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Rise and Shine
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2024-11-25 10:39:15I wake up not knowing how long I’d been asleep. I sheepishly look for my phone as I feel a slight pulsating sensation in my head. I like to think that’s my head injury and not the tumor that upheaved my life. I finally find my phone while rustling through the sheets and see that it says Thursday. I had slept for two days? Along with the date, I notice the dozen missed calls from my parents and a text from Maverick dated yesterday. I decided to call my parents back to ensure them I was okay. I’m sure they would’ve stopped by now but I recalled they had a few meetings lined of this week. My parents both sat on the board committee for Sonoma, a small city outside of San Francisco. The same city I’ve grown up in my whole life. It’s not a bad place. Just a small town of about 11,000 people with ambitions and dreams. Just not the same as mine. I wanted a legacy to reach all ends of the country whereas the legacy most people built here was a family, suburban living and comfort. After speaking with my mom for about five minutes, I change my focus to the text from Maverick.
M: Hey, you should check your email. Internship letters are supposedly being released today. Good luck! Internship letters? Oh shit. My internship application! I scramble to grab my computer from the nightstand and log into my email. I had applied to the most prestige environmental organization located in San Francisco as a paid intern in their documentary department. I knew it was a long shot when I saw that there was one opening but I had to take my chance. I see an email labeled EnviroDoc and click on it immediately. Email: Hello Cassandra, We are pleased to have reviewed such a wonderful candidate like yourself and have selected your application to be further viewed. As a result, we would like to offer you the opportunity of interviewing here at our office. We have scheduled your interview for Friday at 5:00P.M. We anticipate your arrival and hope to see you then. Signed, EnviroDoc. I have an interview! I wanted to get up and dance but I’m sure my head would disagree with my choices. I quickly grab my phone to text Maverick back. C: I got an interview at my top-choice internship. How did it go for you? I waited for his response while having too much excitement to contain myself. M: I made it to the interview process too! I think you might be a good luck charm. C: Not likely. I have a head injury, remember? M: Never said you were lucky for you. LOL. He was witty. Funny even. I think I like him. C: So where’s your interview? I look at the screen watching the text bar blink as I wait to hear some far away place as if us meeting was something we had spoken about. I expected to read a place I’ve never heard of. M: San Francisco, what about yours? C: Wait really? You live in California?! M: Yeah. I actually live in Vineburg. Is that a surprise? Out of all the places on earth, he lives here. Not only does he live here - he lives in the next city over less than an hour away. I start losing myself in thought. Are we going to meet? How would it feel to have him wrap his arms around me? How soft his lips might be? I snap back to reality before I let my fantasy run further. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any thoughts like that. And now was not the time to get caught up in a sex-crazed fantasy. I had to prepare for my interview. And text Maverick back, non-chalant of course. C: I just didn’t know you would be this close. I live in Sonoma. M: You’re joking. I go there all the time. The restaurants there are the best! C: You’re not wrong. The food is the freshest I’ve ever had. M: Hey, this may sound weird but maybe we can meet up after our interviews and grab something to eat. In a non-creepy way. C: You know what, I’d like that. My interview is tomorrow at 5P.M. M: Mine is scheduled for tomorrow at 4:30P.M. Just text me when you’re leaving your interview and I’ll just wait for you. C: Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow Maverick. M: Catch ya tomorrow Cass. Normally I didn’t care for nicknames but I liked when he called me Cass. Suddenly I remember I have to be at my appointment for oncology at the hospital. I shoot into my bathroom, grab a pair of jeans and a sweater, brush my teeth and tie up my hair for the sake of time. I run out the door with keys in hand and find my car. I rush to the hospital and decide to take the elevator. Running had made my head hurt and I liked the idea of staying conscious. As I stepped onto the revelatory and pressed the button for the 4th floor, I braced myself for the unimaginable. The envision of illness, death and lack of hope. I wasn’t ready. I would never be ready enough to be here, to be at this point in my life. The point of trying not to die.Related chapters
The web I can’t unweave My first treatment
I make it to the oncology floor at the hospital. The first thing I notice is this overwhelming appearance of hope. The entry area is decorated with the essence of life. Photos of flowers, calming colors and some plants in planters line the wall and lead towards a desk where I can already see the receptionist smiling at me. I walk over to her slowly as I look around. I almost expected a dreary appearance to this place. I mean, the people who come here are pretty much trying not to die or expire for better words. Yet this place was decorated to look peaceful, lively and friendly. I slowly reach the receptionist although I thought about turning around and making a bolt for the elevator. “Cassandra Richardson, I’m here for my consultation”. I say in a hushed voice as if the tumor in head could be a secret. “Welcome Cassandra, the doctor will be right with you if you’d like to have a seat”. She was cheery. In a place of people trying to change their fate, people who were dying and
