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Chapter 18 - Good night
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2021-09-18 01:33:09Related chapters
The boy I should not love Chapter 19 - Communicate
Sunday I woke up feeling good this morning. I’m glad I started my self-care last night. After my shower, face mask and the music. I had time to analyze my feelings. I started with my situation with Cole; it’s been over two months since we started our “break.” The first week felt like death, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was sad, lonely and lost. I didn’t think I would miss him as much as I did, there were days when I wanted to go beg him to take me back. It felt like I wouldn’t get through it. It is the main reason I didn’t tell the girls about the breakup. I knew that if I talked about it, I would cry. But eventually I found my footing. Before I knew it I didn’t miss him as much. I started to figure out my own way without him. And last night I realized the biggest part of this whole situation; I don’t care about him anymore. Of ‘course I don’t mean I don’t care about him as a human but I mean I don’t care what he thinks about me. As a matter of fact I don’t care what h
Last Updated : 2021-09-19The boy I should not love Chapter 20 - Cosmic shift
It’s Monday morning that means I get to see Golden. I’m nervous; the last time we were in contact she sent me that text. It took me by surprise; I didn’t expect her to do that. Now I don’t know how to react when I see her; does this mean that we can be friendly now? Pumping into her at the shop or at Zach’s party is way different from a text. A text is more personal.I don’t know how other people see it but to me, when you start texting someone. It means you’re friends, it means you wave at each other when you walk down the school hallway. But I don’t want to overstep, she may be cool with me when we’re outside of the school grounds but I don’t know how she feels about people knowing she and I are cool like that.Life at school is a different beast, there’s a hierarchy here. Golden is at the top and I don’t even rank on the scale. A fact that I was okay with before she became all friend
Last Updated : 2021-09-20The boy I should not love Chapter 21- Choose Kindness
“Let’s put the kid’s School address in the GPS.” Golden says handing me her phone. I do as she says and she starts the car. I can’t believe I’m in her car at school, with all these people around. Today is weird day, unlikely things are happening and this is one of them.During lunch Golden offered drive me home and Zach agreed is with her. They ganged up teamed up to convince me that’s it’s a great idea. I told them multiple times that it’s a very bad idea. I tried to state all the reasons why it’s unnecessary but Zach said how it would save me the hassle of taking the bus and then having to walk home with Mina and Jon. He said he would do it but he doesn’t drive his car to school.Golden used that opportunity to let me know that she has her car and my apartment is on her way home. A fact that’s not true but they didn’t want to hear me
Last Updated : 2021-09-21The boy I should not love Chapter 22 - Living
LibraryI slide a note to Golden from across the table. She picks it up and looks at it.I would like to make it up to you for what happened yesterday.If you’d let me.P.S: I text/write in full sentences because you texted me in full sentences the first time. She smiles and looks at me. She reads the note again, turns the note over and then writes a reply.She slides the note back to me. I pick it up.I’ll agree to your offer on one condition:If you let me drive you to and from school everyday.P.S: I like the full sentences.I frown at her. She shrugs at me like; take it or leave it.I write a reply in the little corner of the note.I won’t lie to you and say I’m comfortable with you driving me but if it means you accept my apology then we have a deal.I’ll buy you
Last Updated : 2021-09-22The boy I should not love Chapter 23 - Walk with me
“Are you in hurry to go somewhere?” I ask Golden when we leave the restaurant. I really enjoyed having breakfast with her. I had to convince her why I’m paying for our meal but other than that everything went better than I expected.“Not really, did you have something in mind?” She asks already smiling.“I thought we would take a walk. I want to show you something.” I say and she nods. We walk up further the street and turn right. Its late morning now and a lot of people are out now.The street we’re on now is quite busy, we can’t walk leisurely side by side so I offer her my hand and she takes it without hesitation.I guide her down the street. We walk for about a minute until we get to a backyard with a small gate. I open it and lead her inside. We walk down a small path into this incredible lily garden. The garden is filled with lilies, it’s like a carpet of yellow, pink, white, purple a
Last Updated : 2021-09-22The boy I should not love Chapter 23 - Sunshine
“Those are beautiful flowers.” Mom says when I get home my bouquet in hand. She’s making herself tea in the kitchen.“They really are.” I say sniffing them. I love that Leo did this for me. it’s so sweet, I know Mrs. Grootboom talked him into it but still it’s so sweet. He could have said no to her suggestion if he didn’t want to give me the flowers but he didn’t.“Would you like a vase for them?” She says placing her tea up down. She looks like she really wants to touch them. I get why, they’re truly beautiful.“Yes please.” I say sitting on the kitchen island. She opens a cupboard and takes out a vase. She fills it with water and places it in front of me. I untie the string holding the stems and place the flowers in the vase.“Where are you going to put them?” She says looking at them dreamily. She touches one of them delicately, she’s in love.&
