All Chapters of WHEN ASHES FALL: Chapter 31 - Chapter 40

I dropped the phone from my ear and continued to look inside my closet.I’ll need more than just an outfit for our date.I’ll need several in case I see him again after Friday.Because I want to see more of him.Because I like him.Those thoughts were shaking me so hard.My head dropped toward my chest, and my hands caught my attention.I was holding them in front of me.Squeezing them around the phone.The large, round diamond was shining under the light.The platinum band was leaving a dent on the side of my pinkie and middle fingers.I’d put it back on when I was walking home after I threw up.Rose couldn’t see it.She wouldn’t understand.So, I didn’t wear it when I was around her.Or while I was at work because I didn’t want the questions.And, now, whenever I spent time with Smith since that would just make things impossibly messy.I’d just have to remember to take it off.Thirty-OneAlixPresent DayI got up from my workstation and went into the kitchen to grab the dinner I’d b

She was just staring at the empty to-go box, running the fork through the frosting that had stuck to the sides of the container. “Hey, Smith?” she said when she finally glanced up.I was already looking at her.“Thank you for dropping it,” she whispered.I wasn’t sure if she was talking about our last date that hadn’t happened or her previous employment. But, when I saw her body slowly start to relax, it no longer mattered.My mother had once told me, she could always point out a junkie, even the ones who were trying to hide their disease. She could tell from their pupils, the way they turned to the size of pinpoints.I could do the same with pain.One day, Alix would tell me about the demons that haunted her, and I’d know the topics I needed to avoid.And, one day, she’d know why I never brought anyone to Roxbury.Holding both mugs, I walked through the kitchen and went out the back door, joining Alix in the garden. This was my favorite area, the space that had sold me on this browns

Thirty-ThreeAlixPresent DayI got out of the backseat of the car I’d hired to take me home from Smith’s place and hurried up the five steps to my townhouse.When I got inside, my keys were placed in a bowl on a table in the entryway, and I set my bag on one of the barstools. I continued walking until I reached the middle of the kitchen.There were counters on both sides of me.To my left was wine.To my right were Smith’s flowers in a vase.They were still alive.Still beautiful.Oh God.I didn’t know what to do.I didn’t know how to process what I was feeling.What made it even worse was when my eyes shifted to the other side of the countertop and saw the note Dylan had written.And the cup by the sink that he’d left with just a tiny bit of water in it.And the engagement ring on my finger.The one I’d put on in the car after I left Smith’s house.Oh God.My feet weren’t steady.The earth was tilting beneath me, and I couldn’t find my balance.The air I was sucking in was becoming

This wasn’t a realization.We knew exactly where things stood.This wasn’t good-bye either.Saying that would be impossible.This was us admitting our relationship would never be more than what we had now.And I truly believed that until I heard, “I wish I knew now what I hadn’t known then.”My hand slapped over my mouth, stopping the sob from screaming out through my lips.Tears were pouring so fast; it felt like my eyes were bleeding.I didn’t want him to leave either.But voicing that wouldn’t change anything.And removing my hand from my face would just let out the cries I didn’t want Dylan to hear.So, the only thing left to do was to say, “Dylan, I’m not going to make it up to bed tonight.”“Do you want me to stay?”I felt sick.I was betraying both of them.Dylan could smell Smith all over me.And I was certain, at some point, Smith had known there was someone in my past whom I loved.The throbbing in the back of my throat was becoming more intense, the longer I avoided the que

I turned to the bartender and said, “Any desserts?”“I can probably scrounge up some ice cream.”“We’re good,” I told him.I knew our food was waiting for us on the counter, but now that I was looking at Alix again, I couldn’t glance away.I needed to know something first.“Are you going home tonight, or are you going to come to my place?”She said nothing.She just looked at me while the emotion came back and played inside her eyes.Slowly, she seemed to pull herself out of it, and her hands went to my collar, fingers clenching to pull me closer.I smiled as her lips pressed against my ear.And, once I heard, “Yours,” my dick began to throb.Thirty-SevenAlixPresent Day“Do you want anything to drink?” Smith asked when we got back to his place.He walked over to the fridge while I stayed in front of the island, gripping the edge of the counter with both hands.The buzz that had started to come on at the bar was killed once I ate the greasy cheeseburger and fries.I didn’t want to dr