The web I can’t unweave The next hour
It took me about ten minutes of fiddling with the clip on my IV line to be able to remove it and watch the medication reach my body. It was like flipping an hourglass and watching the sand try to reach the bottom. I look up at Dr. Rosario who smiles lightly back at me. I assume he’s proud of me but I get the feeling there’s something else too. Maybe it’s just in my head. “Am I supposed to feel itchy?” I ask as I suddenly feel prickly like a cactus and try not to scratch myself raw. “It can itch. It’s a mild reaction and you’re doing great so far. Do you feel anything else?” He asks with care. Care like he is really hoping I won’t run out of here screaming or light myself on fire in protest. “No. Am I going to go bald?” I couldn’t help but ask. I saw the woman in the waiting area as she left and I’m not able to contain my fear any longer. I start to shake mildly from anxiety and fear of what his answer would be. My appearance wasn’t important to me. It never was. But my ability
The web I can’t unweave Close Proximity
In one swift motion, Dr. Rosario lifts me into a cradle position and pinches the clip on my IV bag as he drapes over his shoulder. I think of protesting but the heat in my body keeps rising and I feel like someone has lit a match to every surface of my skin. I watch as he seems determined and almost frantic to reach the door at the back end of the room. He kicks it just enough to make it swing on the hinges. I jump at the sound. It reminded me of that one act of cruelty when I was thirteen. The one I didn’t deserve that made me hate the idea of my own beauty. Once inside, Dr. Rosario turns on the water in a stand up shower, hangs my IV bag on the hook just outside of the tile walls and steps inside with me in tow. The water is ice cold and I feel as though there’s steam radiating off of me or better yet him. I look at up at him like a sheep in the lions’ den. “I can stand.” I say in the tiniest voice. “I think I’ll carry you just for safety. I wouldn’t want you to slip and hur
The web I can’t unweave Radiotherapy Blues
I sat down at my previous chair where (Dr. Rosario) Darren originally placed me to start my radiotherapy treatment. I’d like to say this was going well but I’d rather not lie to myself. I had already developed symptoms to the treatment without having finished the treatment at all and it put me in a situation where I felt more sexual tension that I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I wonder if he felt it too? I stare down at my phone as I feel the medication racing through my veins and feel Darren watch me closely. His stare was filled with intent and I couldn’t exactly place what for. Was it full intent to make sure I’m okay or something else entirely? I choose not to ask as if the answer would be worse than the diagnosis he originally gave me. The one that puts my legacy in jeopardy.I’m still stuck in thought when I hear his voice break the silence.“Cassandra, can I ask you a personal question?” He says in polite and casual tone. I didn’t trust him entirely but in the timeframe that
The web I can’t unweave My first night after Radiotherapy
I finished my first radiotherapy treatment at the hospital a few hours ago. I can still remember Darren holding my stare and he unhooked me from the IV, took my vitals one more time and helped me up before walking me to the elevator. He said one last thing before I got into the elevator. “Cassandra, I want you live a long and beautiful life. I want you to build this legacy you hold in such a high place and I want to see you thrive. I hope you’ll choose to continue treatment after all that’s happened today.” “It’s my only chance at surviving right?” I wasn’t trying to sound sardonic or rude. But if it was exactly that then my choice was made just as my fate was sealed. I’d continue to the treatment as long as I’d have to in order to fulfill the dreams I’ve held onto for so many years. With that response, I see Darren’s face give a small reassuring smile that I could tell was tinged with sadness. Was he saddened by the idea that one of his patients might not make it? Or was this
The web I can’t unweave The Beginning of Everything
For as long as I could remember, I had one goal that stood out above the others. I wanted my name to be recognized. I wanted people to mention every achievement of mine when the name Cassandra rolled off of their tongues. I wanted a legacy. I knew I was smart, always excelling and being the best at everything I do - everything that didn’t involve talking and socializing at least. It’s not that I couldn’t make friends. I just didn’t think I’d have the time or use for them after graduation. See, the thing is - I had just turned 18 and it was fall. I should’ve been finding a dress for homecoming or prom or getting caught sneaking out but I always did the right thing and wasn’t great at talking to guys anyway so I spent most of senior year just like the rest. Studying, competing, excelling and keeping to myself. But it all changed in a moments notice. I was finally taking my SAT exam which I studied for months just to make sure I’d pass. Except I didn’t. Not because I’m stupid but be
The web I can’t unweave As I woke
