funny mom jokes dirty

Left at the altar by her fiancé, film industry beauty Christine Ledesma, also known as Cassandra Mendez rebuilt her shattered life. Just when she thought she had finally gotten over him and turned over a whole new leaf, Marty Jacobs the infamous playboy billionaire showed up again to reclaim her. "Mommy, you're back." The little girl sweetly said. Marty came in and walked towards the living room. He put down Christine on the couch. The little girl was delighted to see Christine carried by Marty. The little girl held Marty's hand, looked up to him and spoke, "Mommy, is he my daddy?" The little girl's eyes were twinkling like the stars in the sky. Memories of five years ago came flooding her mind. Christine couldn't utter a word, for she was overwhelmed by the memories of five years ago. The little girl concluded that her mom's silence meant yes, the little girl spoke to Marty "Daddy, did you come back to take us with you?" Baffled, Marty couldn't speak and looked at Christine. Christine had regained her composure and said, "Cassie, sweetie, he is mommy's business partner."

An arrange marriage kind of love story. Both with big differences from each other. One live with peace and doesn't like chaos but the other one finds comfort in chaos. Anthony Vasquez a mafia boss who disguise himself as a businessman and a doctor. Flirty but professional, depends on what professionalism you want. Aside from his looks, his humor is also what girls around him like about him. Doctor sa umaga, mafia boss sa gabi, depende pa kung may pasyente kasi aside sa kumikitil siya ng buhay, nanggagamot din siya ng buhay. His priorities is with both with a little bit of partying and having sex with plenty of women who will offer themselves to him. His life was fun regardless of what his other personality do for a living, he's still having fun not until he was arranged marriage by his parents to a woman names Emily Suarez. A doctor of psychology who's a complete opposite of him. Their love story is not the romantic one but rather the fun and dangerous kind.

"You feel so good." He groaned, "I fucking don't want this to end." He kissed the sweet spot under her ear. "You have ruined me for good." He confessed in between the kisses.  _____  Arcane Miller is a sophomore at high school. She had a secret crush on the hottest guy, Xavier Jones. However, one night, she suddenly found out that her Mom is marrying Vincent Jones, Xavier's father. Everything shattered, every little dream which she dreamt to be with him was torn apart. He will be her step brother, she wasn't allowed to think of him in this way.  But one night she climaxed thinking of him and realized that she has been fantasizing about him in other ways. So, she prepared a list. A list containing all the dirty things which she wants to do with him despite the fact, this is unholy.  What will happen when Xavier will find out about that list? Or does he feel the same heat as her?

Alice is happily married and enjoying life in her little bubble, until one day she stumbles across messages to her husband she was not meant to see. With three children and a divorce under her belt, will she ever find love again?

If you are going to be BAD, then you have to do it the BAD way... It's pretty simple: 1) Don't get caught 2) Always have a Plan B 3) If all else fails... Run...Run for your life! Everyone has a bad side. Some try to deny it's existence, some hide it and others well...they rule the world with it. In the book of being BAD, there are ninety-nine formulas for world domination... Number one: You aren't BAD until you can walk around the school dressed in all pink and have everyone afraid to approach you. Number two: You aren't BAD until you can break into a certain bad boys house and well... do the wrong kinds of stuff. Number three: You aren't bad until quite frankly, you have declared vengeance against the bad boy. ~*~ "I heard you like bad boys," Blade says with a vivid smirk on his face. I glared up at him, without responding clenching my fists fighting the urge to punch him in the face. "So...?" He says after a couple of seconds of silence. "So what?" "So what do you think...Tinker Bell?" He says emphasizing on the stupid name. His face moved closer to mine and I stared back into his green eyes, watching the fire inside ignite. I smirked, "Then find me one." Blade grins at my witty retort and shrugs it off. "I look at you and I see cotton candy, but then you open your mouth... and suddenly you turn into liquorice," he scoffs. "Welcome to the game bitch, your move, now let's play."

“Once upon a time, I got pregnant by my boss and as a result, developed a deep, deep hatred for men. Cole Frost and I were never to cross paths again after that night, so what was he doing six years later, paying 300,000 dollars to get me? What was he doing, melting my daughter’s heart? Focus, Clarissa!”

