'ya, so I became worried.

I tried calling her but her phone's out of coverage. Did she went to club again?

"She'll be safe." I was getting anxious about her but Austin cut me off. He dialed a number and started talking to the person named Joven.

"She's safe and sound. She went home for the weekend--- so, don't worry." I told him to give home but he refused to. Ang sabi n'ya, he won't let me stay here alone. Baka raw may masamang loob pang magsamantala dito.

So, I had no choice but to agree with him. He slept on the couch beside me. I easily dozed off to sleep since I felt that I was safe. I feel so secured whenever I'm with him.

The next morning, I woke up early only to find out that he's already gone. He left me a note on the side table saying that he needs to go home for an emergency.

I was busy preparing for my report in Management Advisory Services when my phone suddenly rang.

It was lola.

"La." I calmly said. We just talked to each other two days ago. It's not usual to receive a call from her this early.

"Apo, kumusta ka d'yan?" She sounded so worried so I tried my best to be energetic para hindi s'ya mag-alala sa akin.

"I'm okay, Lola. Miss ko na po 'yung mga pagkain d'yan sa bahay." Although nababawasan na iyong pakain ko sa fastfood chain dahil usually, sa totoong kainan kami kumakain ni Arc at Austin. Ang sabi nila, kailangan daw puro healthy ang kainin ko.

"Ikaw talagang bat aka! Hayaan mo, malapit na rin ang bakasyon mo. Makakauwi ka na dito sa probinsya." Oo nga, ilang lingo nalang gagraduate na si Austin at final exam na rin namin.

"Bueno, inihabilin kita kay Michael. Iyong batang iyon talaga! Laging nadaan dito kapag umuuwi." Nagkikita pala sila ni Arc. Taksil na kaibigan! Hindi man lang sinabi na magka-amiga na sila ng Lola!

"Naikwento rin n'ya sa akin na may malapit ka raw na kaibigan d'yan. Apo, nobyo mo ba iyon?" Luhhh. Chismosa ng taon si Lola. Maglola talaga kami.

"Lola, magkaibigan muna po kami sa ngayon. Hindi pa kami handing magcommit. Tsaka nalang po kapag okay na ang lahat."

Ganyan din ang sinabi ng Tatay mo noon. Kaya ayun, nahanap n'ya ang nanay mo.

"O s'ya, kailangan ko nang ibaba ito. Nandito na ang mga Hermana ko." Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa dahil agad n'yang binaba ang tawag.

----

"Congratulations, Magna Cum Laude! Anak ka talaga ni Pacioli!" I immediately run towards him para yakapin s'ya. I just saw the announcement via F******k today! Totoo nga na running for magna talaga s'ya!

"Thank you." Walang emosyon n'yang sabi. Next week pa lalabas ang grades namin pero nauna lang sila dahil graduating.

I won't see him frequently next school year. He'll be busy sa boards while I will focus sa Acads since that's our internship. I haven't decided yet kung saan ako mag-aaply but one thing for sure, it would be a government agency.

"May gagawin ka pa sa school?" He asked me habang naglalakad kami papunta sa school gate.

"Wala na. Tapos na ang exam ko today e,"

"Let's get lost?" Ang dami ko sanang gustong simulan na series ngayong pagkatapos ng exam kaya lang, masyado na ata s'yang bored at inaya akong gumala.

I just nodded since gusto ko naman talagang mag unwind! This sem has been so tiring!

"Terminal? Really?" Akala ko, manunuod lang kaming sine tapos kakain ng chicken wings! Hindi naman ako prepared!

Instead, hinila n'ya ako pasakay sa bus. Hindi ko alam saan kami pupunta ngunit batid kong magiging ligtas ako kasama s'ya.

"Komportable ka ba?" Nakatingin lang ako sa bintana nang magtanong s'ya. Sa totoo lang, sanay naman akong bumiyahe sa mga pampublikong sasakyan.

"Oo naman. Chicken lang 'to. Baka ikaw ang hindi sanay, baka magalit si Commissioner." I joked around. Nagbago lang ang facial expression n'ya kaya iniwas ko nalang ang tingin ko. I hit the wrong spot.

"Hayaan mo 'yun. First time ko mag-bus, ikaw pa kasama ko. Memorable, right?" Napangiti lang ako sa sinabi n'ya. I just nodded and looked outside the window. Little did I know, hawak n'ya na pala ang kamay ko hanggang sa nakatulog nalang ako.

After few hours, nagising nalang ako dahil sa tapik n'ya sa pisngi ko. I opened my eyes only to find out nakarating na kami sa destinasyon namin. Unti-unting bumababa ang mga pasahero.

Pagkababa namin, agad akong napahinto nang makita ko ang dagat. Nasa Pangasinan na nga kami at tanaw ko na ang dalampasigan.

Nilibot namin ang lugar na pwedeng pasyalan. Sayang nga lang at hindi ko nadala ang DSLR ko kaya phone nalang muna ang ginamit namin. Kumain kami ng tanghalian at dumaan na rin kami sa Manaoag para mag-alay ng panalangin. Habang nagdadasal ako, ramdam kong nakatingin lang s'ya sa akin.

"Relihiyosa ka pala?"

"Hindi ba kapani-paniwala?" Although mukha akong hindi nagdadasal at palaging nagmumura, marunong naman akong kumilala ng Supreme Divine. Ganito lang talaga ako.

Hindi s'ya sumagot. He just shrugged kaya naman hinapas ko s'ya.