I woke up again in the same room I imagined in my nightmare. Only this time, it was empty of everyone but me and all the wires and monitoring devices that I previously had on had been removed carefully. It wasn’t a dream. It was real. And there was nothing I could do to change it. I waited anxiously for someone to walk through the door but after ten minutes. I figured that they’d been avoiding me thinking I was resting or something far worse. After weighing out the possibilities, I feel the urge to get up. I slowly drag myself to a sitting position and dangle my feet off the side of the bed. I sit there for a minute silently judging myself on how badly I must’ve failed to end up here. I then slowly and quietly wiggle out of bed and make my way to the restroom located right by my hospital room door. I take a minute to steady myself. Holding onto the bathroom sink, I look up to see my reflection. Looking back at me, I see the same as always. Vivid green eyes, hourglass figure, long blac
The web I can’t unweave The doctor’s diagnosis
I recollect myself and emerge from the bathroom to find my mom in full tears. I’d never seen this side of her. Not that I’d know what to do if I did. “What’s wrong?” The only thing I could bring myself to say without panic. “Nothing sweetie, I couldn’t find you and became worried. That’s all.” She shrugs as she said it. One of her few tells that she’s lying. I slowly make my way to the bed carefully sitting down as if it would rip out from underneath me at any second and reach for my mom’s hand. Not because I needed it but I think she did. Once I grab her hand in mine, I see a wave of worry just slowly dissipate as if into thin air. “Are you okay mom? Did the doctor say something?” “Not yet dear. They were able to do all the testing needed while you were asleep. I’m sure it’s nothing but now we just have to wait.” She shrugged again. She knew something and if she did, she just didn’t want to be the one to tell me and that made me nervous. As I hold her hand stuck in thought,
Latest chapter
The web I can’t unweave My first night after Radiotherapy
I finished my first radiotherapy treatment at the hospital a few hours ago. I can still remember Darren holding my stare and he unhooked me from the IV, took my vitals one more time and helped me up before walking me to the elevator. He said one last thing before I got into the elevator. “Cassandra, I want you live a long and beautiful life. I want you to build this legacy you hold in such a high place and I want to see you thrive. I hope you’ll choose to continue treatment after all that’s happened today.” “It’s my only chance at surviving right?” I wasn’t trying to sound sardonic or rude. But if it was exactly that then my choice was made just as my fate was sealed. I’d continue to the treatment as long as I’d have to in order to fulfill the dreams I’ve held onto for so many years. With that response, I see Darren’s face give a small reassuring smile that I could tell was tinged with sadness. Was he saddened by the idea that one of his patients might not make it? Or was this
The web I can’t unweave Radiotherapy Blues
I sat down at my previous chair where (Dr. Rosario) Darren originally placed me to start my radiotherapy treatment. I’d like to say this was going well but I’d rather not lie to myself. I had already developed symptoms to the treatment without having finished the treatment at all and it put me in a situation where I felt more sexual tension that I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I wonder if he felt it too? I stare down at my phone as I feel the medication racing through my veins and feel Darren watch me closely. His stare was filled with intent and I couldn’t exactly place what for. Was it full intent to make sure I’m okay or something else entirely? I choose not to ask as if the answer would be worse than the diagnosis he originally gave me. The one that puts my legacy in jeopardy.I’m still stuck in thought when I hear his voice break the silence.“Cassandra, can I ask you a personal question?” He says in polite and casual tone. I didn’t trust him entirely but in the timeframe that
The web I can’t unweave Close Proximity
In one swift motion, Dr. Rosario lifts me into a cradle position and pinches the clip on my IV bag as he drapes over his shoulder. I think of protesting but the heat in my body keeps rising and I feel like someone has lit a match to every surface of my skin. I watch as he seems determined and almost frantic to reach the door at the back end of the room. He kicks it just enough to make it swing on the hinges. I jump at the sound. It reminded me of that one act of cruelty when I was thirteen. The one I didn’t deserve that made me hate the idea of my own beauty. Once inside, Dr. Rosario turns on the water in a stand up shower, hangs my IV bag on the hook just outside of the tile walls and steps inside with me in tow. The water is ice cold and I feel as though there’s steam radiating off of me or better yet him. I look at up at him like a sheep in the lions’ den. “I can stand.” I say in the tiniest voice. “I think I’ll carry you just for safety. I wouldn’t want you to slip and hur
The web I can’t unweave The next hour
It took me about ten minutes of fiddling with the clip on my IV line to be able to remove it and watch the medication reach my body. It was like flipping an hourglass and watching the sand try to reach the bottom. I look up at Dr. Rosario who smiles lightly back at me. I assume he’s proud of me but I get the feeling there’s something else too. Maybe it’s just in my head. “Am I supposed to feel itchy?” I ask as I suddenly feel prickly like a cactus and try not to scratch myself raw. “It can itch. It’s a mild reaction and you’re doing great so far. Do you feel anything else?” He asks with care. Care like he is really hoping I won’t run out of here screaming or light myself on fire in protest. “No. Am I going to go bald?” I couldn’t help but ask. I saw the woman in the waiting area as she left and I’m not able to contain my fear any longer. I start to shake mildly from anxiety and fear of what his answer would be. My appearance wasn’t important to me. It never was. But my ability