Last Updated : 2021-09-23The boy I should not love Chapter 24 - Boy's night
I always find it difficult to sit still on days I’m off. I never know what to do with myself, I get so restless.Tonight I tried something different; instead of keeping busy I opted to just be. I made sure that the kids are fed and washed. Now they’re fast asleep. I always make sure they turn in early on Sundays.I make myself a cup of tea and sit at the island. I play music softly and just chill out. My mind drifts to Golden. I didn’t expect to have such a great time with her on our “date.” Once I got over my nerves, it felt natural.We go along so well and she was so comfortable around me. The way she let me take her hand and lead her down the street; the way she placed her head on my arm. I never imagined that she and I would spend time together and she would enjoy my company.My phone rings breaking my meditative state.It’s Zach“Hey” I say answering the phone.“Hey. Are you h
Last Updated : 2021-09-24The boy I should not love Chapter 25 - Under my skin
I brought Leo to an old farm that allows people to have picnics on the property. The farm is so big that there can be multiple there and they would never be in the same place. It’s like a private place in public. I personally love places like this but I don’t know if this is Leo’s speed.I am walking by faith here. I am hoping he likes it here.We walk across a field littered with wild flowers. The flowers are the main reason I chose to come here with him. I thought he would love it here, since he loves flowers. I look back at him as we walk towards a tree that looks like the perfect spot to have our picnic. He’s quiet so I don’t really know what he’s thinking right now. This makes me even more nervous.“I thought long and hard about what we could do today and I came up with a very cool idea for our date today. I’m not afraid t say I came up empty, I wanted us to do something fun without the has
Last Updated : 2021-09-25
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The boy I should not love Chapter 65 - A love that prevails
21 months later Leo is coming to see me today. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ve becoming strangers again and I hate it. I moved to Cape Town and life changed. He stayed behind to make sure that everything is set up with Mina and Jon. He had to make sure that they are settled in boarding school. And he had to make sure that he packs up their apartment before he had to go to military school. At the same time I had moved to a new city and when school started I got hit with a reality check. There was no way I could balance school and a relationship. Everything got so overwhelming for me. I got hit with the harsh reality that I wasn’t in high school anymore. It took a moment for me to adjust to the move and the workload. I had to switch off from my life at home and concentrate on my studies. And finally when we both got on our feet, life was so different. We drifted apart, between the distance and adulting it was impossible for us to find our way back. I wanted to fix the gap a
The boy I should not love Chapter 64 - Golden Mornings
7 amI’m sitting on a swing chair on the veranda watching the world come alive. Everyone in the house is still asleep. I got up about an hour ago and I’ve been sitting here under a blanket enjoying the smell of the morning air. I watched the last bits of the sunrise and I’m glad I did. What a way to kick off my 18th birthday, I feel reborn almost.I don’t know why but I have this sense of calm about life beyond this point. I was nervous about my final exams, going away to university next year. And I had this fear of what will happen about Leo and I. but now sitting here. I feel no worries; whatever happens will be for the best. I know that we’ll be okay no matter what.I am grateful for having this time with him, Zach, Lana and his siblings. They have given the best send off into adulthood. They gave me the ability to grow up. Wit
The boy I should not love Chapter 63 - Nature
“How amazing is this view?.” I say looking out the bedroom window of the air bnb we rented for the weekend. As always Zach hooked us up with an amazing place. He always finds the best accommodation. But this time he outdid himself. He found this little cottage in the middle of Magoebaskloof. We are in the lush green mountains of Limpopo. If I look hard enough I can see the Ebenezer Dam in the distance.The smell of pine is all around us, I find it oddly comforting. It’s not a smell I’m overly familiar with but I like it. I know waking up tomorrow is going to be a joy. The sky is turning orange as the sun is setting. It looks like the perfect painting. The fiery orange of the sun and the lush green of the tree tops meet in the far distance. And the little ink of the water in the distance adds an amazing texture to the view. This is incredible.I find myself amazed at the beauty that’s in South Africa, living i
The boy I should not love Chapter 62 - Crossing a line