SYNOPSIS She came to drop some files at my penthouse, I was drunk to stupor, I wasn't thinking straight and we had a one night stand. He's Collins Walter, a cold-hearted Billionaire, popular around the world. A business freak, who doesn't seem to care about love and marriage, talks less of babies. She's Piper Walker, a kind-hearted young lady, in search of a job, but got one at Walter Empire. She's an accountant working for the whole Walter Empire, But what happened when she had a one night stand with her boss in an unimaginable situation, that led to pregnancy. Extracted From The Novel I tried my possible best to get him of me, but it seems impossible, he threw me on his bed angrily and climb over. "Please Sir"I cried out. He ignore my pleads and torn my new shirt in a hungry way which send some cold shiver down my spine. "My virginity, My virginity"I kept murmuring below my breath not until I saw what I fear the most, his 8cm d!ck bounce out of his shorts. "Mom, save me"I cried, as tears streamed down my cheeks How did you think this happen ? Will he accepted the pregnancy ? Could there still be more to his cold attitude ? DON'T MISS THIS OUT !!

Handang gawin ni Camille ang lahat para sa kaniyang anak, at kahit mahirap ang maging single mom ay kinakaya niya para sa nag-iisa niyang anak. Masaya at kuntento na siya sa buhay niya kasama ang kaniyang anak at kaniyang ina. Ngunit hindi inaasahan ni Camille na magku-krus ang landas nila ng ex-boyfriend niyang si Damon Monteverde, na sa loob ng ilang taon ay isa nang ganap na business man at bilyonaryong CEO na nagmamay-ari ng tanyag na kumpanya, ang Sapphire J-well. Wala na sanang balak si Camille na sabihin kay Damon ang tungkol sa kanilang anak, ngunit mismong ang tadhana ang gumawa ng paraan para malaman iyon ni Damon at wala siyang magawa kundi ang ipagtapat dito ang totoo. Hahayaan niyang pasukin ni Damon ang buhay ng anak nila, ngunit itinatak na ni Camille sa puso at isip niya na tanging ang anak lang nilang si Joana ang ugnayan nila ni Damon. Pinipigilan niya ang sariling mahulog muli sa lalaki, kahit alam niyang hindi naman talaga namatay ang pag-ibig niya para rito kahit halos anim na taun na ang lumipas. Ngunit paano niya makakayang pigilan ang nararamdaman para sa lalaki kung madalas niya itong makita dahil sa kanilang anak?

"Why are you angry?" I asked him. "It's not like we're a couple." He stopped, and stared at me, boring my eyes with his emerald eyes. "If we are…" He paused, clenching his jaw, "then am I allowed to be angry?” I looked at him like he was insane. “Then we'll take it to that level." He continued. "I'm serious. I want you.” Leizel Snow Garcia Waterstrings is not just fierce. She's more than that. Ending up as an ice cream worker in a local ice cream shop, it was her one step of becoming a strong and independent woman. And that's when a cold-hearted stranger came in view. Eion Aurelio Hudson. Out of seven billion people in the world, the two hard-headed people crossed paths, making her "strong and independent woman" facade slowly fall apart. With all the dramas, free food, forgotten birthdays, Robot handling, idiots around, and emotional crisis, will she be able to melt his winter heart with her blazing fire or will this fire be put away instantly? ``` ``` One Blazing Head. One Winter Heart. Two Hard-headed people. A huge disaster. (Book 1 of Hearts Series but can be read as standalone)

Trigger Warning!! This book is very dark, containing torture and abuse, read at your own risk!! "I'll delete the pictures depending on how obedient you are. You have to do everything I say; if I want you to become a dog, you have to get on your knees and bark; do we have a deal?" Pierce leans intimidatingly to Malakai's height to whisper softly in his ears; his cold eyes flash with cruelty. "You don't want her to know what a dirty little creep you are, do you?" Malakai Kreston, Quiet and perfect son of the county's preacher is who everyone assumes to be a boring nerd, but Malakai has a deep secret. He isn't so perfect after all! A dirty secret that Malakai will do anything to protect. What happens when he becomes a targeted pawn of Pierce Masterson? Kai, who is usually the hunter, becomes the prey, and he discovers that Pierce is more evil... Sinister and very much more twisted than anything he'd ever imagined. Pierce must have everything he wants or destroy it all completely, Escaping is Malakai's only option, but how far will he go before he gets caught? In a game of cat and mouse, neither are willing to lose!