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The Spy Inside Me
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2021-01-23 14:50:53Jayce’s message opened a whole new part of me that I did not even know I had inside of me. Slowly my depression started lifting. Instead, I channeled my feelings into truly living a double life. I knew that I needed to get away from Jax, but all my plans had failed before. I still had no job, and money was tight. I needed to face myself, and come to terms that I had not been truly trying to leave the situation that I placed myself in.
I got serious about finding a way to leave. I started finding odd jobs that I could do while Jax was at work. I ensured that I could do them when he was away from the house. This allowed me to save up a little money that he knew nothing about. Some of the jobs were disgusting but I powered through. I even made a few good acquaintances along the way.
I also joined a support group at my college for victims of domestic violence. I was hoping that a few group members would be able to
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The second week of March Jax found a new way to make my blood run cold. I came home from school, and Jax was already home. As soon as I hit the front foyer, he was calling me into the bedroom. My blood froze in my veins, I knew that the children were still in school, so it was just Jax and I in the house. Quick flashes of the last time he attacked me when no one was home started flitting through my brain. I quickly pulled out my phone, I had a detective’s number on speed dial that one of the women gave me at group.Even having my phone in an easily accessible place did not stop my legs from feeling heavy as I walked through the hallway towards the bedroom. There was no way of telling what awaited me when I would get to the room. I had no idea if Jax was already drinking, if he were in a good or bad mood, or even if I had done something that would upset him.Reaching for the door handle I took a deep breath bef
Last Updated : 2021-01-24Wrong Way Up Biting Off More
Lady luck stayed on my side for a little while. The shooting range that used to operate in town was closed permanently. Jax was upset when he found out about it, but I placated him a little bit telling him that I was sure we could find another one. I knew that if Jax ever got that gun on a range he would find out quickly that someone had removed the firing pin. It did not take a genius to know exactly who he would blame either.Jax decided not to open carry his newest toy. I admit it was a relief knowing that he did not carry it with him. Even without a firing pin, Jax could use that weapon in other ways. It was a heavy gun, and if he chose to hit someone with it, he was going to do permanent damage.Life quickly returned to normal. I kept pretending everything was good, fake smiles, fake affection, and behind that working on a way out. Jax’s drinking was steadily getting worse. To my shock this actually helpe
Last Updated : 2021-01-25Wrong Way Up Health Crisis
It took almost three weeks for my lip to partially heal. Jax had bitten it hard enough that he left a few scars. Once again, the dynamic in the home had changed. I could no longer hide Jax’s abusive nature from the children. Isabella and Helen quickly filled the other children in on Jax’s behavior regarding his previous girlfriends. I was not sure exactly how much of their tales I should believe, but I was sure there was some merit of truth in their stories.Isabella told me about Jax’s previous girlfriend that had children. Similar to my situation she had been close to eviction. Jax had moved here and her children into the same home we now shared. The newest information that Isabella shared was that the woman had been pregnant at the time. Isabella claimed that the only reason Jax was not physically abusive to her for so long was because she was with child. According to Isabella once the baby was born it was like living i
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I was doing my best to keep the children occupied while Jax was being transported to the hospital. Once he reached the local hospital, they managed to stabilize him. I had called before he arrived and the friendly staff promised to keep me updated on his progress, and if they planned to transport him. It was ten at night before I finally received a call. Jax had a minor heart attack.The local physicians were able to discover that Jax had a blockage in one of his lower valves in his heart. Unfortunately, they did not have a cardiologist on hand that could perform the surgery that he needed. Jax was going to be transported to a neighboring larger city where a cardiologist was already waiting for him. The nurse was patient and answered all my questions. She explained that they were going to transport him to the other hospital, he would undergo the surgery, and then the doctors there would determine when Jax could return home. Before we got of
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To say that the day was stressful would be a gross understatement of what I was feeling. I spent the rest of the night trying to calm Isabella and Helen. Isabella was terrified that she would have to go with her mother. Helen was torn, she did not remember her mother’s abuse. They had a million questions about whether they would need to change schools, and if I had any updates on their father. I hated that I could not give them concrete answers to all their questions.I did eventually get a phone call with updates about Jax. He was awake and recovering well. The nurse explained that they plan on discharging him the day after tomorrow. The nurse also explained that I would need to come to the hospital before he was discharged. Even though Jax was healing well he would need additional care at home, as well as follow up appointments with a cardiologist. I asked her if I could speak with Jax but was informed that he was currently sleeping
