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Chapter 27 - This time
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2024-10-29 19:42:56“Milk, Eggs sugar and corn starch.” I say out loud reading the items on the list my mother gave me this morning. I’m doing the groceries today because she didn’t feel like doing it. So I offered to do it for her, I wanted to do something nice for her.
It feels good to be out of the house. The past week went by so fast; I’ve been on auto pilot going from home, picking Leo and his siblings to go to school in the mornings. Then getting through the school day and then dropping them off after school. After all that I get home study for hours; sometimes I study until the next morning.
Next week we start our end of term tests and I’m determined to ace of all them. This end of term report card is my ticket into university. If I don’t do well I might as well quit while I’m ahead. I want to go to med school so I need to be serious.
At the same time I realize I need to take a few minutes to breathe. Or else I’ll burn out; at least that’s what my mother sa
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The boy I should not love Chapter 28 - Don't give up om me
“Come in.” I say and Golden walks in to my apartment. I didn’t think I would find her sitting my parking lot when I got home. She didn’t tell me she would be coming today so when I saw her car my heart jumped. I was just thinking about her as I walked to my building but when I saw her crying in her car my heart sank. I can’t figure out what the hell is going on right now. “Have a seat.” I say pointing to a chair.I pull a chair and sit a feet from her. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. I can tell she’s distraught and I don’t want to add to her stress by being freaked out. Although I have to admit I’m freaked out. Why is she crying?She’s avoiding eye contact. Her eyes are puffed up and red. Her cheeks are a little puffed up too. I want to walk to her and hug her, tell her it will be okay but I don’t know if this is she’ll accept me. I never know where the line is with her and I’
The boy I should not love Chapter 29 - Truth
I invited Zach over to my house for lunch today. I need to talk someone about what went down. And he’s my only option, it’s not live I have girlfriends I can talk to. Amara unfriended me and Gina is loyal to her is so whatever I say to Gina is going to end up in Amara’s ears anyway.On top of that Gina is the one that sent me the video. Granted it came with a message of concern and remorse. But I know how this goes, Amara asked her to send it.So that’s why I reached to Zach, he’s my one and only friend that’s left. I messed things up with Leo so. I must admit I was surprised when he said he would come through. I expected him to tell me to go die since Leo is his best friend. But he’s here.We’re sitting under an umbrella in my parent’s backyard. Zach freaked out when we walked out here. He’s in love with the pool he screamed when he saw it. He’s been staring at the water the entire time, it&rsquo
The boy I should not love Chapter 30 - Common ground
“Do you mind if I start at home before I drop you off?” Golden says as we leave the school grounds. I want to say yes I mind please let me out at the bus stop but I don’t want to be rude.She’s been very kind to drive me back and forth from school for the past few weeks and it has made my life so much easier. I haven’t had to worry about hustling my siblings to get to the bus on time in the mornings in a long time.I’m grateful for her help but that weird feeling I had in the beginning is back. It feels like we’re starting over rebuilding our friendship. I don’t know if we should continue with this anymore. But every morning she shows up on time to pick us pick. I can’t tell you how many times I chickened out of texting her not to pick us up.I know she’s not going to understand why I want to stop. I don’t know how to say no without sounding ungrateful but at the time am I supposed to just g
The boy I should not love Chapter 31 - Slowly
It’s been a week since I Leo and I hung out. I guess you could say we made up, we had a chance to talk about everything and I explained to him why everything happened the way it did. He’s not entirely over it but we decided to move past it. We have a two week holiday from school, which means summer school for me and work for him. So we haven’t really had a chance to hang out. I’m doing the summer program to prepare for end of year exams and some prep for med school next year. I’m excited and eager to do it but I won’t lie and say it’s not hard. If this is a glimpse of what first year of university is about to be like I’m in for about to have the toughest time of my life. So when Leo invited me to come and hang out today after class I jumped at the opportunity. I need to distress. I knock at his door and wait. A few moments later he opens the door with a huge smile on his face. We says hi to each other and he lets me in. I look around expecting to see
The boy I should not love Chapter 32 - Time out
“I’m so happy the team is back.” Zach says hugging Leo and I. He winks at me like we have a secret.“We’re back together? Did we break up?” Leo says looking from Zach to me.“We haven’t hung out together in a long time. I’m excited to be with my favorite people.” Zach says smiling at him. Leo looks at me for confirmation I shrug at him like I don’t know what he’s talking about.“I didn’t know you wanted to hang out together, you should have said something.” Leo says playfully looking at him. Zach looks at Leo sideways like he wants to say something more but he doesn’t.“Can we eat?” I say interrupting them. I’ve never heard them talking to each other like this. I don’t know how to feel about this. We’ve never hung out with just the three of us; the kids have always been a buffer. Now it feels like I’m learning to find my plac
The boy I should not love Chapter 33 - Run ins
“Will your parents be cool with you going on a trip with us?” I ask Golden when we get into Zach’s car. I look back at her so I can see her face when she answers. Our last stop for the day is the ice cream shop. As soon as we were done eating Zach declared that we are going there no negotiations.“I don’t see why they wouldn’t be.” She answers simply. She gives me a I got this look“Let me guess if she was your daughter you would be concerned.” Zach says to me as he drives out of the McDonalds parking lot.“Well she is planning on driving 500 km to another province with a couple of strangers.” I say stating a very obvious fact. We haven’t been hanging out with Golden for about three months now. I’m not a parent but if Mina came to me and said she wants to go to another province with dudes I don’t know. I would be concerned and probably wouldn’t let her.
