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What if We Drown
What if We Drown
Author: Amanda Bittencourt

1

Author: Amanda Bittencourt
last update Last Updated: 2024-10-29 19:42:56

"... The storm is gaining strength as it heads towards Maine. Heavy rain, strong winds, and large waves are expected. All residents of the coastal areas are being urged to remain indoors, and where possible, evacuate to higher ground..." The radio crackled in the corner of Val's Diner.

Ashlyn watched in shock as the waves crashed furiously over the pier and onto the streets outside. The angry wind growled, plants and rubbish tossed carelessly down the road. The men moved quickly around her, boarding all the windows and doors; the Diner growing darker and darker with each board fitted.

"Just a precaution." One of the men smiled as they tousled her hair. But the smile never met their eyes. Ashlyn nodded, uncertain of their assurances, and bent to look under another board. A crack of lightning caused her to jump back and squeal in shock.

"Ashlyn? Ashlyn! Get away from the window," her Mother, Cassia, cried out from across the room as she unsuccessfully tried to soothe the wailing child in her arms.

"I'm sorry, mama," Ashlyn answered as she left her spot by the window and rushed back to her Mothers side. She hadn't meant to give her mother cause to worry. She'd only wanted to know what was happening.

Her gaze danced around the room, observing many families, old and young, gathered around the floor, each keeping to themselves. Children sat in their parents' laps, clinging to them as they sought refuge from the noise outside. People cried, and some prayed in the darkness, while others whispered soothing comforts to one another.

Her friend, Kassandra, sat against the wall with her Abuela, lips quickly reciting while she rotated the old wooden beads through her fingers. Every so often, her sharp gaze cut to Kass beside her, silently scolding her for the gazes she stole of the cake on the counter before her. Kass appeared to be the only one unaffected by what was going on outside as she pouted in the corner.

Overwhelmed by all the emotions around her, Ashlyn slid closer to her mother's side and held her brother Zion's hand as he slept restlessly in his mother's lap. Many had their fathers with them. She did not.

"Mommy, when will Daddy be here?" She asked, looking up, her words laced with worry.

"Soon, baby. Soon." Her voice cracked, betraying her fear. It was at that moment Ashlyn knew something was very wrong. The unshed tears in her mothers' eyes confirmed as such.

Mr. Evans leaned over to whisper to her mother, "he's going to make it." He squeezed her hand.

"...The area of Glassmont remains in lockdown as the storm continues to pass through the coast. The Coastguard has yet to make contact with the team aboard the Clear Water Fishing Vessel. The Coastguard is making every attempt..."

Ashlyn whimpered. That was her father's boat. She looked around again as several pairs of eyes glanced her way, each filled with pity, their whispers reaching her where she sat.

"...Poor child. That there's James' girl. She looks terrified..."

"...They can't reach them on the radio..."

"...I hope they make it..."

Chewing on her nail, Ashlyn tried to refrain from crying. With each second that passed, her fear grew, and her breaths came quicker. Half an hour passed as everyone sat consumed in silence, waiting for any news on the missing fishing boat. There were five men on the ship that day; brothers, sons, fathers, and Grandfathers. The whole town was anxious for their return.

A gasp rang out across the room as the radio static grew louder and someone adjusted the volume.

"...We have just received reports that the Clear Water Fishing vessel has been sighted, making its way into port. The Coastguard continues to monitor the situation and is preparing a team to assist with bringing them in safely. Residents are still urged to remain indoors ...."

The room gave a collective sigh as everyone released the breath they'd been holding. Some of the tension left Ashlyn's mother when she smiled at her daughter. He was going to be okay. He would make it.

Several people left their place around the walls to embrace her mother and comfort her with words of reassurance. But still, Ashlyn couldn't relax. Her father was still out there. She just wanted to hug him and know that everything was going to be alright.

"I can see them. They're almost here," a man called out, his face pressed to one of the gaps in the boards.

He was almost here! She had to go and meet him, just like she always did when he came home. When her mother was not looking, Ashlyn crawled over towards the pile of chairs and tables stacked in front of the main entrance, thankful for her nimble eight-year-old frame. As carefully as possible, she maneuvered through the tangle of furniture, careful not to jostle anything, and pushed the door open.

The bell above the door rang out, and everyone glanced up to see the flash of red curls escape into the storm.