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The girls were ecstatic that I had solved the problem with Crystal. They were also overjoyed when I told them that Jax was coming home tomorrow. Levi and Shawn were not so happy about it, but we decided to enjoy our last night of peace. I ordered us pizza and we decided to play a few board games with movies on the television. I figured after the miserable week that everyone had that we deserved a night of fun.Jax called before the children went to bed. He spoke with Isabella; she bragged a little about how I got rid of Crystal. Once she was done on the phone Jax asked to speak with me. He asked me if I planned on being at the hospital tomorrow. I explained to him that yes, I would be there. I relayed everything that his nurse and physician had explained to me. Jax said that he was getting tired, so we got off the phone. Everyone decided that we should go to bed early. Tomorrow was a big day, Jax was coming home.I
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Jax slept the entire ride home, even while I was in the drug store dropping off his prescriptions. When I pulled into the driveway, I started gathering Jax’s paperwork and belongings to take them inside. Jax was very weak and had some issues getting out of the car and into the house. I begrudgingly let him use my shoulder to help get him inside. I carefully got him into the bed and told him to rest. It was not long before Jax was asleep again.I did not mind that he was sleeping. It afforded me more time to be by myself. In less than an hour the children will be home. Jax’s condition was a little more serious than I had originally given it credit. I would need to speak to the kids about not being too noisy, and not rough housing or fighting in the house. Jax’s stress need to be kept at a minimum. I poured a cup of coffee while internally struggling with my emotions. I did not like seeing people in pain, even if they had hu
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The girls were very nervous before the visit with their mother. I installed a tracking application on Isabella’s cell phone. It would allow me to track where Crystal took the children. I ensured that they were fed before leaving. Jax stated that he was allowing Crystal to have the girls for only four hours. I argued that four hours was enough time to take them across state lines. Jax informed me that I was being paranoid, and that this was a matter to be handled between him and Crystal. Too soon the girls were whisked away, and I was left wrought with worry for their safety.I tracked the girls throughout the visit, pleased that Crystal was not leaving town with them. Both girls burst through the door with their arms filled with shopping bags. Helen was overwhelmingly in bliss. She hurried into the kitchen to tell me all about her visit with her mother. Evidently Crystal had taken the girls to several shops in town. She had bought Hel
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The next week was very hectic. I ended up having two long days at work, and it was proving difficult to work my schedule around Jayce’s schedule and taking the kids to their various activities. I felt on edge all the time, even at the supermarket because I was afraid that Jax would do something to my vehicle again.A follow up phone call confirmed that there were no cameras in the area that would have been able to capture Jax messing with my car that night. I was beyond frustrated that he could continue to harass me and get away with it.One of the few silver linings to my week was that I had not seen Jax again face to face. Although Jayce had stood up for me last time, I could not help but to fear that I would run into Jax without having Jayce with me.Jayce had practically moved into the house with me and the kids. Although he still had his trailer, because Jax was an ever-present threat to my safety he was staying at the house. I would be a liar if I sa
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“What exactly is a plea bargain?” When the attorney did not continue, I felt that I needed to ask. From the glances she was giving the victim assistance worker I could only assume that I was not going to like the answer she was about to give me.“A plea bargain is where I give Jax a set of conditions that he must fulfill and in return he accepts the charges, and we avoid a full trial.” It seemed as if the attorney was dancing around the subject instead of giving me the straight facts.“What are the conditions you are asking for, and what exactly would his charges be?” The longer this meeting was taking, the more my rage was building. It seems as if Jax has the world convinced that he is a great guy, and that him beating me was just a fluke.“At this time Jax has been in jail for almost three weeks. I would ask that does sixty days in jail, he would need to complete drug and alcohol classes, as well as an anger management
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