All Chapters of Resisting the Beta: Chapter 11 - Chapter 20

Vowing not to be swallowed up by grief should the worst ever happen was easy. Putting it into practice is impossible. Walking away from Finn and Rami's feast was rude of me. But I needed to get out. I can't stand the idea of everyone hugging, questioning, working out crushed I am when Alpha Cillian and the rest return. But I've nowhere to go.. Before long, my chest tightens, and I'm heaving over a basin. "Hey, do you want to get out of here?" Finn asks like a mind-reader, and just like that, I find myself in his tiny cottage just a few streets away from the packhouse. To be honest, I don't even remember the walk over. I think he carried Rami. But now the numbness is starting to wear off, reality crushes me more every minute. Laid in Finn’s bed with a snuffling Rami, staring up into the darkness, wondering what Leona would think. Finn is scuttling around in the other room, apologising for the mess because he never stays here that often. One kitchen with a table, one bathroom

“I’m not wearing bright colours. Are you out of your mind? You look insane!” “I don’t want to look like a fucking piece of fruit either but it’s what Mama wants.” Phoebe sulks, sprawled across Finn’s kitchen table, her feet up on the wooden chair. We’ve avoided talking about Finn. The fact I was slumped against the kitchen wall sobbing my eyes out. Even my wolf couldn’t soothe the pain from feeling just how swiftly I killed Finn’s expression, his hope. I miss Leona so much. Even if it’s just to tell her she’s wrong about my mate. To eye roll at Phoebe’s pumpkin-wear. After drying my eyes and comparing our healing injuries, she even suggested the fist-wielding Rami was trying to copy my fighting routines. "Don't be silly Phoebe," before turning away. I don't want to leave this cottage. /Is it strange we know where everything is?/ Impes asks gently as I force myself to eat some toast. /Pantry organised like ours. Cups in the first shelf to the right of the basin?/ Coinc

Finn came back. I got to apologise for my stupid lashing out, and in return, he left me a quivering lump of jelly. If I didn’t wake feel so deliciously used and sore I’d swear it was a dream. His last act before leaving the room, wincing at the fury of the mindlinks Cillian was flinging his way, was to carefully pass me the sharp blade that had fallen to the floor. Taking a second to cast his eyes over my naked body, concentrated heat prickled over me. He might as well have held a blazing torch and passed it from head to toe. His ashy brown hair was a mussed up disaster, those grey eyes of his gleaming. “Hmm I’d love it if you were exactly like this when I get back,” he murmured, running a hand through my hair, stroking the nape of my neck softly. “I’ve got stuff to do Penkov, don’t start ordering me around now,” I whispered back, trying to be light-hearted. Except his eyes fluttered with gold. Then the ruthless animal drank in the surprise in my face at the red hot welt

Whoever killed Leona will be expecting me to revert to more savage ways. Well, the rules have changed. I'm missing my partner in crime, Cillian’s warning me I might die and Finn is nowhere to be seen. I’m a bit of a disaster right now. So, instead of blowing up, we calmly retrieved a bow and rubber-tipped arrow from the packhouse. A dusty relic engraved with Cillian’s tiny, misspelt name. Rami squealed with joy. I spend the entire day sitting on the wooden porch. Is how Leona spent the past couple of years? Rami shooting Diane Jackson in the ass with his rubber arrow was the highlight of a tedious day. I gave him the biggest bowl of strawberries after fake apologising. He’s a little wonder at it already, even if the target is only a metre or two away. /As soon as he is sure of his aim, we can bring out the real gear/ Impes chuckles dangerously. I tried not to care that Matilda kept the girls inside, away from Rami and his practice area. I also tried to pretend I wasn’t listen

“What do I want?” I sigh, looking down at a scene of bizarre perfection. This huge, gentle giant sprawled out on the floor holding my world together. “Running away is tempting,” I whisper, stroking my fingers through his ashy curls. “Always is,” Finn’s voice flatter than before. "But it wouldn’t fix anything.” It wouldn’t resolve my vow to get justice for Leona. We did it for Papa, we went out there and slit every single hybrid wolf’s throat. She deserves no less. Finn’s grey eyes stared up at me from the floor, his lips slightly parted, tempting me to kiss them all over again. I wept that today had been one of the worst of my life earlier, and now I'm chasing thrills. “If that question makes you pause, then I don’t think I’m getting the answer I want, am I?” Finn concludes with a wry grin, his hand lifting from my waist to gently stroke some red strands of tear-soaked hair from my cheek. In a whisper, I choke out, “The things I really want…have to wait, apparently.” “Why?”