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2021-05-12 12:53:08The next week was very hectic. I ended up having two long days at work, and it was proving difficult to work my schedule around Jayce’s schedule and taking the kids to their various activities. I felt on edge all the time, even at the supermarket because I was afraid that Jax would do something to my vehicle again.
A follow up phone call confirmed that there were no cameras in the area that would have been able to capture Jax messing with my car that night. I was beyond frustrated that he could continue to harass me and get away with it.
One of the few silver linings to my week was that I had not seen Jax again face to face. Although Jayce had stood up for me last time, I could not help but to fear that I would run into Jax without having Jayce with me.
Jayce had practically moved into the house with me and the kids. Although he still had his trailer, because Jax was an ever-present threat to my safety he was staying at the house. I would be a liar if I sa
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Wrong Way Up Warning
If you are looking for a romantic love story, this is not it. Although there is love in my story, a perfect love at one time. There is also a lot of pain, heart ache, and sadness. This is not a fairy tale, there is no white knight. This is a story about betrayl, anger, bitterness, forgiveness, and change. This is my story of how my life fell apart.I want to warn you that there are acts of violence in this story that may trigger some readers. This story contains acts of domestic abuse, and memories of sexual assault. This is not an easy story to read, and I caution all who do read it that there may be moments that will haunt you, I know because they haunt me to this day. Another warning this story contains tales of addiction, again something that may be a trigger to some readers.My final warning to you is that this story includes mental health issues. Although this may not be considered a trigger, I want to make su
Last Updated : 2020-11-30Wrong Way Up Stumbling in the Dark
I married in my early twenties, thinking that I was doing the responsible thing by settling down and having children. Donavon and I were both soldiers trying to escape the small, but different hometowns we came from. Although the first few years of our marriage we struggled with money, I can truly say that it was a happy time for both of us. We ended up having three children and, in my mind, we would grow old together and look after our grandchildren.We may not have had the white picket fence, but we had each other. Donavon and I both loved being parents. We took family trips to the zoo, and to the park. We read stories to our children, had family game nights, and regularly attended school functions. Donavon taught our kids how to shoot using paint ball guns. Even video games were done as a family.I left the military first after my contract ended. I started pursuing nursing and supported Donavon as he continued in
Last Updated : 2020-11-30Wrong Way Up Like a Phoenix
Donavon came to the house the next day. Although the encounter was awkward, we were both surprisingly calm. Donavon packed up as much of his things that he could safely fit into the saddle bags of his motorcycle and made rough plans to be back sometime later in the week for the rest of his things. We did not argue, or fight because of the children. He tried to apologize to me again, but I turned and walked away from him. I did not want to listen to his excuses, the lies, but most importantly I did not want him to sway me from my decision. The visit was brief, and I was left feeling numb. Perhaps I was in shock, but I felt numb.I thought I would cry as he fired up his Harley. I was watching the man that I had married, went to war with, had children with, and gave up my dreams for ride off as if he did not have a care in the world. Maybe the tears would come later, but for now I was grateful that I was numb.Kendra,
Last Updated : 2020-11-30Wrong Way Up Learning to Walk Again
The next two weeks went by rapidly. Kendra and I moved in together. Both of us sharing the room that Donavon and I had shared. We took turns with one of us sleeping on the couch, the other in the bed. The children had adapted to the situation surprisingly well. They accepted Kendra living with us and were enjoying having someone there that would help cook and look after their needs.Donavon and I had spoken a few times since he moved out, but the situation between us was intense. Half of the time I wanted to try to make things work, the other half I just wanted to yell and scream at him for tearing me apart. Our conversations were brief, and to the point. I explained to him that I still wanted him to be a part of the children’s lives. He was after all their dad. He said that he wanted that too. I made the offer that anytime he wanted to come visit with the children I would be more than happy to leave the house or take them to a park.
