No.6

POV Penelope.

I open the bookstore with a mechanical gesture, I perform the same gestures as if it wasn't me doing it. All my thoughts and concentration are still riveted on that day and I have been tearing my skin off ever since. 

I can still see the look on Calvin's face. He looked so disappointed, hurt even I would say, even Cora and Mich looked at me like I was the monster, Cora shook her head before leaving, disappointed, hurt, because on one hand I called him a monster too, but in fact the real monster is me. And they are right. 

I am a monster. Out of fear of coming to terms with the attraction I feel for him, I chose to treat him as an outcast. I feel so bad, I want to apologize. But I hear he's out of town. Even with Annie, there is a certain tension at home, she avoids me and goes away to talk on the phone and pretends I am not there. I've really messed up. What a jerk! 

I've been asking about her for three days now, even her cell phone doesn't work. I've written him messages, I've tried to call him but I haven't heard from him. I let out a frustrated sigh, I see Olivia crossing the street through the window, I look at the time on my watch. As usual is late. 

"Sorry..."

I hold up a hand to signal her to be quiet. 

"We've already talked about this Liv... If you can't come to work on time you can always quit. I'm tired of doing your job for you. I'm tired of doing your job for you," I said, putting a book down hard on the shelf. 

"I'm really sorry. "She keeps repeating behind me. 

I'm really not in the mood to deal with her remorse right now. I'm full of my own problems to still allow myself to deal with emotions outside of my own. I let her continue her work and go to the back room. 

I grab the book Alex gave me on the genealogy of the werewolves of Lakecity. I open the book to the page that depicts my beautiful alpha. I stroke his face. Even on this book, his determination and courage. And I finally realize what is holding me back. It is very hard for me to turn the page, I loved Mason with all my strength, I believed that I was going to finish my life with him we were going to have a child, to live in Los Angeles and to have others. To admit that I am attracted to another man would be like sullying his memory. I'm not ready to move on with anyone else. 

I hear laughter and voices upstairs, wondering who Victoria might be talking to. I go back upstairs, I don't even realize I took the book with me. Olivia is laughing with a man, he is smiling at her, but his smile seems fake. He is very tall and blond, with blue eyes, he is very well built, he must work out a lot. Liv seems to be completely under his spell. He is the first to notice my presence. He clears his throat and smiles at me. 

Olivia turns around too, she looks embarrassed that I spotted him charming a customer. He is the first to break the silence. 

"Hello," he says, holding out his hand to me. My name is Ben. " 

I am slow to take his hand. 

"Penelope. "

"Nice to meet you. You have a lovely store. " 

"Thank you. " I said, looking around. "What can I do for you? " 

"I'm looking for a book, on geography you could help me. Sorry, I hope you don't mind me being on familiar terms with you. " 

"Not at all. A book on local geography? "I put the book on werewolves on the counter. 

I turn to a shelf to search through the geography books. 

"That's a very interesting book you have there! How much are you selling it for? "

I turn around to see that he has grabbed the book on the pack and is flipping through it. I run over and grab it out of his hand. 

"This book is not for sale. "I say in an aggressive tone. 

"I'm sorry, curiosity got the better of me I love paranormal stories about werewolves and vampires and this book is breathtakingly beautiful, it feels so real! "

"Yes but you could have asked before you grabbed something from the store. " 

"I'm so sorry...I didn't know..."

"Yes well don't do it again or I'll kick you out! "

Okay, maybe I'm coming on a little strong here too, but like I said, I'm really not in the mood for this. I pick up the book I'm putting down next to me and grab a geography book in passing. 

"Here you will pay at Olivia's. "

"Okay thank you and sorry again. " 

 

I don't answer anything and go back to the back of the store. 

Two more days go by, still no news from Calvin, his number is also still out of service. I'm really starting to worry about him, I have a kind of anxiety that is growing inside me day by day and this anxiety is going to materialize when Olivia comes to meet me in the back room where I'm sorting books, out of breath and looking worried. I've never seen her like this, she who is always so cheerful and never worries about anything. 

"Penelope!  "

"Yes Olivia. " I replied without stopping to put the books away.

