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My first treatment
Last Updated:
2024-11-17 21:57:26
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The web I can’t unweave The next hour
It took me about ten minutes of fiddling with the clip on my IV line to be able to remove it and watch the medication reach my body. It was like flipping an hourglass and watching the sand try to reach the bottom. I look up at Dr. Rosario who smiles lightly back at me. I assume he’s proud of me but I get the feeling there’s something else too. Maybe it’s just in my head. “Am I supposed to feel itchy?” I ask as I suddenly feel prickly like a cactus and try not to scratch myself raw. “It can itch. It’s a mild reaction and you’re doing great so far. Do you feel anything else?” He asks with care. Care like he is really hoping I won’t run out of here screaming or light myself on fire in protest. “No. Am I going to go bald?” I couldn’t help but ask. I saw the woman in the waiting area as she left and I’m not able to contain my fear any longer. I start to shake mildly from anxiety and fear of what his answer would be. My appearance wasn’t important to me. It never was. But my ability
Last Updated : 2024-11-18The web I can’t unweave Close Proximity
In one swift motion, Dr. Rosario lifts me into a cradle position and pinches the clip on my IV bag as he drapes over his shoulder. I think of protesting but the heat in my body keeps rising and I feel like someone has lit a match to every surface of my skin. I watch as he seems determined and almost frantic to reach the door at the back end of the room. He kicks it just enough to make it swing on the hinges. I jump at the sound. It reminded me of that one act of cruelty when I was thirteen. The one I didn’t deserve that made me hate the idea of my own beauty. Once inside, Dr. Rosario turns on the water in a stand up shower, hangs my IV bag on the hook just outside of the tile walls and steps inside with me in tow. The water is ice cold and I feel as though there’s steam radiating off of me or better yet him. I look at up at him like a sheep in the lions’ den. “I can stand.” I say in the tiniest voice. “I think I’ll carry you just for safety. I wouldn’t want you to slip and hur
Last Updated : 2024-11-20The web I can’t unweave Radiotherapy Blues
I sat down at my previous chair where (Dr. Rosario) Darren originally placed me to start my radiotherapy treatment. I’d like to say this was going well but I’d rather not lie to myself. I had already developed symptoms to the treatment without having finished the treatment at all and it put me in a situation where I felt more sexual tension that I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I wonder if he felt it too? I stare down at my phone as I feel the medication racing through my veins and feel Darren watch me closely. His stare was filled with intent and I couldn’t exactly place what for. Was it full intent to make sure I’m okay or something else entirely? I choose not to ask as if the answer would be worse than the diagnosis he originally gave me. The one that puts my legacy in jeopardy.I’m still stuck in thought when I hear his voice break the silence.“Cassandra, can I ask you a personal question?” He says in polite and casual tone. I didn’t trust him entirely but in the timeframe that
Last Updated : 2024-11-21The web I can’t unweave My first night after Radiotherapy
I finished my first radiotherapy treatment at the hospital a few hours ago. I can still remember Darren holding my stare and he unhooked me from the IV, took my vitals one more time and helped me up before walking me to the elevator. He said one last thing before I got into the elevator. “Cassandra, I want you live a long and beautiful life. I want you to build this legacy you hold in such a high place and I want to see you thrive. I hope you’ll choose to continue treatment after all that’s happened today.” “It’s my only chance at surviving right?” I wasn’t trying to sound sardonic or rude. But if it was exactly that then my choice was made just as my fate was sealed. I’d continue to the treatment as long as I’d have to in order to fulfill the dreams I’ve held onto for so many years. With that response, I see Darren’s face give a small reassuring smile that I could tell was tinged with sadness. Was he saddened by the idea that one of his patients might not make it? Or was this
Last Updated : 2024-11-21The web I can’t unweave The day I meet Maverick
I hoped to wake up early to make sure I have time to prepare my interview portfolio and outfit. But even waking at noon was more than enough time to prepare as my interview was at 5pm. Presentation is everything. One small flaw and the very idea of my legacy would jeopardized. Only I wasn’t so focused on my interview when I awoke. I dreamt that I was in the shower and a tall handsome man with blue eyes came in to join me or better yet, pleasure me. He stood behind me and I could feel the heat radiating off his skin as he pressed up against me, pushing me into the showers wall, caressing every curve and lingering on every one of my sweet spots. As I rose in arousal. He wanted me to say his name. “Call for me. Tell me who you want. Say Maverick.” And with that, I woke up in bed alone to the sound of my alarm. As much as that dream lingered in mind, I had to focus. My legacy was at stake. I walk over to my closet to ruffle through my business-casual clothes and settle on a nic
Last Updated : 2024-11-26The web I can’t unweave Hello San Francisco
