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What if We Drown 9
By the time five thirty rolled around the café was empty, the last patron had left ten minutes ago. Ashlyn stood balancing the till for the fourth time that hour when Kass closed the drawer."You need to sit down," Kass commanded, steering Ashlyn by her shoulders over to one of the tables in the front window. Sitting opposite her, Kass sighed. Ashlyn watched her hands on the table before her, her fingers knotted together."I know somethings bothering you Ash. You've been distracted all day, and I haven't seen you smile once—"I've smiled plenty, Ashlyn interrupted, her movements half-hearted."—and mean it," Kass finished, her tone gentle. "I'm worried about you."Ashlyn bit her lip, glancing away before Kass could notice the tear that caressed her cheek. It was true. Her mind had been elsewhere today, somewhere dark and lonely. But still, she'd thought she maintained a composed front. Guilt at that moment sat not on her chest, but inside her mind, and its power grew stronger w
What if We Drown 10
The cerulean blue Ashlyn had been cautiously applying to the walls of the guest room appeared darker than she'd thought. While it had initially seemed to boast a more turquoise hint in the paint store, now that she had applied it to the wall it appeared bolder. Stepping back to admire the newly completed wall, she took a bite of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich and smiled. As bold as it may be, she could already feel the calmness flow gently through her. The floorers were scheduled to come the following weekend to lay the new laminate flooring throughout the house. That didn't give her nearly enough time to get all the painting completed, but she'd at least made a dent in it over the past two days. She couldn't wait for Zion to visit again and see everything she'd already accomplished. Her dreams for this house were slowly coming to life. Coley lay curled up on the top rung of the ladder, soundlessly sleeping as Ashlyn moved about the room cleaning up the paint brushes and roll
What if We Drown 11
Derek and Kass walked over to Kass' pickup while Ashlyn quickly went inside to fill Coley's bowl and place the flowers in a vase. The cat fed, and the flowers taken care of, Ashlyn locked the front door behind her and jogged to the pickup. "You are going to love the Street Market, Derek. Each Sunday they close down Marine Parade and put on this big market with lots of shopping, and live entertainment and street food," Kass rambled, the pace of her words increasing the more excited she became. It's as beautiful as it sounds, Ashlyn turned in her seat to sign, smiling with excitement. The Sunday Markets were one of the most anticipated parts of the weekend. "Well then, I cannot wait." Derek grinned, winking at Ashlyn. Blushing she turned back in her seat to look out the front window. While Derek and Kass continued to speak animatedly, Ashlyn stole glances at him in the rear-view mirror, the cadence of his voice and the light that shone in his eyes soothing her. After searching ten m
What if We Drown 12
The next day it was like a switch had flicked, and Ashlyn could no longer access the person she had been the previous night. Without the photo she looked at now, she wouldn't have believed that it had occurred. The peace and joy, it all seemed so foreign, like a dream. The echoes of just one night floated around her as Derek stepped up to the counter. Her smile was subdued as memories of the previous evening came back to her. The erratic beating of her heart and the joy that was coursing through her veins. The feeling of unadulterated peace, followed by the surprise of holding his hand in hers. Her hands felt clammy already just thinking about it. Good morning. Ashlyn wiped her palms on her apron, before busying herself with the sugar packets. She appreciated anything that could keep her busy at that moment. Derek's grin consumed his expression as he waved to Ashlyn and then Kass. "Morning, ladies," he greeted. "Morning Sailor. Your usual?" Kass inquired, handing the previous cus
What if We Drown 13
It had been two days since her encounter with Derek, and two days since Ashlyn had seen or heard from him. Early on Wednesday morning, she'd found herself standing outside his door; hand raised to knock. Before she could make those two gentle knocks, her apprehension stepped in and convinced her it was a mistake to see him. He wouldn't want to see her again anyway. It would only hurt her more when he shut the door on her, not that she didn't deserve it. Torn between the matters of her mind and her heart, she had trudged back downstairs to open the café. Thankfully she had a stack of textbooks to keep her mind busy in between customers. An hour and a half later, Ashlyn drummed her fingers against the counter in time with the Stevie Lujan song playing over the speakers, her eyes following the text on the page. A chocolate chip muffin sat half-eaten beside the coffee machine; the chocolate melted just slightly from the heat it was throwing off. The textbook and printed articles before
What if We Drown 14
Ashlyn pressed down hard and fast on Abels' chest, her lips moving hastily with silent protestations. Grief crashed over her in waves of fear and doubt, the reality of this situation too much to comprehend. Wake up, please. She pressed down on his chest with more force. "Jack, call 911," someone yelled, falling to their knees beside Ashlyn. "How long has he been down?" the man asked, his hands replacing hers, maintaining the same rapid rhythm. Ashlyn shook her head, leaning back, as the stranger titled Abel's head back. How long had it been? A minute? Maybe two? The aching within her chest was unbearable as she watched this stranger try to revive her friend. My fault. It's all my fault. Jack, she assumed, came to her side. "The ambulance is on its way," he stated, the distant sound of sirens splitting the silence. Jack placed his hand on her shoulder in a show of comfort, but Ashlyn couldn't feel it. Next to the pain constricting in her chest, everything else felt numb. "Ma'am, do
