funny mom jokes dirty

Kalilah is a single mom who promised to herself that she will not open her heart for a relationship again because of her big heart break in the past. Roswell, a billionaire and businessman will come to her life one day. He was attracted by her and her personality and will fell in love with her. Kalilah doesn't give her attention to him but Roswell will do everything to win Kalilah's heart.

"Cali, drop the knife, you know it is never that hard that you have to kill yourself." "For the last time Blake. I'm not suicidal!!" I throw the knife away. "Then why were you holding that knife?" He asked, worried. I then showed him the apple in my other hand. ------------- Cali Evans, 17, a normal girl with a wacky attitude and sass. Life was going smooth for her until Blake happened. Blake Sanders, 18, the popular, hot, bad boy finds a new mission when he meets Cali. One misunderstanding, a sarcastic girl and a bad boy equals to food fights, bowling nights, dangerous knifes, terrace conversations, monopoly games and maybe some love.

Jericho Astor, the youngest Astor brother and by far the sweetest of the three is a genius when it comes to anything technology—and when it comes to Odette Gibson. Odette Gibson, a cop who just happens to be Jericho's best friend probably knows Jericho better than he knows himself. It's what makes their friendship so strong, it's what keeps them bonded. But, there's a thin line between friendship and something a little more than that and Jericho has been straddling that line for years, until one day he found himself in the deep end drowning in feelings for her that she would never return. Or maybe she will if the hands of fate have anything to do with it... _____________________________ Read book 1: Gunnar, and book 2: Ace. If you don't read the first two books, the third won't make sense.

32 year old Sophie decided it's time to stop hiding so she filled up an application to be a Sugar Baby. Weekends that used to be filled up with Netflix and comfort food are now changed into a high-paying profession. Well, weekend profession. She's still the busy working mom of 2 during the weekdays. 19 year old Abigail is the average college girl who has a cuckoo aunt. Her proposal has backfired when her aunt decided to use her info in the profile she's setting up at Cupcake, a Sugar Baby website. Let's hope nobody finds out Abigail signed up as a Sugar Baby. Let's pray harder for Aunt Sophie who has the confidence to pull off being an Abigail during the weekends. Cross your fingers! And your legs too, Soph. I mean, Abby. Err, Weekend-Abby. Cross your legs, Weekend-Abby!

Portia 'Tia' Colby has always been ignored in favor of her twin sisters. The only people who truly acknowledged her are her mom and her best friends, Mark and Lynn. The future Alphas of the Emerald Lake Park are identical twins. They are eager to take over but have yet to find their fated mate. They decide to take chosen mates instead. What happens when Portia is made to return home for the Alpha ceremony and runs across her mate...or mates, the Alpha twins themselves? What does her family say when, before her appearance, her twin sisters were set to become Lunas of the Emerald Lake Pack? Who will become Luna? How will her family react? This is a series that contains: Three Fated Hearts, TFH: Another Chance, TFH: Things Change, and TFH: Making Things Right

Warnings: Mature mind only. Read with caution. “We can even make it a one-time thing.” She said, “We almost did this before...” But she quickly held herself and instead said, "My mom won’t even know a thing, I promise." She said, sounding really desperate. “There’s no way you won’t ask for more, Scarlett,” Adrian argued weakly. “Then I wouldn’t be in the wrong for doing that.” She maintained spiritedly. “I mean, why can’t you just leave my mom and date your age? Or do you think she’s dating only you? She’s got numerous men at her beck and call, and at the end of it all, she’s going to dump you. I am actually the one with the money.” “I don’t care about the money.” Adrian continued stubbornly. “I know this has nothing to do with true love. What exactly do you want from my mom? What do you have on her?” ~~~  Scarlet Davenport, a billionaire heiress and the only surviving daughter of a  widow and men-loving cougar; Vivian Davenport, wakes up to find Adrian Hartfield, the man whom she had an instant crush on after meeting at the club being introduced to her as her potential stepdad. She realizes for the first time in her young life that she might have to go against all odds to fight for her prince charming even if it means employing the art of seduction to get Adrian to her bed.   When hateful and numerous vile forces notice these weak spots in the family and decide to exploit them to their advantage, will Adrian and Scarlett realize their combined strength early enough? Would they overcome the odds?

