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New Year Same Story
Last Updated:
2021-01-21 13:43:59WARNING
The following chapter contains several topics that may be triggers to some readers. This chapter contains acts of physical and sexual violence. It deals with other topics that may be triggers as well for some readers. Please read with caution.
Christmas turned out decent. I was able to keep the fake smile on and the pretend façade going. Jax seemed happy that I was more docile. In truth I just wanted the children to have a decent holiday season. Money had been tight, and I felt bad that the children did not have a ton of gifts to open on Christmas morning. Surprisingly, they were all excited for the gifts that they did receive. Jax gave everyone the best gift of all though with Daisy.
The kids were excited that Daisy had joined the family. Even Isabella loved watching
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I reached a new level of depression that I did not know even existed. I struggled to get out of bed. I no longer cared when or if I showered. I threw out all my makeup, and hardly ever wore jewelry. I felt tired all the time, but my brain was constantly moving. I hardly ate, food just was not appetizing. I no longer drew, played little phone games, or read books. Nothing held my attention, I just wanted to sleep. When I was asleep, I did not have to live in the nightmare I was in. Sleep was my escape from my own hell.Jax did not care that I was withdrawn. He was back to drinking and it was steadily getting worse. As long as I kept my mouth shut, and the kids stayed quiet and out of his hair, he was usually content. Occasionally he would release the biting remark reminding me of how fat I was, ugly, or his personal favorite insult whore. It had been three weeks since he forced himself on me, but since then he has not physically touched me.
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Jayce’s message opened a whole new part of me that I did not even know I had inside of me. Slowly my depression started lifting. Instead, I channeled my feelings into truly living a double life. I knew that I needed to get away from Jax, but all my plans had failed before. I still had no job, and money was tight. I needed to face myself, and come to terms that I had not been truly trying to leave the situation that I placed myself in.I got serious about finding a way to leave. I started finding odd jobs that I could do while Jax was at work. I ensured that I could do them when he was away from the house. This allowed me to save up a little money that he knew nothing about. Some of the jobs were disgusting but I powered through. I even made a few good acquaintances along the way.I also joined a support group at my college for victims of domestic violence. I was hoping that a few group members would be able to
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To say that the day was stressful would be a gross understatement of what I was feeling. I spent the rest of the night trying to calm Isabella and Helen. Isabella was terrified that she would have to go with her mother. Helen was torn, she did not remember her mother’s abuse. They had a million questions about whether they would need to change schools, and if I had any updates on their father. I hated that I could not give them concrete answers to all their questions.I did eventually get a phone call with updates about Jax. He was awake and recovering well. The nurse explained that they plan on discharging him the day after tomorrow. The nurse also explained that I would need to come to the hospital before he was discharged. Even though Jax was healing well he would need additional care at home, as well as follow up appointments with a cardiologist. I asked her if I could speak with Jax but was informed that he was currently sleeping
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