Last Updated : 2020-11-30Wrong Way Up Fun Time Friday
By the time Friday rolled around, I had completely forgotten that Kendra had asked me to go out with her. When I got home from work that day, she was already in the kitchen making dinner for the kids. She yelled at me to get in the shower and told me that she had already picked out clothes for me. I felt my anxiety shoot through the roof. I could not feasibly go out today and tomorrow. This was too much for me.“Kendra I am not feeling all that good. I do not think that I should go out tonight. You go out without me. I am just going to make some tea and watch some movies.” I was hoping that I looked a little pale, and even threw in a small cough to try to make it more believable.“Come here Noel.” Kendra raised her palm to my head, feeling to see if I had a temperature. “You do not have a fever; you will feel better after you get in a shower. I have already made dinner for the kids, and
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It had been almost three weeks since I had gone out with Kendra. Even though that Friday had not been fun, I still kept the date on Saturday with the guy that I had met using the app. I did not think that it was a bad date. We went and had dinner, laughed, and got to know each other. Then I never heard from him again. Kendra told me this was called ghosting.Since then I had been on a few more dates, some were alright, and others were downright atrocious. I was just coming home from one of the atrocious dates. Kendra was on the front porch when I walked up.“Hey so how was your night?” She asked me, taking a drag of her cigarette.“Well considering I left here less than an hour ago, I would say it did not go great at all.” I tell her fully exasperated by the experience.“Tell me what happened.” Kendra pats the step beside her, and
Last Updated : 2020-11-30Wrong Way Up Don't Judge a Book
I was really nervous and had started pacing in my living room waiting for his reply. My phone pinged in my hand, and for a moment I thought about blocking him and just going to bed. No, I was not going to be a coward, I was going to go have sex with a random guy. I take a deep breath and open his email. He gave me directions to a place that was about five minutes away. He included his phone number and told me to call when I got there, and he signed this email Jayce.“Kendra, I um I am going to go out.” I call out to her.“What are you talking about it is almost eleven, where are you going?” She immediately asks me back.“Well you know that guy that placed the ad, I am going to go have sex with him.” I cannot even believe that I just said those words out loud. Kendra is laughing at me.“Hell, yes girl, it is about time that yo
Last Updated : 2020-11-30Wrong Way Up To Be or Not To Be
“Mom I need you to sign this form, we are taking a field trip.” My eldest son was holding a paper out for me to sign, as I am in the kitchen stirring noodles for dinner.“Alright just set it on the table, I will sign it after I finish up dinner. What are the other kids doing?” I ask Levi.“Savannah is reading a book, and Jacob is currently playing a game upstairs.” Levi said with a sigh.“What is wrong kiddo? You seem down.” I ask him out of curiosity.“I am not down, just bored. Shawn is at a birthday party, and Kenny is at his dads house.” Shawn and Kenny are Levi’s best friends and they can usually be found hanging out together during the day. My son goes quiet for a moment before he gets a little nervous. “Mom, um are we going to have to go to Dad’s house, like Kenny does?”
Last Updated : 2020-11-30
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Wrong Way Up Definition
The next week was very hectic. I ended up having two long days at work, and it was proving difficult to work my schedule around Jayce’s schedule and taking the kids to their various activities. I felt on edge all the time, even at the supermarket because I was afraid that Jax would do something to my vehicle again.A follow up phone call confirmed that there were no cameras in the area that would have been able to capture Jax messing with my car that night. I was beyond frustrated that he could continue to harass me and get away with it.One of the few silver linings to my week was that I had not seen Jax again face to face. Although Jayce had stood up for me last time, I could not help but to fear that I would run into Jax without having Jayce with me.Jayce had practically moved into the house with me and the kids. Although he still had his trailer, because Jax was an ever-present threat to my safety he was staying at the house. I would be a liar if I sa
Wrong Way Up Nuts and Bolts
The next morning Jayce placed a call to his mechanic friend while I made us some coffee. The kids had plans with their youth group, and I was lucky that they had a ride into town. With Jax being out of jail I worried whenever they were gone, but today they were taking a trip up the mountain to do some mushroom hunting. Morel mushrooms grew wild on the mountain and the group had found some last year and wanted to explore even more this year.Jayce came down and informed me that his friend had some time this afternoon to come and look at the car. I confirmed once again that it was not going to cost me anything, and Jayce reassured me that he had already spoken to him about it. I felt a pang of guilt at making Jayce use a favor to help me, but it was imperative that I have the car running well. Living outside of town was great for isolation, but we definitely needed a vehicle to get back and forth to town.Since we had time, we quickly settled into a morning routine of cl
Wrong Way Up Same Old Song and Dance
Living in a small town has some advantages. Everyone seems to know everyone else’s business. It did not take long for word to get back to me that Jax was seeing a new girl. Well technically it was a previous girlfriend that he got back together with. I was astounding that she would subject herself to his abuse all over again, but then I also wondered if he was just more abusive with me.That train of thought led to me wondering if I was incapable of being loved properly. Afterall my ex-husband cheated on me, Jax abused me, and I still did not know where I stood with Jayce. Speaking of Jayce things with him were not bad. We spent most days and nights together, we acted like a couple, yet neither of us seemed capable of broaching the subject of whether or not we were dating.To say that it was a confusing time would be an understatement of the well of emotion that I seemed caught in. Most days I felt like I was fine, like I could pretend that the past year with Jax
