My Song.

Katie and I have gone out every night since Friday. I feel beyond exhausted. She comes to my house and we just scatter through the night, with no plans whatsoever. I find myself being thankful that she entered my life. She brings out a side of me I didn't know existed, the wild and un-patterned side of me. 

But her presence also has me barely sleeping as we're never not going out.

So,

After a few minutes of struggling, I manage to unpeel myself from the bed and lazy walk my meat body to the shower. This is the literal feeling of hangover accumulation. I'd been curing my hangover with alcohol and now it's all catching up to me. I probably should call in sick today but my asshole of a boss would just drown if I'm not there to babysit him. So I push myself until I'm all dressed up and ready to go.

Speaking of my lousy boss, I haven't seen him since he basically kicked me out on Saturday morning. I have no desire to talk about what happened and I hope he doesn't mention it, knowing him though he won't. He's probably moved on to another victim already and doesn't even remember what happened. That is fine with me.

I'd never cared much about how I looked before, I preferred comfort. But today I feel the need to stand out a bit. When we were going out the past couple of nights, I'd worn a lipstick and put a bit of effort in my clothes and I noticed guys eyeing me. I didn't completely hate that.

There was a certain confidence that came with looking good and I didn't know how much I needed that feeling until I experienced it. So this morning I have on a pencil skirt that had found a home at the back of my closet and a blouse I'd bought for a wedding once and never bothered to wear again. I put light make up on and I find myself smiling as I look at myself in the mirror. I look good.

I'm already late for work and for the first time ever, I could care less. I complete my look with a pair of rose colored sandals and I soon join the busy roads of Johannesburg.

"Tune in to find my peace and solitude.

These empty rooms spin, and I embrace the flaws of being human", Everyone seems to be at work already because the roads have cleared up a bit. I open all my car windows and put the volume up to let Alessia Cara's melodious voice fill the car. 

"The black and white, and sometimes the greys that stay for days. The in-between times, the meantimes that make this song of life sing", I feel a wave of calmness and serenity. I'm still physically exhausted but my mental peace remains.

I walk into work feeling a little better than I did when I woke up. A nice shower and a positive outlook will do that for you. I do my morning greetings and decide to buy a bottle of water instead of a hot beverage. I pass the main reception, make my way into the elevator, all the while continuing with my greetings. I'm having a good day and it shows.

It stays that way. At least until the elevator doors open, because sitting on the couch on my office floor lounge is none other than the boy who brings both chaos and calmness in my heart. I want to run to him and give him the biggest hug I'd ever given. My heart craves for his touch.

"Hi," I instead decide to say softly. I appear calm on the outside but my insides are exploding. I'm filled with so much emotion. He looks at me with a look I cannot decipher and I bow my head in shame. He must think I look ridiculous. 

"Hey Nugget," he says as he stands up to make his way to me. Two words and tears threaten to spill from my eyes.

He's wearing grey sweat pants and a plain white shirt and he's got on Nike shoes. He was never a really buff guy but he always had tightness on his core from his consistent gym sessions but he's now gotten rather small from the last time I saw him. And now that he's gotten close, I can see the dark circles under his eyes from sleepless nights?

My heart all of a sudden feels heavy, did he break up with Meghan?

People pass around giving us looks and I ask him to follow me to the conference room at the end of the hall.

"Can I... hug you?" he asks as soon as we make it and I close the door behind us. He sounds so uncertain. I answer him by going in for a hug, but it just becomes a weird and awkward hug situation and so I pull back after a few seconds. 

"You look beautiful Nugget," he then says to me making me smile. He looks deep in my eyes and takes my hand to stroke it with his. 

"I miss you," he says simply.

It's funny how you could go days, even weeks doing really good and all of a sudden something or someone comes along and you're just back at square one. 

I was doing so well.

I thought I was finally over him. I'm not.

"What are you doing here Tristan?" I ask deciding to get myself together. He looks down then back at me and sighs. 

"We moved up the wedding. It's going to be in a month, I really need you there." He responds and I try to hide my disappointment.

I don't know what I was thinking, he's never going to want me and I need to just accept that. I somehow master up the courage to smile but the door opens just as I'm about to answer.

My boss walks in and I'm reminded about the meeting he has that morning. 

"Sorry to disturb, I'll come back when you're done," he says softly and I'm left wondering if I'm in a dream. 

"No Mr Romano, we're done here," I respond quickly stopping him in his tracks. 

"My friend here just came to invite me to his wedding next month and I was just telling him I'll be there," I continue to say to lighten up the tense mood. 

"Oh great, we'll be there. I love weddings," My asshole of a boss says, clearly being sarcastic. Wait did he say we? 

"Sorry it's invites only" I almost say something but Tristan beats me to it. 

"She's allowed to have a plus one isn't she?" he says and the two boys turn their heads to me, seemingly looking for a response. 

"Uh yea sure whatever," I say knowing that's not going to happen. I'm sure he's got better things to do.

"Well settled then, see you there." He says then walks out without another word. I roll my eyes at that, he's got such a dismissive attitude. 

"Well, he's an asshole," Tristan says reading my mind. 

"You have no idea," I say and for a split second, we're back to being us. The us before all the complications, but that goes away as soon as it came. 

"We should probably get out of here," I say after the short moment, letting my face go back to being stern. 

"Uh yea. Lastly, the wedding is in a month but there are a few things that are going to be happening before then. Like Meg's bachelorette next week. She wants you there," the crazy man says and I look at him like he'd grown a second head.

"No she doesn't," I say folding my arms. I'm pretty sure Meghan hates me almost as much as I hate her. 

"Nugget I'm being serious, she wants to get to know you. If she's gonna be in my life, I need the two of you to get along," he pleads and I roll my eyes.

"Can't we just get along from a distance? Y'know, like we've been doing?" I say hoping he doesn't push it. He's always been good at making me agree to stuff.

"That was just tolerating each other not getting along. I was ok with it 'cause I didn't know it was gonna last," he explains. 

"Nuugeeeet...," he now says annoying me.

"Fine!" I say giving up. I didn't stand a chance. 

We leave the conference room just as the cleaning ladies bring refreshments for the meeting.

We hug and he leaves the office.

Guess I'm going to Meghan's bachelorette. What's the worst that could happen anyways?