"Ashlyn!" Her mother screamed as she leaped to her feet and shoved Zion into the hands of the person beside her. "NO! STOP!"

The rain stung where it pelted Ashlyn's exposed skin, and the wind nipped at her as her wet dress whipped her legs. Debris wrapped around her ankles, and salty tears burned their way down Ashlyn's cheeks. The wind was strong, but she continued to push on as she stumbled across the street, ignoring the pain of the wounds on her skin.

As the concrete changed to wooden boards beneath her feet, she fell to her knees. She wrestled her hair as it slapped her cheeks and caught in her lashes. When thunder growled overhead, she cried out and crawled over to the side of the pier.

"Daddy," Ashlyn sobbed, her voice drowned by the angry sea below. Grabbing onto the side railing, she pulled herself to her feet and began running down the pier, careful not to slip on the water that crashed over the sides. She ran towards the bright glowing light she saw bobbing on the ocean beyond, towards her father.

"Daddy! DADDY!!" she screamed as the light struggled to steer into port. It had to be him. He was coming back to her, just like Mr. Evans had said.

"Ashlyn?"

"ASHLYN?"

"Where is she?"

Voices continued to rise behind her as Ashlyn reached the end of the pier. Thunder and lightning continued to crash beyond, and she cowered against the railing, her voice growing hoarse with her screams.

A flash of lightning struck near the boat, and Ashlyn paled. They were so close, but the waves were growing worse as the wind blew the ship off course. The pier beneath her began to sway as the relentless waves continued their assault. Legs shaking, Ashlyn stumbled back at the creaking of the wood beneath her.

The roar of the ocean and the growl of the thunder pounded in her ears in time with the frantic beating of her heart.

"...Cassia, over here..."

"...ASHLYN!"

"...Ashlyn, no!"

Suddenly, a crack of lightning split the sky and struck the boat, igniting instantly. Ashlyn screamed as loud as she could for her father, throwing herself forward against the decking towards the flames.

A massive wave hit the pier, and the foundation that supported it was swept out from beneath. Ashlyn struggled to pull herself to her feet; her eyes widened with fear.

Heavy footsteps echoed across the pier as several people ran towards her. They had but seconds to react, but they were too late.

"Daddy!" She sobbed as the wood beneath her collapsed, the ocean reaching for her.

"NO!"

The boat exploded with light, and Ashlyn fell.

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  • What if We Drown    2

    "Abel's asking after you, Ash." Kassandra Sandoval chuckled, pinching Ashlyn in the ribs as she reached around her to grab the milk jug.With a playful smile, Ashlyn bumped her friend back, accidentally knocking the bottle of soy milk from her hand. Kassandra squealed and jumped back, crashing into Ashlyn, laughing at the mess they had made. No one in the café was at all surprised by this behavior as they continued with their conversations. It was one of the many things people loved about Salt on the Dock. While the food and the coffee were of the highest quality, it was the joy and love that the café and staff exuded that made the cafe so vibrant.Before Ashlyn could make a move for the mop, Kassandra was shooing her away.Kass, let me, she signed, collecting the sodden carton from the floor, her canvas shoes leaving dirty footprints where she walked."I've got this, go. Abel's coffee is getting cold." Kassandra winked as she scooped two chocolate Danish's on to a plate and handed it

  • What if We Drown    3

    It was a good day for Salt as waves of people washed up on the threshold, their bodies drifting on the pleasant scents that carried them in, and each one was met with a warm smile courtesy of Ashlyn.A loud and exaggerated groan came from behind Ashlyn as the phone was hung up none too politely."Sometimes Marcus really grinds my gears. Can you believe he wants to start charging double for produce?" Kass grumbled. Ashlyn rolled her eyes at her best friends' attitude as the customer next in line chuckled.The queue quickly progressed as Ashlyn continued to take orders and make the drinks, while Kass worked on preparing their meals. Lunchtime had always been busy for them since Salts opening six years ago. The flavors that Kass captured in all the food she made, and the constant changing menu, were alluring and tasteful. Salt was undoubtedly the guilty pleasure of many."I saw what you did earlier. Giving that money to Abel was nice and all, but what about Venice? And Athens? You've bee