The boy I should not love Chapter 34 - Hit the road
“Did you know that he has a lady friend?” Golden asks me watching Zach walk toward the car with a girl. She turns to look at me from the passenger side of Zach’s car. She’s shocked to see Zach and this girl together. They’re holding hands, talking to each other excitedly.“Nope.” I say looking at them come closer to the car. I’m in the same boat as Golden, Zach didn’t tell me he was bringing someone on the trip. Let alone his girlfriend, I thought Zach was single.“I thought he was your best friend.” Golden says whispering because Zach opened the boot to put his friend’s bag. She doesn’t want him to hear, I smile at her. This is all so weird.“I thought so too.” I say out loud. She closes her eyes embarrassed that they might hear. I don’t care Zach has to know we’re talking about them. This is interesting, he has a lady friend.“You got the fi
The boy I should not love Chapter 35 - Sleeping arrangements
We arrive at the air bnb around 8:30. Zach booked us a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment with an amazing view of the ocean. Every room has a breathtaking view. The host made sure to leave the apartment lit for us so that we can see its beauty as we walk through the door.I walk around looking at the little details in every room. This is a beautiful apartment I wouldn’t mind waking up here every morning. It’s a pity I’m not moving to Durban next year; an apartment like this would be my first choice.Everything is perfect. From the beautiful kitchen with a huge island, the bedrooms are big and have plenty of storage. And the bathrooms are incredible; they look like something out of a very expensive hotel.“Do you like it?” Zach asks me when I come back to the kitchen after I toured the place.“It’s incredible.” I say smiling at him; he did great with picking this place.“I knew you guys would li
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The boy I should not love Chapter 65 - A love that prevails
21 months later Leo is coming to see me today. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ve becoming strangers again and I hate it. I moved to Cape Town and life changed. He stayed behind to make sure that everything is set up with Mina and Jon. He had to make sure that they are settled in boarding school. And he had to make sure that he packs up their apartment before he had to go to military school. At the same time I had moved to a new city and when school started I got hit with a reality check. There was no way I could balance school and a relationship. Everything got so overwhelming for me. I got hit with the harsh reality that I wasn’t in high school anymore. It took a moment for me to adjust to the move and the workload. I had to switch off from my life at home and concentrate on my studies. And finally when we both got on our feet, life was so different. We drifted apart, between the distance and adulting it was impossible for us to find our way back. I wanted to fix the gap a
The boy I should not love Chapter 64 - Golden Mornings
7 amI’m sitting on a swing chair on the veranda watching the world come alive. Everyone in the house is still asleep. I got up about an hour ago and I’ve been sitting here under a blanket enjoying the smell of the morning air. I watched the last bits of the sunrise and I’m glad I did. What a way to kick off my 18th birthday, I feel reborn almost.I don’t know why but I have this sense of calm about life beyond this point. I was nervous about my final exams, going away to university next year. And I had this fear of what will happen about Leo and I. but now sitting here. I feel no worries; whatever happens will be for the best. I know that we’ll be okay no matter what.I am grateful for having this time with him, Zach, Lana and his siblings. They have given the best send off into adulthood. They gave me the ability to grow up. Wit
The boy I should not love Chapter 63 - Nature
“How amazing is this view?.” I say looking out the bedroom window of the air bnb we rented for the weekend. As always Zach hooked us up with an amazing place. He always finds the best accommodation. But this time he outdid himself. He found this little cottage in the middle of Magoebaskloof. We are in the lush green mountains of Limpopo. If I look hard enough I can see the Ebenezer Dam in the distance.The smell of pine is all around us, I find it oddly comforting. It’s not a smell I’m overly familiar with but I like it. I know waking up tomorrow is going to be a joy. The sky is turning orange as the sun is setting. It looks like the perfect painting. The fiery orange of the sun and the lush green of the tree tops meet in the far distance. And the little ink of the water in the distance adds an amazing texture to the view. This is incredible.I find myself amazed at the beauty that’s in South Africa, living i
The boy I should not love Chapter 62 - Crossing a line
