“I. don’t. Want. to. Go!” Emily shouted, clearly exhausted by our little family vacation. We had pulled up to the Champlain Mall in Dieppe to pick up a few things I had forgotten at home before we made it to the cottage we had rented by the ocean another 45 minutes away.
“I can stay with her while you get what you need, baby,” Gabriel offered, the most patient out of the two of us. With a lump in my throat and trying to keep the tears at bay I nodded. “You can leave Felix in the truck too if you want” he offered looking over to our 4 year old with a grin. Felix looked so much like Hendrix it was freaky and the two, despite the age difference, were thick as thieves.
“Do you want to stay with daddy or come with mommy, Fee?” I asked.
“Daddy!” he exclaimed.
“Okay I will be back as soon as possible” I said, unbuckling my seat belt. Ga
Lane and her boyfriend Alexy, along with Matteo and his wife, were joining us on our vacation, having rented the cottages next to ours for the week. Lane, who was 33 weeks pregnant and glowing, had been visiting us at least every 2 months for the first three years after Emily was born until she met one of Gabriel’s employees one summer and fell madly in love with him. Since my mom had also met someone back home and was living with him, Lane felt less guilt about moving out to New Brunswick. Her and her boyfriend were living in a beautiful home only 10 minutes drive away from Gabriel and I.Matteo’s kids were all grown now and rarely followed their parents around anymore. He and his wife were enjoying their first solo vacation in years, but had decided to spend it with our family. Being godparents to Felix, they tried to be as present in our lives as they could.
I stared down at my brown and orange stained fingers in fascination while I was waiting to see the specialist. Due to the nature of my job, my hands were dry and cracked and had a tendency to absorb color from the food I handled. It was incredibly difficult to get it out. Some helpful people had advised me that if I simply took the time to moisturize my hands, I wouldn’t have this problem. As if I had time for that! My hands were too busy with food prep, and dishwashing to take the time to let the lotion soak into my dry cracked hands. My nails were kept short, I didn’t wear rings and I washed my hands about a hundred times per day, they were definitely not sexy. My right hand had a tough raised callus just under my index finger from the constant contact with the metal of my knife while both arms had various burn marks from moments of inattention while cooking. Some of my knuckles had scars from the times the cheese slipped against the grater ca
Gabriel was sitting on the front steps of his cabin a cigarette in one hand and a can of beer in the other. He offered me a beer as I approached him. "I thought you said this was a dry camp" I asked dubiously. "It is," he extended his hand to offer me the beer again and I took it. "It'll take the edge off after your doctor thing this morning," he said quietly. I stared at him in wonderment, these were the most non-work related words he had ever spoken to me. I opened the can and took a long drink, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I felt his gaze on me as he took a drag of his cigarette. He motioned for me to have a seat next to him on the step and I obliged. "Supper was excellent," he said simply, his gaze shifting to a squirrel running between trees just five feet away from us. "Uhm, thanks" I replied, shyly. We sat in silence for a few minutes drinking our beer watching squirrels darting around. He finally took a long drag of his cigarette before p
Gabriel picked me up from Janice’s house, his truck was full of the groceries I couldn’t get from our vendors. He came out to greet Janice and I as we said our goodbyes. "I'm going to miss you so much this week!" I whined as I hugged Janice. "I'll miss you too!" I grabbed my suitcase full of fresh laundered clothes and handed it to Gabriel. He grabbed the bag in one hand and extended his other hand out to help me get in the truck. I ignored his hand and did the best I could to get in the truck gracefully. "Did you have a good weekend?" he asked, buckling his seatbelt in and I was startled at his attempt to make small talk, he was more of a “Still waters run deep” kind of guy. "It was o
"Do you have an appointment, Miss?" an elderly gentleman in a teal blazer asked. "Hi, yes I do," I smiled. He led me to a number reel and handed me a piece of paper with a number. "You can sit here dear, and when they call your number you can go see the receptionist. Have your cards ready and have a nice day" he said walking towards another helpless soul. A chime indicated the number change on the screen and I made my way to the chair across from the receptionist. "Health card?" she asked and began typing furiously. "You haven't been to this hospital before?" I shook my head. "Okay, you'll have to fill out this form so we can open a chart for you here. When you are done you can come right back here and I will register you okay?" She handed me a clipboard with a pen attached to it and I fil
Maria showed up on Sunday night, she was a sweet girl around my age who was eager to do every single thing I asked. She was very helpful but still lacked confidence in her skills. She always asked a million questions to make sure she was on the right track or doing things exactly the way I liked them. "You have to make some decisions by yourself" I told her on Thursday after she asked me to try the salads she had put together to tell her what was missing. She looked hurt at my comment and I felt awful. But I knew she had to grow a spine and make decisions on her own if she was going to make it in the real world. "Listen, Maria, I’m not trying to be mean, but next week you are going to be the one bossing me around. I want you to be making decisions. I will be here to support you, but you need to assert yourself." She nodded at me, her big brown eyes full of tears.