  • What if We Drown    4

    There was a gentle knock at the door. A moment later a second knock followed when Ashlyn did not answer. Brushing any evidence from her cheeks, she opened the door and stepped around Kass to move towards the front of the building."Ashlyn, I'm sorry. I couldn't just let her speak to you like that." Kass followed and caught her arm. "Please, Ash." She was desperate for her to understand, and she did, but that didn't mean that she approved.You didn't have to speak to her like that. Ashlyn's disapproval was apparent in the weighted movements of her hands as she turned to her friend. She had always admired the passion and fire that burned beneath the bronzed glow of Kass' frame, but sometimes she went too far, and Ashlyn worried if she would ever realize that herself."I'm not going to stand by and pretend like her words don't hurt Ash. They do, for me and you." Kass' eyes were pleading. She knew how her best friend felt, and it deeply pained her that she couldn't take all of that away.

  • What if We Drown    5

    IN MEMORY OF JAMES HOLLANDA MAN WHO EMBODIED THE VERY HEART OF GLASSMONT1964 – 1998The ridges formed in the words were smooth to the touch, bronze emblazoned on a plaque for generations to come. Ashlyn's fingers roamed over the ornately carved macrocarpa, her fingers dipping and gliding over a series of rises and falls. A flock of cormorants nested on rocks and grassy outcrops at the base of the pole, a ship sailing on the still sea progressed up the side. Ancient symbols and detailing circled the remaining surface as it twisted towards the top. Each carving told a story of love and companionship, strength and peace, the life of her father depicted in a series of strokes and symbols...Abel had spent the first month after James' passing working on this project, his own contribution to the memoriam of his first faithful friend. Ashlyn could still recall the days spent in his workshop admiring the skill and precision that went into this particular project, and the connection to her f

  • What if We Drown    6

    "Derek, I'd like you to meet my best friend and business partner, Ashlyn." Kass beamed as she approached from behind. "Derek's the new 1B," she added coming up beside Ashlyn.Derek grinned as he waved from where he sat, his navy jacket popping against the grey armchair. "Nice to meet you again, Ashlyn."Ashlyn withheld a laugh upon noticing her name still inscribed on his palm. She waved in response, her smile friendly."I don't understand. You guys know each other?" Kass enquired as she glanced between the two of them with confusion, her gaze missing the cursive ink that decorated his palm."Ashlyn was kind enough to help me with some, uh, map difficulties." He chuckled, his palms flexing against his jean legs. Kass' gaze focused on Ashlyn as her cheeks warmed, a light flush making itself known.It was nothing, really, she signed before scratching her forearm and looking away, a nervous habit she'd developed through her periods at the hospital. Kass' hand was firm, but comfort

  • What if We Drown    7

    "Uh-uh, tonight's all about you bud," Kass chastised, wagging her finger as though he were a misbehaving child. "I have a question for you, and I expect you to give me a serious answer." Ashlyn could hear Derek's gulp from where she sat. She released the breath she had been holding, thankful for Kass' quick thinking."What is your spirit animal, and why?" She rested her chin on her fists, expectant.Ashlyn rolled her eyes and smiled apologetically. She should have known this would come. Kass asked everyone she met this question, for she believed a person's answer told her all she needed to know about a person. A moment passed as Derek thought about his answer."A Deer? I'd like to believe that I am a gentle, loving, and compassionate person, but still strong when the need arises."Ashlyn nodded. From the little she'd already heard in the way he spoke about his family, she believed it. He had a gentle heart for his sister and his nieces, and no doubt towards many others.Kass nodd

  • What if We Drown    8

    The morning was wet and cold as it kissed her cheeks and nuzzled her nose. With a sleepy smile, Ashlyn opened her eyes to greet Coley who had successfully coaxed her into waking for breakfast.Coley's meow was croaky as Ashlyn scooped her into her arms and kissed the tip of her nose. Coley remained compliant for a moment before she pushed Ashlyn's face away and jumped down, the soft sound of her pitter-pattering towards the kitchen. Ashlyn grinned as she climbed out of bed and followed, the cats hinting not lost on her.The early morning sun was warm against the terracotta paint she'd begun applying to the feature wall of the open plan living area. While the renovations were not progressing as quickly as she would have liked, Ashlyn was enjoying how relaxed, and in control, the ordeal made her feel. With each stroke of the brush and each new piece of furniture, she could see her fathers plans for the house coming to life.Coley's impatience pulled her from her thoughts as she weave