"You'll never believe what's going on out there. "

"How do you expect me to know what's going on out there when I'm locked up in here?" I said with a sigh. "What's going on out there?" 

"It's Calvin. You know the alpha. "

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to face her in fear. 

"I know exactly who Calvin is. What's going on? " 

"He's a mess. " 

My heart missed a beat. 

"How messed up, but speak up, damn it! "

"They came back from a mission, I heard they fought werewolf hunters there. Calvin was badly injured. He was shot with an arrow that was apparently dipped in a liquid that neutralizes the wolf's powers. He hasn't turned into a human for days because the pain is so unbearable. "

I could not hold back the sob that escaped from my throat at that moment. I was suddenly very sick, and I grabbed onto a shelf to avoid falling. Seeing my discomfort, Olivia went to get me a chair.

"Are you okay? " She asked. "I didn't know he meant so much to you. "  

I didn't know either until today, or at least I tried to deny it. 

"Where is he? "

"Who? " 

"Olivia, where is Calvin?"

"I think they took him back to their house in the mountains. "

Without thinking I grab my bag and my car keys and head for the mountain. Once there, I head for Calvin's cabin where I hear screams. I enter and what I discover freezes my blood. 

Calvin is lying on the ground in his wolf form and can't stop growling. His stomach is open, I don't know if I'm hallucinating but I think I can see his entrails. I put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from vomiting. He grunts, preventing anyone from getting close to him. I walk over to Cora. I gently pull her arm. 

"Cora, what's going on? "

She sobs, as soon as she sees me she wipes her eyes. 

"What are you doing here? She scolds me.

"I came to see how he was doing. " 

"I really don't think that's a good idea. "

 

"What happened? " I asked, wiping the tears from my eyes. 

"A mission gone wrong. We were supposed to rescue the grandson of an alpha. It was a trap, they ambushed us. Mich was trapped and Calvin threw his head in without thinking so he could save him. He was badly injured. " 

"Yes but, he should heal right? "

She takes a deep breath, I look at her hands. They are covered in blood, Calvin's blood. 

"For it to heal, it would have to return to its human form. And the wolf is in great pain. He is hurt and distraught, and he probably thinks that if he returns to his human form, Calvin will suffer even more. Man and animal are very different. Whether in this form or another, he is surely not a monster. "She said, looking at me with a wicked look.

I take the spike without saying anything, I deserved it. She wipes her face. I notice that she too has been crying. 

"Listen. "She says. "I'm not sure if your being here is making things better. You'd better leave. If he doesn't heal, he might die. Do you understand? "

I look at the wolf lying before me. He is in pain, so much pain that it breaks my heart. I keep telling myself it's my fault. If I hadn't said what I said. I cry even more. He is hurting, but keeps pushing away anyone who tries to help him with grunts. I put my bag down and walk towards him, life can't be this unfair, to be faced with the death of a loved one again, I can't bear it. I push aside all those around him, they have come to support their alpha. I don't have time to be moved by such solidarity, I am only worried about him. I only have my eyes fixed on him. I am a few meters away from him. Someone is holding me by the arm, I don't see who, I just see him. 

My beautiful, dying wolf. I withdraw my hand and I continue to advance towards him, as soon as he feels my smell, he tries to stand up but staggers. Then he growls more and more dangerously, louder and louder, he howls to death, like a rabid dog. I am not afraid, but I feel his fear, the fear of the animal and the fear of the man. I submit to his authority, I get on my knees. I concentrate only on him, however I look everywhere except in his eyes, he could take it for an affront. 

Minutes go by, it seems like forever I've been in this position. His grunts have stopped to be replaced by groans of pain, I close my eyes not to see this. Then all of a sudden, I feel his warm tongue on my hands. I open my eyes, I see that he has crawled to me. He continues to lick my hands then puts his head on my thighs. I cry while caressing his fur, he continues to moan, finally I look into his eyes, he also probes my gaze as if to see if he can trust me to become a human, a few minutes later, he turns into a human. He is shivering with cold and his wound is still open. I see Mich running with a blanket. I just stroke his hair again and again. And he continues to tremble in my lap. A doctor comes to take care of him and the whole time, I never let go of his hand, I want him to know that I am there for him.