I woke up late the next morning when my phone was ringing loudly. "Hello?" I answered groggily. "Harper, can you be ready to go in 30 minutes, I have an emergency to attend to at the camp" Gabriel said quickly. "Uh huh, 30 minutes" I replied. "You'll be ready?" "Yup" I said, closing my eyes. 10 more minutes I thought to myself as I fell asleep. I was rudely awoken by a loud urgent banging at the door. "HARPER!" Gabriel yelled from the other side. I frantically looked for my phone and saw that I had 8 missed calls in the last 15 minutes. Shit! Luckily all of my things were contained already, I just had to grab a pair of jeans and a sh
We spent Friday night eating McDonalds and watching Die Hard. I had fallen asleep before the movie was over and was barely aware that Gabriel covered me with a blanket before going into his bedroom.I was awoken by the smell of coffee and breakfast wraps on Saturday morning. Gabriel and I ate in silence next to each other at the island counter. My fingers were itching to grab my phone and scroll through facebook to break the awkwardness of being with Gabriel."I have a huge favour to ask," Gabriel said, finally breaking the silence."What's that?" I asked, relieved to be speaking."Do you think you can make lasagna for supper?" he asked, a tinge of pink forming over his face working hard not to smile. He looked like a little boy asking for m
Lane and her boyfriend Alexy, along with Matteo and his wife, were joining us on our vacation, having rented the cottages next to ours for the week. Lane, who was 33 weeks pregnant and glowing, had been visiting us at least every 2 months for the first three years after Emily was born until she met one of Gabriel’s employees one summer and fell madly in love with him. Since my mom had also met someone back home and was living with him, Lane felt less guilt about moving out to New Brunswick. Her and her boyfriend were living in a beautiful home only 10 minutes drive away from Gabriel and I.Matteo’s kids were all grown now and rarely followed their parents around anymore. He and his wife were enjoying their first solo vacation in years, but had decided to spend it with our family. Being godparents to Felix, they tried to be as present in our lives as they could.
“I. don’t. Want. to. Go!” Emily shouted, clearly exhausted by our little family vacation. We had pulled up to the Champlain Mall in Dieppe to pick up a few things I had forgotten at home before we made it to the cottage we had rented by the ocean another 45 minutes away.“I can stay with her while you get what you need, baby,” Gabriel offered, the most patient out of the two of us. With a lump in my throat and trying to keep the tears at bay I nodded. “You can leave Felix in the truck too if you want” he offered looking over to our 4 year old with a grin. Felix looked so much like Hendrix it was freaky and the two, despite the age difference, were thick as thieves.“Do you want to stay with daddy or come with mommy, Fee?” I asked.“Daddy!” he exclaimed.“Okay I will be back as soon as possible” I said, unbuckling my seat belt. Ga
I watched the people milling about from the dining room window, there were 30 or so people waiting in the backyard while rock music played on. I couldn’t see Gabriel from where I was standing but I could just imagine what he looked like in an outfit similar to Hendrix’s. I could hardly contain my excitement at seeing him.I admired Lane’s beautiful set up and hoped it wasn’t going to rain, as the skies were grey with clouds. Lane had strategically hung white sheer linen in some of the trees and placed lanterns as decorations. There were rows of white chairs occupied by the guests and white flower petals down the would-be aisle. I spotted a makeshift bar with huge ‘Beer and Whiskey’ signs hanging above it and laughed. Of course Gabriel would make sure the guests were well ‘watered’. The backyard had a very magical feeling about it. 