"Say, lo mau jadi pacar gue nggak? Kalau nggak mau ya udah, gue aja yang jadi pacar lo."Bagi Danish tawuran adalah hiburan. Tidak perlu balok kayu, pedang panjang atau senjata ramah lingkungan untuk menaklukan lawan, sebotol sunblock bisa diandalkan untuk menghadapi sekolah musuh. Sebab panas matahari bisa membakar kulit dan pukulan balok di tubuh tidak lebih menyeramkan dibanding ancaman kanker. Lagipula glowing butuh usaha dan wajah gantengnya harus dijaga.Danish akan menghadapi mereka dengan tangan kosong, kecuali kepepet boleh ambil balok. Namun dia jatuh hati pada seorang gadis anak perwira TNI. Tentu saja itu sebuah tantangan bagi siswa badung yang gemar tawuran. Apakah gadis itu akan berhasil Danish dapatkan?

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, that couldn’t be more true in a free for all world where shifters have been forced to live out in the open. Assimilating into human life doesn’t bode well for most but those with means are still able to live their lives as they see fit. The Reznikov's, one of the most powerful mafia families in the world, have a dirty little secret that’s contributed to their success: they are werewolves. When the boss, Alexander buys a pup to turn into a fighter, he gets far more from the boy. He’s a blank canvas eager to learn the family business. Aleksey is feared by humans and werewolves alike, but he truly seeks the one thing that most werewolves are no longer guaranteed; a true fated mate. Emilia actually meets Aleksey when they are young teens, but they are unaware of just what their connection is. After losing her family and the only life she’s ever known, fate intervenes to put Aleksey in her path for a second time. Emilia quickly takes to her new life as the mate of a high ranking mafioso, shocking everyone including herself. Their love is intense and passionate, but there are many who try and test their resolve, including those in their own family who will stop at nothing to be on top. The story goes on to follow Aleksey's sister and then his best friend as they try to find love.

A professor named Zedic Lim seeks justice for his bereaved brother, but playful destiny seems to be playing by the rules for them when he meets a student named Mischell Flor, Mischell is a brave girl facing her difficult part of her life. Striving for her dream while smiling in front of everyone just to say that she is really okay even if she is not. The two people meet at the wrong time and try to fight the crazy thing called love. Trying to fight with playful fate. Will they win the game of love?

When nerdy but cute, Miranda Whitmore's parents decide to move to a place called Howling Cliffs, she is not happy. But there's nothing she despises more in this small town than Nigel Vanderwolf, the hot jock who happens to be the son of the man Miranda's family is staying with. The two bump heads continuously, with Nigel's crude sexual jokes and relentless mockery of her virgin status and Miranda's snappy rebuttals and ability to annoy him constantly. But one night after a dangerous game of Truth or Dare, Miranda becomes lost in the woods where she gets trapped in a cave because of a thunderstorm. Feeling guilty of his part in Miranda's disappearance, Nigel sets out to find her. He stumbles on the girl he finds the most annoying, sheltering in the Forbidden Cavern. The two ensue in a heated argument, disturbing the God that resides there. After Nigel takes Miranda home, the two decide to never speak to each other again, thus going their separate ways, only to wake the next morning to find themselves in each other's bodies. Now Miranda has the upper hand because she has finally learned Nigel's secret. Her neighbour and bully is a werewolf. What will Miranda do with this newfound information? Will she expose to the world that the supernatural is real? How will Nigel cope with this magical phenomenon? Will he be able to switch back in time for the great Alpha Trials? Follow Miranda and Nigel in this epic tale of enemies to lovers in the Werewolf Switch.