“Have fun on your trip.” Mr. Brown says to me when I get out of the staff room. I have my overnight bag on one shoulder, my work bag on the other and a bouquet of roses. I want to surprise Golden with flowers when we pick her up.“Thank you. I guess I’ll see you after my exams.” I say smiling at him. He looks so sad right now. He looks like he’s dropping his son off at university. He always gets like this at the end of the year. It’s the longest time we spend apart. I don’t come into work during exam time because I want to focus on doing well. And the only way I can do that is if I don’t have to work.This year is especially important because I’m writing my final exam. I need to be laser focused. I want to pass with distinctions so that my placement in the army is smoother. I want to be one of the top picks. A lot is riding on this.“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Good luck with your exams, don&rs
The boy I should not love Chapter 61- Date night
“Thank you for taking me out tonight.” Golden says smiling at me; she looks so good tonight I can’t stop staring at her. My eyes keep going from her smile, to her eyes and then down to her boobs. I’m grateful we have this table between us because I don’t think I would have been able to keeps my hands to myself.I keep catching myself staring at one or the other. It’s so hard for me to keep up with the conversation because my brain keeps creating images of us that are not appropriate. Well they are not inappropriate really but they are forbidden.I promised myself I would keep my hands off of her but she’s making it impossible in that dress. She looks incredible.“It’s my absolute pleasure.” I say and she smiles that sexy smile again. She takes a sip of her water radiating sexual tension and passion.“You’re taking all the pleasure don’t I get
The boy I should not love Chapter 60 - Content
“Please come in.” Golden’s father says opening the door for me to get in. We shake hands as I walk in. He smiles welcoming me in. this is the first time I’ve come to Golden’s house in official girlfriend capacity.So I’m nervous, usually I have Mina and Jon as my buffer but today I am riding solo.“Thank you, how are you?” I ask him when he closes the door behind us.“I’m well and how are you?” He asks smiling at me. We walk to the living area and sit on the sofa.“I’m good.” I say smiling at him too. He sits back comfortably looking at me closely.“Golden will be down soon.” He says after a moment of silence. The mood is different, it’s not awkward but it’s so much more silent I guess.“No problem.” I say willing myself to be calmer. I don’t want to bring weird energy into the air. This is Golden’s father not a
The boy I should not love Chapter 59 - Green
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zach asks looking at me cautiously. I look from him to Leo who is also looking at me with concern. Its lunch break and we’re sitting on my picnic blanket on the soccer field. Our favorite spot, we come here all the time now. I know we’re going to miss these chilled out sessions when school is over.I mistakenly texted Leo about my run in with Cole and he told Zach of ‘course and now the two of them are concerned that I have suppressed feeling about my ex screaming at me in public. I want to put it behind me, move on with my life. But they think it’s good for me to talk about.I don’t want to for two reasons, the first being Leo and I are together and I hate talking about my ex with him. And two, I’m over all of it.“I’m worried you might have an outburst if you don’t let your feelings out.” Le says and I roll my eyes at him. He laughs when he sees me do it.
The boy I should not love Chapter 58 - Return
3 months into Leo and Golden’s relationshipI stand sitting a few feet my fro car as it’s being washed. I’ve been neglecting it for so long, I had to get it cleaned before the week starts again.My mind drifts to last few weeks I spent with Leo. We finally got into the groove of our relationship. We figured out our boundaries, I took my mother’s advice and talked to him about setting them. I know how far we can take everything and I’ve been having fun discovering what I like with him.I smile thinking about the intimate moments we’ve had. We still haven’t gone all the way yet. I still want to so bad but I’m glad one of us had the sense to wait. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other more without the drama.I’m lucky I’m dealing with Leo; he’s so much more mature than I am. He takes his time to so things and he doesn’t make bi
The boy I should not love Chapter 57 - Heart to Heart
“Hi, honey.” My mother says as I walk through the door. She’s looking at me with a strange look on her face. I smile at her and she smiles too but she’s still staring at me. She’s looking at me like I’m some stranger or like I’m different. I stop for a moment looking at her. “Hi.” I say walking to the living room where she’s sitting comfortably under a blanket. The house so much warmer than the outside, the weather hasn’t improved since this morning. In fact it’s gotten worse throughout the day; winter is really here. I sit next to her feeling warm and happy; despite the weather outside. I’m still feeling god about what happened with Leo this afternoon.My body feels relaxed and supple. I’ve never had this feeling of bliss before. It feels like I would have the best sleep of my life if I fell asleep right now. I’m still aware of my body and ev