With everyone’s help and support the first week of Emily’s life went on without a hitch. I went on a few emotional roller coasters and woke up soaked in sweat a few times at night. But in all I couldn’t ask for a better baby. Emily was easily content, sleeping most of the day and only waking for feeds and diaper changes.My mom took on the role of grandmother very well, she rocked, washed, and cooed at Emily every chance she had. Janice cooked up a storm for everyone staying with us and froze several meals for when we were on our own again. Lane and I spent most of Emily’s feeding time in my bed going over wedding details and ideas.“I trust you, Lane” I told her for the millionth time, “do whatever you want!” Lane took a deep exasperated breath and let it out slowly, gently stroking Emily’s head. 
At 40 weeks, I was exhausted, cranky and swollen all over. I went out for walks with Axel and Gabriel every morning while Lane had been sending Janice new recipes to induce labor for the last two weeks and each day, Janice brought me some new miraculous concoction guaranteed to work. At night Gabriel gave me mind shattering orgasms to stimulate contractions, and I felt bad that his fiancé was now the size of a beached whale. Not that he would say such things, but I was disheartened by the way I looked and felt. I knew it was temporary but I was getting anxious to meet my baby. Sam, Janice’s boyfriend, was helping with some projects around the house and cottage to keep Gabriel occupied while the four of us waited impatiently for the stork to drop by.Finally one night as we lay in bed after an ordinary day, I felt a distinct popping in my lower belly before a rush of liquid squirted out of me. As fast as I could, I rolled out of bed and waddled
“Gabe I know you’re going to hate this idea, but I booked myself in for a maternity photoshoot and I would love for you to be there” I said, bracing myself for the inevitable rejection.“Sure,” he said, not taking his eyes off his laptop screen.“Were you listening?”“Yes, you have a maternity photoshoot and you want me to be there”“In the photos though”“Yes, that’s fine” he said as he placed his laptop on the coffee table and grabbed my foot to massage it.“You're sure?” I asked, stifling a groan of pleasure as he massaged my calf.“Yes Harper, I will be there in the photos with you and your belly. It’s fine” he said with finality.“Oh, well thank you”“When is it?”&
By December Gabriel and I had fully returned to our old routine. Though the pain of losing a baby never quite goes away, it becomes a little more bearable as the days go on.Sally had asked me to return to the diner for the winter, but I got an even more enticing job as an instructor at the community college. I would deliver a certain amount of theory content during the fall and winter semesters and in the summer I would take on the students at Gabriel’s work sites in order to give them hands-on practice. After a long and thorough conversation with Gabriel I sadly declined Sally’s offer and took on the college job. I loved having a 9-4 job that allowed me to be at home in the evening. Gabriel had secured a few building jobs around town and was also home every night. He frequently assured me he didn’t find life with me dull and always looked forward to coming home and seeing me each night.Our new house was everything I co
*Warning, this chapter deals with traumatic subject matter that could upset some readers*We had made it to the last couple of weeks of the summer with very little excitement at the camp. Everything seemed to be running smoothly and Gabriel proudly announced this was his most successful season so far. The house had sold and we had slowly started to move into our new house, though we spent most of our time at the cottage to enjoy the lake on our days off.“Why are you making a bagel?” Gabriel asked one morning as he filled his plate with bacon and eggs.“To eat…” I said with a frown.“You don’t eat bagels” he said looking at me curiously, “Is this a pregnancy thing?”“No, I don’t, and no it’s not”“Who are you specially making bagels for?” he asked, annoyed.&ld
I had my follow up ultrasound and blood work done during March and awaited the results impatiently. I knew Gabriel was just as anxious about it as I was but he was better able to mask his anxiety as he kept busy with work.Luckily, the ground began thawing and construction on our new house began. This gave me a brief moment of respite as I focused on the blueprints, choosing paint and flooring. It was an exciting process to watch, one day there was a huge hole in the ground, then there was a foundation and soon walls were being put up.Matteo had come down to help Gabriel get ready for the season. He was staying in Chrissy’s old room while he was with us and went home on the weekend to see his family. Gabriel and Matteo were away most of the day and I took those opportunities to pack up the house and deal with the realtors. Since our new house wasn’t going to be ready until the fall Gabriel had rented a storage unit as I had su