  • What if We Drown    9

    By the time five thirty rolled around the café was empty, the last patron had left ten minutes ago. Ashlyn stood balancing the till for the fourth time that hour when Kass closed the drawer."You need to sit down," Kass commanded, steering Ashlyn by her shoulders over to one of the tables in the front window. Sitting opposite her, Kass sighed. Ashlyn watched her hands on the table before her, her fingers knotted together."I know somethings bothering you Ash. You've been distracted all day, and I haven't seen you smile once—"I've smiled plenty, Ashlyn interrupted, her movements half-hearted."—and mean it," Kass finished, her tone gentle. "I'm worried about you."Ashlyn bit her lip, glancing away before Kass could notice the tear that caressed her cheek. It was true. Her mind had been elsewhere today, somewhere dark and lonely. But still, she'd thought she maintained a composed front. Guilt at that moment sat not on her chest, but inside her mind, and its power grew stronger w

Latest chapter

  • What if We Drown    Epilogue

    "Where are you taking me?" Derek's laughter carried on the sea breeze while he ran, hand in hand with Ashlyn, down the boulevard.The smile in Ashlyn's cheeks was enchanting, her heart swelling beyond its confines until it illuminated every facet of her expression. A childlike joy danced upon her lips, her giggles falling back to meet him as she turned to glance his way.'You'll see,' the glint in her eyes said. Squeezing his hand tighter, she continued to run, every fragment of fear and every splinter of doubt falling behind her, the remains of the walls she'd nursed for years crumbling like dust beneath her canvas shoes.Her steps continued to carry them through streets lit by twilight, the breath in her lungs escaping with a giggle when she stumbled on a crack in the pavement. Catching her waist, Derek pulled her back against his chest, his hands resting on her hips."Are you going to tell me why we're in such a rush?" His breath was hot, his lips teasing as they brushed the si

  • What if We Drown    108

    For him to have been friends with you, I know I'd have loved him too. She squeezed Derek's hand, the two of them falling into a moment of silence, before Derek squeezed her hand in return."What happened to Liam, and what happened to your father, those things were out of our control. They weren't our fault."Ashlyn hesitated for a moment before nodding. That was something her and Lana had been working on during their last session. But hearing Derek mention it now, she felt a familiar pang in her chest, the battle of her heart versus her mind silently brewing.It wasn't our fault, she repeated, as much for her own sake as for his."I've been living in this world of what if, dwelling on all the ways that I could have saved him while neglecting to live in the world I'm in right now. Sitting there amidst the wilting posies and tears at Liam's grave, I was finally able to forgive myself, and Liam, for what happened."Derek turned to Ashlyn with a sad smile, the light in his eyes shini

  • What if We Drown    107

    Derek's apartment hadn't changed since the last time she'd been there. Scattered books with bent spines and dog-eared pages claimed the living space, and the woolen blanket was still draped over the arm of the sofa where she'd left it.Her favorite thing, however, was the scent of crisp green apple that still clung to the air, wrapping itself around Ashlyn as she fell back against the couch, exhausted despite the 24 hours she'd just spent in a hospital bed.His home still feels like a home, she thought, her eyes wandering around the room. A fresh wave of relief washed over her, the state of his apartment a welcome reminder that he'd meant it when he'd said he wouldn't leave her.You never unpacked? Ashlyn asked, her head tilted towards the two duffel bags beside the front door.Placing two glasses of water on the coffee table, Derek scooched into the space at her side, his arm reaching across the back of the sofa so he could play with her hair."I never had the time. This is the

  • What if We Drown    106

    How? Her heart questioned, her eyes wide with wonder."When I heard that voice and felt it whisper in my heart, the only thing I thought of was you." His chest rose and fell as he stole a glance in her direction. "But that's crazy, right? I mean, I've never heard your voice, and it's not like Siren's exist." He gave a nervous chuckle. A sound escaped Ashlyn's lip, somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle, and she felt her eyes begin to prickle with tears.He had no idea what the words he'd just said meant, or how true it was. By some unknown magic, his name, her final plea, had carried to his ears and called to him. Her heart had called, and he had answered. Like a Siren. She giggled at the absurdity, and yet the possibility of it all, her cheeks burning when he turned to gaze at her with wonderment."Here I am telling you something crazy and impossible, and yet, you're the one blushing and crying." His laughter was hearty and amused as his thumbs brushed over her cheeks, catching ev

