actually funny jokes for adults

I breathe heavily as he pins me to the wall, his hands wrapped tight around my throat I could barely breathe. ‘You hear me, Sera? I found you first. I noticed you first! I fell for you first. No one else, I mean, no one should put their hands on you, because if they do, I swear to God, Sera, I'll fucking break their arms and legs and serve it to you to eat!’ He growls. Seraphina Puckett is the perfect definition of trauma. A walking trauma. She tries to navigate her life, trying to bring in sunshine but as the world is determined to make it rain on her, what does she do? Does she get beaten in the rain or walk through it? When her abusive father gets out of prison and is out to get her, how does she face her fear?

Tessa Hearst, the Luna of Silvermoon Pack, has no reason to wake up one morning, showing pregnancy symptoms and realizing she's a few weeks pregnant. Her mate is impotent and she never cheated on him, so why is she pregnant? Her unexplainable ordeal stirs up an endless trail of rumors and she gets rejected and almost killed. Five years later, she returns to the pack as a renowned doctor, with triplet sons that have a striking resemblance to her ex-mate. Strange, but Tessa wasn't giving a fuck anymore. She was gonna make him pay for the pain he put her through. But what happens when her boys have other plans, like reuniting with their father? What happens when a pandemic breaks out and she's forced to work together with the man that once made her heart skip? What happens when she's caught in the crossroad of revenge and a second chance to their love story? Will sparks fly again or will it be the beginning of her revenge? Join Tessa on her turbulent journey for revenge, second chance love, and trying to be the best mother for her mischievous boys.

Snarls and screams erupted around me as massive dark shapes stormed through the trees, colliding violently with my packmates. I stood, stunned and disoriented amidst the chaos. These were not just rogues trespassing on our lands. These were the Night Walkers - the most vicious pack around. "But why would they attack us so brazenly?" I startled back to my senses at the sound of a pained yelp. "Father!" He was battling fiercely with the Beta of the Night Walkers, but he was outmatched. They must have caught us off guard, while our most able fighters were asleep.

She looks delightful,” the alpha’s voice dropped a note, making Anastasia flustered. She finally deflected her gaze away from the alpha . The alpha’s face still looked angry, yet his words suggested he wasn’t. Does he just never look happy? “We found her, our mate.” “8 fucking years,” the other alpha hummed. “We waited for you for 8 years. Now that you are finally in front of us, I can see why. Perfection cannot be rushed and there is no omega like you.” “Perfect,” the other repeated back, face still buried in her scent gland. Anastasia only ever wanted to feel safe. She got more than she bargained for when she ran away from her cruel father and even crueler intended mate her father sold her to

His hands covered her boobs and she began to tremble. “You are so beautiful." Knox said with his eyes on her just studying her body. "Knox...I think we...shouldn't...” Eretia paused. "Do you want me to stop?" Knox asked. Eretia stared at him. Her nipples going hard and her belly quivering. "Why do...you want...to do this?" “I want you to have a desire to comeback here when you return to your world." Knox answered with sincerity in his tone. “But—“ He brushed his mouth against hers cutting off her intended words. His hands gently cupping her breasts. “This is your first right? Or am I wrong?" He asked amidst kisses. “No...no...I haven't...done it with anyone.” Eretia stuttered. “Same here." Knox coaxed. Meet Knox Martins, a billionaire and who also happens to be a big time celebrity. You see, Knox Martins is stone-headed and cold-hearted. He hates to hear the word “love.” He despises his mother for just one reason - he believes that she killed his father even though he had crashed in a plane that had killed a thousand of people. Eretia, a mermaid, a lady of the ocean who has special singing powers that is enough to hear the words of the sea. She washes up to the shore of a sea, injured and alone - far away from home. She is found by a young surgeon who is kind enough to bring her into his home. And soon enough, Knox Martins meets Eretia who happens to be a hired maid by his mom after she makes a deal to reconcile both mother and son. Will the relationship between the earth and the sea ever get the chance to bloom? Or will it whither away when they are apart in their separate worlds.

