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Truth of the Matter Pt. 1
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Three Little Birds Truth of the Matter Pt. 2
I lay there next to him, our breathing finally returning to normal, with my arms wrapped securely around his chest, my head resting against his shoulder, close enough to his heart I could hear it beating. The thump thump thump both calmed me and swirled my thoughts, and I had no clue how to process what was going through my head.I concentrated on the feeling of Mykel's fingers as they glided through my hair, how his touch made me feel a plethora of emotions that I couldn't all define. Mykel sighed deeply, slowly allowing the breath to escape through his parted lips. I did not have to look at him to know his eyes were closed.I curled further into him, trying to, what seemed at the time, vainly anchor myself to his body. Sow my soul onto his so he could never leave me. "I love you," I told him, my chest tight, my eyes squeezed shut against any bub
Three Little Birds Truth of the Matter Pt. 3
After several spans of many heartbeats, I tried reaching for him, slowly and unsure, afraid of the rejection he ultimately delivered me until such time he had sufficiently calmed himself. He held up his hand in a blocking manner, keeping contact between us minimal before he slipped from the bed. "I need some air. I, uh...won't leave...I'll just be out back, okay?"I could only nod from my spot on the bed, the covers shielding the exposure of my body, as he threw on his shirt and pajama pants and vacated the room. I don't know how long I sat there on the bed silently begging him to return before finally I laid down and closed my eyes. Exhaustion got the better of me and my eyes didn't reopen until sometime later when the moon was high and a symphony of nighttime sounds drifted up through the window. Aside from the hour, I noticed first that I was alone, and the sheets next to me were cold. Mykel hadn't come back. Suddenl
Three Little Birds Save Me From Myself
I swallowed around the lump in my throat, my fingers twisting around each other in similar fashion to hers. "It would be a n-nice st-start." I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing, focusing on the methods Mykel taught me to control my stuttering."You have no idea, Mattie, how sorry I really am. I didn't just leave you...I did try and get you out. Do you remember them putting new locks on the door?"I thought back and tried to remember. I nodded. "Right after they found out you were sneaking me out at night." I hugged myself as the punishment for that indiscretion flashed through my mind."They had the keys, Mattie. I couldn't get to you. Even knowing I couldn't I still tried breaking the lock. Picking it. Opening it somehow. But I couldn't."As she spoke
Three Little Birds Save Me From Myself Pt. 2
"Babycakes, will you please go get the stuff out of the oven?" Liz hollered as I passed her. I smiled and nodded, nodded to the people who were paying for the pastries, and vanished into the back room. It has been a week now that I saw my sister for the first time since I was a kid. Considering that, I think I've done a fairly good job at handling myself. My emotions have been rampant, swinging back and forth like a pendulum, and minus one incident two days ago, I've not had a meltdown. I grabbed the pastries from the oven, the warm aroma of baked goods filling my senses and I smiled. As I handed the order to Liz, bagged and ready to go, I smiled too at her, before making fresh pots of coffee.Liz had been keeping both her eyes on me lately. Not that I could blame her, but I wanted to be alright. I wanted to show her that I was alright. Show them both. I wanted them to see my progress. I wanted them to be proud of
Three Little Birds Remember Pt. 1
I shook my head and bit my lip, failing in my efforts to keep the tears at bay. "I..." I stopped and shook my head, covering my face with my hands. "I'm such a fuck up, Liz. I'm fucking it all up and I know that he's getting tired of me and my bullshit baggage. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. And I'm not getting any better, Liz. How long can I expect him to stick around and deal with this shit?" Liz gathered me against her again as I came undone. "He's going to leave me, Liz. He's going to leave me." Liz didn't argue or speak to the contrary right then, she just held me. Everything was becoming too much. "What's the point, Liz? In anything, what's the point? Why do I try to beat this? Why do I keep fighting?" I paused a long moment before confessing in a choked whisper, "Sometimes I think I would be better off dead. Everyone would be better off.""God, Mattie, don't talk like that, baby. Don't think like that." I heard the
Three Little Birds Remember Pt. 2
Mykel's tears dried, but only for a moment. He disengaged himself from Kaiden's embrace and stood. Kaiden stood with him, looking deeply into his eyes, memorizing this moment. "How can you do this, Kaiden?" Mykel's voice no longer wavered as he let his anger and feelings of betrayal take control for the time being."I have no choice, Mykel.""Bullshit you have no fucking choice! You're choosing to leave me because of someone you fucking hate." Mykel's eyes watered again as he felt his soul being ripped asunder. Kaiden said nothing in return to this, simply stared at him with tears cascading down his own face. "Fine, Kaiden." He began to say more, to expound his pain onto his best friend. He turned around and headed back to the front door."Mykel?" Mykel turned around, his hand on the doork
Three Little Birds Amends
When I woke next Mykel had his arms around me, comfortably snug, with my head resting against his chest. My eyes moved upward to his face where I found him watching me. Faintly he smiled, seemingly now unsure if I would want him there now. Tightening my grip around him, I moved that much closer to him. It was Sunday and the shop was closed. I also had the day off. I didn't want to start the day in tears so I let my eyes drift away from his gaze and simply enjoyed being held by him for the first time in what felt like far too long.I felt gentle fingers push softly through my hair and a light brushing of his lips against my forehead. It was a move and a gesture that made my throat close anyway, and my eyes watered against my will. When his thumb brushed away the tears, I turned my head into his shoulder in an attempt to regain my self-control."Don't cry, sweet baby," he
Three Little Birds Amends Pt. 2
"Mattie," he said to me. His tone was so gentle my eyes instantly filled. I bit my lip. I hated myself. Hated my inability to keep my emotions in control. Hated that I still reacted to certain things a certain way. "Hey," he said so, so softly. I looked at him. "There's no need to keep beating yourself up over it. Okay? Give yourself time to heal."I looked deeply into his eyes as he said this. "I could say the same thing, Mykel." Instantly he looked away, immediately knowing what I was referring to. "Mykel?" I waited for him to bring his eyes back up to mine. "I know you've been afraid that...I don't know...I'm going to...hurt myself...like Kaiden did. I've seen the looks you try to hide...the desperate questioning. The truth of the matter is that...while I have been thinking about suicide," the pain that instantly filled his expression felt like a punch to the gut, "just hear me out...while I have been thinking of it,
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