Chapter 4

“Tonton! I miss you!” Tumitiling sambit ng babaeng hindi naman kagandahan kasi mas maganda pa rin ako.

Napalaki ang mata ko at talagang gusto ko ng sumugod sa isang digmaan nang niyakap niya si Anthony. At hindi lang ‘yon bastang yakap dahil lumambitin pa talaga ang bruha kay Anthony. Naknangputcha naman talaga oh! ‘Wag niyo akong pigilan dahil talagang sasabunutan ko talaga ‘to! Leche! Akin yan!

“ Namiss rin kita Kangkang” nakangiting sambit ni Anthony at talagang gumanti pa talaga ng yakap. Kangkong? Hahhaha ang sagwa ng pangalan ah? Kasing sagwa ng mukha niya…pero joke lang ‘yon. How I wish sana na panget siya pero leche! Hindi naman siguro tao ang isang ‘to eh. Out of this world ang beauty niya, oo alien siya. Char!

“Hanggang ngayon ba naman Kangkang pa rin ang tawag mo sa’kin? It’s Bianca ok? Bianca.” Napaka-arte akala mo naman maganda,leche! Lamang lang naman siya ng mga…isang daang paligo sa akin.

Nagtawanan naman silang lahat doon. I rolled my eyes at the scene. They continued talking and bonding with each other as if there were no one else but themselves. Naknangputcha! Hindi ko na talaga nakayanan kaya umalis nalang ako doon.

Naglalakad ako papunta sa kwarto ko nang makita ko si Klein. Nakatayo sa teracce, nakatanaw sa malayo at mukhang malalim ang iniisip.

As if my feet has a mind of it’s own, lumapit ako sa kanya.

“Hey” I greeted him. Pero ang tukmol, mukhang balak yatang dedmahin ang beauty ko.

“Are you ok?” I asked, now concerned. Kasi nakatitig lang talaga siya sa kawalan.

“The creator is unfair on making the sun and moon. ”He suddenly said. Without looking at me, he continued.

“Everyone appreciates the beauty and usefulness 0f the Sun, and the moon is just a useless piece of sh*t, depending for it’s light from the Sun” and he looked at the moon. The light illuminated the shining liquids forming in his eyes. Tears. Looking at his eyes it was full of emotions, sadness, longing, rage, and envy. It hurts more as looking at his face that remains stoic even with all the emotions at his eyes. He looked at me. And continued talking as his tears are flowing from his eyes.

“He gave all the favors to the sun while not even thinking about the moon”

Hindi ako sanay na nakakakita ng lalaking umiiyak. I know it’s hard for them to show their emotions. That’s why I knew that he has always kept this feelings inside him, and now he burst out because he can’t handle it anymore. Because it’s too much.

I smiled at him. And looked at the moon. The beautiful masterpiece God created. It is beautiful and breathtaking. It lights the darkness of the world. It gives hope to the people in the dark. The people who wants to see light.

“The Moon, just like the Sun, is important. It gives life to the nocturnal beings. It gives light amidst the dark. It shines. And it lights our way. It enchants us with it’s beauty. Yes, not everyone appreciates it, but people who can see things amidst the darkness can. It’s not just a source of light in the night. It is also a symbol of hope. That a day has finished, and another will soon begin. That we can take a pause and rest. That we can express our feelings so that when a new day will begin, we are ready. It is something that would remind us that no matter how fast our days are, we still have the moon above us, watching all of us take a rest.”

After that I looked at him and caught him staring at me. I raised my brows, asking him what is he thinking.

“Are you one of those who appreciates Moon than the Sun?” he asked me, hope visible in the eyes.

“I live in the middle. I love the Sun but also loves the Moon. I appreciate the things Sun have made possible, but I also appreciates the beauty only the Moon can give.”

His stare never leaved me.

“How can you love both light and dark?” he asked me.

“Because my love is in the light and I am in the dark” I smiled sadly. I can’t hate the dark, because I am in it. That’s why I’m thankful for the moon who lights my dark sides.

Before he can react, I already bid my goodnight and walked to my room.

Just as soon as I closed the door, my tears fell. Every time I keep on asking myself, am I not enough? But the answers keeps on slapping my face with the reality, I am not, and I will never be enough. I am not deserving of anything. Not hate, not love, just plain nothing.

