Chapter 1

March 13, 2023

My breath hitched as his hand traced along my side, fingers gently grazing my skin. His lips hovered over my neck, brushing against my ear with soft, deliberate kisses. Then, in a low, sultry voice, he murmured, 'The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I wanted to spend the night with you.

Napalunok ako. Hanggang ngayon ay nagtatalo pa rin ang isip ko kung tama ba talaga itong ginagawa ko.

Both of my hands tightened on his body. My eyes closed tightly, feeling his increasingly wild kisses. Traveling to my neck, he left a mark of ownership there.

"Paying you a high price is so worth it. Your beautiful body, your beautiful curves, and your scent, damn, you make me crazy!"

I didn't know the man behind me, just a stranger buying my services. I never thought I'd do this, but I had no choice. Ito na lang kasi ang naiisip ko na paraan para makakuha ng mabilis na pera. Wala akong ibang pwedeng lapitan. Wala akong pwedeng ibang asahan, kundi ang sarili ko lang.

My baby was in the hospital. She was sick for almost two weeks, had been treated, and was already recovering. But the hefty hospital bills that were not fully paid yet kept her detained in the hospital.

I needed money fast! Sa lalong madaling panahon! Hindi kami makakauwi sa bahay kung hindi ko mababayaran bukas na bukas din ang hospital bills ni Andrea. Kahapon pa ako pinipilit umuwi ng anak ko, pero hindi ko naman masabi sa kanya kung bakit hindi makauwi.

Sinabi ng kaibigan kong si Kenny, na nagtatrabaho bilang escort sa parehong kumpanya na pinapasukan ko, na ibenta ko raw ang katawan ko para sa isang one-night stand para mabilis akong kumita ng malaking halaga. Ganito raw ang ginagawa ng mga babaeng gipit at kinakailangan ng mabilisang pera.

However, even though I didn't want to do this, I would sacriffce for my only daughter she's my princess, my angel, my everything. I would do anything to keep her healthy and happy, including demeaning my status as a respected woman.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang dahan-dahang bumababa, the pressure he exerted indicating his lust. Bigla akong nanlaki ang mata. Gusto nang tumanggi ng katawan ko, pero paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na kaya ko itong tiisin!

‘For your daughter, for your daughter,’ I repeatedly manipulated myself.

Habang ang kanyang mga daliri ay patuloy na gumagapang pababa, biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko. Ang ospital! Agad ko itong sinagot nang hindi nag-iisip.

"Yes, nurse? May problema ba?" tanong ko, mahigpit ang hawak sa telepono, pilit na tinatago ang emosyon ko habang ipinaliwanag sa kabilang linya na wala sa ward ang aking anak. "Bakit walang nagbabantay sa kanya? Bakit hindi niyo nakita na lumabas?" My brow furrowed, my lips constantly bitten to hold back my anger. I cursed and quickly put on the shirt and pants I had taken off.

Lumayo ako sa lalaking kasama ko, pero hinila niya ako pabalik kaya inis ko siyang itinulak.

"Ano ba!" singhal ko sa kanya at pinanlakihan siya ng mga mata.

"Where are you going?! We're not even fonished yet! You can't just leave like that!" sigaw niya pabalik. His eyes looked fierce, conveying his anger.

I forcefully pushed his grip away. "Kailangan ko na umalis. I-cancel na lang natin ito—Nawawala ang anak ko at kailangan ko siya hanapin!"

"Ano?!" mas lalo pa lumakas ang boses niya at napatayo na lang. "Sinimulan mo ako pero wala ka naman pala balak tapusin—"

"I need to go. Mas importante ang anak ko," putol ko sa kanya at mabilis na tumalikod.

"Irina!" sigaw niya sa pangalan ko, pero hindi ko na nilingon pa.

Lakas takbo ang ginawagawa ko habang palabas ako. Nang may nakita akong taxi ay agad ko iyong pinara at sinabing bilisan ang pagmamaneho.

At the hospital, I sprinted through the halls, nearly colliding with others, ignoring their shouts. My eyes darted wildly, searching for her.

"Nasaan ang anak ko?" I muttered to myself, voicing my growing anxiety. The panic within me swelled, even though I knew the hospital had informed me that an organized team was already searching for her. "Andrea, nasaan ka ba nagpupunta?"

Then, I spotted her at the end of the hall, holding an ice cream, her smile radiant. Kumaripas ako papunta sa kanya at dinaluhan siya. Mabilis ang pintig ng dibdib ko sa kaba na baka hindi ko na talaga siya mahanap.

I crouched down to embrace her tightly. My hands caressed the back of her head, and tears streamed down my face. "Diyos ko, anak! Saan ka ba pumunta? Bakit bigla ka na lang umalis? Pinag-alala mo ako nang sobra!"