It's been four years since Bianca Moretti's Dad passed away. Her mom decided to get married to a man she felled in love with, the Rossi family. Bianca wasn't in support with it till she met her stepbrother. Emilio Rossi, the first child and only son of Alejandro Rossi. Emilio is a good example of introvert, he doesn't talk that much. He only cares about his three little sisters after their Mom abandoned them a long time ago. He's arrogant, hot-tempered and rude. After seeing he new stepsister, he knew that he had to be careful.

[COMPLETE] People rave about the bad boy...but what about the bad girl? Cole Danvers, is a cocky, good-looking jock from a family built on wealth. He has every girls attention at Primestone High, every girl but Lucy Hale. Lucy Hale is a badass. She's mean, a sight for sore eyes, a girl resistant to swooning over playboys like Cole Danvers and falling at his feet. That is, until Cole catches her eyes. When he notices that she isn't interested in his game, Cole's making his senior year count by grasping at Lucy's attention to win her over and hopefully fulfill his mission to make her fall in-love with him. What happens when his plan backfires and he instead ends up falling for lucy? Falling for the bad girl.

For three years many people have known her as their owner of the park but behind closed doors, Daciana what's a little less than a slave in her husband the Alpha Eden's eyes. She was barely a figurehead and the person who was really being treated as the luna was her adoptive sister Nikini. Finally her husband comes out with his relationship with her sister at a huge pack gala that has the Lycan King in attendance and embarrasses her in front of many other Alphas and lunas. What happens when she turns around and realises that the Lycan King is actually her second chance mate?

Kenzie Wright needed a rebound guy, and a flirtatious billionaire was the perfect lad to do the job. Much to her surprise, the same striking man, Andrew Kentworthy, was determined to marry her in a flash. *** "Step one, leave the country. Done. Step two, find a rebound,” Kenzie reminded herself after stepping inside an exclusive bar. Her eyes scanned every corner of the establishment, and after spotting the best candidate, she said, "Bingo!” Kenzie strolled eagerly toward a tall and handsome stranger. She held onto his arm and said, “Hi there, sweetie. There you are. I've been looking all over for you.” She envisioned several scenarios in her head, concluding how it would play, but the man's reaction was not quite as she expected. With a smirk on his face, the man answered, “Well, if it isn't my lovely wife. I knew you could not get out of bed after what we did last night.” 'Wait. What? Last night? Wife?' Before Kenzie could even counter, his lips crashed into hers, hungrily tasting her luscious lips. 'Shameless!' She silently screamed, her eyes beaming at the gorgeous man while her knees weakened to his minty taste. Regardless of the man's words, Kenzie confirmed the stranger was the perfect rebound, and maybe… just maybe… even more. *** Book 2 of the Wright Family Series Book 1: Mommy, Where Is Daddy? The Forsaken Daughter's Return Book 3: I Kissed A CEO And He Liked It Book 4: The Devil's Love For The Heiress Book 5: I Fell For The Boy His Daddy Was A BonusNote: Each story can be read as a standalone. Follow me on social media. Search Author_LiLhyz on IG & FB.

Emily Tamara Jacobs had always had a thing for black-eyed men. When one came in form of her boss, Emily knew she had to watch her back. Emily, a professional nanny had just landed a job to work with William Blakes, the powerful billionaire whom everyone was terrified of. She was warned against working for the dangerous billionaire but she heard none of it as she dived head straight into doing exactly what she had been warned against. Taking care of the billionaire's daughter proved more difficult than she thought it would and when she started to fantasize about the black-eyed man, Emily would do anything to keep herself from falling for him all to no avail. Just as they are getting to a good place, an enemy from the past showed up to put a stop to the lovey-dovey relationship going on, implicating Emily in the worst of ways. Would they be able to put aside their differences and fight for what they truly want or would they allow themselves to be weighed down by it?