What if We Drown 15
Having realized what she had been about to do, Ashlyn apologized and brushed her arms. Her movements stopped suddenly, however, when she felt the raw scratches beneath her fingertips. Her eyes widened at the red scratches that throbbed against her left forearm. She'd been so caught up in what was happening to Abel, currently being administered to down the corridor that she hadn't even noticed that she'd been scratching. But now that she knew about them, she couldn't silence the dull throb. Ashlyn clenched and unclenched her other hand, cradling the inflamed arm against her chest. "Ashlyn, what happened?" Derek inquired, stepping forward and taking Ashlyn's arm in his hand before she could pull away. Her right fist clenched tighter. Gently he turned her arm to examine it closer. He swore under his breath, and her bottom lip quivered. "Why are you here, Ashlyn?" He asked, his tone apprehensive, his palm cupping her cheek. Ashlyn hiccupped, a tear falling from the corner of her eye,
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The doctor introduced himself to both Ashlyn and Derek, but she didn't hear a word he said. She was still caught up on his opening words. Abel was awake. He was okay. "Due to a build-up of fat, cholesterol, and, other substances in his arteries, the blood flow to Mr. Weber's heart was blocked, which resulted in the heart attack earlier today." The doctor spoke in facts, an air of professionalism exuding from him. "We've done some blood works, and..." Ashlyn nodded, though really, she wasn't interested at all in the medical diagnosis the Doctor provided. Her thoughts were already traveling to the Cardiac Care Unit, where her friend lay. "If you would like to follow me, I can show you to his room." The doctor gestured for her to step forward. "Would you like me to wait for you here?" Derek inquired, his hand on Ashlyn's arm stopping her from going forward. Stalled for a moment, Ashlyn glanced between Derek's calloused hand on her arm and the smooth, well-manicured hand of the Doctor
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What if We Drown Epilogue
"Where are you taking me?" Derek's laughter carried on the sea breeze while he ran, hand in hand with Ashlyn, down the boulevard.The smile in Ashlyn's cheeks was enchanting, her heart swelling beyond its confines until it illuminated every facet of her expression. A childlike joy danced upon her lips, her giggles falling back to meet him as she turned to glance his way.'You'll see,' the glint in her eyes said. Squeezing his hand tighter, she continued to run, every fragment of fear and every splinter of doubt falling behind her, the remains of the walls she'd nursed for years crumbling like dust beneath her canvas shoes.Her steps continued to carry them through streets lit by twilight, the breath in her lungs escaping with a giggle when she stumbled on a crack in the pavement. Catching her waist, Derek pulled her back against his chest, his hands resting on her hips."Are you going to tell me why we're in such a rush?" His breath was hot, his lips teasing as they brushed the si
What if We Drown 108
For him to have been friends with you, I know I'd have loved him too. She squeezed Derek's hand, the two of them falling into a moment of silence, before Derek squeezed her hand in return."What happened to Liam, and what happened to your father, those things were out of our control. They weren't our fault."Ashlyn hesitated for a moment before nodding. That was something her and Lana had been working on during their last session. But hearing Derek mention it now, she felt a familiar pang in her chest, the battle of her heart versus her mind silently brewing.It wasn't our fault, she repeated, as much for her own sake as for his."I've been living in this world of what if, dwelling on all the ways that I could have saved him while neglecting to live in the world I'm in right now. Sitting there amidst the wilting posies and tears at Liam's grave, I was finally able to forgive myself, and Liam, for what happened."Derek turned to Ashlyn with a sad smile, the light in his eyes shini
What if We Drown 107
Derek's apartment hadn't changed since the last time she'd been there. Scattered books with bent spines and dog-eared pages claimed the living space, and the woolen blanket was still draped over the arm of the sofa where she'd left it.Her favorite thing, however, was the scent of crisp green apple that still clung to the air, wrapping itself around Ashlyn as she fell back against the couch, exhausted despite the 24 hours she'd just spent in a hospital bed.His home still feels like a home, she thought, her eyes wandering around the room. A fresh wave of relief washed over her, the state of his apartment a welcome reminder that he'd meant it when he'd said he wouldn't leave her.You never unpacked? Ashlyn asked, her head tilted towards the two duffel bags beside the front door.Placing two glasses of water on the coffee table, Derek scooched into the space at her side, his arm reaching across the back of the sofa so he could play with her hair."I never had the time. This is the
What if We Drown 106
