I don't know how much I can still endure to live in this lifetime. I don't know how much I can still sacrifice to save my family from the cruelty of the world. I don't know how much I can still find the purpose of everything. I don't know. I'm completely broke and in complete, all I could ever hold on to is the feeling of emptiness inside me. In hopes of filling up the spaces someday...
I looked at my mother with nothing but rage as she wipes my arm with a wet towel. Droplets of tears are falling down from her eyes as she sniffs and stifle her mumbled cries. As I took in the view of her guilt and sadness, a warm feeling of pain builds up in my chest.
Why?
That's all I could think of. And I don't even know if I'm ready to hear her answers. I don't know if I'm capable to grasp it within my sanity to calm my raging thoughts.
"K-Kabilang kamay naman, anak."
When Felix
I figured that Felix already knows that Mama is aware of what his evil schemes as to why he decided to lock us inside the house. Nagulat na lang ako paggising kinabukasan, bumungad si Felix sa kwarto ko at itinulak ako papasok sa banyo. Hindi na ako nagtangkang manlaban o sumigaw dahil nakahiga sila Mama at Seira sa aking kama, mahimbing ang tulog.I looked at Felix with profound disgust as I remove my clothes. There are times that I imagine myself stabbing him until he bleeds to death. There are times that I hope he'll crash into an accident and lose his breath.Am I too cruel to ask for someone's passing? That I even pray to Him.For the past few weeks of staying locked down inside our house, we weren't able to move freely. Mama and I would give cautious
TW: Physical AbuseLibo-libong boltahe ng kuryente ang umaatake sa aking puso. Pakiramdam ko ay biglang sumikip ang buong lugar dahil nauubusan ako ng hangin upang makapagsalita. The building up tension inside my chest cause the sudden exhaustion. Sa sandaling napakinggan ko ang kaniyang boses, tila isang tawag na iyon ng paghimlay at pahinga.“R-Rafael…” I mumbled in yearning.His faint chuckle on the other line made me close my eyes so I could grasp the sensation it brought me more. I am having a hard time believing that I am really talking to him right now. Nananaginip ba ako? Sana’y hindi na ako magising pa.“Baby, hi&hellip
I know that I promised that I shall not do anything that will cause harm to my family further. But seeing the bruises and wounds on my sister’s delicate skin changed my discernment of our situation. By then, I knew that I have to do something to stop this madness. Even though I’ll risk a lot of factors in the safety bubble that I made.I took a deep breath before I dialed the number on our telephone hotline. Shaking in fear of getting caught and the persuasion of anger that resided inside my chest, I held it close to my ear as I wait for someone to pick it up.“Good evening! This is Lacueto Pizza, how may I help you?”My eyes quickly drifted to the door of my bathroom, confirming that I really did lock it before I went inside. I cleared my throat and rubbed my arm for the tension that I am feeling that I am having goosebumps.“C-Can I order a family-size pizza?”“Yes, ma’am! We have sizes of 6 inches
We always strive for something that we value to have. Be it in terms of material things, a person, or sometimes just for the sake of tranquillity. Oftentimes we are hindered by the obstacles that shall bring hardships and challenges to us. Oftentimes, it’s a trial and error. Some succeeded but some run out of options. The choices weren’t on the safety line of where we desired to be so we try to hold on to something that was offered... leaving us with no alternative.If you were me, would you do the same?My heart bleeds for the disappointment that I am feeling inside my chest. I clasped the telephone on my hand, feeling the pressure of my expectations crashing down the boluevard of my broken desire. Dalawang oras na akong nakatayo sa may tapat ng bintana ko, naghihintay na dumating ang inaasahang tulong.
“Hindi ganyan, anak. Tingnan mo kung paano ko gagawin, ha?”Masigla akong tumango kay Mama. She smiled and pulled another piece of paper from my bag to guide me further on doing the paper boat. It is currently raining outside and I asked her if I can play with the small plash near our house. Hindi naman ako mababasa dahil nakaabot siya sa bubong namin.“Ganito… itiklop mo muna ito.”“Ganito po?”“Hindi, yung kabila dapat anak.”I nodded enthusiastically before I corrected my mistake. Namilog ang mga mata ko at umawang ang labi sa mangha noong dalawang tiklop pa lang ay naghugis bangka na ito! Natawa si Mama sa naging reaksyon ko at napailing na lang bago muli kami nagpatuloy.“Kapag lumabas na po si Seira sa tummy mo, ma, tuturuan ko rin siya nito!”“Talaga?”“Opo!” masaya kong tugon, taas noo pa at nagmamalaki. “Magaling na po ako
TW: Self harm“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome onboard Flight 3C8 with service from the Philippines to San Francisco, California. We are currently second in line for take-off and are expected to be in the air in approximately five minutes. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts at this time and secure all baggage underneath your seat or in the overhead compartments. We also ask that your seats and table trays are in the upright position for take-off. Please turn off all personal electronic devices, including laptops and cell phones. Thank you for choosing Philip Airlines. Enjoy your flight.”
TW: Self-harm, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) triggering scenes.“Sandrine told me to buy you and Seira a ticket to San Francisco immediately so I booked the earliest flight. I was confused at first but hearing how agitated she was urged me to obey her requests. It was only then when I realized what she meant when you told me that… when you told me what happened.”Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa dalawa kong kamay na siyang may sariling dwelo.“Ate never told us about your situation here. She always assured me that you’re fine. That’s why I was so shocked when she called yesterday. I was… astounded, Siorse.” Auntie Luzette shook
“Hijo, my niece requested for it so please respect her decision. I… We don’t want to cause further damages to her, right? So please, refrain yourself from telling this to your other friends.”“Kahit bisita lang po, Ma’am? Nabalitaan na po kasi nila yung nangyaring pagsabog sa bahay at hindi rin isinisiwalat ng mga pulis ang lokasyon kung saang hospital dinala ang mga nabiktima.”“It is necessary to keep it confidential, Hijo. My nieces suffered enough already. If they’ll be subjected to yet again another crowd, they’ll lose their minds. And Siorse, she can’t even face her own sister. What more when she sees your other friends?”“P-Pero, tuloy na po ba talaga ang alis niyo ngayon mismo? Hindi po ba magiging m-mahirap para kay Sebi po na bumyahe agad?”“It’s harder for her to stay here. I don’t even k