The drive wasn’t long. A little over an hour with traffic but that’s California. You can never get anywhere in this state without traffic beating you to it. I arrive at the EnviroDoc building and see my reflection along the glass windows as I turn the corner. In just 30 minutes, a legacy could be built. A legacy that will proceed in life and death. I just had to impress a few executives and ace the interview. In another life, where I was ridden with cancer in my most vital organ, that would sound like nothing past a simple task but my life was a capsized ship trying to avoid sinking and I was the captain of that ship refusing to let the ship meet its untimely end. Cancer or not, I would not be defeated before I left my impression on this company. I round the corner to the entrance where I see the infamous logo. A planet with a cinematic film slowly encasing it. This company was going to be the next National Geographic and Discovery Channel and any position in its firm would allow
Last Updated : 2024-11-27The web I can’t unweave My interview
“Please have a seat on. I’m Mrs. Parton and it is so nice to meet you.” She says with a professional and warming smile. I hand her my portfolio, sit down and make sure to keep posture high and offer a controlled smile. I think my crazed nervous smile would’ve scared her away. “It’s nice to finally meet you as well Mrs.Parton. I have nothing but the highest respect for your work.” Niceties aren’t going to get me this interview but I hadn’t lied. She created EnviroDoc and traveled the world making documentaries about the environment and planet. It was amazing how much she has put into her success. She’s formed a legacy. “Oh thank you! I was very impressed to read your application. You seem to be a very dedicated young woman on a mission and I’d like to learn more about you today.” She says as she sits across from me behind her desk. “Thank you. I will gladly answer any and every question you have!” Okay that was too eager but at least she smiled back at me and didn’t look at me li
Last Updated : 2024-12-03The web I can’t unweave Hello Mystery Man
I revisit the waiting room and sit on the couch across from the mysterious man. A coffee table riddled with magazines stands in between as I grab a magazine on Successful women to be acknowledged and recognized this past year. I skim the magazine and wonder if I’d end up in a publishing like this. A publishing of elites and their legacy - broadcasted upon each page for others to read and seek motivation from. I needed this internship and this man in front of me stood in my way of that. I peer up from my magazine and catch him doing the same. Skimming a magazine but peeking at me over the rim of the top. Was he thinking the same as me?I close my magazine and place it down on the table neatly and decide that conversation was a good attempt as any.“Are you here for the internship?”He smiles slightly as he looks up and puts down his magazine as if he knew conversation was on the horizon.“I am and I understand that there is only one position. But we’re both still here.” He analyzed the
Last Updated : 2024-12-03
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The web I can’t unweave Time for more treatment
After what has come our nightly ritual, we laid down for bed. Maverick had cuddled me close until I fell asleep.I awoke the next morning to my alarm. I’d have my first radiotherapy enhancement today. I look over to see Maverick is still sleeping and I shuffle quietly out of bed. I almost make it out until I feel a hand grab my wrist. “It’s early. What’s wrong?” I look over to see Maverick peaking at me groggily.“Treatment - today. I have to be at the hospital in twenty minutes.” I say as I stare down at the bed.“Want me to come?”“No, get some rest. I’ll only be gone about an hour.” I lean over to kiss him and then get ready to leave. I watch as he rolls onto his side and falls back to sleep.This was the first time Maverick had been there when I woke up. His chiseled features accented by the shadows of light dancing along the curtain. His hair thrown carelessly and his blue eyes - out of sight as he slept. He reminded me of what Greek mythology expressed as Gods. As u admired his
The web I can’t unweave Home at Last
Once we get back to my apartment, Maverick wakes me gently and picks me up to bring me inside. He gently opens the door and takes me directly to my bed. He then shuts the door and brings himself back to the room, sitting down in the bed carefully.“You feeling okay?” He asks carefully as if the words were boulders that would roll over me if spoken too loudly.“Yeah. I’m just really tired.” Not a complete lies I was tired although I was more exhausted than anything and it had nothing to do with a lack of sleep. I wasn’t improving the way we had hoped, my health was slowly interfering with my life, my doctor seems intent on pursuing me even while I have my person sitting in the same bed as me, I embarrassed myself at EnviroDoc and there’s still the cherry to top it all off: I have brain cancer. A cruel sick joke that taunts me relentlessly so I meant it wholeheartedly when I said I was tired.I look up at Maverick to see his mind is steadily at work. He had read between the lines. There
The web I can’t unweave Finally free of the hospital
After Darren left, I waited about an hour while Maverick stayed resting peacefully at my side. Waiting for my discharge was just as eerie as walking up in this same room once again.I hear a knock at the door as the nurse slowly enters. She sees Maverick sleeping and decides to speak to me quietly.“Ms. Richardson, these are your discharge papers. The doctor has added your new treatment regiment in which you’ll be following up in the oncology department. I believe he spoke with you already?” “Yes. I’m aware.” I say quietly as I try not to wake Maverick.“Okay, great. Well there are some health guidelines to follow for your condition and the doctor has added a prescription of antacids for your stomach and zofran for your nausea. I have your prescriptions as the doctor requested they be sent and filled to in-office pharmacy. Do you have any questions for me?” She asks as she carefully hands me the paperwork and a bag containing my prescriptions. “No, thank you. Am I okay to leave now?