  • What if We Drown    105

    A familiar beep broke through the silence, and Ashlyn winced at the sound that fell upon her ears. Her eyelids fluttered, cracking to allow the light of day into the darkness she left behind. Her blinks were quick at first while she adjusted to the sunlight streaming through the window, the sky a stark contrast to the night from whence she'd come.The window was closed, but as she watched the streak of ocean waver against the horizon, she could almost taste it lingering in the back of her throat.Flashes of white wisps and mermaids tails, her father's grim expression, and the grey-blue tempest that she'd wrestled flickered behind her eyes, and her heart picked up its pace. The fog over her memories lifted, and with sudden clarity, the aches in her body and the sandpaper feeling at the back of her throat made sense.What was I thinking? She raised her hand to her temple in an attempt to massage the memories and mortification away.Her gaze roamed over the assembly of monitors and m

  • What if We Drown    104

    The sea. Angry and unrelenting. Dangerous.It rolled again, jostling her head. Ashlyn bit back a whimper and squinted as another body wrapped in an emergency blanket wavered on the deck before her. Upright and leaning against the side, the body shifted as she tracked their outstretched legs, slowly trying to piece together the scene before her. Her heart hammered in her chest, her gaze roaming over their chest, moving towards their face when something blocked her view.Exhaling, her eyes continued to roll around the space, tracking the activity upon the deck, in an attempt to gather her bearings.Shifting his weight, the man at her side leaned forward, the back of his head creating an umbrella of sorts from the unrelenting rain, while he held his finger between both their faces. Focusing all of her energy on that single digit, Ashlyn brought her attention back to him, tracking his finger as it moved from the left to the right.A small smile of relief lifted his lips, and a trickle

  • What if We Drown    103

    All around her was a stillness and peace unheard of, as she drifted upon the grey-blue tempest, while laces of white tickled her nose and her lashes, teasing and tantalizing, singing to the breath within her lungs.Squinting through the prickly haze, Ashlyn rose and fell with the ocean's deep breath, her limbs moving in a hypnotic dance under its command. Her gaze roamed the deep expanse, her sense of direction ceasing to exist amidst the tendrils of fire that floated around her face.My sweet daughter, the ocean cooed, its arms reaching out to cradle and caress. Enveloped in its tight embrace, Ashlyn felt herself falling deeper into its touch and the promises it whispered over her mind. Home at last. The ocean's voice tickled at the edges of consciousness, and Ashlyn blinked.Wisps of white and silver danced upon the waters, the shape of memories forming and reforming with each flutter of her lashes. Children ran towards the tides, kicking and splashing at the waves that kissed th

  • What if We Drown    102

    The wind thrashed against her front, driving the sliver of ice deeper into her heart. She sobbed, clawing at the pain in her chest, which made it harder to breathe. An invisible force pushed her forward, towards the end of the dock, and she cried out when her foot caught, dropping her to her hands and knees.Pain shot through her knees and her palms throbbed against the deck. Gritting her teeth, she pulled herself to her feet, wincing as her knees protested.Ashlyn bent to roll up the leg of her jeans when something like a horn sounded in the distance, startling her. Lifting her head, she glanced out to sea again and spotted several lights bobbing against the angry sky.Derek!Her heart gave a distressed cry, the icy pick within melting beneath the warmth of a hope rekindled.She watched the boat draw nearer, the lines between her brow growing deeper. Something wasn't right. The boat was veering dangerously close towards the lighthouse and the rocky graveyard that waited below. S

  • What if We Drown    101

    Ashlyn was almost out the front door before Kass could catch her."What do you think you're doing? You can't go out there!" Kass cried over the wind that thrashed against the door.He's here, Kass. He's been upstairs this entire time, and you didn't tell me. Hurt flashed behind Ashlyn's eyes, her arm twisting beneath Kass' grip. She'd known, and she'd omitted to tell her anything.Regret pooled in Kass' gaze, but Ashlyn wasn't sure what she regretted more, telling her about Derek or keeping the secret from her in the first place.I have to go and see him, Ashlyn pleaded before she reached around to grip the door handle. Kass' grip tightened again as she pulled Ashlyn away from the door."He's not here. He's out there," Kass sighed in defeat, gesturing in the general direction of the ocean, her posture shifting to block the exit.Ashlyn's chest seized, her airways closing against the sharp inhale of air.'He's out there' rang in her ears, the rising panic they caused not strong

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