Chapter 6

Amanda had been living with her parents since that day. She never told them anything that night when she came back to their house with two luggage bags. And they never even asked why she came back with her eyes swollen with tears. They accepted her again and it was all that mattered to her.

Everyday, she tried to move on. She tried to smile. She tried to laugh. She tried to regain herself by doing things that she loved the most. She tried everything that goes under the sun. But at the end of the day, Amanda felt there’s always a shallow inside of her. And from there she thought moving forward was never easy.

It was a process. A rigorous process that can only be obtained if you are willing to forgive and to forget. In her case, she can’t do both. To forgive and to forget those who caused her pain and humiliation would mean that all her efforts for her and her still born child to fight for their family will go to waste. Amanda already set her mind that she’ll have her time soon. And the odds will be in her favour.

That afternoon, she was sitting on the reclining chair on the balcony of her parent’s house. The property resides just a few miles from the city. The scenery always caught her breath away. It’s truly a breath of fresh air from such a long period of living in urban life.

She was in deep thought when someone disturbed her silence.

Her mother showed up from the inside, holding a mug of hot milk. With a knowing smile, she gave it to her. The warmth made her smile and turned once again to her mother. “Thank you, Mom.”

Her mother sighed and turned her gaze towards the sunset. “Alma called…”

“I heard from your best friend that you had fought with your husband.” her mother’s voice was never condemning. She just wanted to confirm and know the truth.

Tears flowed down from her eyes freely. She was looking at her mother, shame crept all over her body. Amanda opened her mouth but there were no words coming from it. She was scared of the day they’ll finally ask her about the current situation of her marriage. No one prepared her for today. Not when her mind had been unrestful for a while.

She knew for a fact that her mother would understand. That her parents will understand. But then what would they say? How will things go after this revelation?

Why was she the one to put to blame when she did everything to patch things up? She did everything she could. She almost begged for him to come back. And above all else, why did she have to experience so much suffering when all she had done was to love the man freely?

Was loving Keith Harris wrong from the start?

Her mother came to her side and hugged her. Her warmth and her soothing voice calmed her somehow. Amanda was sobbing at her mother’s chest. She felt like a kid once again, crying to her whenever something went wrong.

She cupped her face and wiped away the tears that strolled down her face. Her mother had been caring ever since. She had always been her number one supporter beside her father. And it pained Amanda more how she had become a disappointment for them.

“Past is past, Amanda,” a part of her mind kept telling her whenever her resolved waiver. “There’s no use of thinking of the what ifs. What already happened, already happened. Nothing can be changed even if you think of the maybes…”

“M—om,” she mumbled, her eyes afraid to meet her mother. Even with all the consolation, Amanda still couldn’t help but cry as memories of Keith betrayal flashed in her mind. And how low someone could get by even setting her up for something she didn’t do. “I’m so sorry,” She held onto her arms as she cried again.

Her heart felt heavy as the burdens of the words weighed on her shoulders.

Her mother caressed the top of her head as she stared at her, eyes almost teary eyed. “You always can tell me what was happening, Amanda?”

“You know that I’m always here for you.”

“Mom,” was all she could utter. Her mother hushed her.

“You know what they say about marriage life,” she told her while putting her own shawl around her neck. It was a little bit chilly outside the countryside. “That every once in a while, it’s normal for married couples to have misunderstandings…”

“Don’t worry. He’ll come around. Just so you wait and he’ll be knocking at the door to pick you up.”

If only it was that simple, Amanda thought as she hugged her mother back. Her parents hadn’t known the true story behind what they knew was misunderstanding. That the so-called misunderstanding had led her three years of marriage to fall into ruins. Her divorce with Keith Harris had been in process and was only waiting for the verdict of the court.

Amanda can’t let them know about this. Her mother will surely be heartbroken about the news and her father will surely be enraged.

After she came back from the KH Development Group that day, with a heavy heart, Amanda signed the divorce papers. But before she left her home for three years, she left a simple note to Keith.