Wrong Way Up Small Town Big Talk
Jayce got called into work the following morning. In truth I was relieved because it helped dispel some of the awkwardness of the moment. I had zero regrets about what we had done last night, but I could not help but wonder if Jayce did. Jayce has always seemed worldly, and experienced. I have always feared that I disappoint him in the bedroom. Once I had dropped Jayce off, I had some time on my hands. I wished yet again that Emily was home. I could use a good morning coffee, and conversation.Since Emily still was not home, and I had nothing else to get done I headed home and made a pot of coffee for myself. Sitting on the couch with my legs curled under me, I contemplated whether last night would change the relationship that Jayce and I have. More importantly did I want our relationship to change?There is a huge part of me that fears losing the wonderful friendship that I have with Jayce. I have not made that many genuine connections in my life, and I certainly do n
Wrong Way Up Blooming Rose
Jayce pulls me into the room that I still have not slept in. He slides his hand through my hair, softly brushing his thumb over my cheekbone. “Noel, are you a hundred percent sure that you want this?” His touch has already awakened a dull aching need for him within my body.“Jayce, I need this. I need to remember what it feels like to be touched with love, instead of hate. I need to remember what passion truly feels like. I need to remember how sex can feel when it is wanted and needed.” My voice is raspy as he trails kisses along my neck.I clumsily reach for the hem of Jayce’s shirt. I want to feel his skin against mine, I need to feel that heat. Jayce turns me slightly and we move towards the bed. As he lowers me softly on the mattress, he removes the shirt that I fumbled with earlier. I cannot help my wandering eyes, as I my gaze drops lower. I have always enjoyed Jayce’s chest. He has a few tattoos along his pectorals, and a few
Wrong Way Up Sleepover
I was nervous and distracted at work the next day. I could not stop the irrational fear that somehow Jax was going to find out where I was working, or worse find out where I lived and mess with the kids while I was at work. I probably called Levi ten times asking if everything was going good at the house. By the time my shift ended I felt like I was a complete basket case. As I climbed in my car, I was already dialing Jayce’s number, and he answered on the first ring.“Hey beautiful how was work?” Hearing his voice helped to relax me a little bit.“Work was ok, but I have been anxious all day thinking that Jax was somehow going to find out where I am at. I think I called the kids a million times today.” I tried to laugh that last part, but even I could hear the tension in my voice.“That is a completely normal response to everything that is going on. Everything is going to work out, I just know it. So, I have a bag packed if y
Wrong Way Up Clarification and Anger
“What exactly is a plea bargain?” When the attorney did not continue, I felt that I needed to ask. From the glances she was giving the victim assistance worker I could only assume that I was not going to like the answer she was about to give me.“A plea bargain is where I give Jax a set of conditions that he must fulfill and in return he accepts the charges, and we avoid a full trial.” It seemed as if the attorney was dancing around the subject instead of giving me the straight facts.“What are the conditions you are asking for, and what exactly would his charges be?” The longer this meeting was taking, the more my rage was building. It seems as if Jax has the world convinced that he is a great guy, and that him beating me was just a fluke.“At this time Jax has been in jail for almost three weeks. I would ask that does sixty days in jail, he would need to complete drug and alcohol classes, as well as an anger management
Wrong Way Up Plea Bargain
The day after I had dinner with Jayce, I got a call from the victim assistance worker, and the prosecuting attorney. They wanted to have a meeting with me regarding what was going to happen in court and how they wanted to proceed. I was anxious to get court over with. I knew that Jax was appointed an attorney, so I was hoping that meant that things were going to start going quickly. I set up the meeting for the next day.Today was my first day back at work and I was slightly nervous. I was happy to be making money again, but this was a new place with new people. I used to be outgoing and willing to talk to anyone, but now I questioned everyone and worried that they would be friends with Jax. I knew that most of today would be orientation, so I was not too stressed.I was surprised to find that the day flew by. My new coworkers were older than I was, but they were pleasant people to talk to. They seemed genuinely kind and caring, although I could tell that my boss had a
Wrong Way Up Old Friends, New Memories
I had been nervous about seeing Jayce in person. We had not seen each other in so long. I had no idea if showing up at his work was the right thing to do, but he was still smiling as he walked over to me. He quickly gave me a hug and told me I looked good. I wanted to get lost in his warm embrace. It felt nice just being able to see him again. I was surprised that old feelings began to stir, and I wondered if this truly had been a good idea.“Wow I cannot believe you are here. Wait why are you here?” Jayce was a little shocked and slightly confused. I had never come into his work before, and this usually never stopped at this gas station.“Well, I was still moving a few things, and after we had talked last night, I did not want to wait to see you. It seems like both of us have schedules and we keep missing each other, so I decided to stop here to see you.” I rushed my explanation out, hoping that it did not sound lame. Hearing the words made me
