Chapter 11- In my space

I can’t believe Golden is standing in my house, in the same kitchen I make myself food. I see her here but my brain can’t make sense of it. After we had ice cream she walked with us back here. I told her a it’s a long walk hoping she’ll change her mind and go home instead but no.

The whole time we were walking I was in my head trying to figure out what’s happening, why does she want to be here with me?  I figured maybe she’s curious, a fact that makes me uncomfortable. I wonder if she’s trying to get close to me, find out all she can about me and then expose me to the whole school.

I feel like I’m being too trusting, she shouldn’t be here. But there isn’t much I can do now, she’s here. Looking around my house.

“We’re going to play.” Mina says already pulling Jon to the door. She doesn’t wait for me to say if they can go or not.

“Only for a little while.” I say behind them as they slam the door shut. I move from the kitchen to the bedroom window. From there I can watch the kids play in the designated play area. I sit on the window seal and wait to see Mina and Jon appear below. After a minute or so I see them run toward the swings.

Mina stops a few steps before the swings and looks up at the window. She can’t see me but she knows I’m watching. She waves at me and I wave back even though she can’t see me.

I hear Golden walk in my direction. I wait until she sits next to me on the window seal and I look at her. This is so intimate and foreign. Her being here so close to me feels like I’m opening myself to so much scrutiny. She looks out the window at the kids playing and smiles.

“How precious it is to be a child.” She says and looks at me smiling. I look at her radiant smile and I can’t help but smile too. She has such a beautiful smile, it’s infectious too. “Would you ever want to be a kid again?” She asks looking me deep in my eyes, I have to take a moment and think of my answer because I can’t really think when she’s looking at me like that.

“I don’t know maybe.” I say and to that she frowns. “You wouldn’t want to be a kid again?” I ask intrigued by her reaction to my answer.

“No” She says and seems to really think about her answer. Then she shakes her head no. “I didn’t like being young.” She says smiling shyly.

“Why?”

“It was just a difficult time for me.” She says and stands up, walking away from me.  I take that as a hint she doesn’t want to talk about that anymore so I don’t say anything else. I watch her start to look around the apartment. She touches things delicately and then walks on to the next item.

“You know I always wondered where you lived, what you liked and stuff.” She says looking back at me. She has that shy smile back on her face. The one she has when she says something that makes her feel weird.

“And what is your impression now that you’ve seen a little bit of my life.” I ask not really wanting to hear the answer, whether I would like to admit it or not I care what she thinks about me.  It would hurt if she had something terrible to say.

“You’re nothing like I imagined, your home is nothing like anything I would have conjured up.” She says and I feel the same way about her. She’s nothing like I imagined, she’s even more mysterious than I thought. I can’t figure her out, I want to ask her what her deal is but I’m too scared to open that door.

“Is that a good or bad thing?” I ask her and she smiles looking at me with her head cock to the side.

“It is good.” She says and comes back to sit next to me. “You’re more interesting than I imagined and you’re very calmer. I like that.” She says touching me arm. I look at her hand on my arm and then I look at her.

“I’m calm?” I ask confused by her assessment of me and her touching my arm is making my brain work even slower.

“Yes.” She says and moves her hand away. “You’re energy and vibe is very calming. I feel so calm right now and I don’t even know you that well. That says a lot about you.” she says giving me a lot to think about.

Golden

“What the hell Golden? Cole called me freaking me out. He told me that you left him standing alone at the park.” Amara screams through the phone when I answer my phone. I place my bag on my bed and take a very deep breath. I don’t want to go off on Amara, She’s my friend and I love her. I don’t want to fight again but she’s making it very difficult.

“Why is Cole calling you again?” I say as calmly as possible. I don’t need this right now, I had the most relaxing and fun day with Leo. I had even forgotten about the whole Cole thing and now Amara is bringing it up.

“He was worried you wouldn’t answer so he called to ask if I would talk to you because you’re acting weird. And he’s right you know, you have been acting a little off lately. You don’t even want to hang out anymore. What’s going on with you? ” She says accusing me.

“Thanks for your concern but I’ll talk to Cole myself.” I say too tired to even discuss this with Amara. I get where shes coming from with her “concern” but I’m good.

“Wow, you won’t even talk to me?” She asks actually sounding hurt. I feel bad for being this way but I feel like this is between me and Cole. Amara has never been a go between for Cole and I so this is with all due respect not her business. And I intend to talk to Cole about it. If he wants to talk to me about something he should talk to me.

“I do want to talk to you, just not about my relationship with Cole.” I say and she sighs audibly.

“But we always talk about your relationship.” She says using her whiny voice.

“Yeah when I come to you for advice, not when Cole comes to you to complain about me.” I say annoyed by her.

“It’s the same thing.” She says her voice getting loud.

“No it’s not.” I  say getting loud too.

“Okay , whatever. I was just trying to help out.” She says her voice getting smaller.

“I appreciate the help but I’m good.” I say happy she’s letting it go.

“Okay bye.” She says and ends the call before I can even say anything. I stare at the phone surprised, what the hell is that?

I lie on my bed and my mind drifts to Leo.