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WHEN ASHES FALL 55
But I couldn’t stop for them.I needed to find Dylan.So, I dragged my body toward the flags.Most of them were ripped.Many of them were missing.But I saw the broken poles and the tattered fabric, and I crawled toward them.“Dylan!”My fingers stuck together from all the blood.Something new was stabbing the center of my palm.Something hard fell onto my back.It didn’t slow me down.Because, through the tiny cracks I was weaving between, I saw Dylan’s black jacket. The white logo on the breast pocket. Dangling from the sleeves were two familiar hands that I had just been holding a few minutes ago.He was on the ground.“Dylan!”I didn’t know if my feet could hold me, so I stayed on my knees. I kicked, and I pushed.And I crawled.And I only let myself stop when I reached him.My hands slid underneath his shoulders, and I pulled him onto my lap.My fingers then pressed into his neck to find his pulse.I couldn’t breathe.I could only scream.And yell, “Dylan,” over and over.When I
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When I got onto my block, my speed increased, and I hurried up the steps.I counted each one.I wasn’t sure why; it just made me feel better.I unlocked the door and went inside.Instead of putting my keys in my purse, I stuck them in a bowl on a table in the entryway.It was decorative, not for storage.I didn’t give a fuck.Normally, I carried my bag upstairs and left it in the closet.But it felt so heavy.So, I set it on the closest barstool in the kitchen.Right in front of it, on the counter, was a note from Dylan.I had eighty-four notes from him.That was how many I’d saved.As I read his words, I grabbed the bottle of red and poured myself a glass that I carried to the stairs. I was so tired; I barely had the energy to climb them.Once I was inside my closet, I dumped my earrings and watch in a drawer, my clothes went in the hamper, and my shoes stayed wherever they’d landed on the floor.Too exhausted to brush my teeth or wash off the tiny bit of mascara I’d actually put on,
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The ground wasn’t flat.We climbed several hills and made a few turns.And, when we reached a spot that was high enough to overlook the rest of the land that was inside the massive gate, Rose’s arm shot into the air, and she said, “She’s there.”I looked at where she was pointing.The fog that had formed over the lower points made it hard to see anything. But, after a few seconds, it lifted, and I was able to make out a body on the ground.I didn’t waste a fucking second.I took off running as fast as I could.As I got closer, I saw the outline of her body. She’d tucked her knees against her chest, and her head was resting on her arm as though it were a pillow.My feet pounded on the pavement, closing the distance between us.Once I reached her, I fell onto my knees and put my hands on her back. “Baby?”She didn’t move, not even when I shook her.And she didn’t say a word.Goddamn it, Alix, come back to me.I put my hands under her arms and pulled her out of the ball. I dragged her ag
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She glanced up, our eyes finally connecting. I knew my expression looked as emotional as hers.“She took a year off and just recently went back to work. She wanted to stay in emergency services, so she transferred to the call center.”“That’s not easy either.” I scraped my fingers through my beard as I pictured her answering the phone. “She probably worries every day that she’ll get a call, and it will send her into a flashback, like thunder does.”“I’ve never thought about that,” Rose admitted. “But, my God, you’re probably right.”Jesus Christ.We both turned quiet again.There was nothing left to say.And I started to pace once more.I just wanted to help her.Heal her.Make her pain go away.But I couldn’t do a goddamn thing in this room besides walk back and forth across the fucking floor and wait for a doctor to come out and tell me if Alix was all right.Fifty-FourDylanI walked over to Alix’s hospital bed and sat on the very edge, surrounding her hand with mine. There was an
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She would never make this decision.So, I would.“I want you to smile again. I want you to get back in that ambulance and do what you love because you don’t know when that choice is going to be taken away from you. I want you to live.”“You can’t go.”“If I keep holding on, you’re going to lose everything you have. I won’t let that happen. You’ve already lost enough.”She looked down at my hand, her thumb grazing over the back of my palm. “What if I forget?”“You won’t.”“How do you know that, Dylan? Because, right now, I can close my eyes and I can see the texture of your skin and I can hear the exact pitch of your voice and I can perfectly describe the scent of your cologne. It’s all so fresh in my mind. But what if those memories dull? What if I need your laughter to get me through the saddest day, and I can’t hear it anymore? What if I need you to hold my hand, and I can’t remember what your fingers looked like?”I reached up and touched the side of her head. “All of that is right
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Each syllable stabbed my chest.They caused my breathing to become more labored.She put both hands around mine. “I realized that once I was inside your house.”“I’m sorry, Rose. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”“I know, babe.”Gradually, my gaze shifted to Smith. It hurt just as much to say to him, “I couldn’t let you see the truth.” And, before either of them could interject, I added, “I know I need help. I can’t do this anymore. It’s controlling my life, and it’s far bigger than me.”I’d known that for a while.I just wasn’t ready.Looking at their faces, waking up in the hospital, had changed that.Smith had changed that, too.I knew I couldn’t give him all of me unless I let Dylan go.“Oh, thank God,” Rose groaned with relief. “You have no idea how badly I wanted to hear you say that.”Never once had she ever kept her feelings from me.I didn’t want her to start now.“I should have gotten help when I first lost him,” I told them.“It’s okay,” Rose said. “I can understand why it t
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Because that girl was Boston Strong.She had a therapist and was now four months deep into treating her PTSD.With the help of her doctor, one of the first big decisions she’d made was to sell the townhouse she’d shared with Dylan. Her name was on the deed, so it was hers to do whatever she wanted with it. She had gotten a full-price offer within two days.She’d quickly found a place to rent that was just a few streets over from here. It was a one-bedroom apartment, a fourth of the size of her townhouse.It was perfect for her.One day, she’d live with me, but it wasn’t the right time for that.She was still getting stronger.She was still learning who she really was.And I couldn’t be more in love with the person she was becoming.“Hi,” she said as she joined me in the living room, linking her hand with mine.“Are you all right?”She nodded. “It hurts to be back here, but I’m okay.” She glanced up at the ceiling and briefly around the room. “I’m glad to be moving on.”“I don’t know a
WHEN ASHES FALL 1
OneAlixPresent Day“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?” I said into the headset as I stared at the computer screen.While I waited for a response, I sucked in a deep breath and rested my fingers on the keyboard, my thumb gently tapping the space bar but not hard enough to actually press it down. My body tensed. The tips of my toes ground into the bottom of my shoes.It was a ritual.One I repeated every time I answered a call.“I’m at the Public Garden,” the woman said. “And a man just fell off one of the benches. He’s on the ground, screaming. You can probably hear him in the background. It looks like he hurt his arm or something.”Once I processed her description, my chest loosened.The air I’d been holding in slowly made its way through my lips.The tapping stopped.“What’s your name?” I asked.“Why do you need that?”“It’s for our records and also so I know what to call you.”“I’m not comfortable with giving you my last name, but my first name is Rachel.”“Rachel,” I repeated
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