Ang anak ko na lang ang meron ako kaya ikamamatay ko kapag nawala pa siya sa akin. Sa dami ng pinagdaan ko sa buhay ko at kahit ano ipagpapalit ko para lang sa kanya, makita ko lang siyang masaya at maayos ang kalagayan.

"Alam mo bang halos utusan ko na paliparin ang taxi para lang makarating dito?" I tried to control my emotions, but the words spilled out from the worry I had felt.

"Mommy, nababagot na kasi ako sa kwarto ko. Wala naman akong ibang nakikita roon kundi puting dingding, puting kisame. Wala akong makausap kaya lumabas muna ako," she explained, her small lips smeared with ice cream. Napakagaling niya talaga magdahilan. Sa tuwing umiinit ang ulo ko sa kanya at nawawala na lang iyon sa tuwing nagdadahilan siya sa akin.

Pero, teka... Ice cream? How can she get an ice cream? Who bought it for her?

Then, my daughter shifted my attention. Her eyes, which had been dull, now sparkled with excitement. "Mommy, nakahanap na ako ng magiging asawa mo!" she exclaimed, cupping my cheeks with one of her tiny hands.

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko at pinitik ang noo niya. "Ikaw, ayan ka naman sa asawa na yan ha. Hindi ko kailangan ng asawa. Okay na ako na magkasama tayong dalawa."

"Pero, mommy, mabait siya!" pamimilit niya kaya mas lalo akong natawa.

"Paano mo naman nakilala yan?" curious kong tanong. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong nagka-interest. Dati naman ay hindi ko pinapansin ang mga sinasabi niya kapag ganitong usapan.

"Habang pabalik ako sa kwarto ko, nakasalubong ko siya... Gwapo siya, mommy, kaya alam kong bagay na bagay kayong dalawa. Tinulungan niya rin ako." Itinaas niya ang ice cream. "And look! He's the one who bought me this ice cream!"

I sighed deeply. My daughter had said the same thing hundreds of times before.

"Huwag nga kung sino-sino ang kinakausap mo. Delikado ang panahon ngayon, anak. Baka mamaya ipasok ka na lang nila sa loob ng van at gawing pampatibay ng tulay," banta ko sa kanya. Masyado kasing pala-kaibigan si Andrea at magiliw sa mga tao kaya lahat na lang ay kinakausap niya.

Andrea, my beautiful little girl, shook her head, her lips pouting and her eyes narrowing in a cute, determined way. "No, no, no," she said, wagging her tiny index finger from side to side.

"Pero mommy, kailangan mo ng asawa. Kailangan ko rin ng daddy. Kailangan natin ng tulong sa atin para sa food natin at hindi ka na mag-work. And I'm tired of being teased by my school friends for not having a dad. I want a complete family."

Here we go again. Her big, round eyes welled up with tears, and even the tip of her nose turned red. Sa edad na apat na taon ay naging mulat na siya sa buhay na meron kaming dalawa. Kaya sa tuwing pasko ay hinihiling niya parati na sana ay magkaroon na siya ng daddy.

My daughter knew my weakness well. Every time she brought up this argument, she always had plenty of reasons to weaken my stance, while I struggled to find reasons to counter it.

Bata pa lang siya ay sinabi ko na sa kanya na wala na ang daddy niya—namatay ito sa pakikipaglaban sa bayan at ganon ang trabaho ng isang sundalo. Pero ang totoo, iniwan ko ang daddy niya dahil hindi ko na kinaya ang paulit-ulit niyang panloloko at pagpaparamdam na isang pagkakamali ang pagbubuntis ko.

"Andrea, makinig ka..." I tried to reason with her. But my daughter offered another option. She grabbed my arm tightly and pulled hard.

"Come on, Mom! I'll show you something!" Her neat row of tiny white teeth flashing as she led me somewhere.

Looking around, it seems she took me to the ice cream stand within the hospital premises. It should not have been any wonder, but only my stiff and suddenly frozen body, pupils contracted while I saw his figure—There stood the man who had turned everything I had known into a living nightmare. My ex-husband... Andrea's father...

Emotions drawn from my memory started to pour in like a flood, piercing pain in the chest, crying without any control. The past I so much wanted to be rid of has caused me to become powerless. As his eyes met mine for the first time, I felt even my pulse captured by his hold. The man’s eyes were deep-set and a cold blue, witnessing with an apparent blankness.

Mabilis akong umayos ng tayo at pinunas ang luha sa pisngi ko. Ayaw ko makita niya na ako pa rin ang dating Irina na mahina at baliw na baliw sa kanya. Gusto kong ipakita na matagal ng wala ang Irina na iyon kasabay ng pag-iwan ko sa kanya.

But then again, what was he doing exactly here?

Dito sa lugar kung saan malayo sa siyudad... na tiniyak kong malayo sa kanya.