Chapter 4- Good night

I get home around 1 am in the morning. I walk to the babysitter's apartment. I know she’s asleep and she probably doesn’t mind keeping Mina and Jon over night but I would rather have them wake up with me than have to go get them from the babysitter in the morning.

I knock at her door and wait. I knock again after a moment and I hear her walk to the door. She opens it and looks at me sleepily.

“Hi Sophia sorry for waking you up” I say when she finally looks like she has her eyes focused on me.

“No, don’t apologize. Come in” she says and lets me in. I get into her apartment and head to the bedroom I know the kids are sleeping.

I get Jon out of bed first and then Sophia gets Mina for me. I thank her and head to our apartment with both of them in my arms. They’re so heavy but I’m too tired to make two trips to go get them. I use the last bit of strength I have to get them to bed.

I quickly get all of us in bed, in the dark. I don’t want to turn on the lights or even think about taking a shower because that will eat into my sleep. I have to be up in 5 hours and I’m too tired to even think about studying. And tomorrow I have to write two tests.

I sigh my eyes open in the dark.

The thought that comes through my head every day when I go to sleep enters my mind.

Maybe I should just quit school and work full time.

 The truth is I will have more time to work, I will definitely be less tired and I will have less to stress about.

But I really do want to finish high school. My mother never went further than the 4^th grade in school and I promised myself that I will at least finish high school. But if I’m completely honest I am exhausted and it’s still the start of the school term.

I sigh and turn on my side, I close my eyes and decide not to worry about all of that. Easier said than done but mercifully I drift off in sleep because I am too tired to even think.

All nighter

Friday morning

“Morning darling” my mother says and sits on my bed behind me. I pulled an all nighter and I can see her worried about me. She thinks I worry too much about school and that I never give myself any breaks and of course I disagree.

“ Hey mom” I say finally looking away from my textbook.

“Did you get any sleep at al last night? She says brushing my hair softly. She used to do that a lot when I was a kid. It gave me so much comfort and if I’m honest it still does.

“ I got some sleep” I say and she frowns at me. Yep she’s worried.

“ What would you like for breakfast.” She says instead of what she really wants to say because she knows I won’t listen if she even tries.

“ Blueberry pancakes would be very nice” I say already turning around to go back to my notes. She audibly sighs but doesn’t say anymore.

“Pancakes coming up” she says and stand up from the bed, she kisses my head and leaves my room.

“Thanks mom” I call out and I hear as she walks down the stairs. I smile; I love my mom so much. She’s the sweetest, we may not agree on a lot but she does so much for me. Like breakfast, every morning.

She’s an amazing mom

“I wonder what Leo’s mom is like” I whisper. I look around me as if someone will hear my deepest secret. “Where did that come from?” I say out loud and actually cover my mouth in embarrassment.

Well if I’m honest I know exactly where it comes from but I won’t admit it to anyone else. In fact I can’t admit it to anyone, they would go crazy…

But I’m curious about him. And after I saw him smile in the library on Monday I am even more curious. It was amazing seeing him smile, he is always so glum and he never smiles. When I saw his face light up like that it took me by surprise.

I have always known he’s cute but when he smiles it’s like he’s  a whole new person.

I want to tell him he should smile more and I almost told him yesterday in our chemistry class but I stopped myself. It’s not like he and I know each other like that. He would cuss me out right?

Does he even cuss? See that’s one more thing I am curious about  too.

Like does he even talk? I’ve seen him and his friend laughing and whatever but he never speaks to anyone outside of his friend circle.

I shake my head no, to remind myself that this is crazy. Why am I thinking about a boy that doesn’t even see me. Sure he’s  cute but he has his own thing going.

I stand up to get ready for the day, today is finally Friday. The first test week for this term is over and I can relax now.

Tomorrow is Amara’s birthday and she’s hosting a party so I need to get my outfit together and have fun. No thinking about boys, unless he’s my boyfriend anyway.

Speaking of, why am I not thinking about Cole, why am I not curious about him. He’s the one I should be thinking about.

I look at myself in the mirror feeling guilty because I know this has been going on for a while. I don’t really think about Cole like the way I did in the beginning of our relationship. And I get that it’s because we are not the same 15 year old kids now and our relationship is not the same but I don’t have that feeling any more.

“ I’m tripping” I say out loud when I get out of the shower.

I need to get to school.