"Si lola ang nagturo sa akin. Wag kang judger. Kailangan hindi lang tayo malakas sa pisikal at emosyonal, dapat pati sa espiritwal din!" He just nodded again. Ang tahimik talaga nito lalo na kung wala s'yang mahalagang sasabihin.

"We're you hurt before?" He randomly asked. Everything in the past just suddenly came back to me.

"Hindi pa ako nagkakajowa ng seryoso pero I know how it feels to be broken and miserable." I felt like I'm about to spill the tea of my life so I hang on. Not yet.

"Maybe it really hurts? Maybe you become numb after all the pain. Maybe your life gets harder? Maybe it's hard to move forward?"

"Were you hurt before?"

"Of course. Don't we all? Pain and sorrow have been my companion ever since my biological parents died." Right. He's the adopted son of the BIR Commissioner. Is he not happy? He's considered high profile because he's related to the country's top official.

"Kung magiging CPA ka, hiraya manawari, anong balak?" We sat sa bench habang nakatingin sa simbahan. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung ano ang balak ko. Gusto ko lang maging proud si lola. Yun 'lang.

"Pangarap ko talaga making partner sa isa sa pinakamalaking accounting firm sa bansa. Sa SGV, Delloite, kahit saan, basta gusto kong maging Partner talaga. Pero syempre, kailangang magstart sa baba bago ka makarating sa itaas. Kaya magiging auditor muna ako tapos magtatrabaho ng mabuti. Pagkapasa ko sa board iyon ang gagawin ko." Third year pa lang ako pero may plano na ako habang makapasa ng board exam.

I looked at him, mukha naman s'yang naniniwala

"Ikaw, balak mo bang maging commissioner katulad ng Dad mo?

"Hindi. Habang tumatagal ako sa course ko, gusto kong maging makatwirang tagapagtuos. Ayaw kong magbulag-bulagan sa bulok na sistema ng pamahalaan. Ayaw kong maging trapo."

I was fascinated! Ang bongga talaga ng lalaking ito.

"Gusto ko sa Academe. Gusto kong magturo. Ayaw kong tumuntong sa totoong mundo ang mga studyante na ang alam lang ay yung mga nabasa nila sa mga libro natin. Alam kong iyon ang nasa standards pero ibang-iba ang mundo. It's an accrual world. Nagiging komplikado ang lahat pagkapasa mo sa boards." Ilang taon na ba itong kausap ko? Feeling ko, kausap ko na ang susunod na pangulo ng Pinas.

"But then again, it is us who decides what path to take but it is God who approves. Pwedeng iyon ang will ko pero hindi iyon ang Kanya." Right. Kaya minsan, nakakatakot magplano lalo na kung hindi iyon ang loob ng Diyos--- dahil minsan, sisirain N'ya talaga ang lahat ng plano mo kapag alam N'ya na ito ang sisira sa'yo.

"Swerte ng magiging pamilya mo, ano? Napaka-righteous mo."

"That's what you think. That's your standards. I am not the Standard. I am complicated than that.' Sabagay, hindi s'ya katulad ng ibang lalaki na kapag gusto mo ang tao, ipaparamdam mo, s'ya kasi tahimik lang at kung hindi ko pa nagging kaclose si Arc, hindi n'ya sasabihin. How stupid.

"Ano ka, PFRS 15?" I joked pero seryoso pa rin s'ya.Tsk, totoo naman kasi! Siya lang nagpapakomplikado ng mga bagay.

"Will you still choose me even when it cause chaos? Will you fight for us?" I look at him. Ready na ba akong masaktan? Sure na ba ako sa nararamdaman ko? Baka hindi? Hindi ko rin alam.

"Risk-averse ako. Ayaw ko nang hindi sigurado kasi kahit iyong taong nagluwal sa akin, hindi nagging sigurado kaya iniwan ako. I had too much pain during my childhood. I think I can't handle another, yet."

"The higher the risk, the higher the return." He held my hand. Sure ba s'ya? Kaya nakakatakot mag-invest ng nararamdaman sa tao e. Kasi hindi ka sigurado sa kung anong mangyayari bukas. Nagdedepreciate ang mga bagay bagay. May impairment nga ang goodwill e, tao pa kaya?

"Are you even worth it?" He smiled. My heart gets wild when he held my chin to directly look at my eyes.

"For what is worth will never be easy" He slowly moved his face towards mine then he kissed my forehead. I was expecting him to kiss me on my lips so I frowned.

"See? I'm not easy." Tumayo nalang ako at iniwan ko s'yang nakaupo doon. Uuwi nalang ako sa dorm. Gabi na. Bahala s'ya dito sa Pangasinan.

Habang nag-aabang ako ng bus, bigla nalang may humila sa akin at sa gulat ko ay napamura pa ako. Lintik kasi itong Faustino na ito! Lakas mang-asar para namang others. Hindi ko ulit s'ya pinansin.

"Luh, ganda ka 'teh?" Biro n'ya so I rolled my eyes. Hindi talaga mapredict ugali nito. Kanina sobrang seryoso n'ya tapos ngayon napaka-ingay! Nasa alternate universe na ba kami?

"Syempre. Kaya nga patay na patay ka sa akin, di'ba? Ano ulit sinabi mo dun sa cottage?" I was about to recite his statements word for word pero tinakpak n'ya ang bibig ko gamit ang labi n'ya. Syempre, nagulat din ako pero tinignan ko s'ya, nakapikit pa. I smiled and kiss him backed. Buti nalang nasa madilim na part ako nag-abang.

"I can't wait for the standard time. Again, we are not the standards. Let's be together, Cleir."