The web I can’t unweave My results
After more than an hour of imaging, Darren returns me to my room. “I’ll be back to go over your imaging with you in a bit. Is there anything I can get for you in the meantime?” Darren asks with a sad smile. I think I’m okay. Thank you, Darren” I look at Maverick as Darren leaves the room. He looks exhausted and yet he found time to raid the vending machine for snacks and a drink. “Hungry? I had some time to get a few things since I didn’t know how long we’ll be here? He smiles slightly. We? He was free to leave at any time but he intended on staying even though he was exhausted. “I’m okay right now. Do you want to share the bed with me for a nap instead?” I start to scoot over, leaving half of the blanket for him. “An irresistible offer.” He smiles as he gets into my bed. He then puts his arm behind my head and brings me closer to him. “Are you tired?” He asks. “Not really but this is nice.” “Well the nurse gave me a tablet where you can stream shows while you’re here. Care t
The web I can’t unweave Still in the ER
I try to rest as I wait for Darren to return to take me to imaging. As I slept, I begin to dream of things I’d never considered for myself in the future. I am in bed reading a children’s’ book to a tiny human, smiling as I turn the pages and see their excitement and hear the word ‘mommy’ echo as the child looks up at me. A moment passed as I reply ‘yes baby’ with a smile. I continue reading until all of a sudden - it’s dark outside and the darkness engulfs the room. Once the light returns, I’m in a white room. It’s large and empty space making it feel like a cage of white walls. I instinctively pick up pieces of crayons and write on the walls as if in a trance and begin writing my fears on each wall of my enclosure.No loveDeathNo familyDeathCancerDeathNo legacy DeathBy the time, I stop writing, every surface of that room was covered in fears written in different colors and ‘DEATH’ written in capital letters and red crayon all over. I then get up and begin touching each wall.
The web I can’t unweave My not so short ER visit
“Cassandra, what happened? You seemed fine this morning and I have you on the schedule to come in tomorrow.” he says as he reads my chart - making no effort in acknowledging Maverick sitting by my side. “Well I got dizzy and went to the bathroom at work and the next thing I remember is vomiting blood.” I look down at my legs, trying to remember anything else but that seems like everything. “Have you eaten anything strange lately?” He asks as he washes his hands to put on gloves. “No. I didn’t even eat breakfast this morning.” “I’ll be checking you over and we’ll see what’s the next steps. Okay?” Darren makes his way towards me. “Okay.” Maverick keeps his hand on mine as Darren examines me. He touches my lymph nodes, listens to my lungs and heart, checks my tonsils and ears but finds nothing out of the ordinary. “I’m not seeing anything that would have caused that bleeding externally so I’d like to press on your abdomen to make sure there isn’t any discomfort.” “Okay.” I lay
The web I can’t unweave Not again
I wake up to frenzy of people around me - one of them being Maverick. The look on his face ringing in my bed as he picks me up and places me on a gurney. As the paramedics roll me out of the bathroom, I look back and see the toilet had been flushed. Had Maverick done so to maintain my secret? I am brought back to the hospital and placed into the exact room where I was previously diagnosed with a brain tumor. As if the side effects alone weren’t a constant reminder of my impeding doom. I sit patiently as the nurse goes over what happened and checks my vitals. “Okay Ms. Richardson, everything looks stable. The doctor should be in to see you shortly.” “Thank you.” The words escape as a whisper. I felt defeated and watched as she gives a small smile and leaves. The nurse had given me a IV to maintain my hydration upon my arrival. And I find myself watching each drop pass slowly. I hated this feeling.This room reminded me of perish and here I was - again. As I sulk, I hear someone en
The web I can’t unweave The day ahead
Once we arrived at EnviroDoc, I sit back for a moment and gloom at Maverick as he turns off the truck. The silence permeated the entires truck during our hour long commute. “You do know that I didn’t invite him, right?” I say in a serious manner. I had been honest with Maverick and had no intention in hiding anything. “Have you ever invited him to your place?” He asks while passing a glance at me. He was uncomfortable and rightfully so. It looked bad. “No, he asked my parents for permission to take me to work and they agreed. I didn’t know and I’ve never invited him or even given him my address - other than the paper forms when I became his patient.” I say as I fiddle with my sleeves. This is not my ideal morning. “Cass, I want to believe you have nothing going on with him but it’s hard too, especially when he just shows up at your apartment.” He looks worried or perplexed. No one ever cared about me enough to show any concern - Other than my parents“Why would I contact my doctor
The web I can’t unweave The next morning
I must’ve fallen asleep sometime during our movie because when I wake up, I’m in my bed alone. I find my phone in the nightstand with a piece of paper attached. ‘Good morning! It’s officially our first day at EnviroDoc! I had to leave early to get my truck and get clothes but I’ll pick you up for our first day at 8:30AM. Maverick’I look at the time and it’s 8:15. Shit.I run to the bathroom and put myself together without a moment to spare and hear the doorbell just as I’m grabbing my bag.I open the door expecting Maverick but it isn’t. It’s Darren.“What are you doing here?” I ask as he smiles as walks into my apartment casually.“Well I know today is your first day for your internship and I thought I’d stop by and offer to escort you to the office?” He smiles slightly and waits for my response.“I didn’t tell you when I would be starting?” How did he know? And how did he know where I lived?“Well your parents told me and gave me permission to come.” He says with a shrug.“Um - t
