Am I undeserving of love?

Freya

Promising Victor that I'd be calm was easy, but actually keeping to the deal was the problem. I just couldn't take my mind and eyes off the video.

I went straight to the office from Victor's place and the moment I clicked the door shut, I hurried to my seat. I grabbed my phone and started watching the video all over again.

I watched it over three times and each time, it felt different, like I was just seeing it for the first time.

I pushed my phone forward while I buried my head on my desk. I was boiling with rage and I just needed to get my mind off it.

The day went by in a blur. I couldn't even concentrate on work. I was so disturbed and had to push a lot of the work to my assistant, which she did under my supervision.

“Are you okay, Freya?” Grace, my assistant asked.

“Yes, I'm okay. Just a little bit under the weather.” I let out while she gave me a scrutiny look. She wasn't quite convinced, and I could understand her concern. It wasn't like me to keep to myself or even push my work to her. I love doing things myself and even when dealing with high-end clients, I handle them myself.

“Are you sure?” she pressed further.

“Of course, I'll be fine once I get some rest.”

“Or you could ask Dennis for a massage and then end it with some happy ending.” she winked at me while I forced out a chuckle.

“I will.”

“So are you done with these files over there?” I was desperate to change the topic from my sexual life, so I just had to take my chance.

We continued with work, ignoring each other's lives. By the time we were done, I took my leave.

I took a warm bath to cool my nerves and to give me room to think right. I stayed there till I heard the bedroom door open.

I quickly jumped up and left the bath tub.

It was Dennis, and he was full of smiles as he spread his arms wide, waiting for me to jump in and hold him tightly like I always do.

“You’re cheating on me, Dennis! Just stop lying and tell me the truth!”

“Stop making me feel like a fool who doesn’t know Jack about what was happening.” I slammed at him and I saw the smile on his face quickly turn into a frown.

“Are we doing this again tonight? I thought we had already settled that. I’m not cheating on you and I certainly am not making you into a fool.

“But…”

“Where is this all coming from all of a sudden? When did you start misbehaving this way? Ignoring my love gestures and then trying to force a fight out of me.” He slammed back at me and that was when all hell let loose. I was filled with rage and my insides boiled with anger.

“What did you just say to me, Dennis? Me force out a fight from you? Do you know how hard it is right now to share the same bed with you knowing you’ve been so generous with your d*ck”

“Tell me, come on… when was the last time we f*cked?” I asked but didn’t wait for a response before I continued.

“Of course, you can’t f*cking remember! You go to your wh*res right after work and get all the satisfaction there only to come home and give me silly and lame excuses.”

“Ohh, work was so hectic at the office today. Ohhh I have a huge project on the way, and it’s getting all my focus and attention. I’m sorry love, give me some time, and you will have me all to yourself!”

“Silly and lame excuses! F*cking own up to your sh*t Dennis! Look into my eyes and tell me you have been whoring behind my back!” I didn’t even know where all the words came from. All I knew was, the more I opened my mouth, the more the words poured out.

I wanted to stop. I tried to stop. I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried, the words just kept coming, and it took a lot of willpower to yell Sonia’s name. That would have ruined all my efforts, so I held back.

“I don’t know what has come over you, but I guess you’re stressed out about work. You need to get some rest, and we can talk about this again in the morning. Maybe by then, you will be back to your senses and be able to communicate your feelings without being this ridiculous.” He let out and then grabbed his phone, ready to leave the room.

“If you dare leave this room, then be sure to take your things along because you sure as hell won’t be coming back in here.” I said fiercely, with unfamiliar confidence.

“What… what did you say? You want me to move out of the room?” He quizzed with a taunting smirk which irked me the more.

“You heard me loud and clear. If you dare sleep in the guest room tonight, then you will have to get your things in there with you.”

“After all, we haven’t been living as lovers for a while now. Months even… so what’s the point? Just move into the guest room then and enjoy your free life and space! Is that not what you’ve always wanted? I’ve decided not to be an obstacle in your way anymore, so if you make that decision to sleep outside this room, then make sure to make the place your new room.” I let out, stressing on each word so he would get it clearly.

He looked at me intently, disgust written all over him, but he didn’t say a word. He merely smirked at me and then turned to leave.

Watching him slam the door angrily, I scoffed and went into the closet to get into my night clothes.

Dennis was just a big bone of nothing. He would be back by the time I was out of the closet. He also comes back. After all, I’m his money magnet, another paycheck for him. He would want to be close so he could keep an eye on me.

“I threw on one of my soft silky nighties and then went back into the room. I settled at the dressing table where I did my skincare routine one after the other.

Surprisingly, I took almost thirty minutes and there was no trace of Dennis.

“Is he really thinking of moving out of the room?” I thought to myself as I turned back and stared in the direction of the door, waiting for it to open anytime soon and then watch Dennis enter.

I was ready to rub his nose in for a long time, but he didn’t show up.

Dennis had really decided to move into the guest room.

How dumb can a person be? How could he not think that moving out of the room would only make me believe he was actually cheating? Wasn’t he supposed to stay here with me and try to clear himself?

I let out a deep sigh as I got up and went to bed. At first, I sat by the edge before going to lock the door.

I then crashed into the bed, trying hard to fight back the tears that were now welling up in my eyes.

I couldn’t believe that my relationship of almost three years was slipping away from me. Dennis moving out of the room made it all so real. We’ve had our fair share of fights, but not once have we slept separately. Even when he storms out, or I do, we would always come back, settle it and, get into bed again. Most times, it ends with makeup s*x, and we are back to being lovers.

I swiped open my phone and watched the two hump each other wildly again. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. I burst into tears and cried my heart out.

I was hurting, and my heart ached badly.

I loved Dennis so much… I was ready to give him everything… I would even give up my life without a second thought, and all for what?…

“How could you hurt me like this, Dennis? How? What did I ever do to deserve this? Am I so undeserving of love?”