“Have fun on your trip.” Mr. Brown says to me when I get out of the staff room. I have my overnight bag on one shoulder, my work bag on the other and a bouquet of roses. I want to surprise Golden with flowers when we pick her up.“Thank you. I guess I’ll see you after my exams.” I say smiling at him. He looks so sad right now. He looks like he’s dropping his son off at university. He always gets like this at the end of the year. It’s the longest time we spend apart. I don’t come into work during exam time because I want to focus on doing well. And the only way I can do that is if I don’t have to work.This year is especially important because I’m writing my final exam. I need to be laser focused. I want to pass with distinctions so that my placement in the army is smoother. I want to be one of the top picks. A lot is riding on this.“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Good luck with your exams, don&rs
The boy I should not love Chapter 61- Date night
“Thank you for taking me out tonight.” Golden says smiling at me; she looks so good tonight I can’t stop staring at her. My eyes keep going from her smile, to her eyes and then down to her boobs. I’m grateful we have this table between us because I don’t think I would have been able to keeps my hands to myself.I keep catching myself staring at one or the other. It’s so hard for me to keep up with the conversation because my brain keeps creating images of us that are not appropriate. Well they are not inappropriate really but they are forbidden.I promised myself I would keep my hands off of her but she’s making it impossible in that dress. She looks incredible.“It’s my absolute pleasure.” I say and she smiles that sexy smile again. She takes a sip of her water radiating sexual tension and passion.“You’re taking all the pleasure don’t I get
The boy I should not love Chapter 60 - Content
“Please come in.” Golden’s father says opening the door for me to get in. We shake hands as I walk in. He smiles welcoming me in. this is the first time I’ve come to Golden’s house in official girlfriend capacity.So I’m nervous, usually I have Mina and Jon as my buffer but today I am riding solo.“Thank you, how are you?” I ask him when he closes the door behind us.“I’m well and how are you?” He asks smiling at me. We walk to the living area and sit on the sofa.“I’m good.” I say smiling at him too. He sits back comfortably looking at me closely.“Golden will be down soon.” He says after a moment of silence. The mood is different, it’s not awkward but it’s so much more silent I guess.“No problem.” I say willing myself to be calmer. I don’t want to bring weird energy into the air. This is Golden’s father not a
The boy I should not love Chapter 59 - Green
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zach asks looking at me cautiously. I look from him to Leo who is also looking at me with concern. Its lunch break and we’re sitting on my picnic blanket on the soccer field. Our favorite spot, we come here all the time now. I know we’re going to miss these chilled out sessions when school is over.I mistakenly texted Leo about my run in with Cole and he told Zach of ‘course and now the two of them are concerned that I have suppressed feeling about my ex screaming at me in public. I want to put it behind me, move on with my life. But they think it’s good for me to talk about.I don’t want to for two reasons, the first being Leo and I are together and I hate talking about my ex with him. And two, I’m over all of it.“I’m worried you might have an outburst if you don’t let your feelings out.” Le says and I roll my eyes at him. He laughs when he sees me do it.
The boy I should not love Chapter 58 - Return
3 months into Leo and Golden’s relationshipI stand sitting a few feet my fro car as it’s being washed. I’ve been neglecting it for so long, I had to get it cleaned before the week starts again.My mind drifts to last few weeks I spent with Leo. We finally got into the groove of our relationship. We figured out our boundaries, I took my mother’s advice and talked to him about setting them. I know how far we can take everything and I’ve been having fun discovering what I like with him.I smile thinking about the intimate moments we’ve had. We still haven’t gone all the way yet. I still want to so bad but I’m glad one of us had the sense to wait. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other more without the drama.I’m lucky I’m dealing with Leo; he’s so much more mature than I am. He takes his time to so things and he doesn’t make bi
The boy I should not love Chapter 57 - Heart to Heart
“Hi, honey.” My mother says as I walk through the door. She’s looking at me with a strange look on her face. I smile at her and she smiles too but she’s still staring at me. She’s looking at me like I’m some stranger or like I’m different. I stop for a moment looking at her. “Hi.” I say walking to the living room where she’s sitting comfortably under a blanket. The house so much warmer than the outside, the weather hasn’t improved since this morning. In fact it’s gotten worse throughout the day; winter is really here. I sit next to her feeling warm and happy; despite the weather outside. I’m still feeling god about what happened with Leo this afternoon.My body feels relaxed and supple. I’ve never had this feeling of bliss before. It feels like I would have the best sleep of my life if I fell asleep right now. I’m still aware of my body and ev
