“That whole trip was amazing,” she said.I was quiet while I thought about that weekend—the incredible food and wine Dylan had arranged for us, the evenings we had spent talking until it was almost time to wake up for our hike.The laughter.“It was perfect,” I agreed. I shoved in another mouthful of chips and swallowed. “God, he’s so handsome.”“Best eyes I’ve ever seen.”I looked at her. “You’re so right about that.”“I remember when he locked eyes with me at the restaurant the night we first met him. There I was, trying to be all badass, stopping him from touching you. He gave me this stare as he handed me his wallet, and the whole time, I was thinking to myself, There’s nooo way Alix is going to be able to resist that man .”“I gave in quickly, didn’t I?”She laughed. “You did, you ho.”I smiled, shaking my head.She rested her chin on my shoulder and said nothing for several seconds. “I know it’s hard, having that chapter of your life over.”It wasn’t over.I just couldn’t tell h
She grinned when we pulled into the wooded driveway and turned her body toward me. “What is this place?”“It’s a house.”She bent her head to be able to see the top of it out of the window. “Why would you rent something so big for just the two of us?”It was just under ten thousand square feet and built into the base of the mountain with a full view of the south side of the lake. It was too big for a family of ten.“Because I wanted you to see how beautiful it looks from each window.”Her stare slowly shifted back to me. “But it’s the size of my old high school.”“It’s my place, Alix.”“What?” Her eyes widened. “You really own that?”I nodded. “I also have a condo in LA where my West Coast office is located.”She glanced from me to the house, repeating that pattern every few seconds. “Does someone usually live here?”She was processing this in stages.“No, the homes are available to us whenever we want to stay in them.” I reached across the seat and put my hand on her cheek. “We’re go
It was a home I shared with Dylan.It didn’t feel right, bringing Smith there.Smith: Ha!Me: Send me your address. I’ll see you at 11.Hours later, while I was sitting in the living room of my townhouse, I pulled up the photo I had posted earlier and checked who had liked and commented on it.Rose had left an emoji.I continued scrolling and saw Smith’s name.My heart started to pound.He had liked the picture.He had followed me, too.I clicked on his profile, my finger hovering over the button to follow him back.Right before I pressed it, my attention was dragged away when I heard a sound from the kitchen.I hoped it was Dylan coming home early.I waited.One second, two seconds.Nothing.Slowly, I glanced back at the screen, my finger still in the same spot.I wasn’t sure why I was even contemplating it.I hit Follow.Then, I immediately got up from the couch and went over to the ottoman to get my purse. Once I found my keys inside, I placed them in the bowl on the table in the e
Right before we reached the entrance of the bakery, I stopped and looked at him. “Most people wouldn’t begin the tour here.”“You’re not like most, Alix. I learned that the night we met.”I smiled and tried not to let the tone of his voice affect me. “I’ve become somewhat of a foodie, which means I eat like a pregnant woman.”He laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”“Except I have this thing for chocolate cake, and I like to start my mornings with it. I’ve scoured the entire city to find the best. And it’s here”—I pointed at the door in front of us—“at Nona’s. So, this is what we’re having for brunch.” I paused. “You do like cake, don’t you?”I tried to remember some of the food pictures he’d posted and if any were of dessert.He laughed again, his grip on me becoming a little tighter. “Of course I do.”I opened the door, and the smell of chocolate hit me in the face.“Damn,” I heard him say from behind me. When I looked over my shoulder, he was gazing at the display of cookie s
“You work through the night and in some of the worst parts of town. You don’t get to choose when you can and can’t write back to me. You pick up that goddamn phone, and you let me know you’re all right.”“I couldn’t.” Her voice turned sharper. “I had blood all the way up to here.” She pointed at her elbow and then said, “And I didn’t want to get it all over my phone.”I’d caused the snappiness in her voice, not the patient.But I just wanted her to understand what tonight had been like for me.“I’ve been texting you for hours, Alix. I can’t imagine you were covered in blood that entire time.”She was quiet for several seconds, her thumb sliding up and down the glass. “Dylan, I don’t think you have any idea what I do for a living. The lives I’m responsible for. The duties I have to perform on a minute-by-minute basis.” Her expression softened. “I can’t just pause in the middle of inserting an IV or stop performing CPR to answer my phone. I’m out there to save lives, and that’s all I’m
She climbed the rest of the stairs and slammed a door.Later, after I left my home office, I saw which one it was.It was the guest room.I jiggled the handle to open it.She had locked it.She wanted me out.So, that night, we slept in separate beds.As I climbed into the king-size we usually shared, knowing she was just a few rooms down the hall, something hit me so fucking hard.Alix and I weren’t perfect.We had cracks.And, as the months passed, I learned some deepened while others got filled in.I also learned that wasn’t the last night I’d sleep alone.Twenty-FourAlixPresent DayMy date with Smith had started almost twelve hours ago.It still wasn’t over.Following the cake we’d had for brunch, we went for coffee by the harbor and rode bikes through the Public Garden. We visited the Public Library and had French fries at my favorite pushcart outside Quincy Market. Then, I finished the evening with a Red Sox game, snagging us seats in the Green Monster.After the win against t
He’d followed me.And, now, he was directly in front of me.In my space.Taking all of my air.“There’s something about you, Alix …”I was frozen.I wasn’t even sure I was breathing.“What is it?”He gazed at me.He didn’t even blink.“I don’t know, but I can’t seem to get enough of it.”When I broke contact to look at the ground, he stepped forward, and I felt his hand on my face.I heard myself gasp again.It was so quiet.And so loud inside my head.I didn’t pull his fingers away.But I lifted my chin.That was when I heard his exhale again.He was fighting something.I knew it had to do with me.I watched as he pushed through it.As he moved closer.As his other hand lifted in the air and landed on the other side of my face.“Smith …”“Don’t stop me.” His voice was filled with so much passion.His neck bent toward me.His mouth was now inches away.I should wiggle out of his grip.I should take several steps back.I should tell him I couldn’t do this.But I didn’t.Because I wante
God, I wished my mind hadn’t gone there.But, as the thunder slapped the air around me for the third time, I knew this was just the beginning.Of my thoughts.Of the trembling.I folded myself into a ball, my arms wrapping over the top of my head.I was bracing myself.Because I knew it was about to happen again.Any second.I hadn’t checked the weather, and I hadn’t watched the news, so I hadn’t known it was supposed to rain today, that I wouldn’t wake up to another sunny day.The noise went off again.A craaack that was like leather whipping bare skin.A headache gnawed at my skull.My stomach churned.I found it hard to breathe.This was what happened every time.Same symptoms.Same emotions.Same tremors rocking my entire body.With each quiver, it felt like the covers were strangling me even tighter.I had to get out.I scanned the different spots around my room, looking for a place to run to.There was the chair on one side. The entrance to the bathroom and the door to the close