funny mom jokes dirty

He smirked, knowing he was on the winning side. "So it's a done deal for three months?" He raised his eyebrows, putting his hand forth for a handshake. I looked at the long fingers and perfectly aligned nails and then at his patient face. Sighing to myself I my own hand into his and ignored the tingles that flowed through every nerve as his fingers curled around my hand and shook it lightly. "Yeah three months." "Goodnight then." He winked, removing his hand from mine and turned to walk away. "Hey wait!" I called out, suddenly remembering something. "You don't have my number." "What makes you think that? I have my ways Smith." And with one last wink I saw him take a turn and disappear from my sight. I let out a long breath, leaning on the nearby wall. Looks like I just made a deal with the Devil. * A sarcastic girl, a cocky guy. Throw in some mystery, murder, filthy jokes, wonderful friends, tons of kisses, secrets, surprises, eye-rolls and a killer on run. And you have got yourself a story never read before. ***So grab a cup of hot chocolate, some chips and a warm blanket and get ready to laugh, cry and bite your lip in anticipation. Enjoy!!

He was darkness, sinfully gorgeous, a dangerous fantasy, a walking orgasm with strings of broken heart behind him a proof of his heartless nature. He was everything decadent yet delicious your mom warned you about. She wanted light He wanted her After running away from her abusive drug addict of a step father and a mother who was busy getting her next fix to care for a whiny 15 years old, Maya could safely say she have had it rough in life and just wanted her own happy ever after. A husband who adores her, a picket fence, a dog and three adorable children. After she catches her fantasized soulmate cheating on her with her Best friend, she is shattered which left her deciding to throw caution into the air once and indulge in a mind blowing one night stand. A one night stand which leaves her sprawled on the bed humiliated, turned on and intrigued about the hot stranger with the distant cold blue eyes who practically freaked out when he discovered she was a virgin. When her friend gets her a Job as a PA to the CEO of one of the biggest establishment in the country but turns out Mr CEO was the hot stranger and what's more? He wants to claim her in every way possible but Maya knows what a picket fence guy material looks like and her insanely hot brooding boss wasn't it.

The three-year contractual marriage had fulfilled Ember’s dream.However, everyone knew that the dashing Caleb had his own dream with a woman called Penelope.His love returned, and the contract had ended, but Ember found herself pregnant with Caleb’s child.On the day that they were supposed to complete the divorce, something happened to Ember. Caleb could never find her again. Life seemed to have returned to normal, until one day when Caleb got drunk at a bar. His friends dialed a number saved as “Honey” - only to find it was Ember’s terminated number, not Penelope’s.******Only when Ember returned with her son did Caleb notice he had already fallen for her. He regretted his decision and began his journey to take his wife back. He would sacrifice everything for her.Then one day, when he once again held her hand and pulled her into his embrace, he said with a coarse voice, “Em, I already noticed you the day you gave the speech. When are you coming home? Our house has been so cold…”Ember pushed him away. “Stop acting so lovey-dovey with me. Our son’s watching…”The boy ran away and put his hands over his ears. “Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!”

I was sold as sex slave by my parents! My mom broke down in tears at this point as she shook her head as she murmured while sobbing. "I'm sorry, my dear... I'm sorry." Her expression looked as if she was truly guilty of me, but her backward steps betrayed her. I shuddered uncontrollably as I watched this unfold before me, desperately shaking my head as I struggled to deny it all. "No, no… I don't want this…" I looked at those men who were looking at me with excitement, as they had already removed their clothes. When I tried to move my thin body and escape from what they were trying to do, the two of them held both of my arms and my legs, trying to stop me from moving, as one of them was already on top of me. One of them sneered as he looked at me with arrogance. "Alpha King has other sex slaves anyway, so there's no harm in us enjoying this bitch first!" Tears broke out of my eyes as I begged them to stop what they were doing. "Stop… no… please don't…" Despite my hoarse voice and I could barely even speak, I pleaded for mercy. I plead that they won't do what they were planning to do. I am saving myself for my future mate. I… I hate this… But what the hell am I supposed to do!