“Good morning po” bati ko sa lahat ng nasa hapag.

“Good morning iha, come on let’s eat” bati ni Lolo sa akin at ngumiti naman ang iba bilang pagbati. Anthony on the other hand, eyed me intently but I chose to ignore it.

“Shang, ang aga mo natulog kagabi ah?” tanong ni Ashley sa akin.

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya at napahinto sa pagkuha ng sausage. Ano’ng sasabihin ko? Na nagselos ako? Nasaktan akong makita na may kayakap ang boyfr—este future boyfriend ko? No way!

“A-ah, a-ano, napagod kasi ako sa pangangabayo natin kahapon eh, kaya maaga akong nakatulog” kinakabahang sagot ko at ipinagpatuloy na ang pagkuha ng pagkain.

“tss” mahinang reaksiyon ni Anthony sa sagot ko. Ewan ko kung ako lang ba ang nakarinig dahil nasa tapat ko siya o sadyang malakas lang talaga ang pandinig ko pagpatungkol sa kanya.

 Hindi naman nagtagal pagkatapos naming kumain ng nagyaya si Tita Clarisse na pumunta kami sa beach malapit dito. Kasi uuwi na rin kami bukas eh.

Nakatingin lang ako sa mga naglalaro ng volleyball malapit sa akin nang biglang may umupo sa tabi ko. Kahit hindi ako lumilingon sa bilis pa lang ng tibok ng puso ko, alam ko ng si Anthony ‘yon.

“You’re tired last night that’s why you slept early?” he asked, his voice irritated. I can also hear how he emphasized the word slept in his sentence. Hindi ko alam kong bakit naiirita na naman ang lalaking ‘to. Topakin yata talaga itong crush ko.

“Oo eh” sagot ko nalang sa kaniya. Hindi pa rin lumilingon.

“Oh, you’re too sleepy but you still manage to talk and have a moment with my brother, your topic must be so interesting then” he said sarcastically. Nagsalubong naman ang kilay ko. And what is he insinuating by that? He stared at me coldly. But his eyes softened and he sighed.

“Just forget it” He said and lie beside me.

Nakatingin ang mata ko sa mga naglalaro pero naka-focus ang isip ko sa kanya. Halos mabingi na ako sa lakas ng pintig ng puso ko. Namamawis na rin ako. From my peripheral view I can see him staring at me, and I was so tempted to turn around.

“So… tomorrow we’ll be going back home” he started a conversation.

“uh,yeah” tanging sagot ko lang.

“I’m going to miss this” he said, I turned around and met his gaze.

“Me too” I answered. His voice is so soft. Unlike the usual voice that I hear from him in school, with authority and serious.

“Did you enjoy it?” he asked. Looking at my eyes as if finding something.

“The vacation? Of course” I said.

“I enjoy being with you more” he said and looked at me.

I was perplexed and lost for words. But he smiled and added,

“I enjoy being with you and my family” halos napasampal naman ako sa noo ko no’n. Langya!Pa-fall si kuya oh!

“You know what?”pagsasalita niya,ngayon hindi na nakatingin sa akin.

“I am used on knowing how to control my emotions, I am used to doing things with the right logic and reasons. But this past weeks, I encountered something else. It is an emotion I can no longer control. I was able to control it when I was far. But now, hell broke lose. I am damned.” He said as he watch the untamed, wild waves.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin kaya tinignan ko siya na may nagtatanong na mata. He turned to me and touched my face softly, tracing it by his fingers.

“I was not raised selfish, I was raised by good and generous people. And I can give anything I have, without hesitation…but not this. I can give all of me but not this, Kristen, not this. I am a jealous man. And I don’t want anyone to touch my special one.” He whispered on my ears. Gusto nang kumawala ng puso sa bilis ng pintig nito. I was near hyperventilating.

“I am falling—no, I have already fell, now all I need is to wait for her to fall. And I will make sure that she will. She will fall for me, she will love and we will be together, Forever. I promise you that Kristen. Promise.” He eyed me. There was an emotion I can’t name that was in his eyes.

I don’t know if he was intending those words for me. But if he wasn’t, why is he facing me? Touching my face and letting me feel his emotions while saying those words? And if he really is intending those words for me. Is it true? Would I believe him? His promises and whispers?