Keith,

One day, our path will cross again. I assure you somehow that you will regret this day. You’ll reap what you sow, Keith. Soon you will taste your own medicine.

Your,

Ex-wife

P.s

Ex-wife, since we are already over.

“M—om,” she called her mother one more time. Amanda swallowed the invisible lump in her throat as she confessed the truth to her. She realised she can’t lead them to the darkness. Eventually, the truth will come out. So it’s better that her mother learned it first from her. “There’s something that you need to know…”

Her mother looked at her with that creased forehead. Amanda sighed as she revealed the truth.

“Keith and I already filed for a divorce,” She saw the surprise registered on her mother’s face. “I have already signed the papers. The decision rests with the court now.”

“What?” her mother was utterly shocked at her revelation. She even held onto both of her shoulders and subtly shook it just to confirm. “You can’t be serious about that…”

“Divorce was not something to be taken lightly.” disbelief was all over her mother’s face. “Why? What happened to both of you?”

She shook her head, unable to speak more of the details. Her tears keep strolling down her face.

“It’s already been decided, Mom. There’s nothing I can do about it,” she said sincerely. Despite the efforts she made, their separation was unavoidable since Keith had his own reason which she was never part of in the first place. She’s simply traversing the path of certain pain if she would still stay by his side with all that’s been said and done. “He should’ve told his grandfather about this.”

“It was indeed a hasty decision. But we…” she cleared her throat as she tried to convince herself that everything was alright even if it’s not. She loved the fool sincerely. It’s not easy to let go of such love she held dear in her heart for so long. “But I firmly believed that it was the best for both of us. We are not really a couple in the beginning.”

“Our marriage wasn’t built from love, trust, and respect. Everything was imposed. And even in those years, nothing was relevant to stay by each other.”

“My love hasn’t sustained us. I’m the only one who’s giving until the end.” She uttered, unaware that she had a voice on her head.

Her mother heard her and hugged her once more. “Oh, my poor child…”

“You should’ve told us sooner. It must’ve been hard keeping it all to yourself, Amanda,” her mother stroked her hair. Amanda’s heart tightened from her soothing words. If there’s anyone she doesn't want to see cry, probably it’s her mother. She’s too soft-hearted even in the pretence of a strong woman.

Her mother consoled her over the love and marriage she had lost. Amanda was just there, revelling in the warmth of her embrace. She was telling her everything will be alright. That they could always start anew. And then there’s nothing to be ashamed of what she’d gone through.

That everything was part of the process. A process where we receive pain from losing someone, of pain of losing dear to our heart, so we can prepare to receive something greater. Even far better than what we have lost.

And besides, Amanda realized that marriage without love is bound to happen sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time. An already ticking bomb. They can’t really force each other to stay if one doesn't want to. They will just ruin each other. There will be endless pain if they choose to stay in a lost case relationship.

Amanda was blinded by her love for Keith that she thought she was the luckiest girl when he married her. That finally her fairytale had turned into her reality. What she never knew would be short lived. And the cause of her despair will be the man of her dreams.

How ironic. She shouldn’t have cling to that slim hope that Keith Harris would fall for someone like her. It just won’t happen in this lifetime.

“If there’s any consolation,” her mother speaks up while pampering her like a child. “His grandfather really likes you. I know that for a fact. But, Amanda…”

“No matter what happens from here on, always remember that me and your dad will always be here for you.”

“Yes, Mom. Thank you so much. I am so lucky that I have you as my parents,” She said in a very emotional voice.

Her mother squeezed her cheeks like she used to when she was a kid. She’s now smiling as she kissed her on the forehead. “No, dear. We are the one who’s lucky to have you in our life. You are a blessing to us from above.”

Their sweet mother-and-daughter moment was immediately cut in when they both heard someone calling their landline. Her mother volunteered to answer the call and asked her to stay put. A few more seconds and she heard a loud thud inside.

Disturbed by what could be, Amanda stood up from the recliner chair and followed her mother inside. And she was petrified on the entrance, her eyes widened as she stared at her mother lying on the floor unconscious.

Then a loud scream of help startled the nearby neighbors.