Her kiss short-circuited everything I had planned. Not that I had a crafty, functioning scheme. I just had to see her. The aim was to check in on her. Quietly. Cillian suggested it over the mindlink. Following my distant dust trails were Sawyer and Easton. /Naomi and Rami are staying at yours. Hard day./ /Okay/ I replied back, unsure of how much Cillian even knows about the state of play. /Did you find anything?/ /Yes. But let me check on her first./ If silence could growl, it would be the rattling impatience in Cillian’s measured response. /Don’t be long. Seriously./ Leaving the quad outside Cragstone, I ran back to my place. Knowing she was there gave me a chance to hope. All day long, the temptation to throw up my hands and retreat was overwhelming. Surrounded by the scars of the explosion, useless, charred up bits of books and hundreds of bits of paper floating about it all felt too hopeless. Sense suggested I should just invite the pain of rejection. Later, it w
Finn came back. I got to apologise for my stupid lashing out, and in return, he left me a quivering lump of jelly. If I didn’t wake feel so deliciously used and sore I’d swear it was a dream. His last act before leaving the room, wincing at the fury of the mindlinks Cillian was flinging his way, was to carefully pass me the sharp blade that had fallen to the floor. Taking a second to cast his eyes over my naked body, concentrated heat prickled over me. He might as well have held a blazing torch and passed it from head to toe. His ashy brown hair was a mussed up disaster, those grey eyes of his gleaming. “Hmm I’d love it if you were exactly like this when I get back,” he murmured, running a hand through my hair, stroking the nape of my neck softly. “I’ve got stuff to do Penkov, don’t start ordering me around now,” I whispered back, trying to be light-hearted. Except his eyes fluttered with gold. Then the ruthless animal drank in the surprise in my face at the red hot welt
I’m used to being stared at. My size makes that a standard part of life. When I fought illegally, I used to love the glare of the cheap, blinding headlights. The way women like Diane Jackson saw me as a tree to climb. Then we went to war against rabid, uncontrollable hybrids that tore regular shifters apart. After that, people looked at me differently. Suddenly, my size didn’t make me a criminal or a fool. I became Alpha Cillian’s best man. My gigantic size was enough to take on a hybrid solo compared to others like Easton, Tucker, Riley, and Sawyer, who had to work in pairs. It helped me win the Head Beta role. Adding to the reasons for Leona to hate me. Except even Alpha Cillian noticed she changed after the tiny copper-haired Aria arrived. Beta Tucker began getting his black braids in a twist about border rotas going without updates. Stranding people from home a month too long. Beta Rhett, Eleanors mate, with his shaggy brown locks and constant scent of pine, reported areas of
Whoever killed Leona will be expecting me to revert to more savage ways. Well, the rules have changed. I'm missing my partner in crime, Cillian’s warning me I might die and Finn is nowhere to be seen. I’m a bit of a disaster right now. So, instead of blowing up, we calmly retrieved a bow and rubber-tipped arrow from the packhouse. A dusty relic engraved with Cillian’s tiny, misspelt name. Rami squealed with joy. I spend the entire day sitting on the wooden porch. Is how Leona spent the past couple of years? Rami shooting Diane Jackson in the ass with his rubber arrow was the highlight of a tedious day. I gave him the biggest bowl of strawberries after fake apologising. He’s a little wonder at it already, even if the target is only a metre or two away. /As soon as he is sure of his aim, we can bring out the real gear/ Impes chuckles dangerously. I tried not to care that Matilda kept the girls inside, away from Rami and his practice area. I also tried to pretend I wasn’t listen
We got what we needed out of Theo and Maximus. Eventually. Fucking around with the sketches saw the bricks replaced. Looking at each other, knowing we were more than willing to bend those limbs into self-amputation, they finally cracked. Even so, I won’t forget the sound of Maxim’s knee tendon finally giving way as the second brick took its awful toll. Like a cow chewing, a wet popping that felt at odds with its owners wailing. But we have what we need. For now. A report of how and when they met, for how long and what the no-named guy looked like. Hayden is taking his copy to Alpha Zeke, Sawyer, to Alpha Nikolai of White Forest. I’ve got Cillian’s. Like fuck am I missing a chance to get back to Naomi. Once a week they would head towards the human border. The far western side of the Shadowlands territory. Where bare, miserable fir trees line the rocky outcrops. Nothing decent to be farmed after so many explosions. Silver-lanced barbed wire forms dangerous trenches. To beco
“What do I want?” I sigh, looking down at a scene of bizarre perfection. This huge, gentle giant sprawled out on the floor holding my world together. “Running away is tempting,” I whisper, stroking my fingers through his ashy curls. “Always is,” Finn’s voice flatter than before. "But it wouldn’t fix anything.” It wouldn’t resolve my vow to get justice for Leona. We did it for Papa, we went out there and slit every single hybrid wolf’s throat. She deserves no less. Finn’s grey eyes stared up at me from the floor, his lips slightly parted, tempting me to kiss them all over again. I wept that today had been one of the worst of my life earlier, and now I'm chasing thrills. “If that question makes you pause, then I don’t think I’m getting the answer I want, am I?” Finn concludes with a wry grin, his hand lifting from my waist to gently stroke some red strands of tear-soaked hair from my cheek. In a whisper, I choke out, “The things I really want…have to wait, apparently.” “Why?”
Sparring was a fantastic idea. In principle. However, it was against two opponents. Naomi and my desperate, overarching need to just pull her to the floor and spread her legs. Obviously, I had not encountered this issue when wrestling the chunky Easton before now. Yanking Beta Tucker’s black braids did not hold the same deviant appeal as wrapping strands of cherry red hair through my fingers and guiding her lips to mine. I swear that red hair has done something unnatural to me. Why has Naomi spent so many years fitting in when she could have been tearing the fucking world up looking like this? Neverthless her punch to my throat showed she meant business. I get it completely. There is nothing like running yourself into the ground. Shredding every last bit of thinking to pieces, until you’re a blank slate again. A panting, tattered heap with every muscle burning. If that’s what my girl needs I’ll give it to her. I follow her outside into the small, grassy yard at the back
I distinctly remember having firm concrete walls around my heart. I could proudly sit alone in my room and not worry or miss the presence of any man. Not even Adrian. I could always bring myself back. I don't think I'm safe anymore. I think I’m his. I want Rami to see Finn as someone to respect and look up to. Maybe call ourselves some kind of family. Except I don’t want to stay home and play Mama. Baking shitty cookies and tending to chickens. Finn isn’t going to want caging in either. His grip isn’t guiding me as firmly now. It’s all me, I’m pushing myself to the limits of what I can breathlessly endure before losing my mind. Every increasingly slick movement, the tension in his neck, it’s all driven by me. Finn loves me. Fuck I can’t believe he said it like that. His dirty words already had a dramatic effect on my body, what would his loving ones feel like? “Whatever you’re thinking about, don’t stop,” he growls, closing his eyes, brow creasing. “Goddess that is…how