I needed this. I need to let go. She thought as she tried to justify her sexual feelings towards the sexy beast tangled to her body. "Stop me..." Matteo whispered harshly in her ear, but she was moaning to his kisses and was letting him take off her dress as he lay her down to the bed. He groaned when he saw her slender body which strangely aroused him more than those voluptuous stripper bodies that he had grown accustomed to. "Amara, baby..." ***** She's the daughter of one of the most influential families in the world. She grew up as one of the richest trust fund kids, and she lives a very lavish and luxurious lifestyle. But what people didn't know was the truth of her bloodline. She's the love child, of one of the richest men in the world. She was daddy's little princess. All three of her biological brothers, the true heir of her father's wealth hated her. His wife, her fake mom despised her, never acknowledge her existence unless it was for social occasions. ...... This is a story about the richest, deception, love, humor, hate, heartbreak, and all the drama you can fit into a book. Follow me, find out who's the lucky guy who gets to live his ever after with our madame billionaire. And for all of you who has been stalking on our townies... Take a wild guess, who knows, you might be right ....... *Warning! R-Rated for 18+ due to strong, explicit language and sexual content*

Thea Morris is 23 years old and she works as an interior designer for a well-known company in Paris. She always rejected all the guys that asked her to go out on a date. She doesn't date nor has a boyfriend because she always makes herself busy with her work, work, and work. Joseph Sanchez is 26 years old. He's the owner of Sanchez Corporation also name J.S Corporation. He is well known because of his good-looking face and also he's one of the richest bachelors in New York. He loves to play and break women's hearts. For him, all women are the same who like to easily give their bodies like a whore. When Joseph going to open a new hotel in Paris, of course, he needs an interior designer to make a design for his hotel. That's when Thea is chosen and the one who's gonna in charge of that job. At first, they just act as a professional boss and employee. But then, days by days the attraction between both of them have become stronger. But the problem is Thea didn't want to have any relationship with Joseph because she's afraid that he might leave and break her heart just like he did to other women. Read to find out more...

For the erotica readers. Forbidden Desires is the erotica compilation for you then. It is filled with all sorts of one-shots that will satiate your dirty mind. From threesomes to bxg, gxg one shot. Hot stepfathers, and naughty nannies that can't resist their employer. And from the innocent girl who loves all three brothers - Katherine Pierce has nothing on her. Read Forbidden Desires today you won't regret it.

Cocky, arrogant, and dropped dead gorgeous: That described my boss, Mr. Craft, to a T. His thick hair, cold blue eyes and strong jaw held power in a conference meeting, causing women to melt in his presence. I’ve wanted to confront him on his stubborn attitude and critical demands for employees. I’d bitten my tongue in many scenarios and held in my true feelings over a dozen times. Keeping the peace was necessary until I had enough experience under my belt to move onto bigger and better things. The only problem was; Craft Marketing was the bigger and better, and the longer I stuck it out with him, meant more opportunities would arise. I’d been the only female intern to land a job directly under him, and was also the only one who hadn’t slept with him. I knew he was promiscuous with the tall and leggy blondes that breezed into his office looking immaculate, then scurried back out with mussed hair, flushed cheeks, and unbuttoned blouses. I'd ignore the magnetic pull of chemistry and curiosity between us. Unless it came to my advantage.

Night Stalker Series 3: Forrest Wood is an enigmatic tattooed bartender who lives in two worlds to protect someone he loves. He never questions his self-control over temptations while searching for answers for half his life. Until something has changed in a woman, he’s been keeping tabs for a while. When he’s finally ready to deal with his feelings, he knows nothing can be easy in his life—it only complicates his plans and his secrets that Megan might not accept who truly he is. A flirty, blunt, and funny, Megan Simons built her walls over relationships until her life crumbles down in front of her. Forrest comes to the rescue. She finds him intriguing and beyond attractive. When she starts bringing her walls down, she finds herself in a situation where Forrest Wood is more than what meets the eye.

Warning: Matured 18+ contents! HAVING a prosperous rich lifelike Celestine Rain Alcazar is like living in a lie. When she's living in a cage—no freedom of things she wanted. She has the money, luxury, beauty, and brain that men are drooling over her. But there is still something missing in her perfect life. Closing into edge is her feeling when her mom introduced her to Ezekiel Bellevera for an arranged marriage. Her mom doesn't know her secrets between her sheets. Immersed in a fantasy life, Celestine will unravel her identity proving that Ezekiel wasn't the guy for her. And showing that most of the people are Not A Saint, the same as her. The freedom of being true to yourself is her weapon. And she will prove them wrong. But what if the person she loves been cheating on her with her fiancé, Ezekiel, and caught it red-handed? Would she forgive and forget or this is her start of vengeance towards men?