The web I can’t unweave My first treatment
I make it to the oncology floor at the hospital. The first thing I notice is this overwhelming appearance of hope. The entry area is decorated with the essence of life. Photos of flowers, calming colors and some plants in planters line the wall and lead towards a desk where I can already see the receptionist smiling at me. I walk over to her slowly as I look around. I almost expected a dreary appearance to this place. I mean, the people who come here are pretty much trying not to die or expire for better words. Yet this place was decorated to look peaceful, lively and friendly. I slowly reach the receptionist although I thought about turning around and making a bolt for the elevator. “Cassandra Richardson, I’m here for my consultation”. I say in a hushed voice as if the tumor in head could be a secret. “Welcome Cassandra, the doctor will be right with you if you’d like to have a seat”. She was cheery. In a place of people trying to change their fate, people who were dying and
The web I can’t unweave Rise and Shine
I wake up not knowing how long I’d been asleep. I sheepishly look for my phone as I feel a slight pulsating sensation in my head. I like to think that’s my head injury and not the tumor that upheaved my life. I finally find my phone while rustling through the sheets and see that it says Thursday. I had slept for two days? Along with the date, I notice the dozen missed calls from my parents and a text from Maverick dated yesterday. I decided to call my parents back to ensure them I was okay. I’m sure they would’ve stopped by now but I recalled they had a few meetings lined of this week. My parents both sat on the board committee for Sonoma, a small city outside of San Francisco. The same city I’ve grown up in my whole life. It’s not a bad place. Just a small town of about 11,000 people with ambitions and dreams. Just not the same as mine. I wanted a legacy to reach all ends of the country whereas the legacy most people built here was a family, suburban living and comfort. After speakin
The web I can’t unweave The thought of Maverick
I gave him my phone number after talking for hours on the chatroom. Seemed only Fitting that we share real conversations that we could pick at each other’s perspectives without having to look for each other on an IM. If I’m being honest, there’s something about him that captivates me. I can imagine that his stellar and magnetic personality match a perfect smile and that is intelligence is met with perfect physique. He exudes confidence and although I hate to admire it - that confidence is sexy. There’s a moment where I imagine what it would be like for us to meet. Would there an undeniable connection or would the ghosts of my failed relationships haunt once again? Or was I the only one feeling this way? I snap myself back to the reality of things. I am 19 years old, sitting in my apartment alone at midnight and I just found out that I have cancer. I’m dying. And no one wants to be with a dying girl especially not when she could potentially go bald in treatment. Not to mention that
The web I can’t unweave Night one of Dying
I spent hours in my apartment thinking of what I could have done wrong to end up here but I don’t think there’s an answer. So I picked up my jumbled brain and began to focus on my emails. I open my nightstand to find my laptop and decide to distract myself with an other chatroom. I’ve used this chatroom to try and socialize with other people my age. It helps that it’s a chatroom for intelligent kids to pick each other’s brains and it’s mostly anonymous. Especially since socializing is not my strong suit. I log on and wait for my first IM to arrive. M: Hey, how are you? C: Hard day but nothing a good conversation can’t fix. (It wasn’t a lie - A moment like this makes me wish I had someone to snuggle up with and forget). M: Care to share? C: With a stranger? I think not. What would he say? Sorry? Pity wasn’t what I needed. M: You don’t remember me, do you? C: Have we met? M: We haven’t officially but we chatted a couple of times. How’d your SAT testing go? C: Appa
The web I can’t unweave The drive home
After collecting my things and getting my appointment confirmation paperwork, I left with the eerie feeling that my return in four days would be the realization that I may never have my legacy. In four days, I would be coming back to the hospital for my first initial consult with the oncology department and receive my first round of radiotherapy and even so, that’s not what frightened me. What frightened me was the unknown. I sat in the backseat as my parents drove me back to my apartment where my car would be waiting for me. They would have preferred I returned home but I need time to process on my own. I could tell their worry outweighed mine by a mile. As I saw the entrance of my complex, I felt a wave of relief as if my apartment had brought back my normalcy. I grab my hospital bag as we parked and began exiting the car. I then opened the drivers side door to which my father sat and gave home a hug and a ‘thank you’. I then reached over to hug my mom as I walked into my door.