How? Her heart questioned, her eyes wide with wonder."When I heard that voice and felt it whisper in my heart, the only thing I thought of was you." His chest rose and fell as he stole a glance in her direction. "But that's crazy, right? I mean, I've never heard your voice, and it's not like Siren's exist." He gave a nervous chuckle. A sound escaped Ashlyn's lip, somewhere between a sigh and a chuckle, and she felt her eyes begin to prickle with tears.He had no idea what the words he'd just said meant, or how true it was. By some unknown magic, his name, her final plea, had carried to his ears and called to him. Her heart had called, and he had answered. Like a Siren. She giggled at the absurdity, and yet the possibility of it all, her cheeks burning when he turned to gaze at her with wonderment."Here I am telling you something crazy and impossible, and yet, you're the one blushing and crying." His laughter was hearty and amused as his thumbs brushed over her cheeks, catching ev
What if We Drown 105
A familiar beep broke through the silence, and Ashlyn winced at the sound that fell upon her ears. Her eyelids fluttered, cracking to allow the light of day into the darkness she left behind. Her blinks were quick at first while she adjusted to the sunlight streaming through the window, the sky a stark contrast to the night from whence she'd come.The window was closed, but as she watched the streak of ocean waver against the horizon, she could almost taste it lingering in the back of her throat.Flashes of white wisps and mermaids tails, her father's grim expression, and the grey-blue tempest that she'd wrestled flickered behind her eyes, and her heart picked up its pace. The fog over her memories lifted, and with sudden clarity, the aches in her body and the sandpaper feeling at the back of her throat made sense.What was I thinking? She raised her hand to her temple in an attempt to massage the memories and mortification away.Her gaze roamed over the assembly of monitors and m
What if We Drown 104
The sea. Angry and unrelenting. Dangerous.It rolled again, jostling her head. Ashlyn bit back a whimper and squinted as another body wrapped in an emergency blanket wavered on the deck before her. Upright and leaning against the side, the body shifted as she tracked their outstretched legs, slowly trying to piece together the scene before her. Her heart hammered in her chest, her gaze roaming over their chest, moving towards their face when something blocked her view.Exhaling, her eyes continued to roll around the space, tracking the activity upon the deck, in an attempt to gather her bearings.Shifting his weight, the man at her side leaned forward, the back of his head creating an umbrella of sorts from the unrelenting rain, while he held his finger between both their faces. Focusing all of her energy on that single digit, Ashlyn brought her attention back to him, tracking his finger as it moved from the left to the right.A small smile of relief lifted his lips, and a trickle
What if We Drown 103
All around her was a stillness and peace unheard of, as she drifted upon the grey-blue tempest, while laces of white tickled her nose and her lashes, teasing and tantalizing, singing to the breath within her lungs.Squinting through the prickly haze, Ashlyn rose and fell with the ocean's deep breath, her limbs moving in a hypnotic dance under its command. Her gaze roamed the deep expanse, her sense of direction ceasing to exist amidst the tendrils of fire that floated around her face.My sweet daughter, the ocean cooed, its arms reaching out to cradle and caress. Enveloped in its tight embrace, Ashlyn felt herself falling deeper into its touch and the promises it whispered over her mind. Home at last. The ocean's voice tickled at the edges of consciousness, and Ashlyn blinked.Wisps of white and silver danced upon the waters, the shape of memories forming and reforming with each flutter of her lashes. Children ran towards the tides, kicking and splashing at the waves that kissed th
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The wind thrashed against her front, driving the sliver of ice deeper into her heart. She sobbed, clawing at the pain in her chest, which made it harder to breathe. An invisible force pushed her forward, towards the end of the dock, and she cried out when her foot caught, dropping her to her hands and knees.Pain shot through her knees and her palms throbbed against the deck. Gritting her teeth, she pulled herself to her feet, wincing as her knees protested.Ashlyn bent to roll up the leg of her jeans when something like a horn sounded in the distance, startling her. Lifting her head, she glanced out to sea again and spotted several lights bobbing against the angry sky.Derek!Her heart gave a distressed cry, the icy pick within melting beneath the warmth of a hope rekindled.She watched the boat draw nearer, the lines between her brow growing deeper. Something wasn't right. The boat was veering dangerously close towards the lighthouse and the rocky graveyard that waited below. S
What if We Drown 101
Ashlyn was almost out the front door before Kass could catch her."What do you think you're doing? You can't go out there!" Kass cried over the wind that thrashed against the door.He's here, Kass. He's been upstairs this entire time, and you didn't tell me. Hurt flashed behind Ashlyn's eyes, her arm twisting beneath Kass' grip. She'd known, and she'd omitted to tell her anything.Regret pooled in Kass' gaze, but Ashlyn wasn't sure what she regretted more, telling her about Derek or keeping the secret from her in the first place.I have to go and see him, Ashlyn pleaded before she reached around to grip the door handle. Kass' grip tightened again as she pulled Ashlyn away from the door."He's not here. He's out there," Kass sighed in defeat, gesturing in the general direction of the ocean, her posture shifting to block the exit.Ashlyn's chest seized, her airways closing against the sharp inhale of air.'He's out there' rang in her ears, the rising panic they caused not strong
